NetherRealm will release Mortal Kombat X, the tenth installment in the franchise in case you couldn’t tell, on April 14, 2015 and along with the date comes the news that Goro will be a playable character in the new game.
Goro will be available as a pre-order bonus which may piss off some people, but really, just go pay five bucks and get the four-armed bastard.
Remember the first Mortal Kombat movie? Looking kind of close.
Remember the first time zombie dogs jumped through the windows of that creepy ass mansion and may (or may not) have made you yell out obscenities in front of your mother along with a dribble of pee?
You may not have the same memory, but you get what I am saying.
Capcom is releasing an updated version of the first Resident Evil to remind us about how great the franchise used to be. The update is based off of the Gamecube release in 2002. They are taking that prettier version and making it prettier I would assume.
See the first trailer for the game below. It will release digitally in early 2015 for Xbox One, PS4, Xbox 360, PS3 and PC.
Fallout 3 is one of the greatest games of the last generation. It was so good at conveying a grand sense of scope and character choice. Now, YouTube user Many A True Nerd has taken psychopathic gaming to the extreme in the best possible way.
He spent seven months killing everything, EVERYTHING, in Fallout 3.
If there is one thing we can learn from the first video, it is that Liam Neeson will only take roles where he is immortal.
Kotaku has the whole story in their article. Check out the complete series of Many A True Nerd’s videos on YouTube.
This is the tale of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo. They were a black and white comic in the 80’s which was made into a Saturday morning kids show that came on before Garfield and Friends which led into Beakman’s World (fuck your Bill Nye).
A movie version of the Turtles came out in 1990 and it was amazeballs. Yes, I was ten when I saw it, but I still stand by my opinion today. Seriously, go back and watch it. It was dark and depressing as shit in places. Broken families, gang crime, blatant ripping off of Dominoes “30 minute or less” policy. Hell, Raphael gets the wholesale shit beat out of him and you think he might die.
After that…well, I will let the Honest Trailer for TMNT 2 explain it.
Now, Michael Bay, director of such explosions as Transformers, Transformers: Shia Goes to Robot Heaven, Transformers: Where’d Megan Fox Go, Transformers: Say Hello to Your Mother For Me and The Island (yeah, The Island) teams up with the director of Wrath of the Titans to bring the Ninja Turtles to the big screen again.
When turtles come in contact with an ooze of some sort they turn into huge, hulking mega turtles that learn karate by playing Ninja Gaiden and listening to their giant rat mentor voiced by Monk. Just imagine Barry Bonds with a turtle shell on his back and you have a good idea.
Their enemy is The Shredder, who may or may not be played by the bank president from the opening scene in The Dark Knight. I am kind of fuzzy on that. I do know that the new Shredder costume makes the Silver Samurai from The Wolverine look tame. Has any movie ever made someone wonder “why didn’t they get Kevin Nash to do this role again”?
There is one now.
Will kids love it? Hell yeah, but kids are stupid. You know you used to be stupid, don’t act like I am pissing on the American flag by saying they are.
If you had to take your child to the theater to see this, I applaud your resolve in loving your child. Let’s hope it is that strong when the sequel comes out in 2016, the same summer as the Power Rangers movie. Bend over and lube up.
Well I am certainly glad I did not get a new 3DS a few weeks ago like I wanted.
Nintendo announced a new 3DS today aptly named “New 3DS”. It will come in both regular and XL models and makes use of the word “new”.
A second analog stick is the biggest addition to the system. Located on the right side above the A,B,X and Y buttons, Nintendo is calling the new analog stick the C-Stick, which is great for us Gamecube lovers. I am wondering just how the C-Stick will feel to people with large hands, or in my case, fat hands. It is more of a nub or as I am calling it: a gaming nipple.
Two new shoulder buttons (ZL and ZR) will be available also, making games that use both analog stick easier to use with more readily available buttons. The A,B,X and Y buttons have also been given a color change to resemble the Super Famicom buttons.
The bottom screen has an NFC reader in it for use with the Nintendo Amiibo figures that will be available this fall. Also, a new CPU will make for faster downloads and browsing on eShop.
Think it ends there? Nope. Nintendo is also is making the top and bottom shells removable to customize your New 3DS. Take a look at the options below.
The New 3DS will release this fall in Japan with a 2015 release here (by here I mean Merica).
Mario Kart 8 will be giving you new courses to curse at and new characters to hate as they hit you with a blue shell before you hit the finish line with two DLC packs.
The first will release in November and come with Link, Cat Suit Peach, Tanooki Suit Mario, four new vehicles and eight new courses.
The second releases in May 2015 with Isabelle, Villager, Dry Bower, four new vehicles and eight new courses.
Best part of this is the price. Each pack will cost $7.99 or $12.99 for both. So for 13 bucks you get six new characters, eight new vehicles and sixteen (16!) new courses. Get ready for more bad words than you can imagine.
If you want a little sample of what I mean, check out our Mario Kart 8 review.
See Part One of our countdown here.
4. Batman Returns
Returns is a movie that grows on me the more I watch it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the hell out of it when I saw it in theaters at the age of 11, but where some movies tend to lose their luster after repeated viewings, Returns somehow has grown better in my eyes.
As with 1989’s Batman, there is stuff that isn’t exactly canon, like Batman straight up murdering guys and Selina’s transformation into Catwoman, which I am sure has happened in real life because I can guess that Christopher Walken has pushed at least one woman from a high rise building. That’s just how he rolls. Danny DeVito is The Penguin…literally. Burton took the character and accentuated everything, even having him raised by penguins which I am still unsure how that works. If Bender can do it, why not Oswald Cobblepot. DeVito sometimes goes too far into loud, squawking territory. His best work is when he is being cold, calculating, low-voiced Penguin, which is how I imagine the character.
The reason Returns works for me after so long is Michael Keaton. He was settled into the role of Batman and it came with more nuance this time around. He was noticeably more comfortable as Bruce Wayne in his scenes with Michelle Pfeiffer. It was more natural than with Kim Basinger. He had the Batman voice down which was a darker variation of Bruce’s voice, not as grating as Bale’s performance.
Watching Returns make me wish that Burton and Keaton could have had one more go round.
3. The Dark Knight Rises
Ok, here we go. This is where the shit storm begins.
After The Dark Knight became the biggest superhero movie of all time at the box office (until The Avengers), everyone waited with baited breath to see if Christopher Nolan could finish up his trilogy with a bang. He totally did. People have bitched about The Dark Knight Rises ever since it was released in 2012. What is it about Bane’s goofy voice? How come cops don’t grow beards when they are stuck underground for three months? How does Bruce get back into Gotham so quickly?
-Tom Hardy’s voice was one of the best changes for the Bane character to me. I don’t want a deep-voiced Taco Bell dog yelling “Yo Quiero Batman”. When I read Bane in comics now, it is with Hardy’s voice.
-Is it so past the realm of possibility that with Bane’s thugs feeding and sending toiletries down to the cops that they could send a few goddamn razors?
-When Bruce gets out of the pit there is still a little under a month left until the bomb goes off. Could you not believe that a man as resourceful as Bruce Wayne (aka the goddamn Batman) could not find his way to Gotham in that amount of time?
Anyway, people like the movie or they don’t. I love Rises because it brings Nolan’s trilogy full circle playing almost as a sequel to Batman Begins instead of The Dark Knight. And can we just all agree with Kevin Smith and just be thankful that nerd society has become so big that we can have a character like Talia al Ghul in a fucking movie in the first place?
2. Batman
Watching Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman should be a nerd rage affair. Joker killed the Wayne family? Alfred lets Vicki in the Bat Cave? (WTF Alfred?!) Batman’s “no kill” rule is about as useful as chewy bacon. Yet, I still watch it with nine year old eyes.
Burton was the right weirdo to bring Batman into the gritty Frank Miller bat-verse that the 80’s brought us. Now today the movie does not seem near as dark, but I blame that on us as a society slowly devolving into a Purge-like state that has sat through seven Saw movies and three Hostels.
It was one of those wacky Hollywood moves that should not have worked. The director of Beetlejuice with Mr. Mom as Batman and a reluctant Jack Nicholson, who required a big payday and much convincing, as The Joker. But I’ll be damned if it still doesn’t entertain the hell out of me 25 years later.
It’s me, sugar bumps.
1. The Dark Knight
I am guessing when you began to read this you thought this would be number one, unless I went different just for the sake of being different. No surprises here. The Dark Knight is still the quintessential Batman movie.
One amazing thing about The Dark Knight is not just Heath Ledger’s performance (which has been talked about constantly for six years, deservingly), but the fact that he accomplished it in 33 minutes of screentime in a two hour and 40 minute movie. Mark Hamill will always be my favorite Joker. Sorry, I can’t change that. Ledger will have to settle for best live action psychopath.
The Dark Knight was the first comic movie to take a premise and build it around the hero. Before Marvel said their movies would be like this (Ant-Man is a heist movie with a hero, etc.), The Dark Knight was a crime drama with Batman in it. What happens when someone takes on the mob? What are the repercussions of these actions?
The Dark Knight is not perfect. Bale’s voice grates ears more than the first and last in the trilogy. I am glad that we got the Harvey Dent/Two-Face story even though it was truncated in one movie which lessens the character some. But with so much good, everything else feels like nitpicking.
I think Ben Affleck will do a fine job in Batman v Superman, but his solo movie is where he will be fully judged and it will be against The Dark Knight.
Not content to stay on the mat, EA’s UFC continues to be the best in the glitch business. Here is another helping complete with Joe Rogan* and Mike Goldberg* calling the action.
* not Rogan or Goldberg. Better, actually.
I was worried last night. I started out Summerslam going 1-3 in my predictions then had a Reggie Miller/ Madison Square Garden moment and finished 5-3 when Brock destroyed Cena.
Here are some of the best memes from last night for a bit of Monday fun. I figured some Cena fans could use a pick me up.
Here come the pain.
At least, I hope that is what is coming when Brock and John Cena go at it on Sunday night. Summerslam has built itself up nicely and I am looking forward to most of the card. Of course with anything WWE, it can go south oh so quick.
Predicta-tron 3000, power up!
-Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose in a Lumberjack Match
Talk about unrealized expectations. This match could have been one of the strongest on the card. Instead, of all the stipulations that could have been put with this match, we get one of the most nonsensical in the wrestling playbook. I want Rollins and Ambrose to have open space to work with. Rollins’ high flying and the Ambrose character makes for some outside the ring fun. Still think they can put on a great match even with the handcuffs.
Winner- Dean Ambrose with Dirty Deeds and they’re done dirt cheap for only $9.99 a month.
-Paige vs. AJ for the Divas Championship
AJ and Paige is exactly what the Divas division needed. Now that we have no blurred lines about Paige, we can enjoy two women that can entertain on the mic and in the ring. AJ should retain here because Paige’s character is so good in chase of the title.
Winner- AJ by submission which means we all win.
-Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns
Orton and Reigns have been wrestling at house shows the past few weeks and all indications are that the matches have not exactly been good. Let’s hope that is just because Randy was worn out from a room full of gym bags and they can bring it on Sunday. This is Reigns first chance to show himself in a PPV match where he is not protected by multiple wrestlers. If Reigns is going to be their “it” guy, it begins here.
Winner- Reigns hits the Samoan triple play (aka the new Five Moves of Doom).
-The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship
Like many fans out there I have been happy with Ziggler’s push over the past weeks. He has picked up some good wins, but I hope you all realize it was to build up The Miz in the end. Now that Ziggler is on a streak it makes Miz look better by beating him. This match is a win/win because Ziggler is in a championship match and The Miz is back where he needs to be, being an asshole.
Winner- The Miz by shenanigans.
-Rusev vs. Jack Swagger in a Flag Match
This may seem like a WCW match, but that is only because it is like a WCW match. The stipulation seems to be an easy way to get Swagger a win without Rusev taking a pin. They will probably have another match at Night of Champions where Rusev wins and he can move on to a feud with someone bigger on the roster.
Winner- Swagger puts the flag…somewhere wearing a coal miner’s glove and climbs to retrieve Scott Hall’s contract while Judy Bagwell hangs from a cage.
-Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon
The match between a woman who is known for nip slips and a woman I wish would have nip slips. A bit sexist, but honest. This will be painful to watch. They will try their best, and like the promo work, Stephanie will carry the load even though she hasn’t wrestled in ten years. Our best hope is a Daniel Bryan sighting. I hate that there is a rehashed TNA storyline waiting on him.
Winner- Stephanie with a pedigree as she looks on with those eyes. Damn, those eyes.
-Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt
This past Monday did a lot to get me interested in this match again. These two started off on fire then it seem to hit cruise control like most stuff that takes over a month in WWE, which I blame on creative, not the wrestlers. The sit down “interview” was what I wanted to see the whole time. Wyatt showing why he is the best promo man today (besides Paul Heyman) and Jericho holding his own in response. The match should be more intense than their last one with Wyatt going over.
Winner- Wyatt hits Sister Abigail (which in the NFL would get you a two game suspension).
-John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Proof that breaking the streak did what it needed to do. It makes Brock the unstoppable force that he should have been the entire time since he came back. I loved their match at Extreme Rules 2012. It was heavy hitting and brutal by the PG standard we have now. Cena winning made no sense at all because it took away any aura that Brock had. It took him beating The Undertaker at Wrestlemania to show he was a force. I do expect this to be just as stiff as the Extreme Rules match. The buildup has been good with Paul Heyman doing what he does best and Cena giving impassioned promos without resorting to jokes which is his downfall. Brock and CM Punk had the Match of the Year at last year’s Summerslam. Could he make it two in a row?
Winner Brock with a lot of F5’s because we known Cena is kicking out more than two.