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Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap February 24, 2014

Courtesy WWE

I can’t start this recap without first mentioning the launch of the WWE Network yesterday. God knows they let you know about it on Raw last night. That was the main crux of why Hogan even made an appearance in Green Bay.

“Hulkamania, brother. WWE Univer…Network. Vitamins. Prayers. WWE Network. WrestleMania, brother.”

I did sign up for the WWE Network yesterday and for a day one launch it went fairly smoothly. There were some loading issues and long buffer times but there was no catastrophic crashes, so I call that a big win.

And the library…the sweet, sweet nectar of what every wrestling fan has wanted to watch at their leisure without having to spend thousands of dollars for overpriced DVD’s on eBay or from some Craigslist ad where you aren’t sure if you are going to get a copy of Fall Brawl ’98 or a knifey hello from a chick with anger issues.

Anyway…there is almost too much to take in for only $10 a month. And yes I am aware of how that sounded.

Getting to the actual show itself, for a Raw that WWE wanted to build as a PPV on TV, it certainly was…a show. So I guess they accomplished what they wanted since Elimination Chamber was a big, heaping pile of “shit I knew was going to happen”.

Last night did pretty much firmly set in place the WrestleMania card we all knew was coming, but the one we didn’t want to see.

Daniel Bryan made it actually believable that he wants to wrestle HHH at Mania. What hurts here is that I could easily see the talking heads backstage wanting to put Bryan in the main event with Orton and Batista. They know as well as we do that the crowd is most likely going to highjack the main event and make WrestleMania end on an embarrassing note.

That would leave HHH without a match and you sure as shit know that’s not happening. I wouldn’t even put it past him to have such a wounded ego about Punk leaving, because he did not think a match with Terra Ryzing was worth his time, that Hunter will make Bryan do the job.

Leave it to Undertaker and Brock Lesnar to do their best to get people excited about WrestleMania 30. Yes, this match may be a decade too late and I am still wondering why WWE went this direction especially if Sting is WANTING TO WRESTLE UNDERTAKER.

You heard me right. Sting was willing to travel down to Texas and work with Taker on their Mania match when he signs with the company. Now don’t get them wrong, the WWE want Sting, they just don’t consider it very high on their list of to-do’s.

I can’t make this shit up.

They are so set on their WrestleMania card that they don’t want to give fans the one fucking match that has been talked about ever since WCW shut their doors 13 years ago. There are talks about Sting coming in after WrestleMania for a run and ending with a match at Mania 31, but with both guys being at the point they are in their careers, don’t you put that match on whenever and wherever you can?

Even with all my bitching, I still know that Lesnar and Taker will, most likely, steal the show.

Side note- Is it coincidence that Taker came back with the Ministry goatee only days after I shaved my mustache and went full-on Amish? I think not!

That is just Cesaro doing his Cesaro thing. Damn.

How big a shit was taken in everyone’s pants last night when Cena hurt his knee?

Normally I am all for Cena taking time off no matter how it happens, but this is the wroooong time of year, especially with a genuine excitement for his match with Bray Wyatt building in my twinkie-filled body (RIP Harold Ramis).

The injury sure did look legit. One of those fluke things that was no one’s fault, you just have to file it under “shit happens”. Early reports are it could be a hyperextension or even a dislocated kneecap. If that is true I have send respect Cena’s way for still gutting through it to finish the segment. Here is hoping it is not too serious. Mania is already looking weak, we don’t need one of the few interesting matches on the card to get scratched.

#Emmalution #CaptainHappyPants

I can’t help but feel a little bad for Batista. He has been gone four years and the fans are giving him the business because he is being forced into a spot that they want Daniel Bryan to be in. The Bootista train has left the station and there is no derailing it.

At least they made light of it last night with Orton asking if Drax was even happy he came back because of the boos. They seem to be taking the Cena approach and telling Batista to go with the flow.

Wrong. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

The reason why it is the Cena approach is that it only works with Cena. People love to cheer him and they love to hate him…it’s his thing. It has and forever will define his career. People are booing Batista because they genuinely don’t want him in the main event and since WWE has painted themselves into this corner they need to turn him heel, either at Mania or right after.

Batista is more The Rock than John Cena. He doesn’t have to be there. He wanted to come back for one more run. He could be off doing other shit like sexually harassing women, picking things up and putting them down or hanging out with Chris Pratt.

That last thing is why Batista is better than all of us.

Leave it to Green Bay to shit all over a good match between Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns. As one member of Twitter succinctly put it “it reminds me of The Rock and HHH in their Nation/DX days”. We can only hope those two have the careers ahead of them like Rock and HHH. One of the bright spots about watching Raw now is seeing all the potential that could flourish into main event stardom in the future.

I keep wondering when Bray will have a bad week on the microphone and it never happens. Every week he shows everyone in the locker room how to keep people hanging on his words, even if they make as much sense as Ted Nugent after three days of Grey Goose and ecstasy.

Here is the card for WrestleMania 30 so far:

Randy Orton vs. Batista for the WWE World Heavyweight Title

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt

I do genuinely want to watch Taker/Lesnar and Cena/Wyatt. I would be more excited about the Bryan match if I did not have this lingering feeling that HHH will get the win.

How am I feeling about WrestleMania 30 with only 40 days to go? As it looks now, partly shitty with a 75% chance of disappointment. Let’s hope the WWE can build a solid undercard to liven things up a bit.

Till next week!

February 25, 2014
Comedy Legend Harold Ramis Passes Away

Sad news today with the passing of actor/writer/director Harold Ramis, who died surrounded by family, at the age of 69. Ramis was one of the true comic greats in Hollywood. He is best known for his role of Egon Spengler in 1984’s Ghostbusters and its 1989 sequel.

To only know of Ramis from that one role is a gross understatement of how legendary he was to the world of comedy. Besides acting in Stripes, Ghostbusters, Orange County, Knocked Up and many other roles, he wrote Animal House, Meatballs, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Back to School, Groundhog Day, Analyze This and its sequel Analyze That as well as many other credits to his name.

His directing chops were just as robust getting behind the camera for Caddyshack, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Groundhog Day, Analyze This/That and more.

When you stack up his resume with John Hughes these two men basically ran the comedy game in Hollywood for over a decade.

Our condolences go out to his family. He will be greatly missed.

February 24, 2014
Review Roundup: Thief

Garrett is back, making his stealthy debut on next-gen consoles. When the first gameplay was shown last year, many called it a Dishonored clone which meant that they had never played the original Thief which Dishonored borrowed heavily from.

Now Thief is back to claim its spot as the premier stealth title on the market. What do the first reviews say about Garrett’s return?

It seems he may have gotten caught with his hands in people’s pockets.

IGN– 6.8/10

“Some of the campaign missions that follow the bland, supernatural-driven story take you to distinctive locations, like a colorful brothel and a genuinely creepy asylum. But too often the level design is claustrophobic and doesn’t leave much room to maneuver. They do have branching paths, and a handful of interesting puzzles, at least.”

Kotaku– NO

“The City has more dead-ends than it has escape routes. It’s constantly patrolled by dangerous guards, but if they spot you, whatever chase ensues will likely be brief, ending either with Garrett cornered or with the player taking advantage of one of several ridiculous ways to exploit enemies’ shonky artificial intelligence. For example, you can begin to jimmy open a window and guards will immediately stop chasing you, even if they were right on your heels. Curses, he got away!”

Polygon– 6/10

“Too many enemies, too-small corridors and too finicky response from Garrett stifles the sense of exploration that Eidos Montreal pays lip service to early on. Gear teases the potential for experimentation and variability in approach, but is depressingly underutilized. Example: rope arrows can only be fired at a few specific points throughout the game, and other tools often feel superfluous or wasted.”

Game Informer– 8/10

“None of Garrett’s capers feel like retreads of other missions. In one moment, I was sneaking through a mansion’s courtyard, diving for cover before bursts of lightning illuminated the shadows, and in the next I was barreling through a burning section of the city, dodging flames and falling girders. One heart-pounding mission had me exploring a haunted asylum in a sequence that reminded me more of survival horror games like Amnesia: The Dark Descent than a traditional stealth mission.”

Destructoid– 7.5/10

“One of the best parts of the game is the ability to completely customize the difficulty. You can do things like disable manual saves, disabling Focus powers entirely, allow stealth takedowns only, or eliminate the ability to takeout enemies at all. There’s also extended options like an Iron Man mode, where you’re required to beat the game in one life without saves. It’s insane how many options there are, and gamers who are looking for a challenge will find it with Thief.”

Eurogamer– 6/10

“Indeed, Thief is a frustrating game as much as it is a disappointing one. There are glimmers of what could have been: the exquisite concept art used in the loading screens shows the care and attention that’s gone into conceptualising this dim-lit world; the cloying density of the city – a higgledy-piggledy mess of housing built on housing – has a marvellous sense of place, and many of the optional missions in this hub area, in which you have to briefly break into lofts and cellars, are interesting.”

February 24, 2014
Weekend Box Office- February 21-23, 2014

For the third week in a row The LEGO Movie claimed a new set of victims. This time bringing down Bull Durham and Jon Snow. Taking in $31.4 million easily won the weekend for the tiny feet killers. It should cross $200 million domestically next week.

Pompeii was a disaster movie that lived up to its description. The $100 million movie brought in $10 million for a third place finish. That is even below the studio lowball $15 million estimate.

Robocop had a big drop off to $9.4 million in its second weekend. Luckily it has crossed $100 million internationally making back its budget.

1. The LEGO Movie- $31.4 million/ $183.1 million

2. 3 Days To Kill- $12.3/ $12.3

3. Pompeii- $10.0/ $10.0

4. Robocop- $9.4/ $43.6

5. The Monuments Men- $8.1/ $58.0

6. About Last Night- $7.4/ $38.1

7. Ride Along- $4.6/ $123.1

8. Frozen- $4.3/ $384.0

9. Endless Love- $4.3/ $20.1

10. Winter’s Tale- $2.1/ $11.2

February 24, 2014
Hulk Hogan Named Host Of WrestleMania 30

Courtesy WWE

Today the WWE announced what most of the internet wrestling community knew; Hulk Hogan is on his way to WrestleMania.

The Hall of Famer will serve as host of WrestleMania 30 in New Orleans on April 6th. The Rock was the last “host” back at WrestleMania 27 in Atlanta. Hogan will not be in a match or be doing anything physically taxing since the WWE doctors would not clear him because of the fact he is held together by fishing line and metal plates after multiple surgeries to his knees and back.

The fact that Hogan will be there is a good thing for WWE. The card for WrestleMania 30 is shaping up to be less than expected and having him at the show, no matter how, will bring a great nostalgia factor.

February 21, 2014
Are These The Final Four For Doctor Strange Directors?

Doctor Strange will be on the big screen eventually. Marvel has said that the Sorcerer Supreme will be a part of their Phase 3 set of movies. Now reports are out that four directors are on Marvel’s radar and have either already met or will soon meet with the big wigs very soon.

The directors are: Mark Andrews (co-director of Brave), Dean Israelite (Welcome to Yesterday), Jonathon Levine (Warm Bodies) and Nikolaj Arcel (A Royal Affair).

I only personally have seen work by Andrews and Levine with my viewings of Brave and Warm Bodies. Andrews could have an upper hand seeing how Brad Bird went from The Incredibles to Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol director. Marvel may hope lightning can strike twice from the house of Woody and Buzz.

Arcel is a hot name in Hollywood with his movie, A Royal Affair, being nominated for an Academy Award last year for Best Foreign Film.

Whoever gets the job certainly will have a unique task in bringing Doctor Strange to the screen. Johnny Depp has been rumored to be Marvel’s man when it comes to playing the part. While I am a huge Depp fan, it may be better suited to get someone lesser known, especially if Marvel hopes to turn the Doctor’s adventures into a franchise. Depp does not come cheap and Marvel is widely known for low-balling money amounts as long as your name is not Robert Downey, Jr.

February 21, 2014
Character Profile Videos For Guardians Of The Galaxy, New Poster Revealed

And with that tagline we see that this will be some fun shit about to go down.

The reason I think Guardians of the Galaxy will ultimately work is that it is so different. Audiences have had seven years to get used to what the Marvel formula is in movies. The only way you do not grow stale is to change things and Guardians is definitely going to be a change.

Now that the first trailer has been released, Marvel is in full-on marketing mode with the poster above as well as individual video profiles for each of the Guardians of the Galaxy. They are only around 30 seconds a piece so give them a watch. We also get our first tiny preview of Bradley Cooper voicing Rocket Raccoon.

Guardians of the Galaxy releases on August 1st.

February 21, 2014
New Poster For Godzilla. Yep, That’s A Big Lizard

A new poster has popped up for this summer’s comeback of everyone’s favorite giant lizard, Godzilla.

The image keeps with the darker tone that was used in the first trailer for the movie. It looks to be keeping as far away as possible from the 1998 disaster. As long as Godzilla doesn’t lay eggs in Madison Square Garden, it is a win.

Godzilla releases on May 16, 2014.

February 21, 2014
Guardians Of The Galaxy Trailer Recut As Parks And Rec Opening. Your Day Is Complete

http://youtu.be/4uR3BdWCMIE

Bert Macklin lives!!!

This is why the internet was created. Not to give us an infinite wealth of knowledge at our fingertips….just this.

February 20, 2014
We Have A New Fantastic Four

Courtesy Variety

Director Josh Trank has finalized his Fantastic Four casting with Miles Teller as Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic, Kate Mara as Sue Storm/Invisible Woman, Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm/Thing and Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm/Human Torch.

Jordan has been associated with the Johnny Storm role ever since the project was announced. He has worked with Trank before on 2012’s Chronicle.

Mara is best known recently from House of Cards where being invisible would have really helped her in the new season.

Whenever I see Teller I always associate him as the asshole friend in Project X and he played the asshole with so much gusto I am sure he can handle this. He has starred with Jordan in That Awkward Moment and has a role in Divergent.

Bell has been in movies like Jumper, The Adventures of Tintin and Defiance. Also, remember 2000’s Billy Elliott? That’s him. Now he is going to be a giant man made of rock. Maybe he will give us an outtake of him dancing in costume.

The movie will be based on Marvel’s Ultimate Fantastic Four by Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis. Good start.

The Fantastic Four releases on June 19, 2015.

February 20, 2014