Previously on Retro Achievement List:
We here at Nerd Rating love achievements and trophies. We are admitted whores for them, but when you think about it, the practice of gamerscores is only seven years old with the introduction of the Xbox 360. We have 30 years of backlogged video games that need to be updated! So that is what we are venturing to do. Our new feature called Retro Achievement List will look back at games of the past and give them a set of achievements to strive for even if they may not seem serious.
With the news that Disney is shutting down LucasArts as a game developer it has made us look back at the great games the developer gave us over the past 20 years. I have picked Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire because of the sheer amount of time I spent in this game. You see kids, way back in the ancient year of 1996, games for the just released Nintendo 64 were hard to find. I had already collected all 120 stars two times over on Super Mario 64 and shot rockets at every mountainside in Pilotwings 64, so when Shadows hit the system 3 months after the N64 launch, I was clamoring for it like Casey Anthony for another kid. And it was glorious! I mean if you go back and play it today it looks and plays like absolute shit, but back then….my mind was blown. Ship combat and a FPS with a game that bridged Episode 4 and 5, sign me up! But there are no achievements for the game….until now.
Achievement Unlocked:
*Achievement #1
After taking down your first AT-AT with a tow cable, go change your pants because you shit them.
*Achievement #2
Spend more than thirty minutes floating up and down the same hallway after figuring out the skating trick on Hoth.
*Achievement #3
Wait for every enemy to get near a cliff so you can watch them fall off after shooting them.
*Achievement #4
Have no regrets when your friends are out having fun and you are trying to shoot every red asteroid for challenge points.
*Achievement #5
Ask your mother what she is doing as she walks in front of you with a laundry basket making you fall off the train in Ord Mantell. Not like she is taking care of you or anything, dickhead (I am speaking to my past self here).
*Achievement #6
Say “how long is this level” ten times while playing through Gall Spaceport. (Hint: It’s fucking long.)
*Achievement #7
Mention how awesome the prequels to Star Wars are going to be to your friends on a daily basis while you play.
*Achievement #8
Kick out anyone in your house that questions how you got $70 to pay for your game because you have a job and their mother is a welfare whore.
*Achievement #9
Uncontrollably laugh at how funny the name Xixor is as you play with a good amount of pot.
*Achievement #10
Buy game again six years later as your girlfriend wonders why you are paying $25 for a game without a box and covered with cigarette burns and a old Jolly Rancher wrapper.
We want to hear from all of you also! What achievements would you add to Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire? Leave us a comment below or tweet us your responses on Twitter (@nerdrating) and use the hashtag #RetroAchievement
