Tag: Randy Orton

Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap 1/27/14

Photo courtesy wwe.com

It’s amazing how much you can relate everything to high school. Take the picture above. You have the douche nozzle that uses his looks to bang all the women, then when they break up, shits in their duffle bag. The football jock who can dress however he wants and is “tough”. Then you have the wildcard. That person that is legit fucking crazy and is most likely to beat someone to death with a pipe in the gym basement.

That’s what Brock Lesnar is: a wildcard.

There is a reason they pay Brock all that money. It’s not to talk about diverticulitis awareness. He saved that horrible segment last night between Orton and Batista that had the crowd so excited they chanted “Daniel Bryan”. Granted the masses chanted that most of the night…but not when the bane of Shane Carwin came out.

Brock still has that aura around him that somebody is going to get a shoe up their ass and a Turkey Tom stuffed down their throat when he is in the ring.

Last night’s three-way bitchfest has me thinking more and more that there are three possibilities for WrestleMania: Brock vs. Batista, Brock vs. Batista vs. Orton or a fatal four-way adding in Daniel Bryan.

I know, it is still wishful thinking. After last night it seems that the WWE is relishing in the fact they are dangling Bryan so close to the main event and will jerk him back like they are teaching us a lesson. We are the children and HHH is the horrible father that tells us to touch the stove because it’s not hot, but that bitch is on full heat.

BTW, who absolutely LOVED the way HHH talked to the crowd in the same voice I am sure he uses when his spoiled ass kids want something? I can imagine in the pre-production meaning how it was discussed:

Writers- What if they start chanting for Daniel Bryan.

HHH- Don’t worry. I have handle these little diaper shitters before. I can handle it.

Writers- But sir, these aren’t childr….

HHH- Get in the corner! Time out!

I am not complaining about the show itself. In the realms of recent Raw’s it was a decent episode. The main event was the only match to really get interested in when it all comes down to it. I liked the stipulation for the six-man tag with the winning team going to the Elimination Chamber although I don’t get the Wyatt’s attacking Cena therefore giving him an easy in to the match. Wouldn’t their plan be to thwart Magilla Gorilla from making it in? Logic…the wrestling fans Achilles heel.

The Elimination Chamber now has four official members; Sheamus, Cena, Orton and Bryan with Lesnar being a pretty good bet for #5. Now the mystery begins. Who will be the last entrant? If I am wagering money I would say it will be Bray Wyatt. I don’t know how but it solves a lot of WWE storytelling in one match.

If it ends up being those six that is one LOADED match. I would watch the shit out of that match especially with Lesnar being in his hometown.

If you were looking for more great matches, this was not the night for you. The Miz and Dolph Ziggler had an OK showing in the first ever (?) Battle of Cleveland with the winner getting to have sex with Drew Carey.

Photo courtesy wwe.com

WILDCARD!!!!

Lesnar destroyed ex-mustache and Black Reign then proceeded to “Big Show” them with a chair. Love him or hate him, he is the only guy on that show that would truly make me shit my pants if he came at me.

A.J. lost ANOTHER match! This time to the other Funkadactyl. The shitty one! Just give us the A.J. vs. Emma match already!

Big congrats to Jake “The Snake” Roberts on his Hall of Fame induction. He should have been in with one of the first two or three classes but he was on a downward spiral then. Now that he has cleaned up his life it is now time to take his place where he belongs. During his heyday there was no better wrestler on the mic or knew how to sell the crowd on mind games and ring psychology.

I will cover the rest of the matches quickly.

America is better than Mexico. Don’t get mad, the WWE said it.

Thug life is better than ballroom dancing.

Being related to The Rock is better than being Ryback (obviously).

Mexico is better than Jamaica…or is it West Africa. Hell, I don’t know. Kofi lost.

Going back to the upcoming PPV, the WWE may be doing the fans a “service” by having Daniel Bryan in the match but will the audience accept anything other than a Bryan victory or Brock since it will be in his backyard?

I want to believe the WWE is smarter than we give them credit for. That they are letting all of this fan uprising fester for a huge payoff at WrestleMania 30. I said I want to believe because I agree with one of my good friends who believes they are staying the course, no matter what, only focused on the WWE Network and new television deal.

Unless one of you want to climb a mountain and ask some naked oracle like in 300 we will just sit and wait. As much as I love titties, I am fat and I am not climbing a damn thing.

Oh well, at least I have a new Blacklist to watch.

Until next week!

LEGO BOMB!!!

January 28, 2014
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Royal Rumble 2014 Recap

Last night’s PPV was a turning point for the WWE and not just in the normal way when the Royal Rumble begins the setup for WrestleMania. Neither was this turning point a good thing for the company but it may, in fact, be a good thing for fans of “sports entertainment”. Fans have had enough of the force-fed product and they are letting WWE know it at every show, even more so at last night’s Royal Rumble.

Lets go through what came of last night’s PPV:

Cena and Orton are quickly becoming the past whether WWE wants it or not.

First off, I just want to thank the good folks of Pittsburgh for a showing worthy of a WrestleMania. They voiced their opinion the entire night and it pretty much summed up the voices in the group I was watching with. They let Cena and Orton have it during their title match which was not either guy’s fault. They worked hard and tried to get the crowd involved (especially Orton) but we have seen this song and dance way too many times before. Despite the announcers billing it as “one of the most anticipated rematches of all time” the crowd bellowed out chants of “boring”, “Daniel Bryan” and “we want refunds”.

Daniel Bryan has gone past fan favorite to full-scale revolution.

The more the WWE denies fans what they want, the more they keep revolting. Now this could be WWE trolling every fan with plans to actually put Bryan in the main event of WrestleMania but I am putting my money on it being stubbornness on Vince or HHH’s (or both) part and telling fans what they want. They have done it for the past ten years with Cena and it has made them a shitload of money in merchandise sales.

Daniel Bryan is different. This doesn’t feel like a natural WWE changing of the guard like Bret Hart from Hogan, Shawn Michaels from Bret or Stone Cold from HBK. WWE influenced each of those movements recognizing that it was each guy’s time to become “the man”. Bryan is ready in every way. The only difference is that the big deals in the company aren’t pulling the trigger on what could be their saving grace. The guy that can easily carry the company for the next 5-7 years. Fans are ready, Bryan is ready, Mick Foley is CERTAINLY ready saying he was “disgusted” with the PPV on Twitter as well as writing a scathing piece on Facebook.

Bryan had the match of the night with Bray Wyatt to open the show then was left out of the Rumble altogether. With guys like Kevin Nash, El Torito and JBL having spots it makes the omission of Bryan seem even more like a petty move on the WWE’s part. I hope they realize that this can not be swept under the rug. I think they are hoping this is a flash in the pan. They fail to realize how big it truly is…yet.

The one thing WWE got right last night: Roman Reigns

We all knew that Reigns was the member of The Shield that WWE has big plans for and that started, in earnest, last night. He broke Kane’s record of Royal Rumble eliminations by throwing out 12 guys. Over a third of the entrants! I always figured Kane’s record would always stand. He doesn’t have any streak like Taker or title reigns like Flair to hang his hat on…now all he has is Katy Vick.

Reigns even had a quick mini-babyface turn last night when it came down to him and Batista as the final two men. The crowd was already burned by no Daniel Bryan, even booing Rey Mysterio as he came to the ring, so when it came down to skinny jeans and Rosie’s brother, it became a decidedly pro-Reigns crowd. We can chalk this up to being another case of “seen this before” syndrome. Batista has been gone four years and should have been getting massive pops…that was not to be. Fans want new guys to get behind even if it is a heel.

Reigns is going to be a huge deal very, very soon.

Where does this leave WrestleMania 30?

This is the $20,000 question. After the Royal Rumble, I honestly have no idea. The only certain thing is that Batista will be in the main event for the WWE Title and the belt we were never supposed to see again. If Orton retains at Elimination Chamber then the 30th anniversary of WrestleMania could end with a match I could give two fat flying rat shits about. There is a possibility that Lesnar could unseat Orton in the chamber (the PPV is in his hometown) and we could get Brock vs. Batista. That matchup, at least, intrigues me. They have never had a match together and it would be two huge, hulking guys (which is what gets Vince’s rocks off) in the main event.

For the sake of guessing, let’s say it is Batista and Orton boring people in the main event. Where does this leave the rest of the roster? They combined world titles (stupid) so you won’t have another title match that really means anything. They may combine the U.S. and IC titles at Mania but come on…

Bray Wyatt and Cena are on course for a match at WM30 and even though Cena will triumph, I am glad Wyatt is getting this push. I hope they can deliver on the buildup for the match.

The Sting rumors are swirling as they do every year. This time, there is actually something to it I believe. He is done with TNA and WWE should be backing the Brinks truck up to his house for a short run. A match with Undertaker may not be as great as it would have been ten years ago but the fact of just having those two guys in the ring together would be HUGE.

The Shield are headed for a breakup (dammit). I think this will lead to a triple-threat match to see who is “the best of the group”. If this happens, I expect it to steal the show.

CM Punk gets to waste another WrestleMania appearance against HHH. He will, most likely, face Kane at Elimination Chamber then move on to the “artist formerly known as mutton chops”.

After losing the tag titles last night and Goldust eliminating Cody in the Rumble, we seem to be heading to a brother vs. brother match. A little soon for me, I think. They still had plenty of time left as tag champs IMO.

If all of this shakes down this leaves us with six matches with Lesnar and Daniel Bryan drifting around. As I said before, it could be Lesnar and Batista then where does that leave Orton and Bryan? The last thing they need is another match together. Would the WWE possibly go with a Bryan/Lesnar match? I can’t lie…I would want to see that. WWE could be trolling every single one of us and may have a fatal four-way for the title also. It would fulfill Batista’s Rumble win, get Lesnar in the title mix like Heyman has been preaching and puts the biggest name in the company in the spot the fans want to see him.

Would they actually do that?

Don’t forget, the Raw Recap will be up tomorrow and hopefully we will have a few answers. If not that, at least a whole lot of YES! chants.

January 27, 2014
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- 1/13/14

Wait…haven’t we seen this before?

Yep, John Cena’s dad was attacked last night by Randy Orton on Raw which I believe is the 11th or 12th time he has been assaulted on camera. One would think he is a relatively smart man and would stay far away from watching his son wrestle. Not because he is always attacked with faux punches and kicks but just for the reason of not watching his son wrestle. Most of the time it is hard to watch and I would prefer being actually punched in the throat.

But wait! What’s this?!

Cena had a good match last night. Not just a good match but a really good match with Damien Sandow. The same Sandow who beat the holy hell out of Cena only two weeks after his fifth miracle early comeback in October with chairs and ring steps. He then cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase and became only the second man to lose their match for the gold with the other being…yep, Cena. Even Cena gets return wins on MITB briefcase matches. But last night’s match was a good effort from both guys with Cena showing off some nifty new moves (that half-nelson neckbreaker was good) and Sandow getting a whoooole lot more offense than any match he has had with Khali over the past few weeks. You’re welcome.

Ryback kept trolling internet folks last night with his entrance. In case you missed it he went a bit Matt Hardy on Twitter this weekend putting up odd tweets that he had been released only to reveal it was for a traffic stop and played up the fact he gave Dolph Ziggler a (real life) concussion. He then promptly deleted his rage tweets and then tweeted that no one has deleted more tweets than him. Now we know the last fact is not true, that honor belongs to Kurt Angle and rightfully so.

Now either Ryback is just having some fun with trolling the trolls floating around on this giant porn-filled ship we call the worldwide web or…get ready for this…he is actually FUCKING NUTS. Rumors said that after he tweeted he was released that many were not surprised if it actually happened. And this guy was being set up to be “The Man” in 2012. Now he is tagging with Curtis “personality skips a generation” Axel.

The New Age Outlaws teamed up with CM Punk again after their great match with The Shield on last week’s Smackdown for a rematch. The crowd was hot for Punk/Outlaw team and the match was going just fine…until they pushed Punk off the stage in a dumpster (hypothetically speaking) and left him to face The Shield alone.

OH NO! It’s almost as if they are lifelong friends of HHH like Shawn Mich….ohhhhh. I get it.

Punk lost the match thanks to another Roman Reigns spear and got all up in Kane’s face backstage about having a problem with HHH. I smell a Pedigree and a 1-2-3 for Punk in April.

As I said, Reigns picked up another win on Punk and it is looking more and more likely that the WWE is going to hang their hat on him when The Shield breaks up and make him the Batista for this generation of PG WWE Network viewing. Whether you like it or not, you can’t deny that he is a talented big guy that can do stuff like this:

He’s like a 275 lb. flying Uso. Which makes sense seeing as they are related but DAMN was that sweet!

Del Rio, after getting his win back over Sin Hunico, picked up a win against Rey Mysterio further setting up the Mexican JBL to be destroyed by a returning Batista next week. The fun part about ADR and Batista getting together is that Del Rio seems to have actually pissed off Batista on Twitter when he made fun of the rider of buses lackluster MMA fight. Now we should get some extra stiff (giggity) action between these two.

Brock Lesnar was nowhere in sight when the Big Show wrestled Jack Swagger. By wrestle I mean completely squashed. Didn’t the WWE charged us $50 in 2009 for Big Show and Jack Swagger when Swagger was (somehow) WHC? Now we can watch it anytime we want on the WWE Network for only $10 a month, but why would you when you have WCW and ECW PPV’s to watch? Like sands through the hourglass.

Bray Wyatt, Daniel Bryan and The Usos opened and closed the show but that was not a big deal. The big deal was that Daniel Bryan finally, after months and months of being a member of The Wyatt family, broke free of his shackles. Wait, did I say months and months? I meant two or three weeks. Last night’s goatee liberation after such a short time just reaffirmed to me that The Wyatt Family/Daniel Bryan saga was meant as a punishment for the crowd reaction in Seattle last year that left HHH butthurt and it seemed like Bryan was being forced into a heel role because of it.

Welllll, small problem there. The fans would not allow it. They didn’t boo Bryan, they chanted NO to their favorite wrestler giving up. If anything it further solidified that he is going to be the man in WWE whether the higher-ups want it or not. So, last night, the mighty goat face attacked Bray Wyatt in the cage after The Usos had picked up the win. And the…crowd…went…fuck…nuts.

Jeeeesus Christ, what more does this company need to realize that we have sat through a decade of Cena and Orton and it is time to move on? How many WrestleMania’s over the past decade has Cena stood victorious over HHH, Michaels and The Rock to an indifferent crowd. WrestleMania is your Super Bowl. You don’t want that. Or maybe the WWE doesn’t care anymore and are truly in some kind of cruise control until Vince decides to go away.

Imagine the end of WrestleMania 30 with the crowd doing what you see above? One can dream. Don’t let that dream get too far because we will most likely be YES YES YES-ing all the way to another Undertaker win. Then we wonder why we do it. Then we turn on the TV the next night for more.

Until next week!

January 14, 2014