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  • Tactical Espionage Analysis: A Look At Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes

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    It’s been nearly two months since Hideo Kojima let the world get a taste of Metal Gear Solid V with the “prequel” entitled Ground Zeroes; the full game, The Phantom Pain, does not yet have a solid release window. According to Kojima, the intention of Ground Zeroes is to introduce players to the new mechanics involved in the larger game, so that the transition isn’t as jarring. There was also a lot more involved – a misleading trailer from a non-existent company overseen by a fake president who was just Kojima in a wig – but we’ll put a pin in that for now.

    The short version, pun intended, is that news broke a few weeks before Ground Zeroes’ release that it was exceptionally brief. As in “one ninety-minute main mission and a few side objectives” brief; the resulting Internet rage actually caused publisher Konami to drop the price on most editions by $10. Even worse, a player in possession of an early copy of the game reported he had beaten the core mission in just 10 minutes. Suddenly, the new $30 price still seemed gratuitous to the community… of players who had not yet played the game for themselves.

    I apologize, because this is a bit extraneous, but here’s the thing: I paid $50 for Zone of the Enders on PlayStation 2 the day it came out, and it turned out to be a three-hour semi-interaction anime about giant robots. Now that I think about it, the first Z.O.E. was basically “Ground Zeroes” for the far more engaging (and longer) Z.O.E. The Second Runner, which may be my all-time favorite PS2 game. That being said, I never really regretted the purchase, because it included a demo for Metal Gear Solid 2; a demo that could be completed in around five minutes once you knew the layout.

    I knew the layout very, very well by the time I was done with that demo, which I played frequently right up until the day MGS 2 was released.  Much like Ground Zeroes, this demo was the first taste of MGS on an entirely new console generation, with all new mechanics to get familiar with; I can’t tell you how many guards I tranquilized and then dropped over things just to see how far they could fall before the game decided it was a fatal distance.

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    Keeping that in mind, I have been more than pleased with what Ground Zeroes beings to the table; the main mission offers just enough story to draw you in, the new mechanics on display completely revitalize certain aspects of MGS, and the optional missions are far more worthwhile than any of the reviews indicated. Sure, if you go in expecting a full MGS game, the result would be disappointing; I’ve paid more money for less entertainment, though, and anyone who keeps track of gaming in general – and MGS in particular – has no business claiming they were caught off-guard by the final product.

    The experience opens with a Kojima-standard cutscene, which introduces players to some of the characters, shows off the layout of the Guantanamo-inspired outpost, and establishes what Big Boss is doing there. The scene is rendered with the in-game engine, and I am not exaggerating when I say that this is THE single best-looking video game I have ever seen, and probably the best digitally-generated world on top of that.

    Imagine Pixar decided to make a movie about black ops tactical infiltration set in a US prison camp in 1975, at midnight in the middle of a rainstorm. Now make that movie an interactive experience, add slightly more violence than Pixar usually goes for, throw in torture and implications of rape, and you have Ground Zeroes. I say this as a compliment to all aspects of the game, by the way, as I have no doubt the minds at Pixar could tell an unbelievably engrossing story like this one if they were so inclined.

    Big Boss finds himself at this ambiguously-administrated facility in order to rescue two members of his private military corporation Soldiers Without Borders. If that sounds too routine for Metal Gear, these two prisoners happen to both be child soldiers; a thirteen-year-old boy named Chico, and a twenty-something girl named Paz. I realize “twenty-something” may not register with some people as “child soldier,” but past games have revealed that Paz was trained to be an espionage agent from her childhood.

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    The mission open with Boss – now voiced and motion-rendered by Kiefer Sutherland instead of David Hayter, for better or worse – on the outskirts of the camp. Players are tasked with gathering intel to discover where the two captives are held, locating them, and then getting each to one of several rendezvous points for extraction via helicopter. In keeping with the more open-world design for MGS V, there are from more routes and infiltration options than its mostly linear predecessors.

    The first thing that jumped out at me was the new lighting engine on display, and not just in a superficial capacity; instead of clearly defined areas of “light” to avoid and “dark” to hide in, every light source give off realistic rays that merge, overlap, and shift dynamically as you move through the base. Lights can be switched off, shot out, or even used to temporarily blind guards; all of these things can also attract attention, though, and so should be used sparingly.

    The artificial intelligence on display is ground-breaking, both for the Metal Gear series and stealth games in general. While guards still have general routes, the A-to-B-to-A patrols are a thing of the past. Guards will wander off for a smoke, get distracted, interact with one another, and even doze off or succumb to coughing fits. They also have much more realistic reactions to odd sights or sounds: Move too quickly and loudly past a guard, and he will search the area with his flashlight after reporting to HQ; get spotted dead-to-rights by someone working a spotlight, though, and the base is going into full alert.

    At least, it probably is, unless you take advantage of the new “reflex” system when you get spotted. In past MGS games, the level of a guards awareness was indicated by punctuation marks over their head; the red exclamation point – and accompanying music sting – from the first MGS has long been a staple of gaming culture. Later games introduced the ability to shoot the mark and daze the guard, or take him out before he could yell, radio, or fire to alert others.

    In Ground Zeroes, getting spotted no longer comes with an assault from grammatical symbols, but time does slow down as the camera swings toward the source of the danger. If you can stun, silence, or kill the source of the alert, the base HQ won’t immediately be alerted to your presence. Of course, if the guard had previously reported unusual activity, or was tasked with reporting in at certain intervals, or was supposed to show up to help transport a prisoner ten minutes after you took him out, HQ may eventually catch on and send someone to investigate.

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    These mechanics are important because they go far beyond simply making the player work harder to get in and out undetected. As stated earlier, this is an open-ended game, and there is very little hand-holding with regards to the location of the prisoners, let alone the best way to rescue and extract each of them. The map on your facetiously named “iDroid” is exceptionally accurate, but doesn’t just point out objectives. Like in MGS 3, the Soliton radar from chronologically later games hasn’t been invented yet, and players must use their binoculars to mark guards, and keep track of surroundings with Boss’s ability to focus his senses when not moving. The binoculars also have a directional microphone, which can be used to eavesdrop on conversations, or just marvel at the sound design.

    I managed to get Chico extracted without real issue, but getting to Paz was a much different story; Chico tells you she’s been tortured to death, and gives you a rather disturbing cassette tape as evidence. Master Miller, who has been your radio contact for the mission, advises Boss that even if Paz is dead, her body needs to be recovered. The tape proves useful in this regard, as Chico left it recording when he was taken to see her body, and you can follow the audio cues to track her location in the base.

    The clues provide enough information to follow the trail to the base’s administrative and utility buildings, but from there it’s up to the player to either hunt through the area or interrogate soldiers for the exact location. I opted for the former, because I had no detections or alerts yet, and it proved to be an undoing of sorts. I was actually in exactly the right place, but got spotted, and so reloaded a checkpoint. Unfortunately, checkpoints take you back to a pre-determined place on the map, and reset other assets as well; I ended up inside the base, but in a complete different area, and with several guards in different positions than before.

    The end result was that I spent the next half-hour carefully picking my way through the most heavily-guarded locations I had yet encountered, only to end up where I started the mission. Once I pieced together what had happened, and actually started using the map correctly, I was able to navigate back to the right place. Reloading the checkpoint turned out to be a moot point, because I managed to alert every last guard in the base as we tried to make our escape.

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    Paz isn’t dead, turns out, but needs to be carried to a safe rendezvous with the chopper. She is badly injured, physically and mentally, to the point where moving too quickly causes her to cry out in pain; she also sometimes lets out bursts of fear or confusion, which can alert guards to your presence. Regardless of what you do, they eventually discover she is missing, and sound the alarm. I made things worse by misunderstanding an order to “go ahead and call it the chopper,” thinking Miller meant to call it in at our current location. It was immediately shot down, time and again, until I realized he meant to call it to a safe location where it could be waiting for a quick exit.

    The scenes that follow your escape can’t be described here, not with any real impact, and I wouldn’t spoil them anyway. Suffice to say I cannot wait for The Phantom Pain, whenever that might arrive. Overall, doing the main mission for the first time took me maybe two hours, and I ended up with an understandably crappy rating. Finishing the main mission unlocks five side missions – six, actually, now that each console-exclusive mission has been made available for free on all platforms – all of which take place at the same base, but alter the circumstances significantly.

    I tried several of these missions the first week I had the game, and then put Ground Zeroes to the side as other things came to the forefront. During this time, Wildgrube managed to procure a copy of the MGS HD Collection on 360, and on my advice tried starting MGS 3. He hated it, and not without reason; stealth gameplay has come a long way since 2004, and the controls had been originally optimized for the PS2. Thankfully, he managed to get a copy of Ground Zeroes for himself thereafter, and loved every second of it, to the point where he actually dug in and played the side missions with enthusiasm. Talking to him got me back into it, and I am happier for it.

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    Most of the reviews passed off these missions as retreads of the main event, just with different time-of-day lighting effects and some tweaks to objectives and infiltration methods. While a couple of the missions do have a “get in, do this, get out” theme, the variety is far and away more worthwhile than I expected. The changes to time of day make an enormous difference, as sneaking in broad daylight becomes an exercise in patience and awareness far beyond the nighttime missions. These side objectives also give the team to show off even more of the open-ended nature of the game.

    One of the side missions tasks you with disabling at least three anti-air emplacements so that an aerial attack on the base can be executed. The emplacements are marked from the start, and fairly easy to locate with your binoculars; finding explosives to eliminate them is your true task, and once again involves careful observation, exploration, and even interrogation. My personal favorite side mission eschews stealth completely, and tasks Boss with using a high-powered rifle to provide covering fire for an intelligence asset trying to make his escape from the base.

    While I have greatly enjoyed my time with the game, especially after Erich renewed my interest, I can say flat-out that this is not an experience for everyone.  I can even admit that, if I were not the MGS fan I am then the price-to-play ratio would be ghastly. If you’re interested in seeing what changes have been made to the formula, or haven’t ever gotten into the series, I might suggest borrowing a copy from a friend. I won’t make the mistake of broadly suggesting this to Splinter Cell fans, for the same reason I wouldn’t suggest watching The French Connection just because someone says they like 24.

    Overall, I’m very glad I picked up Ground Zeroes, and further pleased that it helped sway someone new to the Metal Gear Solid team. I will be very interested to see whether or not this section is included with The Phantom Pain, or if Kojima goes through with having them be two separate-yet-connected titles. My favorite MGS title is still Snake Eater, and the chance to once again play as Big Boss excites me to no end. The Phantom Pain is purportedly ambitious almost to a fault, but even if Kojima “only” gives us a standard-length Metal Gear game using this engine, the series will still stand head-and-shoulders above everything else.

  • Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, May 5, 2014

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    There are a few certainties after Sunday’s Extreme Rules PPV and last night’s Raw:

    1. The Shield can not have a bad six-man tag match…ever.

    2. HHH may get a bad rap, but he is the best in-ring talent in Evolution by a mile, even over Orton.

    3. Adam Rose will be HUGE!*

    *Assuming WWE doesn’t fu** up his character, which they most likely will.

    I can’t help it. I am a Rosebud. The artist formerly known as Leo Kruger is another addition from NXT that I hope catches on with the “average” fan. His entrance is just the icing on the cake. Yes, he is doing a wrestling version of Russell Brand, but he is doing it damn well.

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    Let’s all bow our heads as Christina Aguilera sings Ave Maria for Dean Ambrose’s U.S. Title reign. He doesn’t defend it for most of the year, then after a face turn, he defends it in multiple matches and loses it in a 20-man battle royal.

    Lesson of the day kids: it is always more fun to be the bad guy.

    Evolution may be a mystery, but Batista’s beard being awesome is not.

    It looks like we are heading for Evolution vs. The Shield numero dos at Payback. Which you would think Evolution would win because WWE is all about swapping wins, but Hollywood Dave will be packing up his beard, tights, and skinny jeans after Payback to promote Guardians of the Galaxy. Would it be good for The Shield to drop the match to a team that won’t be on Raw for over two months?

    Negative, Ghost Rider.

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    It seems the initial plan was for Batista to feud with Daniel Bryan and lose at Payback, but Drax put the squash on that. He felt that losing clean at WrestleMania and then again at Payback right before he went to promote Guardians was not the best thing for him…and I agree. He is not The Rock. His movie career is about to take off so I have no problem with him protecting his character a bit. He is signed for another year and a half, there is plenty of time for a feud with Bryan.

    Side note- Here is a breakdown of reasons I like Rusev. 60%- Lana, 30%- Lana’s legs, 10%- the inexplicable boner I get whenever Lana yells “CRUSH!” when she closes her fist.

    Is WWE trying to use Rusev to rid the roster of the unused minority talent? Not a conspiracy theory, just an observation. Xavier Woods, R-Truth and now Kofi. Is he Russian or a racist? Next thing you know they will put Donald Sterling in his Titantron along with Putin. I actually would not put it past WWE to try and use the Sterling stuff in a story. Let’s not forget this is the company that had Randy Orton talk about Eddie Guerrero burning in hell a month after he died.

    Why couldn’t Cesaro just beat RVD clean? He did at the PPV. Are they protecting RVD in some way? We have seen him lose to everyone in his career. I know he is only here for three months at a time, but losing to Cesaro two nights in a row is not a bad thing.

    Cesaro’s music is slowly growing on me. I was not a fan the first few times I heard it, but like working with someone who wears too much Axe Body Spray, it becomes easier to handle. Although I do still miss his Swiss rap theme.

    Daniel Bryan’s year has been uplifting highs and horrible lows. Winning the title at Wrestlemania was one of the most memorable moments in thirty years of the show, then he loses his father only a week later in some kind of My Name is Earl twist of karma and now his feud with Kane can only be described as laughable.

    I am not comparing the feud with the death of his father, but it is not what he needs right now. He made it through Extreme Rules and from all I have heard (still have not seen the match) had a great Extreme Rules match with Kane. To extend this feud another month tells me a few things:

    1. They had no other plan ready after Batista pulled out of the feud.

    2. WWE is trying to see if fans will follow Bryan through a bad program/trying to sabotage his reign. Pick one…or both.

    3. They are secretly filming See No Evil 2 and we have no idea.

    It is a bit eerie how this is the way Benoit’s title reign went after he won at WrestleMania XX. He beat HHH, feuded with Kane, then lost at Summerslam, which I expect Bryan to do. Let’s just hope for Brie’s sake Bryan doesn’t own a Bowflex.

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    This is not Raw related, but I did want to mention something I think TNA got right (for once) and that is Eric Young winning the TNA title. Yes, it smells of another TNA copycat story with Young being their bearded wonder like Daniel Bryan, but I have been a longtime EY fan and he deserves a run. Fans have supported him through every insane story he has been a part of over the last decade. Really, if any other wrestler had to do some of the things he had they would have quit.

    Let’s not forget that EY did have the finger pointing in the air before Bryan. Because now that he is champion, you really “Don’t Fire Eric”.

    Till next week!

  • NHL 15 Coming To Next-Gen This Fall, Teaser Trailer Shown

    We are in the middle of the Stanley Cup playoffs and EA has announced that NHL 15 will be the first game in the series to go next-gen when it is released this fall. The game will have a new broadcast team of Mike Emrick and Eddie Olczy and also feature an NBC Sports Game Day Presentation.

    Like with past titles the cover athlete will be voted on by fans, but this year will be done differently. Voting will be done on Twitter on Twitter Vote Thursday’s where fans will use the hashtag #NHLCoverVote and then hashtagging their favorite players from the available players that are:

    -Boston Bruins Patrice Bergeron #NHL15Bergeron

    -San Jose Sharks Logan Couture #NHL15Couture

    -Los Angeles Kings Drew Doughty #NHL15Doughty

    -Colorado Avalanche Matt Duchene #NHL15Duchene

    -Ottawa Senators Erik Karlsson #NHL15Karlsson

    -Toronto Maple Leafs Phil Kessel #NHL15Kessel

    -St. Louis Blues T.J. Oshie #NHL15Oshie

    -Montreal Canadiens P.K. Subban #NHL15Subban

     

     

  • Weekend Box Office- May 2-4, 2014

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    Spider-Man, Spider-Man, yada yada yada. You know how it goes.

    While Spidey did not beat Captain America: The Winter Soldier’s take last month, it brought in $92 million which is $30 million more than the reboot grossed in its opening weekend two years ago. Sony should feel confident about their future plans with Spider-Man and his expanded universe. In three weeks the film has grossed $369 million worldwide.

    1. The Amazing Spider-Man 2- $92.0 million/ $92.0 million

    2. The Other Woman- $14.2/ $47.3

    3. Heaven is for Real- $8.7/ $65.6

    4. Captain America: The Winter Soldier- $7.7/ $237.1

    5. Rio 2- $7.6/ $106.4

    6. Brick Mansions- $3.5/ $15.4

    7. Divergent $2.1/ $142.6

    8. The Quiet Ones- $2.0

    9. The Grand Budapest Hotel- $1.6/ $51.5

    10. God’s Not Dead- $1.7/ $55.5

  • Star Wars: Episode VII Cast Announced

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    No more rumors or speculation needed. The cast for Star Wars: Episode VII has been made official in a statement by Disney. The announcement also came with a photo of the cast meeting with director JJ Abrams.

    The Star Wars team is thrilled to announce the cast of Star Wars: Episode VII.

    Actors John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, Andy Serkis, Domhnall Gleeson, and Max von Sydow will join the original stars of the saga, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, and Kenny Baker in the new film.

    Director J.J. Abrams says, “We are so excited to finally share the cast of Star Wars: Episode VII. It is both thrilling and surreal to watch the beloved original cast and these brilliant new performers come together to bring this world to life, once again. We start shooting in a couple of weeks, and everyone is doing their best to make the fans proud.”

    Star Wars: Episode VII is being directed by J.J. Abrams from a screenplay by Lawrence Kasdan and Abrams. Kathleen Kennedy, J.J. Abrams, and Bryan Burk are producing, and John Williams returns as the composer. The movie opens worldwide on December 18, 2015.

    We already knew Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Peter Mayhew were returning and that Adam Driver had been cast as a villain. The names that people will notice are Andy Serkis and the awesome Max von Sydow as well as Anthony Daniels and Kenny Baker returning as C-3P0 and R2-D2.

     Oscar Isaac had been rumored over the past few weeks to be in the cast and that was proven true today. John Boyega is best known from Attack the Block and will be joined by About Time’s Domhnall Gleeson and relative unknown Daisy Ridley to fill out the cast.

     The additions of Serkis and von Sydow especially make me excited about the next trip to a galaxy far, far away.

    Filming is set to begin next month. Star Wars: Episode VII will release on December 18, 2015.

     

  • Trey’s Thoughts: Star Wars Expanded Universe

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    Last week, Lucasfilm released a statement regarding the Star Wars Expanded Universe. The basic gist of the statement is that all EU materials are officially non-canonical; only the six Star Wars films and the Clone Wars animated show are considered irrevocable canon moving forward. New entries into the series, such as the upcoming Rebels series and Episode VII, will therefore have the freedom to incorporate EU elements, but are not beholden to them.

    I fell in love with Star Wars at an early age, and that only grew when the Special Editions were released in theaters. I grew up reading novels, comics, and various “Essential Guides,” in the Expanded Universe; I played an untold number of video games, the Star Wars card game, and even got passingly familiar with the pen-and-paper RPG. I was 12 when Episode I came out, and saw it twice on release day; I actually even thought it was pretty good, at the time.

    I guess the expectation, then, would be for me to rail against “The Man” for deciding to invalidate all of those stories, characters, adventures, and cool new spaceships. The fact of the matter is, though, that all this statement did was reinforce was has always been policy regarding the EU. Lucasfilm tried to keep all EU stories consistent with one another, and nothing released under the imprint was ever allowed to openly contradict the films. However, the films were the only official canon, and the prequels overrode numerous things that had been established in EU stories during the ‘90s.

    The simple fact of the matter is that trying to create new, post-Jedi stories for the upcoming films that don’t step on the toes of the EU would be logistically impossible. More than that, the writers would be confining themselves for the sake of a handful of good stories, and a whole lot of nonsense. I love the Timothy Zahn books, as does every Star Wars EU fan; if the new films were being made ten years ago, I would even hope the new trilogy might be based on those works.

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    Most of the EU, though, is moderately well-written, at best, and some of those novels are just bad; the same holds true for the video games as well. I will admit that most of the comics and graphic novels released by Dark Horse over the years are pretty fantastic, with only a few really poor entries. Regardless, these new films need to be able to entertain all audiences, and have the freedom to explore new storylines. Trying to keep the EU canonical would almost guarantee alienation of regular moviegoers, and require characters like Emperor Palpatine’s three-eyed son to be taken into consideration.

    I guess I can’t get worked up because this announcement doesn’t go back and erase all the enjoyment the Expanded Universe has brought fans over the years: I still have a crush on Mara Jade; I still know the Outrider is the only ship cooler than the Falcon; I still got to be an elite test-pilot for the TIE defender; I still won’t ever believe Boba Fett died in the Pit of Carkoon. “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” is more than just the opening crawl from those films for me; it’s an invitation to go to that galaxy, to close my eyes and see a dozen different versions of the trench run rushing up to meet me.

    I don’t know if these new films are going to be good, but I’m hopeful; I don’t feel as altruistic toward Rebels, based on my dislike of The Clone Wars, but I wouldn’t mind being surprised. I respect this statement, especially given that George didn’t feel the EU was worth addressing in a similar manner prior to the prequels. Plus, since the new films have “full access to the rich content,” there’s still hope to see a big-screen version of Admiral Thrawn.

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  • Justice League Is Coming, Zack Snyder To Direct

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    Warner confirmed what we all suspected, that a Justice League movie is in the works. Not only that, but they announced that Zack Snyder will return to direct the movie.

    Snyder is about to begin filming the Man of Steel sequel with Henry Cavill as Superman, Ben Affleck as Batman, Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman and the just announced casting of Ray Fisher as Cyborg. All four are returning for Justice League.

    After the announcement this past weekend, rumors began circulating that Justice League could be filmed back-to-back after the Man of Steel sequel for a possible 2017 release, only a year between movies. This has not been confirmed and Warner has given no indication of release date.

    Now let speculation begin on who will make up the rest of the Justice League. With four members already cast will Warner include Green Lantern, The Flash and Aquaman or any combination of the three? Will the new Flash TV show keep him out of a Justice League movie? These are just a few of the questions that will come up.

    I will gladly sacrifice Flash or Green Lantern to finally have a big screen Aquaman.

     

  • Batman/Superman Moves Closer To Being Justice League In Casting Of Cyborg

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    The untitled Batman/Superman film has added another member of the Justice League.

    Ray Fisher has been cast as Cyborg (Victor Stone) in Zack Snyder’s sequel to Man of Steel which is more and more looking like a full-on Justice League movie. Victor is the son of two S.T.A.R. Lab scientists who becomes Cyborg after a terrible accident leaves him disfigured and his father combines him with mechanical parts to save his life.

    With Gal Gadot already cast as Wonder Woman and now the inclusion of Cyborg is anyone else wondering that the reason this movie does not have a title yet is that Warner is just waiting to announce that it will actually be Justice League? I still think it will be titled Man of Steel: Enter Subtitle Here, but I would not be surprised with the Justice League title.

    Batman/Superman will release on May 6, 2016.

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  • Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, April 21, 2014

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    Guess it is time to get back on the horse or some other analogy that involves me forcing my large body onto some animal to show I am back after a week off. There wasn’t a recap last week because I was at Raw live and just didn’t feel I could cover it with the same smarmy assholishness I normally do after watching it. Also, it was an Ultimate Warrior tribute show so…that too.

    First off, I want to offer my condolences to Daniel Bryan and his family on the passing of his father. In case you did not know that was why he was written off the show early by the attack by Kane. He was visibly shaken when he made his way to the ring and props to him for making it through the segment. He has had so much going right for him lately that this seems like a cruel twist.

    Show wise, the writers did a good job on the fly of getting Bryan out of there and set up Kane as an actual threat for the title. The beatdown had to be believable and I would guess that three Tombstones at various places outside the ring would do it. Add in Stephanie using her “kids get in the house and stop hitting the maid” voice and you have a successful transition in the McMahon family feuds. Steph gets Daniel Bryan and HHH is doing his Evolution 2.Drax with The Shield.

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    The IC title tournament continued and I have got some good news and bad news. Or should I say I have got some bad news because Cesaro lost to RVD and I’ve got some baaaaaaad neeeeewws.

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    Barrett beat Sheamus to get to the final completely reversing what I thought would happen. I thought Barrett would lose and Cesaro would win, but I still consider this a win. Maybe having Paul Heyman as manager is like having a belt in itself; it is a step up from just floating around on the card and if used properly, can take you places.

    Side note: When was the last time a tiger driver was used on Raw? We need more of them.

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    So it looks like Barrrett is your next IC champ, where does that Big E? Well if he takes the Ezekial Jackson route, he will disappear for four years then announce he has left the company leaving you to wonder just where the hell he has been? What has he been doing? Antiquing? Being forced to work as an animator on Slam City? Giving talent their baby oil rub downs before matches?

    There were two Divas matches last night…two! No worries though because they involved Emma and Paige.

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    Sorry, been looking for a place to use that.

    It kills me to watch how wrong Emma is being used compared to how they are handling Paige. There is a reason Paige was brought up so early. She is the future of the Divas division. It has been a long time since Trish, Lita, Molly Holly, etc. made the Divas division a watchable part of the show and now it is ready for the next phase.

    Emma, on the other hand, is stuck putting a sock on her hand, tagging with a comedy act that has not worked since 2009. Go and watch the Paige/Emma match from NXT Arrival…yeah that was some damn good work. The Divas division is alive and well. You just have to find it.

    Is it just me, or does the Evolution/Shield feud not seem as big as it should?

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    You didn’t say no.

    Could it be that HHH and the people backstage overestimated how big Evolution was? Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge mark for them. Maybe it is just because I have a hard on for Motorhead. Or I like Batista dressing in a suit as opposed to his skinny jeans/dicknuts combo. Either way it just seems like something is missing.

    No matter how many promos we get, or how many video packages are shown, the group was never as big as the Horsemen or even DX, even if they want you to think that. Don’t worry, they will keep beating it into you until you believe or until you believe it. There is no way out.

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    Side note: I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate The Rhodes’ breakup already and it hasn’t even happened already.

    Goldust (who is in a career renaissance) and Cody were your biggest success story of 2013. With The Shield, they carried not only the tag division, but a lot of Raw’s on their own last year. Now, because in the rulebook of tag wrestling it says you must have a breakup, they are blowing up the best team the WWE has (sorry Usos).

    What are we left with? Rybaxel challenging for the titles?

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    You want proof that WWE pays attention to internet fans (even though they look down on them)? Last week John Cena delivered one of his patented (patented meaning shitty) funny promos on the Wyatts, complete with photoshopped family pictures and all that good stuff that made wrestling so much fun 25 years ago. And (internet) fans shit all over it. Why? Because it showed that Cena can not work a program without reverting back to his “hey kids, poo-poo” humor.

    So last night, as if by some magical David Bowie/Labyrinth-type shit, Cena was back to his pre-WrestleMania serious tone where the Wyatts were a threat.

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    One of the problems with Cena being on top so long (as well as staying face so long) is that you run into what I like to call “Superman writer’s block” otherwise known as “Hulk Hogan-itis”.

    Why is it so hard to write an interesting Superman comic every month? Because he is the most powerful hero ever and it is hard to keep creating villains to fight him because he is fucking Superman! So you make up shit like magical powers have the ability to hurt him and different colored Kryptonite.

    Why did Hogan’s career flounder after WrestleMania IX and his first few years in WCW? Because he was wrestling’s Superman. He had fought and conquered all and we had seen it all before.

    We are reaching that point with Cena after a decade. Unlike Hogan, there won’t be a character resurrection. There will be no heel turn that makes children cry and adults cheer. It is a shame because it could extend Cena’s career (character-wise) for years.

    Despite all of this, Bray Wyatt continues to be the most fascinating superstar in years. Even last week during Cena’s fun time he kept on track with his insanely good promo work. With his ring work matching his mic skills, Wyatt is a once a generation star. So there are two directions left: watch him rise to the top or watch WWE shit on another could-be great career.

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    Quick hits:

    -Seeing Alexander Rusev live last week, I can honestly say he is built like a brick shithouse. He has an old school look and his music works with his character. They continued his push last night with a win over Sin Cara where he was on the defensive more than usual. They should continue to build him through squash matches while also adding length to his matches to see how he does.

    -Even when Paul Heyman has nothing to say but the same thing over and over again, he is still one of the best things about Raw every week.

    -Let’s limit how long Seth Rollins gets on the mic. Ambrose has the whole One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest thing and Reigns has the voice that makes panty gravy, but Rollins gives the same point over and over without stopping. He is not bad, he just won’t stop.

    -Going into Extreme Rules, I would normally not be very excited with the way the card is coming together, but knowing that I will be able to watch it on WWE Network and not pay $50 for it helps.

    Till next week!

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  • Weekend Box Office- April 18-20, 2014

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    Attendance remained high at theaters over Easter weekend with Greg Kinnear finally figuring out a way to have a hit movie again.

    Captain America: The Winter Soldier was #1 for the third week in a row with $26.2 million. Marvel’s latest crossed $200 million domestically in three weeks as well as half a billion worldwide. It will pass Thor: The Dark World’s total domestic gross this week.

    Rio 2 stayed strong in second with $22.7 million. The race for second was closer than expected with Heaven is for Real opening up to a strong $22.2 million, taking advantage of the Easter weekend. This left Transcendence to pick up the scraps. The newest from Johnny Depp opened with only $11 million. After last year’s The Lone Ranger and Transcendence, Depp needs a Pirates movie…quick.

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2 will keep Marvel’s hot streak going. It grossed $47 million in 14 countries which is 30% above what Captain America: The Winter Soldier grossed in the same territories.

    1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier- $26.2 million/ $201.0 million

    2. Rio 2- $22.7/ $75.6

    3. Heaven is for Real- $22.2/ $22.2

    4. Transcendence- $11.0/ $11.0

    5. A Haunted House 2 – $8.8/ $8.8

    6. Divergent- $5.9/ $134.1

    7. Draft Day- $5.8/ $19.5

    8. Oculus- $5.2/ $21.2

    9. God’s Not Dead- $4.8/ $48.3

    10. Noah- $4.8/ $93.3