Nerd Rating

Tag: WWE Network

  • WWE Hell In A Cell 2014 Review (In Memes)

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  • WWE Hell In A Cell 2014 Predictions

    Did you know there was a PPV on Sunday? It kind of sneaks up on you when WWE puts everything on cruise control until Royal Rumble or February when WWE Network subscriptions are up for renewal.

    Hell in a Cell has always seemed like one of two PPV’s, along with Extreme Rules, that need to change in the TV-PG environment WWE has now. I don’t need blade jobs left and right, but it is hard to put on matches that advertise brutality, but can’t actually show it.

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    -The Miz vs. Sheamus for the United States Championship

    Let’s be honest. I will be watching this match for Damien Mizdow, who has taken what should have been a last resort before being “future endeavored” and made it one of the only entertaining things in WWE. The Miz is better served in his role with a title and a win here will get us a step closer to the eventual Miz vs. Mizdow feud.

    Winner- The Miz with the help of his better half.

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    -Paige vs. AJ for the Divas Championship

    You would think I would be tiring of this feud by now. Nope. When these are the only two Divas who can put on good matches on a consistent basis, I have no problem with a third title match. Paige joining Total Divas (NOOOOOOOOOO) tells me all I need to know about this match. Let’s hope Charlotte will make her way to Raw next year to add another piece to the Divas division puzzle that only has two pieces connected.

    Winner- AJ by submission that will hopefully be a GIF the next day. For research purposes.

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    -Rusev vs. Big Show

    Rusev seems like he should be way bigger than he is now. WWE has spent a Russian shitload (that is four pallets of vodka) of time on him. He has a winning streak that will probably go to WrestleMania when Cena goes all “WrestleMania VII Hogan” on him. Here we are seven months away and I don’t know how they can keep it up. Where do they take him after this feud?

    Winner- In Mother Russia, match wrestles you.

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    -Nikki vs. Brie

    Remember how Brie and Stephanie at Summerslam had the crowd caring? Forget all that. Actually, seems like WWE wants you to forget a lot about Summerslam. Didn’t Cena wrestle? No? Weird. Seems like he did. Loser of this match has to be the winner’s slave for a month or something like that. I fast-forward Raw whenever they are on. They could be wrestling for a chance to be Cena’s sack shaver for all I know.

    Winner- Ummm, Nikki.

    Loser- Daniel Bryan, for reasons.

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    -Goldust & Stardust vs. The Usos for the Tag Team Championship

    I want to want this match. Kind of hard when they wrestle each other every week on Raw. Wrestling used to have a thing called buildup, where wrestlers would have matches with other people while cutting promos on the wrestlers they were feuding with. Perhaps some match interference would happen, then when came time for the match, you have created the desire to want to watch it. That used to be fun.

    Winner- Goldust & Stardust because I am still convinced we will see Gwildor before the Cosmic Key stuff is finished.

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    -Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler in a Two out of Three Falls Match for the Intercontinental Championship

    No match preview shot yet because this is announced tonight on Smackdown, thus the snazzy picture. I fully expect this to compete with Ambrose/Rollins for match of the night. Ziggler’s popularity is great to see every week because I know it kills some higher ups. Cesaro will show off his strength and Ziggler will sell everything like only he can. This pick is up in the air for me because I think both guys need the title right now.

    Winner- Cesaro by making Ziggler look like a bomb went off in the ring.

    -John Cena vs. Randy Orton

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    I will let Vaas from Far Cry 3 explain my thoughts here.

    Winner- John Cena because, why the fuck not?

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    -Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

    Whether this match goes on last or not, it is the main event in my head. Rollins has been going back and forth with Ambrose since he turned on The Shield in the summer. While Ambrose has one-upped him a few times, he has yet to pick up a win against his former partner. This match should be different. Ambrose hasn’t had his big win yet since The Shield split unlike Rollins and Reigns. It’s coming (not painted on a woman’s pregnant stomach).

    Winner- Ambrose hits the double arm DDT (is it still Dirty Deeds?). I will call it the Tittie Drop.

  • WWE Night Of Champions 2014 Predictions

    zaynPiece of advice: Do not watch NXT Takeover Fatal Four-Way before watching Night of Champions. Only disappointment will follow.

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    -The Usos vs. Goldust & Stardust for the Tag Team Championships

    Many think The Usos should have dropped the belts to The Wyatts back in the summer. I am one of them. The Wyatts were the hottest thing going and just like WWE always does, they missed the boat and now Harper and Rowan are stuck in neutral. So now we have the newly heel Goldust and Stardust that we already know are gold (sorry) when it comes to carrying the tag titles. It is time for new tag champs and Dusty’s kids are due another run.

    Winner: Goldust and Stardust when Marlena hits an Uso with her high heel.

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    -Paige vs. AJ vs. Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship

    All that time wasted on the Bella Twins has come to fruition. Brie finally gets a title shot for some reason and since WWE knows even Paige can’t wrestle a Nikki broomstick, they added AJ to make it watchable. This should be an easy way for Paige to retain her title without pinning AJ again, but the way their feud is going, somebody wants to be pinned. See, that’s the kind of jokes you get when you try to do a TV-PG semi-lesbian angle.

    Winner: Paige by painful (and sexy) submission on Nikki.

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    -Mark Henry vs. Rusev

    The feud so large and well done that it took the main event of RAW to prove to everyone that…wait, the main event of RAW?! I am still convinced Brock’s flight home left early and they switched the show around and this happened. Henry will be the last one offered up to Rusev before Super Cena comes in to save America from the horrible people expressing free speech. I can’t count how many fucks I don’t give about Cena and Rusev.

    Winner: Rusev by some nefarious means to make Henry look good in losing. Blame Canada.

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    -Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship

    I initially shook my head at Damien Sandow being Miz’s stunt double. Boy, was I wrong about that. It has been the best part about this feud for the past few weeks. R-Ziggler is something else, though. Not in the good way. I picked Miz to retain at Summerslam and was wrong, let’s go two for two.

    Winner: The Miz with the help of Damien Mizdow.

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    -Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

    When Randy Orton attacked Jericho on RAW I thought it was to get Jericho off TV and set up a possible WrestleMania match next year. Looks like I was two weeks ahead of schedule. Jericho’s short-term deal is almost done so I am thinking this ends with a punt to the head so Jericho can go podcast and sing with no distraction until early 2015.

    Winner: Randy Orton with a punt because of his made up disorder about anger issues. God, remember how horrible that was before WrestleMania 25?

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    -Sheamus vs. Cesaro for the U.S. Championship

    The U.S. title is becoming a non-wrestling belt. Whenever someone wins it, they never defend it. Dean Ambrose and now Sheamus have probably defended it less than ten times in a year and a half. I am thinking this trend continues. Sheamus doesn’t need a title to come out and yell “fella”, kick people in the face and be over. This should be Cesaro’s turn to have a belt for awhile to prove to people he is still there, even though it won’t be defended.

    Winner: Cesaro wins a title! (YAY) That doesn’t matter enough to get defended on a regular basis. (BOO)

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    -Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

    If this looks familiar it is because Reigns pinned Rollins on RAW last Monday BEFORE their PPV match. Doing PPV matches again is no new thing, but the catch here is that they are normally done after the PPV match thus the name rematch. Now the PPV match is the rematch. After thinking on it a few days this seems like a Dean Ambrose return party. Reigns will get the best of Rollins, The Authority will come in and then Ambrose will spray his crazy personality everywhere. I meant for it to sound like it did.

    Winner: Roman Reigns by DQ. Then, Tittie Master makes the save.

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    -Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

    The problem inherent with doing a rematch from the Summerslam destruction of John Cena was apparent when Cena returned to RAW only eight days later fine and dandy, ready for more. For every step forward WWE takes, they turn around and run back about 37 steps. Cena should have stayed off RAW completely until the PPV, building up the story of can Cena come back from the mauling at Summerslam? Will he show up at the PPV? How is his mental state after Lesnar took him out so easily?

    You know, storytelling.

    I forgot WWE lost that art a long time ago. Instead we have Cena show up to tell Hall of Famers how they are wrong to bet against him, destroy The Wyatts and then take the fight to Lesnar like nothing happened last month. If it was possible for someone to bat .000, WWE is definitely doing it.

    For the match itself, I expect a more competitive offering like I was expecting at Summerslam before WWE put my hopes and dreams on display. I give them credit for that awesome moment, but it still is not payment enough for a decade of Super Cena. We will see him get his normal beatdown, then hulk up, hit a clothesline and leg drop. Whatever. You know the deal by now. Even after all the Cena, Lesnar will still end up F5’ing him for the win. WWE can not invest as much as they have in him to squander this opportunity.

    Winner: Brock Lesnar continues mounting his competitors like he mounts his wife. I miss Brock UFC promos.

     

  • Five Reasons You Should Get WWE Network

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    1. Pay-Per-Views

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    If you were able to afford all twelve monthly PPV’s a year at $50 a pop then I envy your status on the money making ladder. For me and my friends, it was a given we would get around four a year: Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, Money in the Bank and Summerslam with the possibility for a fifth if Survivor Series had a good card. Why no Hell in the Cell? Because there is hardly a time you can have a great PPV called Hell in the Cell going TV-PG. It is possible, but it is like seeing a unicorn, it rarely happens.

    All the PPV’s would cost a wrestling fan around $600 a year which is an insane amount of money especially considering WWE has the weakest on-air product in almost a decade. With the WWE Network only $120 a year that is a no brainer, which leads into…

    2. The Price

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    When the WWE announced that the network would only be $9.99 a month earlier this year, I could not believe the deal wrestling fans were getting. I would pay that much just for the video library alone (don’t tell them that or they will take away PPV’s). That is why it surprises me more have not signed up. Now this could be because it was only available in North America for the first six months. It is now in 170 countries with the UK getting it in October.

    WWE has not helped matters any by beating a dead horse with its $9.99 diatribe week after week, segment after segment. We know how much it costs, tell viewers about all the content they can get on it for that amount, and no, that does mean reminding us that we can watch repeats of Total Divas. Take time before coming back from commercial to show us a clip of a classic PPV moment or something from classic Raws instead of telling us that Raw had more tweets than The Big Bang Theory.

    3. Monday Night War

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    Some of the WWE’s best DVD releases have been about the Monday Night War between WWE and WCW. Now they have taken all the video footage and old and new interviews to make a continuing show about the best time to be a wrestling fan, the late 90’s.

    If that alone is not enough to warrant $9.99, the fact that Keith David narrates the show should have any self-respecting nerd reaching for their wallet.

    4. NXT

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    Calling RAW the flagship show seems like an inside joke. Name wise it is, but as far as wrestling goes, WWE has one flagship and that is NXT. I dare you to watch NXT Takeover Fatal Four-Way and not say it is the best special the WWE has done since WrestleMania.

    These guys are working hard to show that they should be on the main roster and RAW is already seeing benefits from NXT. Bray Wyatt, Bo Dallas, Paige and more were on the NXT roster before coming to TV. Here is the rub, though. With RAW being so weak is it really a step up to be on the show? Would you rather be giving great matches in front of great (albeit much smaller) crowds like Sami Zayn, Tyson Kidd, Adrian Neville and Tyler Breeze did or be like former NXT champ Big E who did…wait, was he even on RAW? Last week? The week before?

    5. Monday Nitro

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    One of the newest additions of the WWE Network is previous episodes of Nitro. Now you can relive the time Lex Luger showed up at the Mall of America with magically longer hair than he had the previous week on RAW (who says hair extensions aren’t for everyone) or the debut of Glacier and even some Tongan Death Grip action by Meng. I am making fun, but going back and watching old Nitros brings back a lot of memories from a great time in wrestling history.

    Want to know the ugly truth? I just watched a RAW last night that had Mark Henry and Rusev during the main event and Roman Reigns clean pin Seth Rollins BEFORE their PPV match Sunday. I actually would have rather watched an old Nitro than last night’s RAW…Cryonic Kick and all.

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  • WWE Battleground 2014 Predictions

    Normally if the WWE tried to run two PPV’s a month I would ask what the big rush is for? Money in the Bank was earlier this month and we already have Battleground this Sunday with Summerslam two weeks after that. But with the WWE Network, they can do one every week for all I care. Ten bucks a month beats $55 a pop every single time.

    No, I don’t work for WWE although I could see why you would think that with my glowing endorsement of the network.

    The lead up to Battleground has been by the numbers like it is an afterthought of a PPV. The thing that WWE is failing to realize is that it is a better card than Money in the Bank a few weeks ago. Predictable, yes, but more for a wrestling fan to enjoy.

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    1. Naomi vs. Cameron

    Now I obviously wasn’t talking about this match when I said that last statement. No one gives any amount of fucks about this match besides Naomi, Cameron, their families and Brodus Clay who has to be wondering why these two have jobs and he doesn’t. It’s not the fact they have tits, Brodus had plenty of those.

    Winner- Naomi with a funktastic Funkadactyl finish. Whatever. Let’s move on.

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    2. Jack Swagger vs. Rusev

    The way you can tell if a character is over is by how quickly the audience accepts their opponents. The fact it took Jack Swagger’s music to hit during a Rusev promo to turn him face proves this. I like the slow build of Rusev. Instead of throwing him into the main event (to lose to Cena), they are moving him though the roster at a believable pace. When he does get a big time main event feud, he will be more believable as a threat (then lose to Cena).

    Winner- Rusev locks in The Accolade while I act like I am not staring at Lana’s breasts.

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    3. Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

    Don’t worry, Seth’s “injury” from Monday is clearly a work. The announcers made it too clear that he could have messed his knee up. This could be to even the playing field with Ambrose’s shoulder problems or just give Rollins an excuse for a loss. This should be a fun match which means it will get five minutes less than it needs.Seth got his big win at Money in the Bank, Ambrose should go over here. I would let this carry over to Summerslam with a ladder match for Seth’s briefcase. Your welcome, WWE.

    Winner- Ambrose by Dirty Deeds with his tongue hanging out.

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    4. Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal

    This match has too many guys to name. Let’s just say there are guys that are pushed too much, guys that are not pushed enough and Epico and Primo acting like they control a midget bull. I have four guys that will win this match and no, not one of them is Ziggler. Sheamus, Cesaro, The Miz and Bo Dallas. The Miz winning would give his return the boost it needs now that he is a heel again. Cesaro could use the title to show that the WWE has not forgotten about Wrestlemania already (even though they probably have). Sheamus should not win because that means WWE wants to combine the IC and U.S. titles and that is kid in the helmet retarded. That leaves Bo Dallas who can use the title to inspire those around him to aim higher and be better.

    Winner- Bo Dallas becomes the most inspirational champion ever. Bolieve!

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    5. The Usos vs. The Wyatts in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the Tag Team Championship

    I am saying this with ease; this will be the match of the night. These four guys have shown that when they have the time, they can put on a show. Add in a fun stipulation like 2 out of 3 falls and let’s get ready for more Harpercanrannas!

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    The Wyatts have been the best tag team over the past few months and The Usos will still be at the top of the division so losing the titles here isn’t a bad thing.

    Winner- The Wyatts via Clothesline from Smell (copyright- Matt Fowler)

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    6. AJ vs. Paige for the Divas Championship

    What a difference a month makes. After begging for Paige to have competition since Wrestlemania, AJ returns and wins back the Divas title. Now, instead of the long list of don’t care divas, we have a divas match on a PPV that I actually care about. Add in the whole “frienemy” angle between the two of them that is both fun and slightly arousing (honesty, oops).

    Winner- AJ because I want to see a full Paige heel turn.

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    7. Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt

    Jericho is everything that is right about wrestling. He has his own life without being Y2J, but he comes back every now and then. Here is what makes him the best; he comes back to work with guys that he knows he can have a good feud with and he puts them over. Yeah, he is the anti-Nash/Hogan/any top guy from the 90’s. This was just what Bray Wyatt needed after his feud with Cena went on too long. Both can claim great mic skills and both can bring it in the ring. You would think Jericho would win here leading to Bray getting a bigger win at Summerslam, but as I said, Jericho doesn’t care about wins and losses.

    Winner- Bray Wyatt seals it with a kiss.

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    8. Kane vs. Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns vs. John Cena in a Fatal Four Way Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

    People are excited to see one out of four of these guys in the main event. Could it be the guy that has not been a constant for the past 10+ years? The magic 8-ball says: No shit. We all know where Summerslam is heading with the poster leaking weeks ago with John Cena and Brock Lesnar on it. I think this will be a decent match with three guys giving serviceable performances and one showing that he wants to be in the main event. Take a guess.

    And for those who think Paul Heyman’s “Plan C” is CM Punk; I wish I could be happy in this weird form of bliss you live in. Punk is too busy doing anything he wants which includes AJ, why would he even want to come back?

    Winner- John Cena, which still will be a surprise to some people. I know, I know.

  • Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- 1/13/14

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    Wait…haven’t we seen this before?

    Yep, John Cena’s dad was attacked last night by Randy Orton on Raw which I believe is the 11th or 12th time he has been assaulted on camera. One would think he is a relatively smart man and would stay far away from watching his son wrestle. Not because he is always attacked with faux punches and kicks but just for the reason of not watching his son wrestle. Most of the time it is hard to watch and I would prefer being actually punched in the throat.

    But wait! What’s this?!

    Cena had a good match last night. Not just a good match but a really good match with Damien Sandow. The same Sandow who beat the holy hell out of Cena only two weeks after his fifth miracle early comeback in October with chairs and ring steps. He then cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase and became only the second man to lose their match for the gold with the other being…yep, Cena. Even Cena gets return wins on MITB briefcase matches. But last night’s match was a good effort from both guys with Cena showing off some nifty new moves (that half-nelson neckbreaker was good) and Sandow getting a whoooole lot more offense than any match he has had with Khali over the past few weeks. You’re welcome.

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    Ryback kept trolling internet folks last night with his entrance. In case you missed it he went a bit Matt Hardy on Twitter this weekend putting up odd tweets that he had been released only to reveal it was for a traffic stop and played up the fact he gave Dolph Ziggler a (real life) concussion. He then promptly deleted his rage tweets and then tweeted that no one has deleted more tweets than him. Now we know the last fact is not true, that honor belongs to Kurt Angle and rightfully so.

    Now either Ryback is just having some fun with trolling the trolls floating around on this giant porn-filled ship we call the worldwide web or…get ready for this…he is actually FUCKING NUTS. Rumors said that after he tweeted he was released that many were not surprised if it actually happened. And this guy was being set up to be “The Man” in 2012. Now he is tagging with Curtis “personality skips a generation” Axel.

    The New Age Outlaws teamed up with CM Punk again after their great match with The Shield on last week’s Smackdown for a rematch. The crowd was hot for Punk/Outlaw team and the match was going just fine…until they pushed Punk off the stage in a dumpster (hypothetically speaking) and left him to face The Shield alone.

    OH NO! It’s almost as if they are lifelong friends of HHH like Shawn Mich….ohhhhh. I get it.

    Punk lost the match thanks to another Roman Reigns spear and got all up in Kane’s face backstage about having a problem with HHH. I smell a Pedigree and a 1-2-3 for Punk in April.

    As I said, Reigns picked up another win on Punk and it is looking more and more likely that the WWE is going to hang their hat on him when The Shield breaks up and make him the Batista for this generation of PG WWE Network viewing. Whether you like it or not, you can’t deny that he is a talented big guy that can do stuff like this:

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    He’s like a 275 lb. flying Uso. Which makes sense seeing as they are related but DAMN was that sweet!

    Del Rio, after getting his win back over Sin Hunico, picked up a win against Rey Mysterio further setting up the Mexican JBL to be destroyed by a returning Batista next week. The fun part about ADR and Batista getting together is that Del Rio seems to have actually pissed off Batista on Twitter when he made fun of the rider of buses lackluster MMA fight. Now we should get some extra stiff (giggity) action between these two.

    Brock Lesnar was nowhere in sight when the Big Show wrestled Jack Swagger. By wrestle I mean completely squashed. Didn’t the WWE charged us $50 in 2009 for Big Show and Jack Swagger when Swagger was (somehow) WHC? Now we can watch it anytime we want on the WWE Network for only $10 a month, but why would you when  you have WCW and ECW PPV’s to watch? Like sands through the hourglass.

    Bray Wyatt, Daniel Bryan and The Usos opened and closed the show but that was not a big deal. The big deal was that Daniel Bryan finally, after months and months of being a member of The Wyatt family, broke free of his shackles. Wait, did I say months and months? I meant two or three weeks. Last night’s goatee liberation after such a short time just reaffirmed to me that The Wyatt Family/Daniel Bryan saga was meant as a punishment for the crowd reaction in Seattle last year that left HHH butthurt and it seemed like Bryan was being forced into a heel role because of it.

    Welllll, small problem there. The fans would not allow it. They didn’t boo Bryan, they chanted NO to their favorite wrestler giving up. If anything it further solidified that he is going to be the man in WWE whether the higher-ups want it or not. So, last night, the mighty goat face attacked Bray Wyatt in the cage after The Usos had picked up the win. And the…crowd…went…fuck…nuts.

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    Jeeeesus Christ, what more does this company need to realize that we have sat through a decade of Cena and Orton and it is time to move on? How many WrestleMania’s over the past decade has Cena stood victorious over HHH, Michaels and The Rock to an indifferent crowd. WrestleMania is your Super Bowl. You don’t want that. Or maybe the WWE doesn’t care anymore and are truly in some kind of cruise control until Vince decides to go away.

    Imagine the end of WrestleMania 30 with the crowd doing what you see above? One can dream. Don’t let that dream get too far because we will most likely be YES YES YES-ing all the way to another Undertaker win. Then we wonder why we do it. Then we turn on the TV the next night for more.

    Until next week!

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  • WWE Network Launches February 24th. Take A Look At The Best Deal In Sports Entertainment

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    Yesterday at CES the WWE brought out their big guns to announce that the WWE Network would officially launch on Monday, February 24th. Vince McMahon, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, HHH, John Cena and more were on hand to celebrate the moment that the WWE has promised since 2011.

    The WWE Network will be a 24/7 streaming service that costs $9.99 a month and can be watched on PC’s, laptops, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Apple and Android phones and tablets as well as Roku streaming devices. Smart TV and Xbox One support will be available this summer. You must give a six month commitment to the WWE Network right off the bat but the $60 investment is more than worth it.

    What will you get for your 10 bucks a month? Quite simply, all of the wrestling content you could possibly dream of. I almost said “break it down” but resisted. Let’s get the rundown:

    -All 12 monthly PPV’s beginning with WrestleMania 30 (which itself is $75)

    -Every past WWE PPV

    -Every past WCW PPV (DDP vs. Macho Man!)

    -Every past ECW PPV (RVD vs. Jerry Lynn!)

    -Previous episodes of RAW and Smackdown

    -Weekly episodes of NXT

    -Pre- and Post- shows for RAW and Smackdown

    -Original programming including Legends House (like Big Brother with Roddy Piper, how is that not fun?), WrestleMania Rewind (looks back at WM matches with interviews from the wrestlers), The Monday Night War (regular series focusing on the battle between WWE and WCW) and WWE Countdown (interactive series where fans vote on a variety of “best of” categories).

    Legends House also has me intrigued in a “boy this is going to be one, big, racist trainwreck” sort of way. I can say that WrestleMania Rewind and The Monday Night War will already be regular viewing for me as well. WWE has also promised that more original content is on the way in the future. There is no word if new episodes of RAW and Smackdown will be available but I would assume not with the WWE about to sign their new TV deals soon.

    Let’s face it, that is a stupid amount of content for only $9.99. Even a cynical fan like me that has lost a lot of interest in wrestling over the past few years can’t help but get excited about this. The fact that I can cull through all of the old WCW and ECW PPV’s as I wish is worth the price alone. Add in the fact that you get all 12 PPV’s WWE produces, which is almost $700 a year, and there is no way any wrestling fan, no matter how disenchanted, can pass this up.

    All content will not be altered for today’s PG-era either. All of the programming that is rated TV-14 or TV-MA will carry a warning before viewing. Does this mean I can hear Joel Gertner in his filthy glory? I sure hope so.

    I have been a wrestling fan my entire life, and even if you (like me) are not pleased with the current product, the WWE Network will be a good way to go back and see why we fell in love with it to begin with.

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