Category: Media

First Look At New Batmobile From Batman v Superman

Zack Snyder tweeted out our first official look at the new Batmobile from Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. A little piece of the vehicle could be seen in the first shot of Ben Affleck’s Batman and a few pictures leaked online from filming so I think Snyder just decided to show off Batman’s new ride in all of its Frank Miller-y glory.

It looks like a mix of the Tumbler from The Dark Knight Trilogy and Batman’s weaponized tank (for the lack of a better term) from The Dark Knight Returns.

The more we see from this movie it is easy to see how much Miller’s work is influencing Snyder’s take on the character.

September 11, 2014
Get Ready For More Bautista As Drax And Less Batista Bombs

Reports are that Dave Bautista is restructuring his deal with Marvel to give him more money and more appearances in Marvel movies due to the success of Guardians of the Galaxy.

Bautista’s Drax was one of the best and unexpectedly best parts of Guardians of the Galaxy and it looks like Marvel realizes that with this news. The big part of this is that Drax will play a “significant” role in Avengers 3 which confirms what a lot of people thought that the Guardians will be teaming up with The Avengers to take on Thanos.

The reason I say you will see less of Batista in a WWE ring is simple: why would he want to come back? His return this year was met with negative fan reaction and by the time WWE turned him heel (which he should have come back as), his deal was almost up. Now he is set to be a bigger deal in the Marvel cinematic universe including Avengers 3. Why in the world would he want to go back?

September 10, 2014
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Review (From Someone Who Did Not See Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

This is the tale of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo. They were a black and white comic in the 80’s which was made into a Saturday morning kids show that came on before Garfield and Friends which led into Beakman’s World (fuck your Bill Nye).

A movie version of the Turtles came out in 1990 and it was amazeballs. Yes, I was ten when I saw it, but I still stand by my opinion today. Seriously, go back and watch it. It was dark and depressing as shit in places. Broken families, gang crime, blatant ripping off of Dominoes “30 minute or less” policy. Hell, Raphael gets the wholesale shit beat out of him and you think he might die.

After that…well, I will let the Honest Trailer for TMNT 2 explain it.

Now, Michael Bay, director of such explosions as Transformers, Transformers: Shia Goes to Robot Heaven, Transformers: Where’d Megan Fox Go, Transformers: Say Hello to Your Mother For Me and The Island (yeah, The Island) teams up with the director of Wrath of the Titans to bring the Ninja Turtles to the big screen again.

When turtles come in contact with an ooze of some sort they turn into huge, hulking mega turtles that learn karate by playing Ninja Gaiden and listening to their giant rat mentor voiced by Monk. Just imagine Barry Bonds with a turtle shell on his back and you have a good idea.

Their enemy is The Shredder, who may or may not be played by the bank president from the opening scene in The Dark Knight. I am kind of fuzzy on that. I do know that the new Shredder costume makes the Silver Samurai from The Wolverine look tame. Has any movie ever made someone wonder “why didn’t they get Kevin Nash to do this role again”?

There is one now.

Will kids love it? Hell yeah, but kids are stupid. You know you used to be stupid, don’t act like I am pissing on the American flag by saying they are.

If you had to take your child to the theater to see this, I applaud your resolve in loving your child. Let’s hope it is that strong when the sequel comes out in 2016, the same summer as the Power Rangers movie. Bend over and lube up.

September 2, 2014
Cinematic Batman: Worst To First- Part Two

See Part One of our countdown here.

4. Batman Returns

Returns is a movie that grows on me the more I watch it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the hell out of it when I saw it in theaters at the age of 11, but where some movies tend to lose their luster after repeated viewings, Returns somehow has grown better in my eyes.

As with 1989’s Batman, there is stuff that isn’t exactly canon, like Batman straight up murdering guys and Selina’s transformation into Catwoman, which I am sure has happened in real life because I can guess that Christopher Walken has pushed at least one woman from a high rise building. That’s just how he rolls. Danny DeVito is The Penguin…literally. Burton took the character and accentuated everything, even having him raised by penguins which I am still unsure how that works. If Bender can do it, why not Oswald Cobblepot. DeVito sometimes goes too far into loud, squawking territory. His best work is when he is being cold, calculating, low-voiced Penguin, which is how I imagine the character.

The reason Returns works for me after so long is Michael Keaton. He was settled into the role of Batman and it came with more nuance this time around. He was noticeably more comfortable as Bruce Wayne in his scenes with Michelle Pfeiffer. It was more natural than with Kim Basinger. He had the Batman voice down which was a darker variation of Bruce’s voice, not as grating as Bale’s performance.

Watching Returns make me wish that Burton and Keaton could have had one more go round.

3. The Dark Knight Rises

Ok, here we go. This is where the shit storm begins.

After The Dark Knight became the biggest superhero movie of all time at the box office (until The Avengers), everyone waited with baited breath to see if Christopher Nolan could finish up his trilogy with a bang. He totally did. People have bitched about The Dark Knight Rises ever since it was released in 2012. What is it about Bane’s goofy voice? How come cops don’t grow beards when they are stuck underground for three months? How does Bruce get back into Gotham so quickly?

-Tom Hardy’s voice was one of the best changes for the Bane character to me. I don’t want a deep-voiced Taco Bell dog yelling “Yo Quiero Batman”. When I read Bane in comics now, it is with Hardy’s voice.

-Is it so past the realm of possibility that with Bane’s thugs feeding and sending toiletries down to the cops that they could send a few goddamn razors?

-When Bruce gets out of the pit there is still a little under a month left until the bomb goes off. Could you not believe that a man as resourceful as Bruce Wayne (aka the goddamn Batman) could not find his way to Gotham in that amount of time?

Anyway, people like the movie or they don’t. I love Rises because it brings Nolan’s trilogy full circle playing almost as a sequel to Batman Begins instead of The Dark Knight. And can we just all agree with Kevin Smith and just be thankful that nerd society has become so big that we can have a character like Talia al Ghul in a fucking movie in the first place?

2. Batman

Watching Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman should be a nerd rage affair. Joker killed the Wayne family? Alfred lets Vicki in the Bat Cave? (WTF Alfred?!) Batman’s “no kill” rule is about as useful as chewy bacon. Yet, I still watch it with nine year old eyes.

Burton was the right weirdo to bring Batman into the gritty Frank Miller bat-verse that the 80’s brought us. Now today the movie does not seem near as dark, but I blame that on us as a society slowly devolving into a Purge-like state that has sat through seven Saw movies and three Hostels.

It was one of those wacky Hollywood moves that should not have worked. The director of Beetlejuice with Mr. Mom as Batman and a reluctant Jack Nicholson, who required a big payday and much convincing, as The Joker. But I’ll be damned if it still doesn’t entertain the hell out of me 25 years later.

It’s me, sugar bumps.

1. The Dark Knight

I am guessing when you began to read this you thought this would be number one, unless I went different just for the sake of being different. No surprises here. The Dark Knight is still the quintessential Batman movie.

One amazing thing about The Dark Knight is not just Heath Ledger’s performance (which has been talked about constantly for six years, deservingly), but the fact that he accomplished it in 33 minutes of screentime in a two hour and 40 minute movie. Mark Hamill will always be my favorite Joker. Sorry, I can’t change that. Ledger will have to settle for best live action psychopath.

The Dark Knight was the first comic movie to take a premise and build it around the hero. Before Marvel said their movies would be like this (Ant-Man is a heist movie with a hero, etc.), The Dark Knight was a crime drama with Batman in it. What happens when someone takes on the mob? What are the repercussions of these actions?

The Dark Knight is not perfect. Bale’s voice grates ears more than the first and last in the trilogy. I am glad that we got the Harvey Dent/Two-Face story even though it was truncated in one movie which lessens the character some. But with so much good, everything else feels like nitpicking.

I think Ben Affleck will do a fine job in Batman v Superman, but his solo movie is where he will be fully judged and it will be against The Dark Knight.

August 26, 2014
Best Of WWE Summerslam 2014 Memes

I was worried last night. I started out Summerslam going 1-3 in my predictions then had a Reggie Miller/ Madison Square Garden moment and finished 5-3 when Brock destroyed Cena.

Here are some of the best memes from last night for a bit of Monday fun. I figured some Cena fans could use a pick me up.

August 18, 2014
WWE Summerslam 2014 Predictions

Here come the pain.

At least, I hope that is what is coming when Brock and John Cena go at it on Sunday night. Summerslam has built itself up nicely and I am looking forward to most of the card. Of course with anything WWE, it can go south oh so quick.

Predicta-tron 3000, power up!

-Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose in a Lumberjack Match

Talk about unrealized expectations. This match could have been one of the strongest on the card. Instead, of all the stipulations that could have been put with this match, we get one of the most nonsensical in the wrestling playbook. I want Rollins and Ambrose to have open space to work with. Rollins’ high flying and the Ambrose character makes for some outside the ring fun. Still think they can put on a great match even with the handcuffs.

Winner- Dean Ambrose with Dirty Deeds and they’re done dirt cheap for only $9.99 a month.

-Paige vs. AJ for the Divas Championship

AJ and Paige is exactly what the Divas division needed. Now that we have no blurred lines about Paige, we can enjoy two women that can entertain on the mic and in the ring. AJ should retain here because Paige’s character is so good in chase of the title.

Winner- AJ by submission which means we all win.

-Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns

Orton and Reigns have been wrestling at house shows the past few weeks and all indications are that the matches have not exactly been good. Let’s hope that is just because Randy was worn out from a room full of gym bags and they can bring it on Sunday. This is Reigns first chance to show himself in a PPV match where he is not protected by multiple wrestlers. If Reigns is going to be their “it” guy, it begins here.

Winner- Reigns hits the Samoan triple play (aka the new Five Moves of Doom).

-The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship

Like many fans out there I have been happy with Ziggler’s push over the past weeks. He has picked up some good wins, but I hope you all realize it was to build up The Miz in the end. Now that Ziggler is on a streak it makes Miz look better by beating him. This match is a win/win because Ziggler is in a championship match and The Miz is back where he needs to be, being an asshole.

Winner- The Miz by shenanigans.

-Rusev vs. Jack Swagger in a Flag Match

This may seem like a WCW match, but that is only because it is like a WCW match. The stipulation seems to be an easy way to get Swagger a win without Rusev taking a pin. They will probably have another match at Night of Champions where Rusev wins and he can move on to a feud with someone bigger on the roster.

Winner- Swagger puts the flag…somewhere wearing a coal miner’s glove and climbs to retrieve Scott Hall’s contract while Judy Bagwell hangs from a cage.

-Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon

The match between a woman who is known for nip slips and a woman I wish would have nip slips. A bit sexist, but honest. This will be painful to watch. They will try their best, and like the promo work, Stephanie will carry the load even though she hasn’t wrestled in ten years. Our best hope is a Daniel Bryan sighting. I hate that there is a rehashed TNA storyline waiting on him.

Winner- Stephanie with a pedigree as she looks on with those eyes. Damn, those eyes.

-Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt

This past Monday did a lot to get me interested in this match again. These two started off on fire then it seem to hit cruise control like most stuff that takes over a month in WWE, which I blame on creative, not the wrestlers. The sit down “interview” was what I wanted to see the whole time. Wyatt showing why he is the best promo man today (besides Paul Heyman) and Jericho holding his own in response. The match should be more intense than their last one with Wyatt going over.

Winner- Wyatt hits Sister Abigail (which in the NFL would get you a two game suspension).

-John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Proof that breaking the streak did what it needed to do. It makes Brock the unstoppable force that he should have been the entire time since he came back. I loved their match at Extreme Rules 2012. It was heavy hitting and brutal by the PG standard we have now. Cena winning made no sense at all because it took away any aura that Brock had. It took him beating The Undertaker at Wrestlemania to show he was a force. I do expect this to be just as stiff as the Extreme Rules match. The buildup has been good with Paul Heyman doing what he does best and Cena giving impassioned promos without resorting to jokes which is his downfall. Brock and CM Punk had the Match of the Year at last year’s Summerslam. Could he make it two in a row?

Winner Brock with a lot of F5’s because we known Cena is kicking out more than two.

August 15, 2014
New Terminator Title Is The Epitome Of A Facepalm

Arnold Schwarzenegger tweeted the above picture revealing the title of Terminator: Genesis.

We already knew the title, but it can’t ever be that simple. As you can see the title is Terminator: Genisys. Normally the red squiggle under that word I typed means I have fucked up, but now it just means Hollywood because, reasons.

August 6, 2014
Hercules Review (From Someone Who Did Not See Hercules)

This is the tale of Hercules, a legend so big that it spawned a TV show which spawned a spinoff called Xena which had Lucy Lawless running around in leather and a possible lesbian relationship with her friend. So just by association to Xena, Hercules is awesome.

One can see how this could be mistaken for The Legend of Hercules that released early this year. That one starred someone with acting ability of a rock and this one stars The Rock. The Rock looks huge and walks around shirtless, carrying a sword and yelling a lot. His family is killed by something which basically makes this Gladiator with more wrestling and less phone throwing in the case of Russell Crowe.

One would think that an action movie such as this could be accomplished by any director. There is not any director at the helm of Hercules, there is Brett Ratner. The director that brought the X-Men franchise to its knees (until X-Men Origins: Wolverine came along, then it was bent over for something worse). Ratner will next set his sights on the Beverly Hills Cop franchise, which hit its low point with Part 3, but don’t worry, Ratner can fix that.

Hercules fights lions, hydras, armies of men and HHH in a cage match. It makes me ready for the team-up movie of Hercules and the main Avatar from Clash of the Titans. They will tag team to go up against Hades and then Harlem Heat.

The movie is filled with swordplay, humor and enough furry boots to make you think the Beastmaster will show up with his ferrets. Actually just go home and watch the Beastmaster movies. Yes, this means Beastmaster II: Through the Portal of Time and Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus also.

Can we have The Rundown 2?

PS- on the so small chance that The Rock sees this, I will see Hercules. I just haven’t had time yet. I know you could kick Kevin Sorbo and Kellan Lutz’s ass at the same time. Don’t hurt me.

July 29, 2014
First Trailer For The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies

Peter Jackson finishes up his time in Middle-Earth this year with the final movie in The Hobbit trilogy. Check out the trailer for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies which has good shots of Thorin (in full-on king dickhead mode), Bilbo, Gandalf, Legolas and a whole bunch of armies.

Have to admit that I did get the feels a bit hearing Pippin’s song from The Return of the King again.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies releases on December 17th.

July 28, 2014
First Ant-Man Poster From Comic-Con

Here is the first poster for ~~Edgar Wright’s~~ Peyton Reed’s Ant-Man.

Doesn’t have the same ring to it.

The poster features Michael Douglas as Hank Pym, creator of the Ant-Man suit and Paul Rudd as Scott Lang, who in the comics steal the suit and gets Pym’s blessing to be the new Ant-Man.

Also, he is riding an ant because, Ant-Man. Ants.

This will be Marvel’s first feature to have a lot of unrest with Wright’s departure and script rewrites. Let’s hope they have not screwed up a good thing.

Ant-Man releases on July 17, 2015.

July 24, 2014