Tag: Kane

Scott’s Best And Worst WWE Superstars 2014

2014 started out to be a good year for WWE. You could tell a change was in the air, but just like Bray Wyatt, they know how to screw things up. As much as I complain about the product overall there are bright spots that give me hope that one day we will be ushered into the next generation of sports entertainment. I call it the A.C. (After Cena) era. Because, in all honesty, no one can ever truly get to the top until he decides to go away.

Not out of the title scene, I mean not there.

Sitting at home in his sad, big house with his vapid girlfriend wondering why people reflect on Hogan well, when he used his entire career to hold people down, while Cena was the company man for over a decade and people spew hate at him daily.

Let’s take a look at the five superstars that lit up a lackluster product and the five that make me wish Nitro was still on the air so I can turn to it when they are on television.

Best

5. Daniel Bryan

Leading up to WrestleMania 30, Bryan was on the biggest wave of crowd favor since Stone Cold became the man in the late 90’s. It was truly great to watch his rise to the top and made WWE’s biggest show of the year feel truly special for him and us. Since April, his life has been a shitstorm. Losing his father, vacating his title due to injury and not being able to heal completely to where some are wondering if he will ever be able to compete again. Still, despite all the bad, he got married to Brie Bella and had a night wrestlers only dream of. Nothing can take away his (or our) memories of that night.

Bryan announced he is returning to the Royal Rumble and whether this is real or a work is still in the air. He could return and win or this could be an out to have Lesnar attack him setting up Cena as the savior of our wrestling souls which leads to Bryan really retiring. Wrestling, worse than a bipolar relationship.

4. Dolph Ziggler

Has anyone had more career turnarounds than Ziggler? His entire career has seemed like one big Vince McMahon dollar bet that he can make a man go crazy by almost giving him the ball then pulling a Lucy on Charlie Brown. His world title win a few years ago looked to be the moment when he rose to the top, but a Swagger-induced concussion cut that short. I have never seen anyone punished for getting a serious concussion before. You win again, WWE. Imagine if Peyton Manning had concussion symptoms and instead of sitting him until he was better, they traded him.

2014 was Ziggler’s best year with the company. No, there weren’t any world titles, but he did something that no one has done in almost a decade. He made the Intercontinental Championship mean something. With only one world champion (who shows up occasionally), the IC title is back to being the second most important championship in the company and WWE realized that you need someone that can make fans care about both the performer and the title together. It also doesn’t hurt that Ziggler never takes a day off in the ring, making every match on TV as important as a PPV. The roster may be too crowded for him to be in the world title picture, but he is doing something more important. Bringing a dormant piece of WWE history back to prominence.

3. Sami Zayn

I don’t want Sami Zayn to go to the main roster. Why would I? Is it selfish of me to not want what I am sure is his dream as a performer? Yes, but the track record of NXT guys (sans The Shield and Wyatts) to Raw is about as good as Joss Whedon TV shows. Big E is acting like the church scene from Don’t Be A Menace, Bo Dallas is a more positive Zack Ryder and they want to turn Adrian Neville into GODDAMN MIGHTY MOUSE!

Sami’s 2014 was littered with great matches with Cesaro, Tyler Breeze, Tyson Kidd and Neville. The match with Neville at REvolution was my favorite match of the year. He can entertain in a four minute match the same as he can in a twenty minute one. His promo work leading into his last match with Neville was great and he is the most over, believable superstar WWE has had in a long time. Why would I want him to go to Raw and have them turn into another Evan Bourne?

Do I think Sami has the ability to make it huge on the big show? Hell yes. It is the lazy writers and the current state of WWE’s product I don’t trust. For now, let’s enjoy Sami Zayn, NXT champion in 2015.

2. Damien Mizdow

In the span of a few months Damien Sandow went from a different gimmick every week to the most over guy this side of John Cena. You would think being Miz’s stunt double would be one step away from the dreaded future endeavors bit on WWE.com. Nope. He took his duty as a stunt double and ran with it, more times than not being the most entertaining part of Raw. When he and Miz won the tag team championships it showed how he literally turned shit into gold.

1. Seth Rollins

Seth Rollins. Proof that we “smart” wrestling fans don’t know shit. When The Shield was split up last year we all spouted off that Rollins was a great match guy, but would fall to the Marty Jannetty epidemic that has claimed so many careers. I mean, look at Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. These were the two Shield guys that had the “it” look.

Guess what smarks? We don’t know shit.

Rollins aligned with The Authority, which was the best possible thing, and had built-in feuds with Rollins and Ambrose ready to go. Throw in the heat with Orton with Rollins’ knack for getting an audience wrapped around his finger with promos and Rollins is the best heel not just in WWE, but in wrestling today. Oh yeah, and he delivers in the ring night after night after night. WWE wants 2015 to be the year of Roman Reigns. I think Seth will have something to say about that.

Worst

5. Kane

Is Kane just an employee like Milton in Office Space? He collects a paycheck, but it’s due to a computer error and he was supposed to be let go three years ago. One week he looks like he running for political office, the next he wears a mask that looks like a t-bone strapped to his face with fake hair. After shows he goes to his desk and looks for his stapler.

4. Roman Reigns

Being here isn’t all Reigns’ fault. I was one of the many who was excited for Reigns post-Shield breakup. He looked like he could one day be “the man”. He still can. Leave it to WWE to push him down the throat of fans so frequently and vigorously that we feel like we spent a bad night in prison.

Batista wasn’t exactly ready in the ring and on the mic when he was given the title at WrestleMania 21, but he learned by being tossed into the fire. Maybe Reigns can do the same. If he can’t, WWE just burned someone who could have been the face of the company before he was ready. There might not be any coming back from that.

3. Adam Rose

Rose didn’t have time to take root in NXT and really see if the character could catch on. He had a catchy theme song and WWE figured they could Fandango him into popularity. Now he is in a months (months!) long feud with a bunny. Remember when Norman Smiley wrestled Ralphus in WCW and you said “man, WWE would never do this”. Welcome to the party, pal. Despite this, I am not a lemon. The former Leo Kruger could still find his place if a heel Rose is handled properly.

2. John Cena

This could easily be seen as an “I hate John Cena” post. I do, for the record, but there is reasoning for him being on here. He won’t go away. Cena has been on top of WWE for longer than Hogan was during his 80’s run. Hogan left the summer after WrestleMania IX, mainly because of the government investigation against Vince, yet the timing was perfect. Hulkamania had run its course (for the first time). It was time for a new look.

John Cena and WWE don’t want this to happen now. They are clinging onto Cena’s reign at the top (a decade!) so tightly they are missing not just the next big thing (whoever that ends up being), but causing a whole generation of superstars to not see what their real worth is. A feud with Cena should elevate a star. It turns out to be poison. Remember how over Bray Wyatt was going into WrestleMania last year? A couple of losses to Cena and a screwy win later, he was an afterthought by Summerslam.

As Matt Fowler said, “ten years is not an accomplishment, it is an assault”.

1. Michael Cole, JBL and Jerry Lawler

With all the facepalming bad things WWE put on TV this year it amazes me how no one seems concerned about how bad commentary is. I have no problem saying this is the worst is has been in the show’s history. That includes the team of Rob Bartlett, Macho Man and Vince. Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan and Mongo (is my thumb in dog’s ass) McMichael had more entertaining banter. I don’t blame Lawler. He works well when he has someone talented to be the counterpoint. His work with Vince and JR are evidence of that. It is JBL and Cole that seem to forget that they are there to engage the viewer with what is happening in the ring. Is there someone giving a promo? Insert quips here and there about whether the heel/face is right/wrong. Is there a match going on? Talk about the feud in its current state and call out the moves as they happen. What they don’t seem to understand is that you can set up other talking points during all of this.

-Wrestler A sure is taking it to Wrestler B

-Yeah, he is taking out all his aggression from what Wrestler C did to him last week. There’s a bulldog!

-Wrestler A with a kickout at two. He is showing some fight out there.

Instead, this is how matches go.

Cole: Go to the WWE App and watch exclusive content during the commercial. If you don’t know how, here is a step by step process.

JBL: MAGGLE! IF YOU DON’T HAVE WWE NETWORK AND ARE PAYING $50 FOR PPV’S YOU ARE RETARDED! MAGGLE!

Cole: Then you hit install on your phone. Goldust hits a move. What a maneuver.

King: On your phone? Install on your phone?

JBL: HOW DID CENA OVERCOME THE ODDS MAGGLE?! EVERYTIME! HE WRESTLES TONIGHT, RIGHT? I’VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS! I LOVE THAT! MAGGLE! MAGGLE!

Cole: The App is free. In case you missed it, here is how to download it. Goldust picks up the victory.

It is like being donkey punched for three hours on Monday nights. Actually, I would feel more appreciated after being donkey punched. When you long for the days of Matt Striker there is something wrong. So, so wrong.

Even TNA is doing something to fix their commentary. That’s right. TNA is actually leading the way in actively trying to fix one of its problems before WWE does. Scary as shit.

P.S. Lawler has been moved to Smackdown with Michael Cole and Booker T. is the third member of the team on Raw. This was announced a few days ago. Will commentary be any better? Take out Lawler’s line from earlier and insert Booker T. saying “shucky ducky quack quack”.

No, it won’t be.

January 12, 2015
Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, May 5, 2014

There are a few certainties after Sunday’s Extreme Rules PPV and last night’s Raw:

1. The Shield can not have a bad six-man tag match…ever.

2. HHH may get a bad rap, but he is the best in-ring talent in Evolution by a mile, even over Orton.

3. Adam Rose will be HUGE!*

*Assuming WWE doesn’t fu** up his character, which they most likely will.

I can’t help it. I am a Rosebud. The artist formerly known as Leo Kruger is another addition from NXT that I hope catches on with the “average” fan. His entrance is just the icing on the cake. Yes, he is doing a wrestling version of Russell Brand, but he is doing it damn well.

Let’s all bow our heads as Christina Aguilera sings Ave Maria for Dean Ambrose’s U.S. Title reign. He doesn’t defend it for most of the year, then after a face turn, he defends it in multiple matches and loses it in a 20-man battle royal.

Lesson of the day kids: it is always more fun to be the bad guy.

Evolution may be a mystery, but Batista’s beard being awesome is not.

It looks like we are heading for Evolution vs. The Shield numero dos at Payback. Which you would think Evolution would win because WWE is all about swapping wins, but Hollywood Dave will be packing up his beard, tights, and skinny jeans after Payback to promote Guardians of the Galaxy. Would it be good for The Shield to drop the match to a team that won’t be on Raw for over two months?

Negative, Ghost Rider.

It seems the initial plan was for Batista to feud with Daniel Bryan and lose at Payback, but Drax put the squash on that. He felt that losing clean at WrestleMania and then again at Payback right before he went to promote Guardians was not the best thing for him…and I agree. He is not The Rock. His movie career is about to take off so I have no problem with him protecting his character a bit. He is signed for another year and a half, there is plenty of time for a feud with Bryan.

Side note- Here is a breakdown of reasons I like Rusev. 60%- Lana, 30%- Lana’s legs, 10%- the inexplicable boner I get whenever Lana yells “CRUSH!” when she closes her fist.

Is WWE trying to use Rusev to rid the roster of the unused minority talent? Not a conspiracy theory, just an observation. Xavier Woods, R-Truth and now Kofi. Is he Russian or a racist? Next thing you know they will put Donald Sterling in his Titantron along with Putin. I actually would not put it past WWE to try and use the Sterling stuff in a story. Let’s not forget this is the company that had Randy Orton talk about Eddie Guerrero burning in hell a month after he died.

Why couldn’t Cesaro just beat RVD clean? He did at the PPV. Are they protecting RVD in some way? We have seen him lose to everyone in his career. I know he is only here for three months at a time, but losing to Cesaro two nights in a row is not a bad thing.

Cesaro’s music is slowly growing on me. I was not a fan the first few times I heard it, but like working with someone who wears too much Axe Body Spray, it becomes easier to handle. Although I do still miss his Swiss rap theme.

Daniel Bryan’s year has been uplifting highs and horrible lows. Winning the title at Wrestlemania was one of the most memorable moments in thirty years of the show, then he loses his father only a week later in some kind of My Name is Earl twist of karma and now his feud with Kane can only be described as laughable.

I am not comparing the feud with the death of his father, but it is not what he needs right now. He made it through Extreme Rules and from all I have heard (still have not seen the match) had a great Extreme Rules match with Kane. To extend this feud another month tells me a few things:

1. They had no other plan ready after Batista pulled out of the feud.

2. WWE is trying to see if fans will follow Bryan through a bad program/trying to sabotage his reign. Pick one…or both.

3. They are secretly filming See No Evil 2 and we have no idea.

It is a bit eerie how this is the way Benoit’s title reign went after he won at WrestleMania XX. He beat HHH, feuded with Kane, then lost at Summerslam, which I expect Bryan to do. Let’s just hope for Brie’s sake Bryan doesn’t own a Bowflex.

This is not Raw related, but I did want to mention something I think TNA got right (for once) and that is Eric Young winning the TNA title. Yes, it smells of another TNA copycat story with Young being their bearded wonder like Daniel Bryan, but I have been a longtime EY fan and he deserves a run. Fans have supported him through every insane story he has been a part of over the last decade. Really, if any other wrestler had to do some of the things he had they would have quit.

Let’s not forget that EY did have the finger pointing in the air before Bryan. Because now that he is champion, you really “Don’t Fire Eric”.

Till next week!

May 6, 2014
WrestleMania 30 Predictions

WrestleMania celebrates 30 year of being the “showcase of the immortals”. To look back at WrestleMania every ten years is to see a template of where the WWE was heading for the next decade. WrestleMania 1 featured Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Andre the Giant and Junkyard Dog all in big matches. Wrestlemania X has Bret Hart winning the WWF title as well as Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon in their first classic ladder match. Wreslemania XX saw John Cena win his first singles title, Eddie Guerrero keep his WWE title against Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit (yeah, I said it) realize his dream.

Now we are here at WrestleMania 30. WWE has put together a good card on paper. Let’s hope it can deliver come Sunday. It has some stiff competition against the previous anniversary editions.

Here are my picks for this Sunday. Please leave your picks in the comments below or just tell me how wrong I am.

The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. The Real Americans vs. Rybaxel (WWE Tag Team Championship)

I know that one match had to make the pre-show and when it was announced it was this one, I felt for the guys involved. Most of the time when you get a four-way tag match it surprises you with how good it is. I think this will be the case here. You have two high-flying teams and two power teams (and Curtis Axel). That is the makings of a fun match. Cesaro should have his moments and that damn midget bull will headbutt someone in the ass, but I am picking The Usos to retain.

The Usos

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This choice is a toss-up with 30 guys involved. There are only 27 superstars announced and WWE.com pointing this out tells me there will be three surprise entrants like RVD, etc. Easy choice would be Big Show, but after Monday I think it is almost too obvious. I will just do the spin the globe and pick a name.

Dolph Ziggler

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

14 Divas in one ring at one time. Elimination match? Hell no, this sumbitch is one-fall. Get ready for something bad. Really bad. It pains me that the only reason this is on the show and not the tag match is to promote Total Divas which is like Real Houswives, only with more vapid and less likable women. I love me some AJ and she is the longest reigning Divas champ of all time, but the end looks near.

Naomi

The Shield vs. Kane and The New Age Outlaws

This is the match that I am calling the swerve on. People have bought into The Shield’s face turn in a big way over the past month and it will pay off here. I think Rollins and Ambrose turn on Reigns and join The Authority. The Shield keeps going as heels and Reigns gets the singles push WWE has been planning.

Kane and The New Age Outlaws

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

This is actually the hardest match of the night to call. Cena getting the upper hand last Monday would tell us Wyatt may be going over, but this is John Cena. He is working a lower card match than he is used to at WrestleMania and even though Wyatt has carried this program, Cena gets the win. The feud doesn’t end here though.

John Cena

Daniel Bryan vs. HHH (winner gets main event spot)

I want these two guys to show the intensity that they had at the end of last Monday’s Raw. HHH, even if it is sometimes monotonous, shows up for WrestleMania and it helps that he is wrestling Daniel Bryan, the only other wrestler besides HBK that could get a broomstick over in a match. We could see some kind of screwy finish where HHH wins, but Bryan gets in the main event anyway. I will just say that Bryan wins clean because I overthink everything and that was my first pick.

Daniel Bryan

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Should I really even make a prediction here? This match is a decade too late. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to see it and I think these two guys can steal the show, but the lead-in has been weak with us having no belief at all that Lesnar will break “The Streak”. Taker winning at WrestleMania is a tradition…not all traditions are good though. If he is going to keep wrestling one match a year, make it be against young guys that get something out of losing to Taker.

Undertaker

Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. winner of Bryan/HHH match (WWE World Heavyweight Championship)

When this match starts, no matter if HHH or Daniel Bryan is in it, we should all wipe our brows and say “Whew”. Why? Because as much as we piss and moan about the booking, at least WWE recognized that Randy Orton vs. Batista was not the match people wanted to see and instead of planting their feet like a child and saying “NO” they are changing things up. I picked Daniel Bryan to beat HHH and I am picking him here to end the show with a big ending. I think HHH tries to interfere but to no avail. Fireworks and a ton of “YES, YES, YES” chants.

Daniel Bryan

April 3, 2014