Nerd Rating

Tag: Super Smash Bros.

  • Let’s Rank The Nintendo Amiibo Figures

    I am so excited for Nintendo’s Amiibo figures to release that it doesn’t really matter how I am going to use them. Train them in Smash? Open up new items in Mario Kart? Sit on my shelves and look really pretty?

    OK, I will be honest, it is going to be the last one mostly. You think I care about spending money to have pieces of plastic sit on my shelf? You don’t even know.

    There are 18 Amiibo figures releasing by the end of the year, here they are in order of awesomeness.*

    * Awesomeness will vary from person to person determined by childhood memories and/or trauma.

    1. Samus

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    Look at this thing. Why would it NOT be number one on this list?

    2. Link

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    Is he held up by a shaft of magical yellow pee with a skirt and leggings? Yep, that’s how I want it.

    3. Fox McCloud

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    I imagine this figure as Fox running away from a very awkward conversation with Slippy about his confusing sexual thoughts.

    4. Captain Falcon

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    While the shaft placement (I went there) is too funny, it’s a fucking Captain Falcon figure!

    5. Pit

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    Only Nintendo can make metrosexual angels badass.

    6 Mario

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    It is not the Mario shooting fireballs out of his nose look we grew up with. Going with a more “hadouken” this fireball in your face.

    7. Zelda

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    I think I will place this one beside Captain Falcon to give the illusion she is the holder for him kicking a giant ass football.

    8. Little Mac

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    Pair it with Peach for your own Nintendo version of “Ray Rice Elevator Punch-Out”.

    9. Wii Fit Trainer

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    If you ask me why this is so high on my list be prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear.

    10. Luigi

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    While Mario gets to shoot a fireball, little bro is stuck doing Olympic luge or the world’s longest plank.

    11. Marth

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    I think this will be the hardest figure to find because of collector a-holes like me buying them and Nintendo not making as many as other characters.

    12. Yoshi

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    Either he is power walking or recreating the cover to Abbey Road. Both make me happy.

    13.Donkey Kong

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    Why there is not a barrel with this? I have no idea.

    14. Peach

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    Looks like she is showing off a prize on Price is Right. Put her next to another toy to make it seem more important.

    15 Kirby

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    No mad face or mouth full of stuff. Just sitting there like a fat ass. This should be higher on my list since it is the most like me.

    16. Diddy Kong

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    The Scrappy-Doo of Nintendo. Will get this if there is a Buy One, Get One sale and he is the only one left after the one I want.

    17. Villager

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    Stop waving! Why are you so damn happy?! I will burn your village to the ground.

    18. Pikachu

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    Admittedly, I am not a Pokemon fan. I love everything Nintendo, but this never got to me. I know enough to know there are a shit ton of them and if Nintendo is smart they will make Amiibos of all 2,000 of them so parents can go bankrupt.

     

  • Six Things About Super Smash Bros. For Wii U Before Nintendo Direct “50 Things”

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    Super Smash Bros. for Wii U is rapidly approaching its November 21st release date and Nintendo will be holding a Nintendo Direct on October 23rd at 5PM CST that will show 50 “must-see things” for the brawler.

    To give you a head start, here are six things we know about Super Smash Bros. for Wii U.

     1. I will be Villager from Animal Crossing and I will kick your ass.

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    2. There will be punching and kicking in the faces, asses and balls of your favorite childhood characters.

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    3. Multiple old-school arguments will arise when your friend beats you as Sonic and says “see, I told you Sega was better”.

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    4. A secret mode will be shown where if you lose to the Wii Fit trainer you have to get your Wii Fit pad out of the closet and do any exercise the game tells you before continuing.

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    5. When someone touches your special Gamecube controller without asking to play, you may assault their groinal regions at will.

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    6. This game should convince some to buy a Wii U. They will not because they have talked shit about the system for two years and can’t admit that it is really fun to have.

    fargo