Tag: RAW
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, May 5, 2014
There are a few certainties after Sunday’s Extreme Rules PPV and last night’s Raw:
1. The Shield can not have a bad six-man tag match…ever.
2. HHH may get a bad rap, but he is the best in-ring talent in Evolution by a mile, even over Orton.
3. Adam Rose will be HUGE!*
*Assuming WWE doesn’t fu** up his character, which they most likely will.
I can’t help it. I am a Rosebud. The artist formerly known as Leo Kruger is another addition from NXT that I hope catches on with the “average” fan. His entrance is just the icing on the cake. Yes, he is doing a wrestling version of Russell Brand, but he is doing it damn well.
Let’s all bow our heads as Christina Aguilera sings Ave Maria for Dean Ambrose’s U.S. Title reign. He doesn’t defend it for most of the year, then after a face turn, he defends it in multiple matches and loses it in a 20-man battle royal.
Lesson of the day kids: it is always more fun to be the bad guy.
Evolution may be a mystery, but Batista’s beard being awesome is not.
It looks like we are heading for Evolution vs. The Shield numero dos at Payback. Which you would think Evolution would win because WWE is all about swapping wins, but Hollywood Dave will be packing up his beard, tights, and skinny jeans after Payback to promote Guardians of the Galaxy. Would it be good for The Shield to drop the match to a team that won’t be on Raw for over two months?
Negative, Ghost Rider.
It seems the initial plan was for Batista to feud with Daniel Bryan and lose at Payback, but Drax put the squash on that. He felt that losing clean at WrestleMania and then again at Payback right before he went to promote Guardians was not the best thing for him…and I agree. He is not The Rock. His movie career is about to take off so I have no problem with him protecting his character a bit. He is signed for another year and a half, there is plenty of time for a feud with Bryan.
Side note- Here is a breakdown of reasons I like Rusev. 60%- Lana, 30%- Lana’s legs, 10%- the inexplicable boner I get whenever Lana yells “CRUSH!” when she closes her fist.
Is WWE trying to use Rusev to rid the roster of the unused minority talent? Not a conspiracy theory, just an observation. Xavier Woods, R-Truth and now Kofi. Is he Russian or a racist? Next thing you know they will put Donald Sterling in his Titantron along with Putin. I actually would not put it past WWE to try and use the Sterling stuff in a story. Let’s not forget this is the company that had Randy Orton talk about Eddie Guerrero burning in hell a month after he died.
Why couldn’t Cesaro just beat RVD clean? He did at the PPV. Are they protecting RVD in some way? We have seen him lose to everyone in his career. I know he is only here for three months at a time, but losing to Cesaro two nights in a row is not a bad thing.
Cesaro’s music is slowly growing on me. I was not a fan the first few times I heard it, but like working with someone who wears too much Axe Body Spray, it becomes easier to handle. Although I do still miss his Swiss rap theme.
Daniel Bryan’s year has been uplifting highs and horrible lows. Winning the title at Wrestlemania was one of the most memorable moments in thirty years of the show, then he loses his father only a week later in some kind of My Name is Earl twist of karma and now his feud with Kane can only be described as laughable.
I am not comparing the feud with the death of his father, but it is not what he needs right now. He made it through Extreme Rules and from all I have heard (still have not seen the match) had a great Extreme Rules match with Kane. To extend this feud another month tells me a few things:
1. They had no other plan ready after Batista pulled out of the feud.
2. WWE is trying to see if fans will follow Bryan through a bad program/trying to sabotage his reign. Pick one…or both.
3. They are secretly filming See No Evil 2 and we have no idea.
It is a bit eerie how this is the way Benoit’s title reign went after he won at WrestleMania XX. He beat HHH, feuded with Kane, then lost at Summerslam, which I expect Bryan to do. Let’s just hope for Brie’s sake Bryan doesn’t own a Bowflex.
This is not Raw related, but I did want to mention something I think TNA got right (for once) and that is Eric Young winning the TNA title. Yes, it smells of another TNA copycat story with Young being their bearded wonder like Daniel Bryan, but I have been a longtime EY fan and he deserves a run. Fans have supported him through every insane story he has been a part of over the last decade. Really, if any other wrestler had to do some of the things he had they would have quit.
Let’s not forget that EY did have the finger pointing in the air before Bryan. Because now that he is champion, you really “Don’t Fire Eric”.
Till next week!
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, April 21, 2014
Guess it is time to get back on the horse or some other analogy that involves me forcing my large body onto some animal to show I am back after a week off. There wasn’t a recap last week because I was at Raw live and just didn’t feel I could cover it with the same smarmy assholishness I normally do after watching it. Also, it was an Ultimate Warrior tribute show so…that too.
First off, I want to offer my condolences to Daniel Bryan and his family on the passing of his father. In case you did not know that was why he was written off the show early by the attack by Kane. He was visibly shaken when he made his way to the ring and props to him for making it through the segment. He has had so much going right for him lately that this seems like a cruel twist.
Show wise, the writers did a good job on the fly of getting Bryan out of there and set up Kane as an actual threat for the title. The beatdown had to be believable and I would guess that three Tombstones at various places outside the ring would do it. Add in Stephanie using her “kids get in the house and stop hitting the maid” voice and you have a successful transition in the McMahon family feuds. Steph gets Daniel Bryan and HHH is doing his Evolution 2.Drax with The Shield.
The IC title tournament continued and I have got some good news and bad news. Or should I say I have got some bad news because Cesaro lost to RVD and I’ve got some baaaaaaad neeeeewws.
Barrett beat Sheamus to get to the final completely reversing what I thought would happen. I thought Barrett would lose and Cesaro would win, but I still consider this a win. Maybe having Paul Heyman as manager is like having a belt in itself; it is a step up from just floating around on the card and if used properly, can take you places.
Side note: When was the last time a tiger driver was used on Raw? We need more of them.
So it looks like Barrrett is your next IC champ, where does that Big E? Well if he takes the Ezekial Jackson route, he will disappear for four years then announce he has left the company leaving you to wonder just where the hell he has been? What has he been doing? Antiquing? Being forced to work as an animator on Slam City? Giving talent their baby oil rub downs before matches?
There were two Divas matches last night…two! No worries though because they involved Emma and Paige.
Sorry, been looking for a place to use that.
It kills me to watch how wrong Emma is being used compared to how they are handling Paige. There is a reason Paige was brought up so early. She is the future of the Divas division. It has been a long time since Trish, Lita, Molly Holly, etc. made the Divas division a watchable part of the show and now it is ready for the next phase.
Emma, on the other hand, is stuck putting a sock on her hand, tagging with a comedy act that has not worked since 2009. Go and watch the Paige/Emma match from NXT Arrival…yeah that was some damn good work. The Divas division is alive and well. You just have to find it.
Is it just me, or does the Evolution/Shield feud not seem as big as it should?
You didn’t say no.
Could it be that HHH and the people backstage overestimated how big Evolution was? Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge mark for them. Maybe it is just because I have a hard on for Motorhead. Or I like Batista dressing in a suit as opposed to his skinny jeans/dicknuts combo. Either way it just seems like something is missing.
No matter how many promos we get, or how many video packages are shown, the group was never as big as the Horsemen or even DX, even if they want you to think that. Don’t worry, they will keep beating it into you until you believe or until you believe it. There is no way out.
Side note: I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate The Rhodes’ breakup already and it hasn’t even happened already.
Goldust (who is in a career renaissance) and Cody were your biggest success story of 2013. With The Shield, they carried not only the tag division, but a lot of Raw’s on their own last year. Now, because in the rulebook of tag wrestling it says you must have a breakup, they are blowing up the best team the WWE has (sorry Usos).
What are we left with? Rybaxel challenging for the titles?
You want proof that WWE pays attention to internet fans (even though they look down on them)? Last week John Cena delivered one of his patented (patented meaning shitty) funny promos on the Wyatts, complete with photoshopped family pictures and all that good stuff that made wrestling so much fun 25 years ago. And (internet) fans shit all over it. Why? Because it showed that Cena can not work a program without reverting back to his “hey kids, poo-poo” humor.
So last night, as if by some magical David Bowie/Labyrinth-type shit, Cena was back to his pre-WrestleMania serious tone where the Wyatts were a threat.
One of the problems with Cena being on top so long (as well as staying face so long) is that you run into what I like to call “Superman writer’s block” otherwise known as “Hulk Hogan-itis”.
Why is it so hard to write an interesting Superman comic every month? Because he is the most powerful hero ever and it is hard to keep creating villains to fight him because he is fucking Superman! So you make up shit like magical powers have the ability to hurt him and different colored Kryptonite.
Why did Hogan’s career flounder after WrestleMania IX and his first few years in WCW? Because he was wrestling’s Superman. He had fought and conquered all and we had seen it all before.
We are reaching that point with Cena after a decade. Unlike Hogan, there won’t be a character resurrection. There will be no heel turn that makes children cry and adults cheer. It is a shame because it could extend Cena’s career (character-wise) for years.
Despite all of this, Bray Wyatt continues to be the most fascinating superstar in years. Even last week during Cena’s fun time he kept on track with his insanely good promo work. With his ring work matching his mic skills, Wyatt is a once a generation star. So there are two directions left: watch him rise to the top or watch WWE shit on another could-be great career.
Quick hits:
-Seeing Alexander Rusev live last week, I can honestly say he is built like a brick shithouse. He has an old school look and his music works with his character. They continued his push last night with a win over Sin Cara where he was on the defensive more than usual. They should continue to build him through squash matches while also adding length to his matches to see how he does.
-Even when Paul Heyman has nothing to say but the same thing over and over again, he is still one of the best things about Raw every week.
-Let’s limit how long Seth Rollins gets on the mic. Ambrose has the whole One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest thing and Reigns has the voice that makes panty gravy, but Rollins gives the same point over and over without stopping. He is not bad, he just won’t stop.
-Going into Extreme Rules, I would normally not be very excited with the way the card is coming together, but knowing that I will be able to watch it on WWE Network and not pay $50 for it helps.
Till next week!
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, March 30, 2014
Photo courtesy WWE Sorry for the delay on this week’s recap. We have been having problems on the site which is my technical explanation for “I don’t know what the f*** is going on”.
It’s WrestleMania week! Time to get excited, because Raw was a little lax on the excitement…for 2 hours and 55 minutes. I loved the Daniel Bryan run-in. I haven’t seen HHH sell that well since…wait, I can do this…nevermind, we will come back to that if I think of something.
I know ending the show with Bryan triumphant may put doubt in your mind that he will not win this Sunday, but I refuse to believe that WWE would come this far to give fans what they want only to pull the old patented “dick move” at the climax. And yes, I meant for that to sound as sexual as it did.
Going back to Bryan and HHH, if this is the intensity we are going to get during Sunday’s match, then it could be a really special match…or it could be a HHH match. As of now Orton and Batista are just window dressing. They are the shitty pieces of greenery on your plate of steak. Push them aside with your fork and try to enjoy the main event.
There is still a plan (in my head and I am guessing by WWE) to have Batista win on Sunday because they have lost sight of what WrestleMania is. It is about moments that stay with us over the years. Like last year, it was one big shitty moment. Horrible WrestleMania’s aside, one of the problems with the “showcase of the immortals” over the past few years has been to set up the next few PPV’s or summer programs. This is not what you do with wrestling’s equivalent of the Super Bowl. You give the audience moments that they will remember and watch over again and reminisce with their friends about.
Why is the Intercontinental Champion losing to a guy that is leaving the company in a few months?
The only way this makes sense is if Big E. Is going to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal on Sunday. Because in the world of senseless WWE booking, this was Santino beating Umaga bad. As far as the battle royal goes, I think it is a safe bet Big Show will not be winning. Why? Because it sets itself up too perfectly so, in the wrestling world, that means it will not be.
The Piper’s Pit segment was a great big mess that got the fans so excited for the battle royal that their cheers could have been mistaken for apathetic silence.
I love having Piper on whenever possible, but even he can’t help out the fact that this will be the first and last Andre yada yada yada Battle Royal.
The divas match will involve 14 divas (14!) and be a one-fall match. DA FUQ? I have read it referred to as a Fatal Fourteen Way, but I am calling it a Fetal Fourteen Way because that is the position I will be in while watching it on Sunday. God speed, AJ, but this match is destined to be BotchaMania.
Did you see Brock F5 Taker?! Oh man, that totes means he is winning on Sunday!
I am looking forward to Brock and Taker, but the lead-in has been following the Taker playbook for PPV matches that we have seen way too often. He has gotten the one-up on Brock in every encounter except for the Raw before to put “doubt” in our “heads” that Brock can “win”.
Sorry about “that”.
Who knows, maybe Sting will drop from the rafters and take out both men and no one wins except for me and my childhood dreams as the wrestling world explodes in some kind of wonderful, honorable death.
Cena going sheep face (which I haven’t decided is a racial joke waiting to happen) was a good visual even if it did make the Wyatts look like idiots.
“Who is this guy in the sheep mask? Didn’t we get rid of Daniel Bryan? This guy is like three inches taller and built like a tanker. Guys? Any ideas?”
Cena getting the upper hand gives me a small glimmer of hope that Wyatt will win on Sunday. And by small, I mean like the same size glimmer of hope that Emma Watson will allow me to perform “petrificus totalus” to her. Come on Bray, there is a lot riding on this match…for me and you both.
That will do it for this week. Short and sweet, mainly because I don’t know when this site will decide to go all Cylon on me and stop working for my benefit and nuke me.
Till next week!
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, March 24, 2014
I am hoping that is Cena’s reaction every week after watching himself on Total Divas.
Horrible reality shows aside, how good has the Cena/Wyatt setup been? I am leaning towards “pretty damn good”. Wanna know why? Because for the first time in…well…ever Cena looks vulnerable. Don’t get me wrong, Cena has been beaten down before a PPV and did his “against all odds” shit that made people sick of Hogan after a decade, but this go round seems different. The Wyatts have gotten into his head, even doing the whole “there is someone watching me in the mirror” paranoia bit that we all love.
Normally, Cena winning would get on my nerves. You would figure after ten years I would have this worked out in my head, but I am a wrestling fan so…logic…there isn’t any. I don’t mind here. He has been made to be more than the five-knuckle oaf that always gets the one-up. The Wyatts have an answer for him week after week so when he does win at WrestleMania, it will actually mean something.
Surprise! Who would have thought the match of the night would have been Luke Harper and Cena’s match?
If last night’s match proved anything, it showed that there is so much talent on the WWE roster that is hiding in plain sight.
For a Raw that had some good matches on it, the Taker/Lesnar ending felt like a letdown. The reason why Taker’s casket thing doesn’t do much for me anymore is because I am not 11 years old. It is not even nostalgia anymore. We know he won’t be in there then after it is closed he makes his way through the “Katie Vick Memorial Trapdoor” and appear.
Props to Lesnar for getting thrown over the casket because that didn’t work out so well for HBK when he did it.
One of the things a friend of mine pointed out on his Twitter is that Taker is being set-up to lose at Mania. He gets the upper hand on every random appearance he makes.
But here is the thing…he is NOT going to lose.
There is no win for Lesnar in this. He (and by extent, Heyman) do not get the better of Taker at all before WrestleMania and then get to lose to him also. If we have come to the point in Taker’s career that a match with him at Mania means that you should be grateful for even being involved, then maybe The Streak, or the Taker character itself, should end.
Either that or stop putting big names against him and use it as career-boosting matches for young guys like Reigns, Ziggler or Wyatt who still get something out of a loss.
Arnold was a busy bee last night. He had an in-ring segment with Hogan and man-god Joe Manganiello that was great in three ways:
1. Arnold got the proper cheers and “Arnold” chants from the Brooklyn crowd.
2. The Miz is heel again!!
3. Joe Manganiello.
Then he was on Jimmy Fallon, who used an entire comedy segment to get him to say “get to the choppa” and it was totally worth it.
How over have The Shield gotten in just a few weeks? Damn.
They are now set to take on Kane and the New Age Outlaws in a six-man tag at Mania. They should be given raises just for getting the Outlaws on the card. I feel like The Shield love will come to an end very quickly though.
I am calling it here: Ambrose and Rollins will turn on Reigns during the match.
It sets itself up too perfectly. You have The Shield split you have been teasing, Reigns becomes the big face, Ambrose and Rollins can keep The Shield going inside The Authority, all is well.
We finally figured out what the WrestleMania pre-show match would be when Rybaxel was given a tag title shot against The Usos for helping out Kane on last week’s Smackdown. Way to show faith in the tag-team division that has carried Raw on its back for the past year.
It finally looks like AJ’s reign as Divas champ is over with her taking on every Diva on the roster at Mania. Did it surprise anyone else how many Divas there actually were on the roster when Vicki began naming them off? It is looking like a Naomi or Tamina victory for a new champ and less AJ on the air…(sigh).
Of course, they could have Emma win and I will get to do my Emma dance live the week after Mania on Raw.
With the “Vicki Guererro Invitational” (which sounds like a lesbian golf tournament) and the “Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal”, this is officially the most namiest WrestleMania ever.
Next will be the “Kronik Waste An Opportunity Match” and the “Joe Manganiello Inadvertent Hard-On Segment” (just me?).
I am glad they had a Fatal Four-Way match last night with Christian, Sheamus, Del Rio and Ziggler. It is one of those rare moments where the writers seems to have their heads on their necks and not in someone else’s ass. It continues two feuds and makes the Intercontinental title more important by having these guys fight to see who will face Big E.
Except for the fact that the title match will not be at Mania, you know, where titles should be defended, but on Main Event tonight.
One step forward, two Del Rio rope trips back.
I could talk about HHH, but that would just say that he had anything of worth on last night’s show. He didn’t. He has those weekly interview segments with Cole every week on WWE.com, why on Joe Manganiello’s green Earth would I want to watch it on Raw?
WWE announced that Scott Hall would be inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. This is well deserved and another home run for this year’s class.
WrestleMania is only two weeks away and it is pretty much set. Here is the card:
-Batista vs. Randy Orton vs. ? for the WWE World Heavyweight Title
-The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
– HHH vs. Daniel Bryan (whoever wins is in the main event)
-John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
-The Shield vs. Kane and the New Age Outlaws
-Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
-The Usos vs. Rybaxel for the WWE Tag Team Titles
-Vicki Guererro Invitational
I have to hand it to WWE, they have a good card going for them, but I hope it doesn’t go south quickly like WrestleMania 26.
Till next week!
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, March 17, 2014
Photo courtesy WWE “Because when I beat Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania, the triple threat match will be Batista vs. Randy Orton vs…me.”
And just like that the main event at WrestleMania scares the shit out of us again.
Yep, we all knew HHH would some way get into all this world title brouhaha like a child that sees something he wants in another kids hand.
Mine! Mine!
I really don’t think we are headed in that direction. This is, most likely, a move to make Bryan’s match with HHH mean more. Because, after last week, when it was announced that Bryan would be in the main event if he beat the COO, it has been thought of as a certainty he is getting there. At least with this new stipulation it adds a bit of doubt into people’s minds.
Side Note: Stephanie McMahon’s fingers are rather bony. I imagine hand jobs from her are a painful affair like the Wicked Witch of the West handling your johnson.
Week after week I am looking forward to the Cena/Wyatt match. Last night was another stellar mic performance as Wyatt was decked out in Cena’s attire talking about his “plastic girlfriend”. I know I say it week after week, but there is no one that can touch him promo-wise right now. The character would fail in anyone else’s hands. It does worry me a bit that, since they are making this all about Cena’s “legacy”, it is almost a guarantee he will be getting the win.
Right now in Wyatt’s career maybe a good showing against Cena is all he needs.
My brain is scattershot this morning (like every morning), so now I will bring up the opening of the show. This was the first interaction between Batista and Randy Orton I have enjoyed since Capt. Skinnyjeans McNavaltattoo came back. HHH being in the mix helped and I can’t deny it is fun having Evolution in the ring a decade later.
Promos are always better when “real life” is mentioned. Orton bringing up no one wanting Batista back or HHH saying he is tired of “Hollywood stars” coming back and thinking they know more about the business than him hit the mark. Anyone else think that was a tiny jab at The Rock?
After last week’s Smackdown it looked like The Shield were beginning a face turn with their attack on Kane. Well, we can file that under “The Shield are faces officially”. You bring in Jerry Lawler, the fan favorite, and have Kane tell them to attack him and things don’t go as planned.
Three cheers for The Shield as good guys!
Of course this throws a big ole monkey wrench in my idea for a triple threat Shield match at WrestleMania. A face turn could work…for a short time. The Shield is one of those groups that works better as heels. It is cool to like them because the fans aren’t supposed to.
I am thinking this could be a short term bit with Ambrose and Rollins turning on Reigns or some kind of variation of that.
The Real Americans have gone from imploding to beating the tag champs in one week. That is some TNA quick-moving shit. Guessing this takes them to a title match before or at WrestleMania where they will lose and do the whole break-up thing where they awkwardly see each other in the hallways and try not to make eye contact before things simmer down and they open a small dialogue of “hey’s” and “how’s it going’s” before having intense make-up sex in a janitor’s closet only to break it off again a few weeks later.
Or maybe that was Scrubs.
Who’s that? That is the kid (man) that played Walt on Lost. Da fuuuuuuuuuq?
I began to wonder if the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal would get put on the WrestleMania pre-show, but with the names filling out the roster there is no way of that happening. Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Christian, Mark Henry just to name a few will be in it so I am calling this as a mid-show breather between big matches.
A Goldust/Fandango match normally wouldn’t be news, but did anyone else notice the look of death Goldy gave to Fandango after the match. It looked like he hurt himself right before the finish and did not like how the ending went down. Cody had to actively calm him down in the ring…and Goldust won the match. I would not want to be Fandango when he got backstage.
It looks like AJ’s run as champion is coming to an end soon. Naomi is back from her eye injury with a bedazzled eye patch looking like one of Jean-Pierre Lafitte’s bar wenches. She beat AJ last night then AJ took out her frustrations on Tamina who wasn’t having it.
Anyone else notice how AJ’s push, or TV time even, has gone way down since Punk left. You wouldn’t think WWE would hold grudges just because she is dating him…right?
As we move closer to WrestleMania, does anyone else have growing concerns on if the WWE Network can handle the server load? It has been working fine for me after the first few days of hiccups, but there has not really been an event the size of Mania watched live by millions of people.
Let’s hope this doesn’t become a Halloween Havok moment where the show cuts out during the main event. I don’t think Goldberg or DDP would like that.
For me and mine, we will be having a party and watching on an Xbox 360, yet I will be bringing my PS3 as a backup in case there are problems with the 360 in some way. Still, if there are server issues, it won’t matter what system we have.
What are we going to do? Talk to each other?
Till next week!
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, March 10, 2014
SWEET BABY BEARDED JESUS, THEY DID IT.
WWE took a hold of the Daniel Bryan train and pointed that son of a bitch right at the main event of WrestleMania.
With Mania being only four weeks away, I am sure I was not the only one thinking that Bryan would be facing HHH and they would stick to their guns and have Orton and Batista get booed out of the building.
Someone realized that by staying the course, WrestleMania would have been the biggest shit taken on New Orleans since Katrina. Whoever that someone is…thank you. If you will email me and tell me who you are I will buy you a very nice seafood dinner.
Of course, the WWE could have been trolling us the entire time and they are doing Chris Cooper’s maniacal laugh from The Muppets at what fools all of us “internet” fans are. I could not give less of a shit. We got what we wanted for WrestleMania.
Now don’t think I am saying Bryan is automatically winning the title. I could see Batista winning just as easily, setting him up as the main heel of the company. But this is also not a normal WrestleMania either. It is WrestleMania 30. It is like a big anniversary for your parents and you want it to end with them hugging and kissing while the family “awes”, not with your mother calling your dad a drunken loser and your dad saying he bang his secretary ten years ago.
We also officially got Cena vs. Wyatt set for Mania last night. Now we just play the waiting game of Wyatt bitch slapping Cena for four weeks on the mic then have Cena overcome all the odds…blah, blah, blah. Same shit, different decade.
This could be a star-making, career-defining moment if they let Wyatt go over, but I think we all know better than that. It is like going to the dog track and betting all of your money on a chihuahua when he is racing against Clifford the Big Red Dog and getting pissed when he loses.
The Undertaker graced us with his nine minute entrance and thirty second promo. It’s all cool, cause Uncle Paul was there to carry the load. I loved how he compared Taker’s streak against the other greats who have come nowhere close. Whenever I hear Heyman on the mic selling the hell out of a match between a guy that only wrestles once a year and another guy who is not even there, it makes me wonder how much better the past five years could have been if he had been with the WWE full-time.
Hell, he probably could have gotten Ryback a world title if he had been his voice the entire time. As frightening as that sounds, that’s how good Heyman is.
The rest of Raw was used for a slow burn of feuds we hope pay off at Mania. The Shield had another great match with The Rhodes Brothers, who took time away from playing with WWE Lego’s in the back to give The Shield their win back from last year. With only four weeks left, they are going to have to start making that crack they keep talking about into a full-blown explosion.
Unless…they have decided to keep The Shield together past WrestleMania, which is juuuust fine with me.
BROTHER, BROTHER! WWE UNIVERSE! WWE NETWORK! CHRIS LEMMON! BROTHER!
OK, I do like the idea of the Andre the Giant Memorial 30-Man Battle Royal. It gets a lot of guys who would be in the back eating catering on the card and pays respect to the legacy of Andre. Anyone else thinking a Big Show win?
Sheamus and Christian wrestled…again…again. I applaud these two for working hard the past few weeks even when no one in the crowd seemed to care. That wasn’t the case last night. Their Memphis Street Fight was damn fun to watch. Christian went a little 12 Years a Slave on Sheamus’ back with that kendo stick. Doesn’t help he is basically a six foot five inch bottle of Elmer’s glue either.
How about that Brogue Kick through the bass drum?
If you did not watch the match last night, that sentence made it sound like I just jumbled words together like the little magnets on the refrigerator.
Once again, Cesaro has become an afterthought on Raw after his match with Cena last month. Seems like I predicted that would happen, but I won’t get a dickish and say it…wait.
He and Swagger are headed for splitsville and will be lucky to have a match against each other on the Mania card. I swear they better not pre-show Cesaro. You did so much right last night WWE. Don’t cock it up.
Here is the updated card for WrestleMania 30 after last night:
Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. (Daniel Bryan?) for the WWE World Heavyweight Title
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
HHH vs. Daniel Bryan (if Bryan wins he is in the main event)
Andre the Giant Memorial 30-Man Battle Royal
Till next week!
If Helen Mirren twerking did not make your day, I can’t help you.
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap March 3, 2014
Raw was in Chicago last night. The big show they were dreading and the one everyone of us was looking forward to the most.
Rumors broke a few days ago that CM Punk could possibly be returning to a hero’s welcome. Well in the realm of “shit that didn’t happen” that rumor reigned as king last night.
Yep, Punk was a no show.
OK, so Punk is still at home sulking and getting ready for his @midnight appearance. It was all good because WWE put on a really good show and even managed to use the whole “Highjack Raw” for their favor when they sent out Daniel Bryan to acknowledge it and use it to his advantage.
Trolling in its highest form. Bravo, WWE.
Raw managed to move forward a lot of its storylines last night despite the loud Chicago crowd. Let’s be clear, the crowd was insanely loud and chanted “CM Punk” most of the night as we knew they would, but it did not feel like the post-WrestleMania Jersey crowd that created absolute magic.
Bryan faced Batista and even slowing down his pace, Big Dave looked winded after about five minutes. This may be reason enough to put a third man in the main event of Mania. How good a match can he have with Orton if he is pulling a Warrior and getting blown up on his way to the ring?
It does look like it will be HHH and Bryan after last night. I still think WWE was holding out a few weeks to see if they could salvage something out of Punk, but now they have to look forward to salvaging WrestleMania.
The interesting part of last night is that I get the feeling that the Bryan/HHH match will lead to more. Something to the effect of “if Bryan can beat HHH, he gets in the main event at WrestleMania” sort of thing. He could overcome HHH with all of The Authority trying to screw him then he gets in the main event where you have Batista pin him, setting Captain Naval Tattoo as the main heel of the company as Bryan chases the title.
What is a shame right now is that Orton does not feel like he is anything of importance despite being champion. Feels like going into WrestleMania 25 where he was booked so weak and had a disappointing match with HHH.
Cesaro and Swagger played the blame game costing each other matches before hugging it out by the worst looking Ari Gold impersonator ever. Looks like Cesaro’s great run will end with a match against Swagger at Mania. That is if Swagger doesn’t fuck up again before the PPV like last year.
How fucking great was that Shield/Wyatt match?!!
It had just the right elements of tag matches and brawling and it made the crowd actually cheer and chant for the guys involved.
I loved the Rollins leaving bit. It was unexpected until he explained that he could not be the glue that kept the group together anymore. If they have a triple threat at Mania, get ready for a show.
Paul Heyman proved again why he kept ECW in business for so many years despite having no money.
How big a target was on his back being sent out first (to Punk’s music!) and talk about the tattooed, straightedge elephant not in the room and segue that into Lesnar’s match with The Undertaker. Whatever they pay him, it is not enough.
Fucking brilliant.
I loved Lesnar’s destruction of Mark Henry. It makes sense with Henry still looking for revenge for his broken arm and makes Brock look like the maniac he is for putting Henry down every time. That F5 through the table was good as well.
I have noticed that when WrestleMania comes around, no table is safe.
What I thought would happen a couple of weeks ago with John Cena and Bray Wyatt came to be. Cena came out and cut his normal cookie-cutter promo we have heard for a decade, then Wyatt appeared on screen and bitch-slapped Cena verbally with no chance of saving face.
This will continue because no one can touch Wyatt on the mic.
Paul Bearer in the Hall of Fame. This is the definition of right.
The Usos winning the tag titles was a good move. We knew it was going to happen and I think the WWE wanted to hold off a bit longer, but they used the Chicago crowd to pop for a title change. It helps the Outlaws gave them their best match since coming back.
#Emmalution #Emmataining
Aaron Paul should be on Raw every week. Ziggler will be champion inside of a month.
How out the door is Del Rio? He is past Batista and now he lost in two minutes to Ziggler to get a pop for the guest host? We all know he is heading back to Mexico so WWE is doing what they do; make him look like a loser on the way out.
By the way: why the hell even have Paul on if he is not going to say “bitch” once??
If you have the WWE Network and have not watched the NXT Arrival special, you are missing two hours of great wrestling. I enjoyed it more than I have any PPV over the past year. Just watching the Emma and Paige match shows the disconnect between Divas matches on Raw and NXT. The wrestled for 15 minutes and I was entertained by every moment.
Till next week!
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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap February 24, 2014
Courtesy WWE I can’t start this recap without first mentioning the launch of the WWE Network yesterday. God knows they let you know about it on Raw last night. That was the main crux of why Hogan even made an appearance in Green Bay.
“Hulkamania, brother. WWE Univer…Network. Vitamins. Prayers. WWE Network. WrestleMania, brother.”
I did sign up for the WWE Network yesterday and for a day one launch it went fairly smoothly. There were some loading issues and long buffer times but there was no catastrophic crashes, so I call that a big win.
And the library…the sweet, sweet nectar of what every wrestling fan has wanted to watch at their leisure without having to spend thousands of dollars for overpriced DVD’s on eBay or from some Craigslist ad where you aren’t sure if you are going to get a copy of Fall Brawl ’98 or a knifey hello from a chick with anger issues.
Anyway…there is almost too much to take in for only $10 a month. And yes I am aware of how that sounded.
Getting to the actual show itself, for a Raw that WWE wanted to build as a PPV on TV, it certainly was…a show. So I guess they accomplished what they wanted since Elimination Chamber was a big, heaping pile of “shit I knew was going to happen”.
Last night did pretty much firmly set in place the WrestleMania card we all knew was coming, but the one we didn’t want to see.
Daniel Bryan made it actually believable that he wants to wrestle HHH at Mania. What hurts here is that I could easily see the talking heads backstage wanting to put Bryan in the main event with Orton and Batista. They know as well as we do that the crowd is most likely going to highjack the main event and make WrestleMania end on an embarrassing note.
That would leave HHH without a match and you sure as shit know that’s not happening. I wouldn’t even put it past him to have such a wounded ego about Punk leaving, because he did not think a match with Terra Ryzing was worth his time, that Hunter will make Bryan do the job.
Leave it to Undertaker and Brock Lesnar to do their best to get people excited about WrestleMania 30. Yes, this match may be a decade too late and I am still wondering why WWE went this direction especially if Sting is WANTING TO WRESTLE UNDERTAKER.
You heard me right. Sting was willing to travel down to Texas and work with Taker on their Mania match when he signs with the company. Now don’t get them wrong, the WWE want Sting, they just don’t consider it very high on their list of to-do’s.
I can’t make this shit up.
They are so set on their WrestleMania card that they don’t want to give fans the one fucking match that has been talked about ever since WCW shut their doors 13 years ago. There are talks about Sting coming in after WrestleMania for a run and ending with a match at Mania 31, but with both guys being at the point they are in their careers, don’t you put that match on whenever and wherever you can?
Even with all my bitching, I still know that Lesnar and Taker will, most likely, steal the show.
Side note- Is it coincidence that Taker came back with the Ministry goatee only days after I shaved my mustache and went full-on Amish? I think not!
That is just Cesaro doing his Cesaro thing. Damn.
How big a shit was taken in everyone’s pants last night when Cena hurt his knee?
Normally I am all for Cena taking time off no matter how it happens, but this is the wroooong time of year, especially with a genuine excitement for his match with Bray Wyatt building in my twinkie-filled body (RIP Harold Ramis).
The injury sure did look legit. One of those fluke things that was no one’s fault, you just have to file it under “shit happens”. Early reports are it could be a hyperextension or even a dislocated kneecap. If that is true I have send respect Cena’s way for still gutting through it to finish the segment. Here is hoping it is not too serious. Mania is already looking weak, we don’t need one of the few interesting matches on the card to get scratched.
#Emmalution #CaptainHappyPants
I can’t help but feel a little bad for Batista. He has been gone four years and the fans are giving him the business because he is being forced into a spot that they want Daniel Bryan to be in. The Bootista train has left the station and there is no derailing it.
At least they made light of it last night with Orton asking if Drax was even happy he came back because of the boos. They seem to be taking the Cena approach and telling Batista to go with the flow.
Wrong. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
The reason why it is the Cena approach is that it only works with Cena. People love to cheer him and they love to hate him…it’s his thing. It has and forever will define his career. People are booing Batista because they genuinely don’t want him in the main event and since WWE has painted themselves into this corner they need to turn him heel, either at Mania or right after.
Batista is more The Rock than John Cena. He doesn’t have to be there. He wanted to come back for one more run. He could be off doing other shit like sexually harassing women, picking things up and putting them down or hanging out with Chris Pratt.
That last thing is why Batista is better than all of us.
Leave it to Green Bay to shit all over a good match between Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns. As one member of Twitter succinctly put it “it reminds me of The Rock and HHH in their Nation/DX days”. We can only hope those two have the careers ahead of them like Rock and HHH. One of the bright spots about watching Raw now is seeing all the potential that could flourish into main event stardom in the future.
I keep wondering when Bray will have a bad week on the microphone and it never happens. Every week he shows everyone in the locker room how to keep people hanging on his words, even if they make as much sense as Ted Nugent after three days of Grey Goose and ecstasy.
Here is the card for WrestleMania 30 so far:
Randy Orton vs. Batista for the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
HHH vs. Daniel Bryan
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt
I do genuinely want to watch Taker/Lesnar and Cena/Wyatt. I would be more excited about the Bryan match if I did not have this lingering feeling that HHH will get the win.
How am I feeling about WrestleMania 30 with only 40 days to go? As it looks now, partly shitty with a 75% chance of disappointment. Let’s hope the WWE can build a solid undercard to liven things up a bit.
Till next week!
