Tag: WWE

Five Reasons You Should Get WWE Network

1. Pay-Per-Views

If you were able to afford all twelve monthly PPV’s a year at $50 a pop then I envy your status on the money making ladder. For me and my friends, it was a given we would get around four a year: Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, Money in the Bank and Summerslam with the possibility for a fifth if Survivor Series had a good card. Why no Hell in the Cell? Because there is hardly a time you can have a great PPV called Hell in the Cell going TV-PG. It is possible, but it is like seeing a unicorn, it rarely happens.

All the PPV’s would cost a wrestling fan around $600 a year which is an insane amount of money especially considering WWE has the weakest on-air product in almost a decade. With the WWE Network only $120 a year that is a no brainer, which leads into…

2. The Price

When the WWE announced that the network would only be $9.99 a month earlier this year, I could not believe the deal wrestling fans were getting. I would pay that much just for the video library alone (don’t tell them that or they will take away PPV’s). That is why it surprises me more have not signed up. Now this could be because it was only available in North America for the first six months. It is now in 170 countries with the UK getting it in October.

WWE has not helped matters any by beating a dead horse with its $9.99 diatribe week after week, segment after segment. We know how much it costs, tell viewers about all the content they can get on it for that amount, and no, that does mean reminding us that we can watch repeats of Total Divas. Take time before coming back from commercial to show us a clip of a classic PPV moment or something from classic Raws instead of telling us that Raw had more tweets than The Big Bang Theory.

3. Monday Night War

Some of the WWE’s best DVD releases have been about the Monday Night War between WWE and WCW. Now they have taken all the video footage and old and new interviews to make a continuing show about the best time to be a wrestling fan, the late 90’s.

If that alone is not enough to warrant $9.99, the fact that Keith David narrates the show should have any self-respecting nerd reaching for their wallet.

4. NXT

Calling RAW the flagship show seems like an inside joke. Name wise it is, but as far as wrestling goes, WWE has one flagship and that is NXT. I dare you to watch NXT Takeover Fatal Four-Way and not say it is the best special the WWE has done since WrestleMania.

These guys are working hard to show that they should be on the main roster and RAW is already seeing benefits from NXT. Bray Wyatt, Bo Dallas, Paige and more were on the NXT roster before coming to TV. Here is the rub, though. With RAW being so weak is it really a step up to be on the show? Would you rather be giving great matches in front of great (albeit much smaller) crowds like Sami Zayn, Tyson Kidd, Adrian Neville and Tyler Breeze did or be like former NXT champ Big E who did…wait, was he even on RAW? Last week? The week before?

5. Monday Nitro

One of the newest additions of the WWE Network is previous episodes of Nitro. Now you can relive the time Lex Luger showed up at the Mall of America with magically longer hair than he had the previous week on RAW (who says hair extensions aren’t for everyone) or the debut of Glacier and even some Tongan Death Grip action by Meng. I am making fun, but going back and watching old Nitros brings back a lot of memories from a great time in wrestling history.

Want to know the ugly truth? I just watched a RAW last night that had Mark Henry and Rusev during the main event and Roman Reigns clean pin Seth Rollins BEFORE their PPV match Sunday. I actually would have rather watched an old Nitro than last night’s RAW…Cryonic Kick and all.

September 16, 2014
Best Of WWE Summerslam 2014 Memes

I was worried last night. I started out Summerslam going 1-3 in my predictions then had a Reggie Miller/ Madison Square Garden moment and finished 5-3 when Brock destroyed Cena.

Here are some of the best memes from last night for a bit of Monday fun. I figured some Cena fans could use a pick me up.

August 18, 2014
WWE Summerslam 2014 Predictions

Here come the pain.

At least, I hope that is what is coming when Brock and John Cena go at it on Sunday night. Summerslam has built itself up nicely and I am looking forward to most of the card. Of course with anything WWE, it can go south oh so quick.

Predicta-tron 3000, power up!

-Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose in a Lumberjack Match

Talk about unrealized expectations. This match could have been one of the strongest on the card. Instead, of all the stipulations that could have been put with this match, we get one of the most nonsensical in the wrestling playbook. I want Rollins and Ambrose to have open space to work with. Rollins’ high flying and the Ambrose character makes for some outside the ring fun. Still think they can put on a great match even with the handcuffs.

Winner- Dean Ambrose with Dirty Deeds and they’re done dirt cheap for only $9.99 a month.

-Paige vs. AJ for the Divas Championship

AJ and Paige is exactly what the Divas division needed. Now that we have no blurred lines about Paige, we can enjoy two women that can entertain on the mic and in the ring. AJ should retain here because Paige’s character is so good in chase of the title.

Winner- AJ by submission which means we all win.

-Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns

Orton and Reigns have been wrestling at house shows the past few weeks and all indications are that the matches have not exactly been good. Let’s hope that is just because Randy was worn out from a room full of gym bags and they can bring it on Sunday. This is Reigns first chance to show himself in a PPV match where he is not protected by multiple wrestlers. If Reigns is going to be their “it” guy, it begins here.

Winner- Reigns hits the Samoan triple play (aka the new Five Moves of Doom).

-The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship

Like many fans out there I have been happy with Ziggler’s push over the past weeks. He has picked up some good wins, but I hope you all realize it was to build up The Miz in the end. Now that Ziggler is on a streak it makes Miz look better by beating him. This match is a win/win because Ziggler is in a championship match and The Miz is back where he needs to be, being an asshole.

Winner- The Miz by shenanigans.

-Rusev vs. Jack Swagger in a Flag Match

This may seem like a WCW match, but that is only because it is like a WCW match. The stipulation seems to be an easy way to get Swagger a win without Rusev taking a pin. They will probably have another match at Night of Champions where Rusev wins and he can move on to a feud with someone bigger on the roster.

Winner- Swagger puts the flag…somewhere wearing a coal miner’s glove and climbs to retrieve Scott Hall’s contract while Judy Bagwell hangs from a cage.

-Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon

The match between a woman who is known for nip slips and a woman I wish would have nip slips. A bit sexist, but honest. This will be painful to watch. They will try their best, and like the promo work, Stephanie will carry the load even though she hasn’t wrestled in ten years. Our best hope is a Daniel Bryan sighting. I hate that there is a rehashed TNA storyline waiting on him.

Winner- Stephanie with a pedigree as she looks on with those eyes. Damn, those eyes.

-Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt

This past Monday did a lot to get me interested in this match again. These two started off on fire then it seem to hit cruise control like most stuff that takes over a month in WWE, which I blame on creative, not the wrestlers. The sit down “interview” was what I wanted to see the whole time. Wyatt showing why he is the best promo man today (besides Paul Heyman) and Jericho holding his own in response. The match should be more intense than their last one with Wyatt going over.

Winner- Wyatt hits Sister Abigail (which in the NFL would get you a two game suspension).

-John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Proof that breaking the streak did what it needed to do. It makes Brock the unstoppable force that he should have been the entire time since he came back. I loved their match at Extreme Rules 2012. It was heavy hitting and brutal by the PG standard we have now. Cena winning made no sense at all because it took away any aura that Brock had. It took him beating The Undertaker at Wrestlemania to show he was a force. I do expect this to be just as stiff as the Extreme Rules match. The buildup has been good with Paul Heyman doing what he does best and Cena giving impassioned promos without resorting to jokes which is his downfall. Brock and CM Punk had the Match of the Year at last year’s Summerslam. Could he make it two in a row?

Winner Brock with a lot of F5’s because we known Cena is kicking out more than two.

August 15, 2014
WWE Battleground 2014 Predictions

Normally if the WWE tried to run two PPV’s a month I would ask what the big rush is for? Money in the Bank was earlier this month and we already have Battleground this Sunday with Summerslam two weeks after that. But with the WWE Network, they can do one every week for all I care. Ten bucks a month beats $55 a pop every single time.

No, I don’t work for WWE although I could see why you would think that with my glowing endorsement of the network.

The lead up to Battleground has been by the numbers like it is an afterthought of a PPV. The thing that WWE is failing to realize is that it is a better card than Money in the Bank a few weeks ago. Predictable, yes, but more for a wrestling fan to enjoy.

1. Naomi vs. Cameron

Now I obviously wasn’t talking about this match when I said that last statement. No one gives any amount of fucks about this match besides Naomi, Cameron, their families and Brodus Clay who has to be wondering why these two have jobs and he doesn’t. It’s not the fact they have tits, Brodus had plenty of those.

Winner- Naomi with a funktastic Funkadactyl finish. Whatever. Let’s move on.

2. Jack Swagger vs. Rusev

The way you can tell if a character is over is by how quickly the audience accepts their opponents. The fact it took Jack Swagger’s music to hit during a Rusev promo to turn him face proves this. I like the slow build of Rusev. Instead of throwing him into the main event (to lose to Cena), they are moving him though the roster at a believable pace. When he does get a big time main event feud, he will be more believable as a threat (then lose to Cena).

Winner- Rusev locks in The Accolade while I act like I am not staring at Lana’s breasts.

3. Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

Don’t worry, Seth’s “injury” from Monday is clearly a work. The announcers made it too clear that he could have messed his knee up. This could be to even the playing field with Ambrose’s shoulder problems or just give Rollins an excuse for a loss. This should be a fun match which means it will get five minutes less than it needs.Seth got his big win at Money in the Bank, Ambrose should go over here. I would let this carry over to Summerslam with a ladder match for Seth’s briefcase. Your welcome, WWE.

Winner- Ambrose by Dirty Deeds with his tongue hanging out.

4. Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal

This match has too many guys to name. Let’s just say there are guys that are pushed too much, guys that are not pushed enough and Epico and Primo acting like they control a midget bull. I have four guys that will win this match and no, not one of them is Ziggler. Sheamus, Cesaro, The Miz and Bo Dallas. The Miz winning would give his return the boost it needs now that he is a heel again. Cesaro could use the title to show that the WWE has not forgotten about Wrestlemania already (even though they probably have). Sheamus should not win because that means WWE wants to combine the IC and U.S. titles and that is kid in the helmet retarded. That leaves Bo Dallas who can use the title to inspire those around him to aim higher and be better.

Winner- Bo Dallas becomes the most inspirational champion ever. Bolieve!

5. The Usos vs. The Wyatts in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the Tag Team Championship

I am saying this with ease; this will be the match of the night. These four guys have shown that when they have the time, they can put on a show. Add in a fun stipulation like 2 out of 3 falls and let’s get ready for more Harpercanrannas!

The Wyatts have been the best tag team over the past few months and The Usos will still be at the top of the division so losing the titles here isn’t a bad thing.

Winner- The Wyatts via Clothesline from Smell (copyright- Matt Fowler)

6. AJ vs. Paige for the Divas Championship

What a difference a month makes. After begging for Paige to have competition since Wrestlemania, AJ returns and wins back the Divas title. Now, instead of the long list of don’t care divas, we have a divas match on a PPV that I actually care about. Add in the whole “frienemy” angle between the two of them that is both fun and slightly arousing (honesty, oops).

Winner- AJ because I want to see a full Paige heel turn.

7. Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt

Jericho is everything that is right about wrestling. He has his own life without being Y2J, but he comes back every now and then. Here is what makes him the best; he comes back to work with guys that he knows he can have a good feud with and he puts them over. Yeah, he is the anti-Nash/Hogan/any top guy from the 90’s. This was just what Bray Wyatt needed after his feud with Cena went on too long. Both can claim great mic skills and both can bring it in the ring. You would think Jericho would win here leading to Bray getting a bigger win at Summerslam, but as I said, Jericho doesn’t care about wins and losses.

Winner- Bray Wyatt seals it with a kiss.

8. Kane vs. Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns vs. John Cena in a Fatal Four Way Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

People are excited to see one out of four of these guys in the main event. Could it be the guy that has not been a constant for the past 10+ years? The magic 8-ball says: No shit. We all know where Summerslam is heading with the poster leaking weeks ago with John Cena and Brock Lesnar on it. I think this will be a decent match with three guys giving serviceable performances and one showing that he wants to be in the main event. Take a guess.

And for those who think Paul Heyman’s “Plan C” is CM Punk; I wish I could be happy in this weird form of bliss you live in. Punk is too busy doing anything he wants which includes AJ, why would he even want to come back?

Winner- John Cena, which still will be a surprise to some people. I know, I know.

July 18, 2014
Money In The Bank 2014 Predictions

Hey, what do you know? A wrestling post. I know, I know. I am behind, but Money in the Bank is Sunday so I figured we would go through the card to see what will go down when all the lights are turned off and all the ladders have been broken.

Plus, there are only four matches announced so far, so this should be quick and relatively painless. Kind of like a sexual experience with me.

Let’s go!

1. Paige vs. Naomi for the Divas Championship

It is a sad thing to say that a Paige match is being used as the start of a Fuckadactyl (I meant to leave out the n) feud. Rumor is that Vince is not behind Paige because he doesn’t get her “look”. If by that he means he forgot what a woman with in-ring talent looks like, then he is right. This match will probably be given the spot of death right before the main event doing them no favors.

Winner: Paige when Cameron interferes and cost Naomi the match which makes the viewer believe Naomi can beat Paige, but we should never believe that. Ever.

2. The Usos vs. Eric Rowan and Luke Harper for the Tag Team Championships

With a card lacking matches this should be given plenty of time unlike the two quick singles matches on last week’s Raw. A Wyatt Family victory could bode well for Bray winning the MITB championship match and ending the night with a Wyatt sweep (which won’t happen, see later to see why). I would like to see a Clothesline from Smell (Copyright 2014- Matt Fowler) and a Wyatt win, but this looks like it will be another Jimmy superkick and Jey splash or Jey superkick and Jimmy splash finish. Who the hell knows, I can’t tell them apart.

Winner: The Usos by twinking finishing moves.

3. Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins vs. RVD vs. Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match

After Raw I had three picks to win this match; Ambrose, Rollins or Barrett. Now it is down to two because thanks to the pot smoking clusterfuck that is Jack Swagger, Barrett was injured on Smackdown and may not even be in the match. RVD is there to make things look like they hurt, same for Ziggler. Swagger is there to bleed accidentally and hurt more people. And Kofi…I don’t know, affirmative action?

That leaves Rollins and Ambrose whose feud is one of the best things WWE has going. I am going with Rollins winning because it will help his character out better and I don’t think the WWE wants two faces winning both ladder matches (again, see next match).

Winner: Seth Rollins when he pulls a Damien Sandow from last year (match wise, not career wise, hopefully).

4. Sheamus vs. John Cena vs. Cesaro vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Kane vs. Roman Reigns in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match for the WWE Championship

I would love to wax poetic about the why’s and where’s, the who’s and what’s of this match. About how this should be an intriguing championship match with any number of winners. Cesaro proving Paul Heyman right when he says he is the greatest manager of all time, Bray Wyatt taking hold of the championship and the mind-bendingly good promos and matches that will come from it, Roman Reigns becoming the next “man” in the WWE.

But I don’t get to because it is almost guaranteed that Brock Lesnar is getting a title match next month at Summerslam against the winner of this match. That leaves two choices; Cesaro or John Cena. Cesaro winning would mean we get a match with the two biggest genetic freaks in the WWE and we would be left, mouths agape, at the strength shown.

Or…

WWE can give away the main event in a poster leak ruining any drama this ladder match would create.

Brock beating Cena will help matters because I am a huge Lesnar fan and Cena hater which is a great twofer if this is the Summerslam main event. It also means Cena would have his fifteenth (15!) championship run, one behind Ric Flair. Which also means we are one step closer to him passing Flair which will be the day I am done with wrestling after 30+ years.

June 27, 2014
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, May 5, 2014

There are a few certainties after Sunday’s Extreme Rules PPV and last night’s Raw:

1. The Shield can not have a bad six-man tag match…ever.

2. HHH may get a bad rap, but he is the best in-ring talent in Evolution by a mile, even over Orton.

3. Adam Rose will be HUGE!*

*Assuming WWE doesn’t fu** up his character, which they most likely will.

I can’t help it. I am a Rosebud. The artist formerly known as Leo Kruger is another addition from NXT that I hope catches on with the “average” fan. His entrance is just the icing on the cake. Yes, he is doing a wrestling version of Russell Brand, but he is doing it damn well.

Let’s all bow our heads as Christina Aguilera sings Ave Maria for Dean Ambrose’s U.S. Title reign. He doesn’t defend it for most of the year, then after a face turn, he defends it in multiple matches and loses it in a 20-man battle royal.

Lesson of the day kids: it is always more fun to be the bad guy.

Evolution may be a mystery, but Batista’s beard being awesome is not.

It looks like we are heading for Evolution vs. The Shield numero dos at Payback. Which you would think Evolution would win because WWE is all about swapping wins, but Hollywood Dave will be packing up his beard, tights, and skinny jeans after Payback to promote Guardians of the Galaxy. Would it be good for The Shield to drop the match to a team that won’t be on Raw for over two months?

Negative, Ghost Rider.

It seems the initial plan was for Batista to feud with Daniel Bryan and lose at Payback, but Drax put the squash on that. He felt that losing clean at WrestleMania and then again at Payback right before he went to promote Guardians was not the best thing for him…and I agree. He is not The Rock. His movie career is about to take off so I have no problem with him protecting his character a bit. He is signed for another year and a half, there is plenty of time for a feud with Bryan.

Side note- Here is a breakdown of reasons I like Rusev. 60%- Lana, 30%- Lana’s legs, 10%- the inexplicable boner I get whenever Lana yells “CRUSH!” when she closes her fist.

Is WWE trying to use Rusev to rid the roster of the unused minority talent? Not a conspiracy theory, just an observation. Xavier Woods, R-Truth and now Kofi. Is he Russian or a racist? Next thing you know they will put Donald Sterling in his Titantron along with Putin. I actually would not put it past WWE to try and use the Sterling stuff in a story. Let’s not forget this is the company that had Randy Orton talk about Eddie Guerrero burning in hell a month after he died.

Why couldn’t Cesaro just beat RVD clean? He did at the PPV. Are they protecting RVD in some way? We have seen him lose to everyone in his career. I know he is only here for three months at a time, but losing to Cesaro two nights in a row is not a bad thing.

Cesaro’s music is slowly growing on me. I was not a fan the first few times I heard it, but like working with someone who wears too much Axe Body Spray, it becomes easier to handle. Although I do still miss his Swiss rap theme.

Daniel Bryan’s year has been uplifting highs and horrible lows. Winning the title at Wrestlemania was one of the most memorable moments in thirty years of the show, then he loses his father only a week later in some kind of My Name is Earl twist of karma and now his feud with Kane can only be described as laughable.

I am not comparing the feud with the death of his father, but it is not what he needs right now. He made it through Extreme Rules and from all I have heard (still have not seen the match) had a great Extreme Rules match with Kane. To extend this feud another month tells me a few things:

1. They had no other plan ready after Batista pulled out of the feud.

2. WWE is trying to see if fans will follow Bryan through a bad program/trying to sabotage his reign. Pick one…or both.

3. They are secretly filming See No Evil 2 and we have no idea.

It is a bit eerie how this is the way Benoit’s title reign went after he won at WrestleMania XX. He beat HHH, feuded with Kane, then lost at Summerslam, which I expect Bryan to do. Let’s just hope for Brie’s sake Bryan doesn’t own a Bowflex.

This is not Raw related, but I did want to mention something I think TNA got right (for once) and that is Eric Young winning the TNA title. Yes, it smells of another TNA copycat story with Young being their bearded wonder like Daniel Bryan, but I have been a longtime EY fan and he deserves a run. Fans have supported him through every insane story he has been a part of over the last decade. Really, if any other wrestler had to do some of the things he had they would have quit.

Let’s not forget that EY did have the finger pointing in the air before Bryan. Because now that he is champion, you really “Don’t Fire Eric”.

Till next week!

May 6, 2014
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, April 21, 2014

Guess it is time to get back on the horse or some other analogy that involves me forcing my large body onto some animal to show I am back after a week off. There wasn’t a recap last week because I was at Raw live and just didn’t feel I could cover it with the same smarmy assholishness I normally do after watching it. Also, it was an Ultimate Warrior tribute show so…that too.

First off, I want to offer my condolences to Daniel Bryan and his family on the passing of his father. In case you did not know that was why he was written off the show early by the attack by Kane. He was visibly shaken when he made his way to the ring and props to him for making it through the segment. He has had so much going right for him lately that this seems like a cruel twist.

Show wise, the writers did a good job on the fly of getting Bryan out of there and set up Kane as an actual threat for the title. The beatdown had to be believable and I would guess that three Tombstones at various places outside the ring would do it. Add in Stephanie using her “kids get in the house and stop hitting the maid” voice and you have a successful transition in the McMahon family feuds. Steph gets Daniel Bryan and HHH is doing his Evolution 2.Drax with The Shield.

The IC title tournament continued and I have got some good news and bad news. Or should I say I have got some bad news because Cesaro lost to RVD and I’ve got some baaaaaaad neeeeewws.

Barrett beat Sheamus to get to the final completely reversing what I thought would happen. I thought Barrett would lose and Cesaro would win, but I still consider this a win. Maybe having Paul Heyman as manager is like having a belt in itself; it is a step up from just floating around on the card and if used properly, can take you places.

Side note: When was the last time a tiger driver was used on Raw? We need more of them.

So it looks like Barrrett is your next IC champ, where does that Big E? Well if he takes the Ezekial Jackson route, he will disappear for four years then announce he has left the company leaving you to wonder just where the hell he has been? What has he been doing? Antiquing? Being forced to work as an animator on Slam City? Giving talent their baby oil rub downs before matches?

There were two Divas matches last night…two! No worries though because they involved Emma and Paige.

Sorry, been looking for a place to use that.

It kills me to watch how wrong Emma is being used compared to how they are handling Paige. There is a reason Paige was brought up so early. She is the future of the Divas division. It has been a long time since Trish, Lita, Molly Holly, etc. made the Divas division a watchable part of the show and now it is ready for the next phase.

Emma, on the other hand, is stuck putting a sock on her hand, tagging with a comedy act that has not worked since 2009. Go and watch the Paige/Emma match from NXT Arrival…yeah that was some damn good work. The Divas division is alive and well. You just have to find it.

Is it just me, or does the Evolution/Shield feud not seem as big as it should?

You didn’t say no.

Could it be that HHH and the people backstage overestimated how big Evolution was? Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge mark for them. Maybe it is just because I have a hard on for Motorhead. Or I like Batista dressing in a suit as opposed to his skinny jeans/dicknuts combo. Either way it just seems like something is missing.

No matter how many promos we get, or how many video packages are shown, the group was never as big as the Horsemen or even DX, even if they want you to think that. Don’t worry, they will keep beating it into you until you believe or until you believe it. There is no way out.

Side note: I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate The Rhodes’ breakup already and it hasn’t even happened already.

Goldust (who is in a career renaissance) and Cody were your biggest success story of 2013. With The Shield, they carried not only the tag division, but a lot of Raw’s on their own last year. Now, because in the rulebook of tag wrestling it says you must have a breakup, they are blowing up the best team the WWE has (sorry Usos).

What are we left with? Rybaxel challenging for the titles?

You want proof that WWE pays attention to internet fans (even though they look down on them)? Last week John Cena delivered one of his patented (patented meaning shitty) funny promos on the Wyatts, complete with photoshopped family pictures and all that good stuff that made wrestling so much fun 25 years ago. And (internet) fans shit all over it. Why? Because it showed that Cena can not work a program without reverting back to his “hey kids, poo-poo” humor.

So last night, as if by some magical David Bowie/Labyrinth-type shit, Cena was back to his pre-WrestleMania serious tone where the Wyatts were a threat.

One of the problems with Cena being on top so long (as well as staying face so long) is that you run into what I like to call “Superman writer’s block” otherwise known as “Hulk Hogan-itis”.

Why is it so hard to write an interesting Superman comic every month? Because he is the most powerful hero ever and it is hard to keep creating villains to fight him because he is fucking Superman! So you make up shit like magical powers have the ability to hurt him and different colored Kryptonite.

Why did Hogan’s career flounder after WrestleMania IX and his first few years in WCW? Because he was wrestling’s Superman. He had fought and conquered all and we had seen it all before.

We are reaching that point with Cena after a decade. Unlike Hogan, there won’t be a character resurrection. There will be no heel turn that makes children cry and adults cheer. It is a shame because it could extend Cena’s career (character-wise) for years.

Despite all of this, Bray Wyatt continues to be the most fascinating superstar in years. Even last week during Cena’s fun time he kept on track with his insanely good promo work. With his ring work matching his mic skills, Wyatt is a once a generation star. So there are two directions left: watch him rise to the top or watch WWE shit on another could-be great career.

Quick hits:

-Seeing Alexander Rusev live last week, I can honestly say he is built like a brick shithouse. He has an old school look and his music works with his character. They continued his push last night with a win over Sin Cara where he was on the defensive more than usual. They should continue to build him through squash matches while also adding length to his matches to see how he does.

-Even when Paul Heyman has nothing to say but the same thing over and over again, he is still one of the best things about Raw every week.

-Let’s limit how long Seth Rollins gets on the mic. Ambrose has the whole One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest thing and Reigns has the voice that makes panty gravy, but Rollins gives the same point over and over without stopping. He is not bad, he just won’t stop.

-Going into Extreme Rules, I would normally not be very excited with the way the card is coming together, but knowing that I will be able to watch it on WWE Network and not pay $50 for it helps.

Till next week!

April 22, 2014
Ultimate Warrior Passes Away

In a cruel twist, Jim Hellwig, better known as The Ultimate Warrior passed away yesterday at the age of 54. He had just been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame last Saturday and made appearances at WrestleMania 30 on Sunday and WWE Raw on Monday where he gave one of his famous Warrior promos that turned out to be a bit of horrible foreshadowing.

Reports are that Warrior collapsed outside his hotel in Arizona while walking his wife to the car. He was pronounced dead after arriving at a local hospital.

This is a shot in the gut to wrestling fans everywhere, especially after finally having him back in the WWE after 18 years. He was not the most popular of guys, but it looks like a lot of old wounds were mended over WrestleMania weekend between Warrior and a lot of old WWE stars.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to his wife and two daughters during this time.

If this was the price of having him back this past weekend, it was too high.

April 9, 2014
WrestleMania 30 Recap

So anything interesting happen last night on Game of Thrones? I only ask because WWE had their own version of the Red Wedding at WrestleMania 30 with Undertaker playing the part of…well, anyone named Stark and Lesnar was the arrows and knives.

Before I get started full on there are two things I need to get out of the way:

1. This is not going to be in any order. My brain will jump around as it wants to. I don’t question the madness and neither should you.

2. I have no problem whatsoever with Brock Lesnar beating The Undertaker.

Now let me explain #2 to a greater degree. I have maintained for a year or two that a match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania should be used to elevate young talent. Not by them beating him, but by having a great match with him. Lesnar losing last night and even HHH’s third go-round last year with Taker gained them nothing. They were already made men. That is why I thought Lesnar was being wasted at this year’s show by having a match with Taker that he could not win.

Shows how much I know.

With Lesnar’s win last night, this cements his place in wrestling history. Like forever.

FOR-EV-ER

Giving a young guy the win over Taker makes no sense. You can not predict the future of the business. Maybe you give Roman Reigns the win and he becomes “the man who breaks The Streak”. What happens if two years down the road he becomes an afterthought like Bobby Lashley, MVP or Kennedy, who were all thought to be future faces of the company? You have just squandered The Streak for nothing.

With HBK retired and HHH going 0-3, this leaves only two viable options on the roster that should end The Streak: Brock Lesnar and John Cena.

These men are like Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania 24; they are the only ones that can shoulder the load of being the one who ended something legendary. When you get down to these two it becomes clear that Lesnar should be that guy. People either love him or hate him (and to Brock’s credit, he couldn’t give two shits about it), now that he has ended The Streak, wrestling fans can throw their complete hatred and ire towards him and guess what? He is fine with it.

But why can’t Cena be the guy?

Simple. He is the face of the WWE, whether we who hate him would like to admit. He is a decade-long brand and if he broke The Streak, that would very seriously threaten to take away the fans that have stayed true to him for ten years. Why would you even chance that? We keep waiting for this magical heel turn to make things right, but let’s come to the realization that it will not happen.

That only leaves Brock.

And here is the thing most people are forgetting; the only man that can ever really beat The Streak is The Undertaker. I am certain this was his call. If he chose the guy and he chose the place, then accept it and don’t forget that he wanted to end The Streak to Mark Henry at WrestleMania 22…so there is that big ass silver lining.

And now for something completely different.

Where The Undertaker losing felt like a funeral, the show ended as it should have with 75,000 people chanting “YES” as Daniel Bryan won the WWE World Heavyweight Title. And guess what? Both of his matches were great (as usual). How weird is it to have a champion that night in, night out will give you great matches whether it is on Raw, Smackdown or a PPV? Punk did that for the most part, but even he grew complacent and hum drum during his historic reign.

HHH showed a lot last night proving that he can still go with the young guys, which I kind of questioned after his past two matches with Taker. His match with Bryan went 25 minutes and it didn’t feel like it. Their styles meshed well together and the finish was super hot with HHH’s post-match beatdown of Bryan.

The main event was a masterstroke by WWE and all the guys involved. Batista, Orton and Bryan worked their asses off and brought the crowd back from the dead (too soon?) and had them in the palm of their hands during the last ⅓ of the match. The false finishes worked well especially with the HHH involvement and the short-lived Evolution comeback.

Side note: I don’t think there is enough Icy Hot on Earth to help Orton’s back after landing on that monitor.

Bryan holding both belts as the crowd lost their shit is that reason why we watch wrestling. That will stand next to Hogan slamming Andre, Warrior beating Hogan, Stone Cold passing out to Bret, all the Rock/Austin matches and all the other WrestleMania moments that are carved in our memory.

Bray Wyatt proved he will be a main guy for a looong time.

Not just because of that A-MAZ-ING entrance, but showing that he belonged in a big time match with Cena. Yes, Cena won. I know, I know. I oddly don’t have a problem with this because Bray gained a lot just from the feud and the match. And the spot where the fans sang while Bray conducted them…so great. We already know the type of match he can have with Daniel Bryan after their show-stealing performance at the Royal Rumble and now we know he can make a feud with Cena entertaining. Add this to his promos already being the best in the business and I will be following the buzzards for as long as they let me.

I am running long so I will hit a few quick points:

-The Shield did not break up (as I predicted). I kind of wished they had after only having a four minute match with Kane and the Outlaws. I know there is going to be one throwaway match on the card but how can the Divas be given ten minutes and the tag titles be on the pre-show and this be given so little time?

-Cesaro winning the Andre the Giant Battle Royal was absolutely the right decision. Big Show is already…well, Big Show. Cesaro is one of those guys that looks to be one of a few in a generation, like Bryan or Wyatt, that you hang your hat on to be one of the next big things. How big can the Cesaro Section get? We are about to find out.

-The only reason I am even mentioning the Divas match is because AJ retained her title which is one of the two outcomes I wanted. The other? #Emmalution

Good point brought up last night by a friend: What if they are keeping the title on AJ to go past CM Punk’s 434 days as champion as a “f*** you” by having his girlfriend keep her title longer.

-The opening with Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold and The Rock was better than all of last year’s WrestleMania. The night was going to be historic and that just set the tone.

Here are my Top 5 moments from WrestleMania 30:

1. Daniel Bryan leading 75,000 people in a “YES” chant as champion.

2. Brock Lesnar defeating The Undertaker.

3. The massive boner-iffic opening for wrestling fans with Hogan, Austin and Rock.

4. Cesaro throwing Big Show over the top rope and winning the battle royal

5. My reaction the Lesnar winning which consisted of my hands on my mouth letting out a muffled “Holy Shit” like Kenny from South Park.

And we still have tonight’s Raw!

April 7, 2014
WrestleMania 30 Predictions

WrestleMania celebrates 30 year of being the “showcase of the immortals”. To look back at WrestleMania every ten years is to see a template of where the WWE was heading for the next decade. WrestleMania 1 featured Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Andre the Giant and Junkyard Dog all in big matches. Wrestlemania X has Bret Hart winning the WWF title as well as Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon in their first classic ladder match. Wreslemania XX saw John Cena win his first singles title, Eddie Guerrero keep his WWE title against Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit (yeah, I said it) realize his dream.

Now we are here at WrestleMania 30. WWE has put together a good card on paper. Let’s hope it can deliver come Sunday. It has some stiff competition against the previous anniversary editions.

Here are my picks for this Sunday. Please leave your picks in the comments below or just tell me how wrong I am.

The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. The Real Americans vs. Rybaxel (WWE Tag Team Championship)

I know that one match had to make the pre-show and when it was announced it was this one, I felt for the guys involved. Most of the time when you get a four-way tag match it surprises you with how good it is. I think this will be the case here. You have two high-flying teams and two power teams (and Curtis Axel). That is the makings of a fun match. Cesaro should have his moments and that damn midget bull will headbutt someone in the ass, but I am picking The Usos to retain.

The Usos

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This choice is a toss-up with 30 guys involved. There are only 27 superstars announced and WWE.com pointing this out tells me there will be three surprise entrants like RVD, etc. Easy choice would be Big Show, but after Monday I think it is almost too obvious. I will just do the spin the globe and pick a name.

Dolph Ziggler

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

14 Divas in one ring at one time. Elimination match? Hell no, this sumbitch is one-fall. Get ready for something bad. Really bad. It pains me that the only reason this is on the show and not the tag match is to promote Total Divas which is like Real Houswives, only with more vapid and less likable women. I love me some AJ and she is the longest reigning Divas champ of all time, but the end looks near.

Naomi

The Shield vs. Kane and The New Age Outlaws

This is the match that I am calling the swerve on. People have bought into The Shield’s face turn in a big way over the past month and it will pay off here. I think Rollins and Ambrose turn on Reigns and join The Authority. The Shield keeps going as heels and Reigns gets the singles push WWE has been planning.

Kane and The New Age Outlaws

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

This is actually the hardest match of the night to call. Cena getting the upper hand last Monday would tell us Wyatt may be going over, but this is John Cena. He is working a lower card match than he is used to at WrestleMania and even though Wyatt has carried this program, Cena gets the win. The feud doesn’t end here though.

John Cena

Daniel Bryan vs. HHH (winner gets main event spot)

I want these two guys to show the intensity that they had at the end of last Monday’s Raw. HHH, even if it is sometimes monotonous, shows up for WrestleMania and it helps that he is wrestling Daniel Bryan, the only other wrestler besides HBK that could get a broomstick over in a match. We could see some kind of screwy finish where HHH wins, but Bryan gets in the main event anyway. I will just say that Bryan wins clean because I overthink everything and that was my first pick.

Daniel Bryan

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Should I really even make a prediction here? This match is a decade too late. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to see it and I think these two guys can steal the show, but the lead-in has been weak with us having no belief at all that Lesnar will break “The Streak”. Taker winning at WrestleMania is a tradition…not all traditions are good though. If he is going to keep wrestling one match a year, make it be against young guys that get something out of losing to Taker.

Undertaker

Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. winner of Bryan/HHH match (WWE World Heavyweight Championship)

When this match starts, no matter if HHH or Daniel Bryan is in it, we should all wipe our brows and say “Whew”. Why? Because as much as we piss and moan about the booking, at least WWE recognized that Randy Orton vs. Batista was not the match people wanted to see and instead of planting their feet like a child and saying “NO” they are changing things up. I picked Daniel Bryan to beat HHH and I am picking him here to end the show with a big ending. I think HHH tries to interfere but to no avail. Fireworks and a ton of “YES, YES, YES” chants.

Daniel Bryan

April 3, 2014