Nerd Rating

Tag: Machete Kills

  • First Trailer For Machete Kills Has Machete…Killing

    I liked the first Machete. I didn’t love it, but it was enough dumb fun that I was excited when a sequel was announced. Danny Trejo should get an honorary Oscar for the career he has crafted for himself this late in life. Well, at least an honorary Razzie.

    The ex-federales assassin is back and on direct order from the president no less. And that president is being played by Carlos Estevez or Mr. Tiger Blood himself Charlie Sheen. That is one great thing about a movie like this, the cast is completely off the wall including the likes of Michelle Rodriguez, Lady Gaga, Mel Gibson and even Cuba Gooding, Jr.

    Also I do not recommend watching Spy Kids anytime before this movie comes out unless you want to feel like a complete pervert when Alexa Vega shows up on screen.

    alexa-vega-machete-kills

    I told you.

    Machete Kills releases on September 13th.

     

  • Sofia Vergara On The Machete Kills Poster. Greatest Thing Ever Or Greatest Thing Ever?

    sofia-vergara-gun-bra-as-desdemona-machete-kills-2
    Photo courtesy of comingsoon.net

    Do I have to tell you why I love Robert Rodriguez? Mainly because he likes to take the weirdest, drug induced dreams of people like me and make them a beautiful, deadly reality. Case in point of this is the poster above for Machete Kills, the sequel to 2010’s Machete which starred Mexican Chuck Norris and all-around great human being, Danny Trejo.

    The next sentence is something I never thought I would ever type because it has remained only a figment of my imagination.

    The poster features Sofia Vergara with a bra that has gatling guns attached to the front. Here is how I imagined this pitch going down:

    Robert Rodriguez: I have an idea for Machete Kills.

    Executive: Alright Robert, shoot.

    RR: Remember how in Planet Terror I had Rose McGowan get her leg taken off an we put a gun on it?

    Executive: I do!! That was one of the best thing about Grindhouse!!

    RR: I’m glad you think so. You know Sofia Vergara right?

    Executive: The hot Latina from Modern Family that I wish was my wife instead of the fresh death that I come home to everyday?

    RR: Bingo! Well I am going to have her wear a bra with guns on the front so it looks like she is shooting bullets out of her nipples.

    Executive:…………………..

    RR: You OK? What do you think?

    Executive: Sorry, I was too busy touching myself.