Tag: Mario Kart

Let’s Rank The Nintendo Amiibo Figures

I am so excited for Nintendo’s Amiibo figures to release that it doesn’t really matter how I am going to use them. Train them in Smash? Open up new items in Mario Kart? Sit on my shelves and look really pretty?

OK, I will be honest, it is going to be the last one mostly. You think I care about spending money to have pieces of plastic sit on my shelf? You don’t even know.

There are 18 Amiibo figures releasing by the end of the year, here they are in order of awesomeness.*

* Awesomeness will vary from person to person determined by childhood memories and/or trauma.

1. Samus

Look at this thing. Why would it NOT be number one on this list?

2. Link

Is he held up by a shaft of magical yellow pee with a skirt and leggings? Yep, that’s how I want it.

3. Fox McCloud

I imagine this figure as Fox running away from a very awkward conversation with Slippy about his confusing sexual thoughts.

4. Captain Falcon

While the shaft placement (I went there) is too funny, it’s a fucking Captain Falcon figure!

5. Pit

Only Nintendo can make metrosexual angels badass.

6 Mario

It is not the Mario shooting fireballs out of his nose look we grew up with. Going with a more “hadouken” this fireball in your face.

7. Zelda

I think I will place this one beside Captain Falcon to give the illusion she is the holder for him kicking a giant ass football.

8. Little Mac

Pair it with Peach for your own Nintendo version of “Ray Rice Elevator Punch-Out”.

9. Wii Fit Trainer

If you ask me why this is so high on my list be prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear.

10. Luigi

While Mario gets to shoot a fireball, little bro is stuck doing Olympic luge or the world’s longest plank.

11. Marth

I think this will be the hardest figure to find because of collector a-holes like me buying them and Nintendo not making as many as other characters.

12. Yoshi

Either he is power walking or recreating the cover to Abbey Road. Both make me happy.

13.Donkey Kong

Why there is not a barrel with this? I have no idea.

14. Peach

Looks like she is showing off a prize on Price is Right. Put her next to another toy to make it seem more important.

15 Kirby

No mad face or mouth full of stuff. Just sitting there like a fat ass. This should be higher on my list since it is the most like me.

16. Diddy Kong

The Scrappy-Doo of Nintendo. Will get this if there is a Buy One, Get One sale and he is the only one left after the one I want.

17. Villager

Stop waving! Why are you so damn happy?! I will burn your village to the ground.

18. Pikachu

Admittedly, I am not a Pokemon fan. I love everything Nintendo, but this never got to me. I know enough to know there are a shit ton of them and if Nintendo is smart they will make Amiibos of all 2,000 of them so parents can go bankrupt.

November 6, 2014
Here Is Mario Kart 8’s DLC. A New Reason To Hate Your Friends

Mario Kart 8 will be giving you new courses to curse at and new characters to hate as they hit you with a blue shell before you hit the finish line with two DLC packs.

The first will release in November and come with Link, Cat Suit Peach, Tanooki Suit Mario, four new vehicles and eight new courses.

The second releases in May 2015 with Isabelle, Villager, Dry Bower, four new vehicles and eight new courses.

Best part of this is the price. Each pack will cost $7.99 or $12.99 for both. So for 13 bucks you get six new characters, eight new vehicles and sixteen (16!) new courses. Get ready for more bad words than you can imagine.

If you want a little sample of what I mean, check out our Mario Kart 8 review.

August 27, 2014
Review: Mario Kart 8

A little bit of a warning here at the beginning. This won’t be a long, in-depth review of the why’s and where’s, ins and outs of Mario Kart 8. I know some of you are breathing a sigh of relief (or have already scrolled down to the score), and I have a good reason for this:

It’s Mario Kart…and it’s effing FUN.

I am assuming by reading this you are already a Mario Kart fan and know the gist of it. You pick your favorite Mario character, your mode of transport, wheel type and glider, then proceed to let a string of obscenities fly out of your mouth that would make Samuel L. Jackson smile in approval.

You think I am joking? I wish you could hear a tiny bit of what it is like to play with me but I will just give you a small typed out sampling.

-Cockface

-A**hole/hat

-Fu**ing Sh**

-Peach/Daisy/Rosalina can suck various parts of me

-Jailbait bit** (a favorite of my gf)

-Sh**face Cockmaster

-Donkey fu**ing Kong

-Bowser, you fat fu**

-Bi*** baby

-Eat my dick (this is said as I cross the finish line in first)

This is what happens when a grown man plays Mario his whole life and gets tired when he keeps getting red shells in his ass and only gets a coin from a box when he is in first.

The first Wii U Mario Kart game is loaded with 32 tracks consisting of 16 new tracks and 16 classic tracks from every previous Kart game including the hell that is Rainbow Road from Mario Kart 64. The new tracks are as imaginative as ever and make good use of the underwater and hovercraft effects that make you pine for the F-Zero sequel that will never be. Tons of unlockable characters, karts, tires and gliders await as you win each racing class. The character variation is nothing out of the ordinary for a Mario Kart game, but does it really need to be?

I only had a few hiccups with online play at first, but since then, it has been smooth. Online is where you really test how good you are. You may think you are a drift master until you come across some guy in China that shows you know nothing, Jon Snow. It is like when I would play Tekken 3 at the arcade and absolutely own people…then a ten year old picks Eddy Gordo and whips my ass.

Don’t worry about being shoehorned into playing Mario Kart in a way you are not comfortable with. The game supports the Gamepad, Pro Controller, Wii Remote (for motion driving) and Wii Remote and Nunchuck. I am old school and have to use an analog stick and R trigger for power sliding where my girlfriend uses her Wii Remote and motion steering. The Gamepad screen has multiple features like seeing the track map, a horn and off-screen play. Yep, if you are playing two-player and have to take a poop, you can keep the game going. Believe me, this will happen.

Like I said earlier, it’s Mario Kart. You know if you have enjoyed previous installments, you will love this one. It is beautiful to look at and the variety in tracks make sure that even after you have played them all, there is plenty of fun left to be had by going back again. I believe that combined with the lineup Nintendo showed at E3, Mario Kart 8 could be the beginning of a Wii U redemption.

Sorry for the cursing.

June 12, 2014
This One Time, On The Internet- March 6, 2014

Here are the quick hits today in the world of movies, TV, games, cd rates, ammunition sales, whatever catches our fancy.

Movies

Annie

Here is the trailer for Annie starring Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz and Rose Byrne. Be warned: once you watch it, you can’t unwatch it. Personally I am waiting on the remake of Pootie Tang with Robert Downey, Jr., Jonah Hill and Zachary Quinto.

Captain America: The Winter Solider

Watch a four-minute preview of the new Marvel movie over on Fandango.

TV

Game of Thrones

There is a rap album based on Game of Thrones. Not just that, but it is funded by HBO. I can’t make this shit up. It features tracks by Big Boi, Common and others. The title? Catch The Throne.

You can listen to Big Boi’s track “Mother of Dragons” here.

Games

LEGO The Hobbit

The newest trailer for LEGO The Hobbit is in the style of Ocean’s 11 and you will be a better person for watching it.

Mario Kart 8

Nintendo will be releasing a limited edition of the Wii U game with a blue Koopa shell statue. It will look perfect next to my other shelves of limited edition game items I get for some reason.

March 6, 2014
This One Time, On The Internet- February 26, 2014

Here are some quick hits from the world of movies, TV, games, sewage treatment plants, Amazon wish lists, whatever catches our fancy.

Movies

Ghostbusters 3

Harold Ramis passed on Monday and it has been announced that the script for Ghostbusters 3 will be “tweaked”. Fuck this movie. It has been two days since Ramis passed. Like we need a statement on the Ghostbusters 3 script? Dick holes.

Entourage

A release date has been set for the movie. The gang will be back to hug it out on June 12, 2015.

The Stand

Josh Boone is close to signing on to write and direct the adaptation of the Stephen King classic. It will be a “single R-rated movie that will be faithful to the book”. If this is true, the movie will run 4 hours 47 minutes.

Godzilla

Empire has the first full-on frontal shot of the giant lizard on their new cover. It looks like Godzilla. This movie looks to mind wipe the terror of 1998 and Come With Me.

TV

Fargo

Here is a trailer for the FX show that stars Martin Freeman, Colin Hanks and Oliver Platt. It is a retelling of the Coen Bros. 1996 movie which is one of the best films ever made. Be excited.

http://youtu.be/uj5LRr2Zzy4

Daredevil

Marvel is receiving a tax incentive to film all four of their Netflix shows (Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist) in New York City. Hell’s Kitchen, here we come.

Being Human

SyFy has cancelled the show with Jimmy Olsen and Starkiller. People are upset. I never watched it but we should know by now SyFy loves cancelling shows that people like.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Required viewing for today is Paul Rudd taking on Jimmy Fallon in a lip-synching contest. Is there anything Ant-Man can not do?

http://youtu.be/4LvMeYEwWGQ

Books

Game of Thrones

A new paragraph has been made available from George R.R. Martin’s next book in his Song of Ice and Fire series, The Winds of Winter. It involves Tyrion Lannister. No, there is still no hint of a release date. It has only been three years since A Dance with Dragons so don’t expect it too soon.

Somewhere off in the far distance, a dying man was screaming for his mother. “To horse!” a man was yelling in Ghiscari, in the next camp to the north of the Second Sons. “To horse! To horse!” High and shrill, his voice carried a long way in the morning air, far beyond his own encampment. Tyrion knew just enough Ghiscari to understand the words, but the fear in his voice would have been plain in any tongue. I know how he feels.

Games

Wii U

The Wii U has passed the 360 in lifetime sales in Japan. Is this something to be proud of? The 360 has only sold 1.6 million units…in eight years.

LEGO The Hobbit

The game will be released on April 8th. It covers the first two movies because…because. Hell if I know.

Fable III

Peter Molyneux says that Fable III was a “trainwreck”. That probably is why I completed Fable II four times and barely finished III once.

Mario Kart

They are making actual Mario Karts that kids can drive, further proving that your childhood sucked while your kids get all the good stuff.

February 26, 2014
The Koopalings Take Over Mario Kart 8

A new Mario Kart 8 trailer has been released and it is full of new footage showing the diversity of the tracks in the game. The Koopalings are introduced and are as annoying as in any other Mario game.

Get ready for shells in asses. Mario Kart 8 releases in May.

February 14, 2014
Mario Kart 8 Takes You To The Airport In New Trailer

This new trailer for Mario Kart 8 reveals a new track based at an airport that goes inside, to a runway, then inside of a plane. Then we see more tracks that show off the F-Zero style tracks that defy gravity. Get ready for shouting matches, knocking controllers out of people’s hands and koopa shells up the ass.

Mario Kart 8 releases Spring 2014.

December 18, 2013
Mario Kart 8 Racing Home In 2014

Photo courtesy shacknews.com

As expected, Mario Kart is making its way to the Wii U, but the news that will bring a smile to your face is in the first video for the racer, when you see the vehicles can now drive on ceilings and walls and under streets F-Zero style. This makes for some insane looking races in the video and I can only imagine the fun that will ensue when you get four players involved in your home or more online.

I was hoping that Mario Kart 8 would not be more of the same and I am more than pleased to say it is not.

Mario Kart 8 releases in 2014 for the Wii U.

June 11, 2013
Nintendo Drops The Mic For Wii U This Morning

OK, so Nintendo needed that.

At this morning’s Nintendo Direct Stream, the company revealed their plans for the Wii U leading into 2013. Games for the system are slowly trickling out and people were wondering just what Nintendo had up their sleeve to get Wii U’s into as many homes as possible before Microsoft and Sony take the spotlight and it turns out they have quite a lot. The video conference this morning should give Wii U early adopters and ones thinking of taking the plunge (raises hand) a better feeling about the future of the console, at least for the rest of the year. Let’s take a look at what Nintendo announced this morning and see if it will sway you into buying a Wii U.

1. Look at all the pretty games!! Smash Bros., Mario Kart, a new 3D Mario and so much more!!

-We knew about Smash Bros. already but the fact it will be playable at this year’s E3 is a huge deal. Mario Kart is always a staple on any Nintendo system and is always a insta-buy for me. The biggest news of the games is that a new 3D Mario is not only coming, but will be shown and played at E3. Whether this is a sequel to Super Mario Galaxy is unknown. I would hope for a new direction for Mario on the Wii U but won’t complain as long as we are getting a true 3D Mario game.

-The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker is getting a full-HD re-release on the Wii U this fall complete with off-screen Gamepad play. It’s Zelda, so we’ll call that a win.

-Along with those biggies, it was also announced that Yoshi Yarn would be making its way onto the Wii U. It is being developed by the team that handled Kirby’s Epic Yarn on the Wii.

-Shin Megami Tensei and Fire Emblem are joining together for a crossover game. Atlus and Intelligent Systems are working together on the Wii U project and had a short trailer to show off.

-The Wonderful 101 showed off a new trailer including more unique Gamepad play and aerial gameplay. It will be released by June, 2013.

-The latest game from Monolith (Xenoblade) was shown. No name was given for the title. A red X was shown at the end of the preview.

-Bayonetta 2 had a behind the scenes trailer but no gameplay was shown which says to me that this game is still a way off.

2. Nintendo Virtual Console coming to Wii U this spring.

Starting this spring you will be able to download original Nintendo and Super Nintendo games onto your Wii U and will be able to play on the Gamepad as well. People that already own the same games on their Wii Virtual Console can get the games for reduced amounts ($1-NES, $1.50- SNES).

3. Miiverse app coming to smartphones.

This will also launch in the spring and allow you to look at and make changes on you Miivers via your smartphone.

4. Updates are coming to improve Wii U’s load times.

A spring update and another in the summer will boost the Wii U’s load times which have been described as too long.

January 23, 2013
3DS XL Gets New Holiday Bundle

Nintendo has just revealed a new holiday bundle for the 3DS XL that will include Mario Kart 7 installed on the system. The midnight blue 3DS XL will be released on December 2nd and retail for only $199.99. If you haven’t picked up a 3DS yet or were looking to upgrade to an XL this is a good bundle. Mario Kart is still one of the best games released on the system so far.

November 28, 2012