Tag: Nintendo

Take A Guess How Jim Sterling Feels About Nintendo Creator’s Program

Nintendo is synonymous with being behind the times and their approach to content creators on YouTube is no different. The debate goes on about if Let’s Play videos should be allowed to make the channel creators money. Nintendo created a program of their own called the Nintendo Creator’s Program where they will take a portion of earnings from people for the privilege (?) of putting their games on YouTube.

Let Jim Sterling explain the conflict of interest this creates and the reason why it is a bit shady.

Jim Sterling (like the Kinda Funny guys) have branched out on their own. If you like his stuff please go support him on Patreon. The Jimquisition Patreon

February 3, 2015
Nintendo’s New 3DS Releasing February 13th

It won’t be very long before you can get your hands on the New 3DS. You can get the new handheld on February 13th for $199. The only colors available will be red and black and it will not come with an AC adapter because…Nintendo. Any old 3DS adapter you have will work, unless you are a new adopter or someone that is buying a new 3DS after a few years of not having one (me), in which case, you will need to add $15 to your total.

There will be a special edition for The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask which you can find on eBay because it is already sold out and people want to use your love of a childhood memory to pay way more than you should for the handheld.

A special New 3DS will come with Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate as a Gamestop exclusive as well with a copy of the game for $229.

There is a smaller New 3DS that is available worldwide. Nintendo decided not to bring it here because everything is bigger in Texas, hamburgers, Red Bull, Merica likes it big. I guess.

January 15, 2015
Let’s Rank The Nintendo Amiibo Figures

I am so excited for Nintendo’s Amiibo figures to release that it doesn’t really matter how I am going to use them. Train them in Smash? Open up new items in Mario Kart? Sit on my shelves and look really pretty?

OK, I will be honest, it is going to be the last one mostly. You think I care about spending money to have pieces of plastic sit on my shelf? You don’t even know.

There are 18 Amiibo figures releasing by the end of the year, here they are in order of awesomeness.*

* Awesomeness will vary from person to person determined by childhood memories and/or trauma.

1. Samus

Look at this thing. Why would it NOT be number one on this list?

2. Link

Is he held up by a shaft of magical yellow pee with a skirt and leggings? Yep, that’s how I want it.

3. Fox McCloud

I imagine this figure as Fox running away from a very awkward conversation with Slippy about his confusing sexual thoughts.

4. Captain Falcon

While the shaft placement (I went there) is too funny, it’s a fucking Captain Falcon figure!

5. Pit

Only Nintendo can make metrosexual angels badass.

6 Mario

It is not the Mario shooting fireballs out of his nose look we grew up with. Going with a more “hadouken” this fireball in your face.

7. Zelda

I think I will place this one beside Captain Falcon to give the illusion she is the holder for him kicking a giant ass football.

8. Little Mac

Pair it with Peach for your own Nintendo version of “Ray Rice Elevator Punch-Out”.

9. Wii Fit Trainer

If you ask me why this is so high on my list be prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear.

10. Luigi

While Mario gets to shoot a fireball, little bro is stuck doing Olympic luge or the world’s longest plank.

11. Marth

I think this will be the hardest figure to find because of collector a-holes like me buying them and Nintendo not making as many as other characters.

12. Yoshi

Either he is power walking or recreating the cover to Abbey Road. Both make me happy.

13.Donkey Kong

Why there is not a barrel with this? I have no idea.

14. Peach

Looks like she is showing off a prize on Price is Right. Put her next to another toy to make it seem more important.

15 Kirby

No mad face or mouth full of stuff. Just sitting there like a fat ass. This should be higher on my list since it is the most like me.

16. Diddy Kong

The Scrappy-Doo of Nintendo. Will get this if there is a Buy One, Get One sale and he is the only one left after the one I want.

17. Villager

Stop waving! Why are you so damn happy?! I will burn your village to the ground.

18. Pikachu

Admittedly, I am not a Pokemon fan. I love everything Nintendo, but this never got to me. I know enough to know there are a shit ton of them and if Nintendo is smart they will make Amiibos of all 2,000 of them so parents can go bankrupt.

November 6, 2014
Six Things About Super Smash Bros. For Wii U Before Nintendo Direct “50 Things”

Super Smash Bros. for Wii U is rapidly approaching its November 21st release date and Nintendo will be holding a Nintendo Direct on October 23rd at 5PM CST that will show 50 “must-see things” for the brawler.

To give you a head start, here are six things we know about Super Smash Bros. for Wii U.

1. I will be Villager from Animal Crossing and I will kick your ass.

2. There will be punching and kicking in the faces, asses and balls of your favorite childhood characters.

3. Multiple old-school arguments will arise when your friend beats you as Sonic and says “see, I told you Sega was better”.

4. A secret mode will be shown where if you lose to the Wii Fit trainer you have to get your Wii Fit pad out of the closet and do any exercise the game tells you before continuing.

5. When someone touches your special Gamecube controller without asking to play, you may assault their groinal regions at will.

6. This game should convince some to buy a Wii U. They will not because they have talked shit about the system for two years and can’t admit that it is really fun to have.

October 20, 2014
New 3DS Revealed With Second Analog Stick, Faster CPU And Much Rejoicing

Well I am certainly glad I did not get a new 3DS a few weeks ago like I wanted.

Nintendo announced a new 3DS today aptly named “New 3DS”. It will come in both regular and XL models and makes use of the word “new”.

A second analog stick is the biggest addition to the system. Located on the right side above the A,B,X and Y buttons, Nintendo is calling the new analog stick the C-Stick, which is great for us Gamecube lovers. I am wondering just how the C-Stick will feel to people with large hands, or in my case, fat hands. It is more of a nub or as I am calling it: a gaming nipple.

Two new shoulder buttons (ZL and ZR) will be available also, making games that use both analog stick easier to use with more readily available buttons. The A,B,X and Y buttons have also been given a color change to resemble the Super Famicom buttons.

The bottom screen has an NFC reader in it for use with the Nintendo Amiibo figures that will be available this fall. Also, a new CPU will make for faster downloads and browsing on eShop.

Think it ends there? Nope. Nintendo is also is making the top and bottom shells removable to customize your New 3DS. Take a look at the options below.

The New 3DS will release this fall in Japan with a 2015 release here (by here I mean Merica).

August 29, 2014
Here Is Mario Kart 8’s DLC. A New Reason To Hate Your Friends

Mario Kart 8 will be giving you new courses to curse at and new characters to hate as they hit you with a blue shell before you hit the finish line with two DLC packs.

The first will release in November and come with Link, Cat Suit Peach, Tanooki Suit Mario, four new vehicles and eight new courses.

The second releases in May 2015 with Isabelle, Villager, Dry Bower, four new vehicles and eight new courses.

Best part of this is the price. Each pack will cost $7.99 or $12.99 for both. So for 13 bucks you get six new characters, eight new vehicles and sixteen (16!) new courses. Get ready for more bad words than you can imagine.

If you want a little sample of what I mean, check out our Mario Kart 8 review.

August 27, 2014
7 Consoles You Probably Thought Were Sh**, And You Were Right

Atari Jaguar

-Because nothing says “reclaiming past glory” like a “64-bit” console with a controller that actually makes less sense than using a computer keyboard. Alien vs. Predator was admittedly awesome, but White Men Can’t Jump…

Magnavox Odyssey

-Gets obvious points for being the first home console, but loses them all for having no sound and controllers that looked like you could give ultrasounds with them.

Vectrex

-Because who doesn’t want their video game console to look like the TV screen in the chest of Robocop 2?

Philips CD-i

-Besides giving us the shittiest Zelda game ever and having a controller that looks like a double-sided dildo head, it retailed for $700…in 1991 money.

3DO

-The Steam Machine of the early 90’s. Made by multiple companies and way overpriced to compete in the home market, yet still sold 2 million consoles. Goldstar made one. GOLDSTAR!

Virtual Boy

-Imagine a 3DS that weighed 5 pounds, sat on a stand (because taping it to your head hurt, FYI), had two d-pads and could only be played in a red color that I can only imagine being used in futuristic dystopian societies to light our crime-ridden streets.

Sega Nomad

How awesome would a portable Genesis be? Pretty awesome if it didn’t have to use 6 AA batteries for five hours of play. Heat from the back of the unit may also scald children’s skin. Not a good PR move.

July 11, 2014
Review: Mario Kart 8

A little bit of a warning here at the beginning. This won’t be a long, in-depth review of the why’s and where’s, ins and outs of Mario Kart 8. I know some of you are breathing a sigh of relief (or have already scrolled down to the score), and I have a good reason for this:

It’s Mario Kart…and it’s effing FUN.

I am assuming by reading this you are already a Mario Kart fan and know the gist of it. You pick your favorite Mario character, your mode of transport, wheel type and glider, then proceed to let a string of obscenities fly out of your mouth that would make Samuel L. Jackson smile in approval.

You think I am joking? I wish you could hear a tiny bit of what it is like to play with me but I will just give you a small typed out sampling.

-Cockface

-A**hole/hat

-Fu**ing Sh**

-Peach/Daisy/Rosalina can suck various parts of me

-Jailbait bit** (a favorite of my gf)

-Sh**face Cockmaster

-Donkey fu**ing Kong

-Bowser, you fat fu**

-Bi*** baby

-Eat my dick (this is said as I cross the finish line in first)

This is what happens when a grown man plays Mario his whole life and gets tired when he keeps getting red shells in his ass and only gets a coin from a box when he is in first.

The first Wii U Mario Kart game is loaded with 32 tracks consisting of 16 new tracks and 16 classic tracks from every previous Kart game including the hell that is Rainbow Road from Mario Kart 64. The new tracks are as imaginative as ever and make good use of the underwater and hovercraft effects that make you pine for the F-Zero sequel that will never be. Tons of unlockable characters, karts, tires and gliders await as you win each racing class. The character variation is nothing out of the ordinary for a Mario Kart game, but does it really need to be?

I only had a few hiccups with online play at first, but since then, it has been smooth. Online is where you really test how good you are. You may think you are a drift master until you come across some guy in China that shows you know nothing, Jon Snow. It is like when I would play Tekken 3 at the arcade and absolutely own people…then a ten year old picks Eddy Gordo and whips my ass.

Don’t worry about being shoehorned into playing Mario Kart in a way you are not comfortable with. The game supports the Gamepad, Pro Controller, Wii Remote (for motion driving) and Wii Remote and Nunchuck. I am old school and have to use an analog stick and R trigger for power sliding where my girlfriend uses her Wii Remote and motion steering. The Gamepad screen has multiple features like seeing the track map, a horn and off-screen play. Yep, if you are playing two-player and have to take a poop, you can keep the game going. Believe me, this will happen.

Like I said earlier, it’s Mario Kart. You know if you have enjoyed previous installments, you will love this one. It is beautiful to look at and the variety in tracks make sure that even after you have played them all, there is plenty of fun left to be had by going back again. I believe that combined with the lineup Nintendo showed at E3, Mario Kart 8 could be the beginning of a Wii U redemption.

Sorry for the cursing.

June 12, 2014
All The Trailers Shown At Today’s Nintendo Direct Event

Bayonetta 2

Hyrule Warriors

Zelda Wii U
http://youtu.be/gTMhGg5mtp8

Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire

Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker

Xenoblade Chronicles

Kirby and the Rainbow Curse

Mario Maker

Yoshi’s Woolly World

Splatoon

Super Smash Bros. Goddess of Light Reveal

June 10, 2014
Zelda Wii U Announced. Open-World Hyrule Is A Reality

http://youtu.be/gTMhGg5mtp8

File this under: Achievement Unlocked- Childhood Dream Attained

I will just go ahead and say it: Nintendo brought it today in their digital event. The star that shone the brightest was the first look at The Legend of Zelda for Wii U.

OPEN-WORLD! EPONA! WAKE ME UP!

Sorry, I have to catch my breath. I do believe I have the vapors like a southern belle being courted by a suitor. Mine is named Link. He likes smashing pots, excessive grass cutting and fishing.

Don’t judge me.

June 10, 2014