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  • U.N.I.T.WHY? Assassin’s Creed: Unity Review

    arno

    It is fall, that means another Assassin’s Creed. I admit that my love for the series burned out quickly. AC2 was great and then Ubisoft hit cruise control until last year when AC4 came along and let me steal ships and booty, while stealing my vote for best AC game ever in the process.

    I decided to take a chance and buy an Assassin’s Creed game in consecutive years for the first time. We are going to take things in a different direction from normal reviews with this though. Since AC4 is my favorite, and therefore the basis for grading all other games in this series, that will be the starting point of my review for Assassin’s Creed: Unity.

    Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag Review

    Here we go:

    -The best looking AC game made. The amount of detail in the recreation of Paris is staggering. Crisp visuals and cutscenes that remind me why I bought new systems. +1

    10/10

    -Even though Paris is painstakingly redone, it feels a step backward to be in one city again after sailing the high seas. -1

    9/10

    -New downward parkour system is a step in the right direction and shows improvements are being attempted. +0.5

    9.5/10

    -Still can’t help the fact that after seven years and eight games you still have problems with the controls including jumping off of random buildings to your death when there is a clear haystack to jump in. I love the ability to jump into windows to make quick escapes…when it works, which is rarely. -1

    8.5/10

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    -Arno is a good lead for the game. Charismatic and engaging, though not as much as Edward Kenway. +0.5

    9/10

    -It is just a shame he is wasted in a story that has been used in almost every AC game. -1

    8/10

    -Making people sign into UPlay or a mobile app to access chests in the game is a new level of dickery. “Hey, I have every chest found and unlocked in this region. Last one! Companion app?! The fuck??” Yes, Ubisoft, I want to take myself out of the flow of the game I am playing and download an app on my phone. Like I remember my UPlay password anyway, I don’t caaaaaare. -1.5

    6.5/10

    -New murder mysteries are a fun bit of diversion. They are not difficult, with the guilty party being the first person you think, but it is a nice change of pace besides the normal assassination missions. Character customization is improved greatly with a host of costumes, weapons (long & short range) and stat boosts. +0.5

    7/10

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    -I know you want to ship AC on a yearly schedule Ubisoft, but I prefer not to fall through balconies, blend into buildings, have achievements not come up and completely crash and restart my system. -1

    6/10

    There was fun to have in Assassin’s Creed: Unity. The map is loaded with things to do from the outset. It is just a shame that it took steps back in performance while giving us a generic revenge tale that squanders a beautiful game. If there is another adventure with Arno in the future let’s hope Ubisoft makes sure it is with a better story and a finished product.

  • Key & Peele Prove Stan Lee Can Sell Anything

    EXCELSIOR….motherf***er.

    Side note: I would buy the hell out of an Overweight Jamaican Maid monthly series.

     

  • Christoph Waltz Will Take On James Bond

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    If there is one thing Daniel Craig has always had with his run as James Bond is great villains. From Mads Mikkelsen in Casino Royale to Javier Bardem in Skyfall, Craig has had great actors to share screen time with (we will conveniently forget Quantum of Solace).

    Let’s add another name to that list.

    Christoph Waltz, who has stolen the show in both Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained (winning two Oscars in the process), will be the newest baddie to try and take down 007. He will be joined by the already announced Dave Bautista as Jinx.

    Skyfall is tied for the top spot as my favorite Bond movie ever, largely due to Bardem’s performance. Now I am excited as ever for Bond’s return to theaters.

    Bond 24 releases November 6 2015.

  • Far Cry 4 101 Teaches Us About The Wonders of Kyrat

    Far Cry 4 is only a few days away and this new video shows you the beautiful and murderous sides of Kyrat. Does a lot of this look like a re-work of the formula from Far Cry 3? Most definitely. Why try to re-invent the wheel when it works perfect to run over people?

    We are prepared to lose countless hours in Far Cry 4 starting November 18th.

     

  • Margot Robbie Cast As Harley Quinn In Suicide Squad

    Director David Ayer seems to be getting his Suicide Squad together for their closeup in 2016. Rumors of Jared Leto circling the role of The Joker last week should have confirmed that Harley would be a definite member and now it has happened.

    Margot Robbie, who you may remember as the wife of Leonardo DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street, has been cast as fan favorite psycho Harley Quinn. The character was introduced in Batman: The Animated Series in 1992 and became a permanent comic staple since.

    Harley is one of those characters that comes with a rabid fan base and how she is handled in Suicide Squad is going to be scrutinized big time. That is what nerds do. To an annoying degree.

    Robbie was very good in The Wolf of Wall St. with the character she was given. Let’s hope she has the goods to pull off the giddy insanity.

    Margot_Robbie_41183

  • Key & Peele’s Strike Force Eagle 3: The Reckoning

    At this point there is no debate that Key & Peele is the funniest thing on television. Their newest sketch takes on 80’s action movies that I grew up on, including utilizing the great equalizer of finishing moves.

    Can they crowd fund a full theatrical version of this? I have money. You can has it.

    Adding to the Reaganomics scale of tubular is the music by Power Glove, who brought their unique sound on the soundtrack for Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon.

    Let’s get Key & Peele together with the guys from Sunny for the Strike Force Eagle/ Lethal Weapon team-up movie we deserve.

  • Let’s Rank The Nintendo Amiibo Figures

    I am so excited for Nintendo’s Amiibo figures to release that it doesn’t really matter how I am going to use them. Train them in Smash? Open up new items in Mario Kart? Sit on my shelves and look really pretty?

    OK, I will be honest, it is going to be the last one mostly. You think I care about spending money to have pieces of plastic sit on my shelf? You don’t even know.

    There are 18 Amiibo figures releasing by the end of the year, here they are in order of awesomeness.*

    * Awesomeness will vary from person to person determined by childhood memories and/or trauma.

    1. Samus

    amiibo003

    Look at this thing. Why would it NOT be number one on this list?

    2. Link

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    Is he held up by a shaft of magical yellow pee with a skirt and leggings? Yep, that’s how I want it.

    3. Fox McCloud

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    I imagine this figure as Fox running away from a very awkward conversation with Slippy about his confusing sexual thoughts.

    4. Captain Falcon

    amiibo016

    While the shaft placement (I went there) is too funny, it’s a fucking Captain Falcon figure!

    5. Pit

    amiibo017

    Only Nintendo can make metrosexual angels badass.

    6 Mario

    amiibo001

    It is not the Mario shooting fireballs out of his nose look we grew up with. Going with a more “hadouken” this fireball in your face.

    7. Zelda

    amiibo014

    I think I will place this one beside Captain Falcon to give the illusion she is the holder for him kicking a giant ass football.

    8. Little Mac

    amiibo018

    Pair it with Peach for your own Nintendo version of “Ray Rice Elevator Punch-Out”.

    9. Wii Fit Trainer

    amiibo012

    If you ask me why this is so high on my list be prepared for the answer you don’t want to hear.

    10. Luigi

    amiibo015

    While Mario gets to shoot a fireball, little bro is stuck doing Olympic luge or the world’s longest plank.

    11. Marth

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    I think this will be the hardest figure to find because of collector a-holes like me buying them and Nintendo not making as many as other characters.

    12. Yoshi

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    Either he is power walking or recreating the cover to Abbey Road. Both make me happy.

    13.Donkey Kong

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    Why there is not a barrel with this? I have no idea.

    14. Peach

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    Looks like she is showing off a prize on Price is Right. Put her next to another toy to make it seem more important.

    15 Kirby

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    No mad face or mouth full of stuff. Just sitting there like a fat ass. This should be higher on my list since it is the most like me.

    16. Diddy Kong

    amiibo013

    The Scrappy-Doo of Nintendo. Will get this if there is a Buy One, Get One sale and he is the only one left after the one I want.

    17. Villager

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    Stop waving! Why are you so damn happy?! I will burn your village to the ground.

    18. Pikachu

    amiibo007

    Admittedly, I am not a Pokemon fan. I love everything Nintendo, but this never got to me. I know enough to know there are a shit ton of them and if Nintendo is smart they will make Amiibos of all 2,000 of them so parents can go bankrupt.