Category: Media

WrestleMania 30 Predictions

WrestleMania celebrates 30 year of being the “showcase of the immortals”. To look back at WrestleMania every ten years is to see a template of where the WWE was heading for the next decade. WrestleMania 1 featured Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Andre the Giant and Junkyard Dog all in big matches. Wrestlemania X has Bret Hart winning the WWF title as well as Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon in their first classic ladder match. Wreslemania XX saw John Cena win his first singles title, Eddie Guerrero keep his WWE title against Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit (yeah, I said it) realize his dream.

Now we are here at WrestleMania 30. WWE has put together a good card on paper. Let’s hope it can deliver come Sunday. It has some stiff competition against the previous anniversary editions.

Here are my picks for this Sunday. Please leave your picks in the comments below or just tell me how wrong I am.

The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. The Real Americans vs. Rybaxel (WWE Tag Team Championship)

I know that one match had to make the pre-show and when it was announced it was this one, I felt for the guys involved. Most of the time when you get a four-way tag match it surprises you with how good it is. I think this will be the case here. You have two high-flying teams and two power teams (and Curtis Axel). That is the makings of a fun match. Cesaro should have his moments and that damn midget bull will headbutt someone in the ass, but I am picking The Usos to retain.

The Usos

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This choice is a toss-up with 30 guys involved. There are only 27 superstars announced and WWE.com pointing this out tells me there will be three surprise entrants like RVD, etc. Easy choice would be Big Show, but after Monday I think it is almost too obvious. I will just do the spin the globe and pick a name.

Dolph Ziggler

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

14 Divas in one ring at one time. Elimination match? Hell no, this sumbitch is one-fall. Get ready for something bad. Really bad. It pains me that the only reason this is on the show and not the tag match is to promote Total Divas which is like Real Houswives, only with more vapid and less likable women. I love me some AJ and she is the longest reigning Divas champ of all time, but the end looks near.

Naomi

The Shield vs. Kane and The New Age Outlaws

This is the match that I am calling the swerve on. People have bought into The Shield’s face turn in a big way over the past month and it will pay off here. I think Rollins and Ambrose turn on Reigns and join The Authority. The Shield keeps going as heels and Reigns gets the singles push WWE has been planning.

Kane and The New Age Outlaws

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

This is actually the hardest match of the night to call. Cena getting the upper hand last Monday would tell us Wyatt may be going over, but this is John Cena. He is working a lower card match than he is used to at WrestleMania and even though Wyatt has carried this program, Cena gets the win. The feud doesn’t end here though.

John Cena

Daniel Bryan vs. HHH (winner gets main event spot)

I want these two guys to show the intensity that they had at the end of last Monday’s Raw. HHH, even if it is sometimes monotonous, shows up for WrestleMania and it helps that he is wrestling Daniel Bryan, the only other wrestler besides HBK that could get a broomstick over in a match. We could see some kind of screwy finish where HHH wins, but Bryan gets in the main event anyway. I will just say that Bryan wins clean because I overthink everything and that was my first pick.

Daniel Bryan

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Should I really even make a prediction here? This match is a decade too late. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to see it and I think these two guys can steal the show, but the lead-in has been weak with us having no belief at all that Lesnar will break “The Streak”. Taker winning at WrestleMania is a tradition…not all traditions are good though. If he is going to keep wrestling one match a year, make it be against young guys that get something out of losing to Taker.

Undertaker

Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. winner of Bryan/HHH match (WWE World Heavyweight Championship)

When this match starts, no matter if HHH or Daniel Bryan is in it, we should all wipe our brows and say “Whew”. Why? Because as much as we piss and moan about the booking, at least WWE recognized that Randy Orton vs. Batista was not the match people wanted to see and instead of planting their feet like a child and saying “NO” they are changing things up. I picked Daniel Bryan to beat HHH and I am picking him here to end the show with a big ending. I think HHH tries to interfere but to no avail. Fireworks and a ton of “YES, YES, YES” chants.

Daniel Bryan

April 3, 2014
First Cast Photo For ‘Girl Meets World’

It is almost here!

Disney has released the first cast photo for Girl Meets World featuring Cory and Topanga Matthews with their kids, Riley (center) and Auggie (center left). Let’s hope this starts a new age of continuing old shows with new installments.

-The Full House spin-off that follows DJ and her super-Christian family as they try to save Stephanie from her meth addiction.

– The Family Matters spin-off where Carl meets up with Bruce Willis and there is a long stare between them like they have met before.

– The Step By Step spin-off where Cody kills Frank, but Carol wakes up and finds Frank in the shower. It was a dream all along!

-The Perfect Strangers spin-off….OK, no one wants that.

April 3, 2014
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, March 30, 2014

Photo courtesy WWE

Sorry for the delay on this week’s recap. We have been having problems on the site which is my technical explanation for “I don’t know what the f*** is going on”.

It’s WrestleMania week! Time to get excited, because Raw was a little lax on the excitement…for 2 hours and 55 minutes. I loved the Daniel Bryan run-in. I haven’t seen HHH sell that well since…wait, I can do this…nevermind, we will come back to that if I think of something.

I know ending the show with Bryan triumphant may put doubt in your mind that he will not win this Sunday, but I refuse to believe that WWE would come this far to give fans what they want only to pull the old patented “dick move” at the climax. And yes, I meant for that to sound as sexual as it did.

Going back to Bryan and HHH, if this is the intensity we are going to get during Sunday’s match, then it could be a really special match…or it could be a HHH match. As of now Orton and Batista are just window dressing. They are the shitty pieces of greenery on your plate of steak. Push them aside with your fork and try to enjoy the main event.

There is still a plan (in my head and I am guessing by WWE) to have Batista win on Sunday because they have lost sight of what WrestleMania is. It is about moments that stay with us over the years. Like last year, it was one big shitty moment. Horrible WrestleMania’s aside, one of the problems with the “showcase of the immortals” over the past few years has been to set up the next few PPV’s or summer programs. This is not what you do with wrestling’s equivalent of the Super Bowl. You give the audience moments that they will remember and watch over again and reminisce with their friends about.

Why is the Intercontinental Champion losing to a guy that is leaving the company in a few months?

The only way this makes sense is if Big E. Is going to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal on Sunday. Because in the world of senseless WWE booking, this was Santino beating Umaga bad. As far as the battle royal goes, I think it is a safe bet Big Show will not be winning. Why? Because it sets itself up too perfectly so, in the wrestling world, that means it will not be.

The Piper’s Pit segment was a great big mess that got the fans so excited for the battle royal that their cheers could have been mistaken for apathetic silence.

I love having Piper on whenever possible, but even he can’t help out the fact that this will be the first and last Andre yada yada yada Battle Royal.

The divas match will involve 14 divas (14!) and be a one-fall match. DA FUQ? I have read it referred to as a Fatal Fourteen Way, but I am calling it a Fetal Fourteen Way because that is the position I will be in while watching it on Sunday. God speed, AJ, but this match is destined to be BotchaMania.

Did you see Brock F5 Taker?! Oh man, that totes means he is winning on Sunday!

I am looking forward to Brock and Taker, but the lead-in has been following the Taker playbook for PPV matches that we have seen way too often. He has gotten the one-up on Brock in every encounter except for the Raw before to put “doubt” in our “heads” that Brock can “win”.

Sorry about “that”.

Who knows, maybe Sting will drop from the rafters and take out both men and no one wins except for me and my childhood dreams as the wrestling world explodes in some kind of wonderful, honorable death.

Cena going sheep face (which I haven’t decided is a racial joke waiting to happen) was a good visual even if it did make the Wyatts look like idiots.

“Who is this guy in the sheep mask? Didn’t we get rid of Daniel Bryan? This guy is like three inches taller and built like a tanker. Guys? Any ideas?”

Cena getting the upper hand gives me a small glimmer of hope that Wyatt will win on Sunday. And by small, I mean like the same size glimmer of hope that Emma Watson will allow me to perform “petrificus totalus” to her. Come on Bray, there is a lot riding on this match…for me and you both.

That will do it for this week. Short and sweet, mainly because I don’t know when this site will decide to go all Cylon on me and stop working for my benefit and nuke me.

Till next week!

April 3, 2014
Pete Holmes Meets Ken “The Ultimate Copycat”

We all know why Ken is useless. Pete Holmes just makes a video about it.

Did you play as Ken in Street Fighter?

I shake my head at you. Or as the young folks say today, SMH, which I initially thought meant “secret mental handshake”.

April 1, 2014
Weekend Box Office- March 28-30, 2014

So far, so good for Darren Aronofsky’s Noah. The biblical (but not biblical) epic took in $44 million to finish first. I am sure the audience was divided between Christians who didn’t know what they were getting into and Aronofsky fans that wanted to see how he could top Jared Leto shooting heroin into a gaping hole in his arm.

With Captain America opening next week, we will see if Noah can stay afloat. Sorry, I had a one pun limit for this article.

Frozen had a big weekend. It became the highest grossing animated film of all time passing Toy Story 3. Maybe now people can finally let it go.

Damn, two puns.

1. Noah- $44 million/ $44 million

2. Divergent- $26.5/ $95.2

3. Muppets Most Wanted- $11.3/ $33.3

4. Mr. Peabody & Sherman- $9.5/ $94.9

5. God’s Not Dead- $9.0/ $22.0

6. The Grand Budapest Hotel- $8.8/ $24.4

7. Sabotage- $5.3/ $5.3

8. Need For Speed- $4.3/ $37.7

9. 300: Rise of an Empire- $4.3/ $101.1

10. Non-Stop- $4.0/ $85.1

March 31, 2014
First Trailer For Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

http://youtu.be/nCjsWpM9zFU

Here it is people. Our first look at the (dreaded) Micheal Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

First impression: While I reserve judgment until seeing the final product, this is a mixed bag. I do like the look of the Turtles and what lines they have conveys their signature humor, but I know some will absolutely hate the change in mythology to connect Shredder, April and the Turtles. I still get a feel of Tranformers just with Ninja Turtles.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles releases on August 8th.

March 27, 2014
Dhalsim: Kicking Ass For Peace Since 1991

Ever wanted someone to call Dhalsim out on all his bullshit? Like why he practices yoga, a spiritual meditation of peace, and then kicks in people’s faces?

Pete Holmes does just that here in his newest Street Fighter video featuring Kumail Nanjiani.

Thankfully there are no extending body parts here. Yes, I am talking about penises.

March 26, 2014
New Set Photos From Avengers: Age Of Ultron Show Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver and More

Photos courtesy comingsoon.net

We are just about a year away from Avengers: Age of Ultron and filming is in full swing.

Here are some shots of Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Quicksilver, Elizabeth Olsen as Scarlet Witch, Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye and what appears to be a pre-CG Ultron looking like Joel Kinnaman as Robocop.

Despite the promo art shown last week it appears that Quicksilver will indeed be sporting his trademark hair. He is already looking leaps and bounds above the X-Men: Days of Future Past take on him. I am also loving the look of Scarlet Witch.

Avengers: Age of Ultron releases on May 1, 2015.

March 25, 2014
First Trailer And Poster For Hercules (The Other One)

http://youtu.be/4JZhGYrgCPg

Anyone else wanting The Rock to scream “Haku Machente!”?

Look, I will be honest. This could easily be bad. If it is popcorn movie bad, then it is what I am expecting. I can handle popcorn movie bad.

What can I not handle?

Brett Ratner bad. Let’s hope he doesn’t Ratner all over this and make it unwatchable.

Hercules releases on July 25th.

Photo courtesy collider.com

March 25, 2014
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, March 24, 2014

I am hoping that is Cena’s reaction every week after watching himself on Total Divas.

Horrible reality shows aside, how good has the Cena/Wyatt setup been? I am leaning towards “pretty damn good”. Wanna know why? Because for the first time in…well…ever Cena looks vulnerable. Don’t get me wrong, Cena has been beaten down before a PPV and did his “against all odds” shit that made people sick of Hogan after a decade, but this go round seems different. The Wyatts have gotten into his head, even doing the whole “there is someone watching me in the mirror” paranoia bit that we all love.

Normally, Cena winning would get on my nerves. You would figure after ten years I would have this worked out in my head, but I am a wrestling fan so…logic…there isn’t any. I don’t mind here. He has been made to be more than the five-knuckle oaf that always gets the one-up. The Wyatts have an answer for him week after week so when he does win at WrestleMania, it will actually mean something.

Surprise! Who would have thought the match of the night would have been Luke Harper and Cena’s match?

If last night’s match proved anything, it showed that there is so much talent on the WWE roster that is hiding in plain sight.

For a Raw that had some good matches on it, the Taker/Lesnar ending felt like a letdown. The reason why Taker’s casket thing doesn’t do much for me anymore is because I am not 11 years old. It is not even nostalgia anymore. We know he won’t be in there then after it is closed he makes his way through the “Katie Vick Memorial Trapdoor” and appear.

Props to Lesnar for getting thrown over the casket because that didn’t work out so well for HBK when he did it.

One of the things a friend of mine pointed out on his Twitter is that Taker is being set-up to lose at Mania. He gets the upper hand on every random appearance he makes.

But here is the thing…he is NOT going to lose.

There is no win for Lesnar in this. He (and by extent, Heyman) do not get the better of Taker at all before WrestleMania and then get to lose to him also. If we have come to the point in Taker’s career that a match with him at Mania means that you should be grateful for even being involved, then maybe The Streak, or the Taker character itself, should end.

Either that or stop putting big names against him and use it as career-boosting matches for young guys like Reigns, Ziggler or Wyatt who still get something out of a loss.

Arnold was a busy bee last night. He had an in-ring segment with Hogan and man-god Joe Manganiello that was great in three ways:

1. Arnold got the proper cheers and “Arnold” chants from the Brooklyn crowd.

2. The Miz is heel again!!

3. Joe Manganiello.

Then he was on Jimmy Fallon, who used an entire comedy segment to get him to say “get to the choppa” and it was totally worth it.

How over have The Shield gotten in just a few weeks? Damn.

They are now set to take on Kane and the New Age Outlaws in a six-man tag at Mania. They should be given raises just for getting the Outlaws on the card. I feel like The Shield love will come to an end very quickly though.

I am calling it here: Ambrose and Rollins will turn on Reigns during the match.

It sets itself up too perfectly. You have The Shield split you have been teasing, Reigns becomes the big face, Ambrose and Rollins can keep The Shield going inside The Authority, all is well.

We finally figured out what the WrestleMania pre-show match would be when Rybaxel was given a tag title shot against The Usos for helping out Kane on last week’s Smackdown. Way to show faith in the tag-team division that has carried Raw on its back for the past year.

It finally looks like AJ’s reign as Divas champ is over with her taking on every Diva on the roster at Mania. Did it surprise anyone else how many Divas there actually were on the roster when Vicki began naming them off? It is looking like a Naomi or Tamina victory for a new champ and less AJ on the air…(sigh).

Of course, they could have Emma win and I will get to do my Emma dance live the week after Mania on Raw.

With the “Vicki Guererro Invitational” (which sounds like a lesbian golf tournament) and the “Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal”, this is officially the most namiest WrestleMania ever.

Next will be the “Kronik Waste An Opportunity Match” and the “Joe Manganiello Inadvertent Hard-On Segment” (just me?).

I am glad they had a Fatal Four-Way match last night with Christian, Sheamus, Del Rio and Ziggler. It is one of those rare moments where the writers seems to have their heads on their necks and not in someone else’s ass. It continues two feuds and makes the Intercontinental title more important by having these guys fight to see who will face Big E.

Except for the fact that the title match will not be at Mania, you know, where titles should be defended, but on Main Event tonight.

One step forward, two Del Rio rope trips back.

I could talk about HHH, but that would just say that he had anything of worth on last night’s show. He didn’t. He has those weekly interview segments with Cole every week on WWE.com, why on Joe Manganiello’s green Earth would I want to watch it on Raw?

WWE announced that Scott Hall would be inducted into the Hall of Fame this year. This is well deserved and another home run for this year’s class.

WrestleMania is only two weeks away and it is pretty much set. Here is the card:

-Batista vs. Randy Orton vs. ? for the WWE World Heavyweight Title

-The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

– HHH vs. Daniel Bryan (whoever wins is in the main event)

-John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

-The Shield vs. Kane and the New Age Outlaws

-Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

-The Usos vs. Rybaxel for the WWE Tag Team Titles

-Vicki Guererro Invitational

I have to hand it to WWE, they have a good card going for them, but I hope it doesn’t go south quickly like WrestleMania 26.

Till next week!

March 25, 2014