If you were watching last night’s (disappointing) season finale of The Walking Dead then you were treated to all kinds of zombie fun. The Zombie Run 5K and World War Z had ads on the show, but the one that we actually cared about was the new 30 second spot for Naughty Dog’s [amazon_link id=”B007CM0K86″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]The Last of Us[/amazon_link].
As many of my exes have said, thirty seconds is just not long enough so here is the extended two minute trailer complete with dirty words (fuck) and goriness (blood). Joel, Ellie and Tess are all featured prominently and we see plenty of zombie (but not zombie) killing action. Every time I see some new footage I am astounded by how great the voice acting is.
Let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way in the beginning of this review, I liked the first G.I. Joe. Do not get me wrong, I am not going to recommend that anyone go out and buy it on Blu-Ray instantly, but it was the definition of a popcorn flick. A dumb action flick that had its moments and some fun also. Now in 2009 we also got Transformers 2 and that was also dumb, but not for the same reasons G.I. Joe was. I know, opinions are very fu**ed up things. I did not mind the first G.I. Joe and yet Shia going to robot heaven actually made me feel stupid sitting in the theater.
Since 2009 we have already had to sit through another Transformers movie and we are just now getting a sequel to The Real American Hero. Now G.I. Joe was set for release last summer, but a mere month before release it was quickly moved almost an entire year to 2013. The studio said it was to give them time to post-convert the film into 3D since well, you know, it makes more money. Then there were rumors swirling abound that it was to go back and let Channing Tatum re-film more footage since the same rumors also said that his Duke character bites it in the movie.
SPOILERS AHEAD
It seems the studio was telling the truth because the film was indeed converted to 3D and Channing Tatum does indeed get ended by Cobra in the first fifteen minutes. And guess what? It was the smartest decision the franchise could have made, because as much as I defend the first movie as big, dumb fun, it left a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths. So with G.I. Joe: Retaliation we are getting a reboot of sorts that still remains in the same movie universe.
The part that works with Retaliation is that we are trading in Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans for Dwayne Johnson and Bruce Willis. Who would not want that kind of move for an action sequel?
When we left the world at the end of G.I. Joe, Cobra Commander and Destro were locked away while Zartan was still in place as the imposter President of the United States. After Zartan calls in a surprise strike against the Joe’s, in which only Roadblock (Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki) and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) are left, Storm Shadow breaks Cobra Commander out of prison and Cobra has a big bad plan for world domination.
After this, the story wisely splits in two. One path has Roadblock, Jaye and Flint trying to convince the original Joe, Joe Coulton (Willis), that the POTUS is an imposter and they need his help trying to expose him. The second path follows Snake Eyes an Jinx as they hunt down Storm Shadow to find out what information he knows about Cobra’s plans. This really helps the movie avoid any kind of slow down that you normally would feel halfway through. In one aspect you are getting a guns blazing actioneer and then you are swapping over to a martial arts film complete with the RZA as a blind sensei and ninjas sword fighting on the side of a mountain.
Knowing Is Half The Battle
So yeah, Cobra is trying to take over the world and the what not. The plot will not exactly win any awards, but really, are you going to see this for that? Why did you watch G.I. Joe as a kid (assuming you did)? You wanted to see the cool characters, weapons and action. Luckily we get all three of those. The new characters are much more memorable than the previous entry and each is given their own opportunity at some bad ass moments. I know Channing Tatum is Hollywood’s “IT” guy right now, but Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson can carry an action flick in their sleep. Even though I did not care for A Good Day To Die Hard, I still say Willis can get it done easily when guns are involved.
I worried that director John M. Chu would be overwhelmed with a film of this size. I mean could you really blame me? He got the job after directing Step Up 2&3 and the Justin Bieber movie Never Say Never. Yeah, exactly. Chu has taken the helm and like a great Barney Stinson moment he has said, “Challenge Accepted”. Fight scenes are quick paced, but never overwhelming and there are plenty of things that go boom. There is one especially unique fight between Roadblack and Firefly (Ray Stevenson) that is an up close gun battle within arm distance that I can honestly say I have never seen before. I have to give credit where it is due.
I got exactly what I was expecting out of G.I. Joe: Retaliation. I wanted a followup to the original that felt like I was watching an episode of the 80’s cartoon. Does that involve some chuckle worthy dialogue? Yep. Did it change the fact that I had fun with the characters and manly man things? Nope. If you liked the first film (even a little bit like me), this is a good improvement and shows that the franchise could have some legs if handled properly. If you did not like 2009’s film then this should be a massive improvement over what you got. Go in expecting a fun, popcorn shoot em up that replaces the weak parts of the first film with stronger anchors and have fun.
The Gorn has had an almost 50 year career off of one appearance on the original Star Trek in the episode Arena and it keeps going strong with the new ad for [amazon_link id=”B0081B1O5A” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Star Trek: The Video Game[/amazon_link]. The Gorn play a huge role in the new game and have been revamped for the J.J. Abrams universe, but the classic still has his moments when he and William Shatner have another go round.
I think it is not too much of a stretch to call this one of the most brilliant ways to promote a product. I mean, I was already getting the game to review it for you fine folks, but if I wasn’t this commercial would have me driving to reserve it now. I know, I know, the ad is in no way telling of if the game will actually be any good, but come on. They got William Shatner to fight a fu**ing Gorn again.
We here at Nerd Rating love achievements and trophies. We are admitted whores for them, but when you think about it, the practice of gamerscores is only seven years old with the introduction of the Xbox 360. We have 30 years of backlogged video games that need to be updated! So that is what we are venturing to do. Our new feature called Retro Achievement List will look back at games of the past and give them a set of achievements to strive for even if they may not seem serious.
First up is one of the most difficult games of all time (for me anyway), Mega Man 2. What fresh hell will you have to go through to get your 1,000 points (or platinum trophy)?
Achievement Unlocked:
*Achievement #1
Die ten times on the first level while you wonder if it is you that is retarded or the game that is hard.
*Achievement #2
Kill 25 robotic shrimp on Bubble Man’s level without making a sexual reference to a bad date.
*Achievement #3
Tell your significant other to stop with the touching crap while you are block jumping on Heat Man’s level.
*Achievement #4
Develop a headache from thinking about how Capcom could screw up a franchise as wonderful as Mega Man.
*Achievement #5
Beat every boss while purposely going out of order.
*Achievement #6
Grab an extra man on a small ledge before falling to your death.
*Achievement #7
When you die on a spike floor yell at your TV, “WHY?? WHO MAKES A FLOOR WITH SPIKES?!
*Achievement #8
Realize that the boss select screen is The Brady Bunch opening and try and place the right Brady with the boss.
*Achievement #9
After your 800th death, throw your controller at your TV and curse at whoever is in the room that they are messing you up by walking around.
*Achievement #10
Get all the way to the Wily stage on difficult only to have your power go out.
We want to hear from all of you also! What achievements would you add to Mega Man 2? Leave us a comment below or tweet us your responses on Twitter (@nerdrating) and use the hashtag #RetroAchievement
And by weep, I mean big, ugly man tears of joy. Like when your girlfriend says she wished you showed more emotion and then when you finally do tear up and cry (like at the end of Armageddon) she looks at you like you are a complete moron.
This week at GDC, Epic Games have been showing off a new tech demo for the Unreal Engine 4 called Infiltrator and now it is online for all of our eye holes. Prepare your retinas for an assault of next-gen awesomeness. It is unknown if this is simply a tech demo or if this could possibly become a game years from now as Gears of War was after the debut of Unreal Engine 3.
If you like futuristic settings and beautiful graphics having sex with your eyes then get ready.
Let’s have a bit of fun before the premiere of Game of Thrones this Sunday night shall we?
The good folks over at Vulture have created a cool little time waster called the Game of Thrones Random Death Generator. Now I have yet to see any like “touching Craster’s daughter, lose your nuts” or “have sex with Sam, die of shame”.
You’re Next is a horror film that you may not be familiar with it, but it has been making waves on the festival circuit for the past few months. It has been regarded as smart, disturbing and even a bit funny. The first trailer has just released and you can easily see why comparisons to [amazon_link id=”B001D2WU8O” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]The Strangers[/amazon_link] will begin, but when you read the film’s official synopsis the trailer takes on a new meaning and could become a film that will gather steam heading to its August release.
Read the synopsis, then give the trailer a view.
One of the smartest and most terrifying films in years, YOU’RE NEXT reinvents the genre by putting a fresh twist on home-invasion horror. When a gang of masked, ax-wielding murderers descend upon the Davison family reunion, the hapless victims seem trapped…until an unlikely guest of the family proves to be the most talented killer of all.
I swear if this movie becomes some twisted ass Home Alone I will lose my shit. Like if Macaulay Culkin came back from doing….whatever it was he was doing for twenty years…and takes on the Wet Bandits again only instead of pellet guns to the nuts he was stabbing their eyes out with a soldering iron.
Have you spent too many hours than you can count exploring Rook Island in [amazon_link id=”B0050SXX88″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Far Cry 3[/amazon_link]? Have you already reset all the outposts and shot, stabbed and mauled your way through them again? Well the wait for more Far Cry 3 may not be too far off because the mysterious Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is on its way and I will readily admit that I do not know one dam thing about it. But do I really need to? It is more Far Cry 3. It could be a downloadable pack of Vaas giving his favorite campfire recipes and I would pay money for it.
The look of the logo is what is intriguing. It completely screams 80’s in every possible way. The electrified background, the font and hot pink coloring of the Blood Dragon logo, it all looks to be going for a retro feel like when you would pump quarter after quarter into Altered Beasts or Bad Dudes at the skating rink when you were seven because you were too fat for roller skates and you would rather play as a bad dude on top of a train punching thugs in the face. Thus the name…..Bad Dudes.
Sorry for losing track there.
Let’s take a look at the Xbox achievement list that has been released to see if we can take anything away from it.
Welcome to the Party, Pal – Finished Helicopter Entry
One Small Step – Finished First Garrison
Way to Go, Garri-Son – Finish all the Garrisons
Kill Them All – Finish all the Predator’s Path Quests
End Game – Finished Final Showdown
Nice Like Jesus – Finish all the Hostages Situations
Murder Nature – Kill all the Animal Types
Set Them Free – Destroy 5 Braincages
Just the Tip – Kill a Dragon with the Bow
Blood Dragon Down – Kill Your First Dragon
Dragon Slayer – Kill 25 Dragons
What are You Reading For? – Find all of Dr. Carlyle’s Notes
The Greatest Format of all Time – Find all VHS Tapes
Hail to the King – Reach Maximum Level and Become the Ultimate Badass
Running man – After saving Darling, enter Combat Mode with a Dragon and Return to Stealth
Tooled Up – Own all Weapons Attachment
Derp – Jump Down from 50 Meters
The Drug of the Nation – Find all TV SETS to Decrypt the Hidden Message
The Only True Stopper – Headshot Every Type of Enemy
Well first off, good job on the Die Hard and Evil Dead references. Finding VHS tapes further seems to give credence to the 80’s theme. So what the hell? Are we back on Rook Island in the 80’s going all Vice City on Far Cry 3? I love the mystery. Keep checking back and we will let you know as soon as we do.
Here is the first teaser trailer for Double Fine’s Broken Age which was funded by the $3.3 million that fans gave through Kickstarter last year. It is a point-and-click adventure that tells the story of two children who are living parallel lives in two very different lands.
I have to admit that I am excited about the possibilities of this game given that it is being funded by fans and can truly give Double Fine free reign to let their imagination run wild with no publisher interference.
Broken Age can be pre-ordered on PC, Mac and Linux through the game’s website and it will also be made available for the Ouya console.
The worst kept secret in video games was officially unveiled today as Hideo Kojima announced at GDC that The Phantom Pain was indeed Metal Gear Solid 5. But he also had a bit of an ace up his sleeve and said that both The Phantom Pain and Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes combine together to make Metal Gear Solid 5.
It seems like the official title will be Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain. A new trailer was shown that combined footage from both previous trailers of The Phantom Pain and MGS: Ground Zeroes as well as some new info. It seems Snake has been in a coma for the past nine years and the initial hospital escape shown in The Phantom Pain trailer back in December will serve as the game’s tutorial and opening.
The game was running on a PC on the new FOX Engine and should be pretty close to what the final build will look like when the game releases, presumably on the Playstation 4.
Before you watch the trailer below just remember this is a Kojima trailer which means to fully understand the depth of what is happening you need to get sloppy drunk with some Kentucky bourbon, preferably Woodford Reserve. Then, get good and addicted to heroin. I am talking about Jared Leto in Requiem for a Dream addicted . Finally, you must stab an adrenaline shot directly into your heart and press play on the video.
