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  • EA’s UFC Glitches Prove Better Than The Game

    While EA’s first UFC game is receiving middling to decent reviews, the glitches in the MMA title are worthy of a perfect score, especially when watched with commentary by (fake) Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan.

    Be careful watching this around people. I laughed till I cried, I sh** you not.

    “Alex goes for the leg, gets a hold of a ghost that has been haunting the arena.”

  • Nerd Is As Nerd Does- Wanderings

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    I just got back from a late-afternoon walk, something I’m trying to do now that winter has released its grasp from “North of the Wall.” At a recent physical, the doctor told me that I am in moderate shape, but I need more physical activity; unsurprisingly, hours spent in front of a television, monitor, or even a good book do very little for the physique. So I found a nicely-sidewalked road running back behind my townhouse and have been spending at least half an hour each Sunday walking it down to a certain point and back.

    Along the way, I just kind of let my mind wander, mostly because my iPod can’t hold a charge, but also because I hope doing so will let my brain unwind, and maybe even have a creative idea or two. Nothing overly structured, mind you, just some light brainstorming, or thinking about some work or another I’ve been enjoying of late.

    Several times now, I’ve found my thoughts drawn to small patches of woods that stretch off one direction or another from the road I’m following. These are large patches of wilderness, mind you; I doubt you could go far enough in any direction to become lost, out of sight or sound of civilization. Still, they’re little patches of thick trees, bushes, and the like that haven’t been forcibly smoothed over for progress.

    I first noticed them because I was re-reading Lord of the Rings, and my mind came upon the thought that almost all of the places Frodo journeys through would be untamed, trackless wilds. Not only that, but he and Sam journeyed over a thousand miles in this fashion, and repeatedly came upon areas where they weren’t really sure how to proceed.

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    It would be like me deciding to travel from here to Dallas, on foot and occasional horseback, without any help, other than the guidance of a few people who knew some of the areas. Also, I had to use Google maps to find a city that was a comparable distance away. I thought California to begin with, but that’s another extra thousand miles.

    An extra thousand miles that, as it stands, people in recent history have crossed in a fashion very similar to what I just described. From 1804-1806, the Lewis and Clark expedition was tasked with travelling from St. Louis to the west and back, while also exploring, learning, and documenting what they found. This was at a time when people still thought there could be a “northwest passage” waterway that would allow for direct sea travel from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

    With the technology we have these days – GPS on handheld devices, 3D-modeled satellite maps, etc. – it’s difficult to imagine a time when people thought such things possible, even though it was a scant two-hundred ten years ago. I know there are still trackless, uncharted parts of the world, but they are fewer every year. On a tangential note, while watching a Batman film today, I realized that the secret road way leading into the bat-cave would no longer be feasible; someone would spot it on Google maps, and then “POW!” teenagers are taking selfies there.

    Without these places left to explore, our imaginations have turned to the sky, to “the final frontier” as it has been put on more than one occasion. Star Trek, as it was originally conceived, tapped into that same kind of explorer spirit; the Enterprise travelled countless light-years from Earth, into completely uncharted space, so that the crew could visit unknown worlds. I’m trying to fathom the concept of stepping onto a world that I have no information about, with nothing already there to help me get a sense of direction, bearing, or orientation; I can’t really make that conception work, to be honest.

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    Probably the closest I have ever gotten in my life is video games, especially ones where you are expected to explore an open-ended game world; things like Metroid, Zelda, Final Fantasy, and the like spring to mind from the past, while new additions like Dark Souls and The Elder Scrolls have carried on the tradition. I always like reading about people who are going through old things and find graph paper with maps of Zebes drawn on it, or scribbled notes about what directions to take and commands to use from a text-based adventure.

    Sadly, player accessibility has started to cheat us out of these experiences, and the internet provides instant relief even when the game may not. Yes, Skyrim is an amazing open-ended world, and it can be fun to just set off in a direction for adventure. But almost all of the quests give you a location marker to go by, and fast-travel allows you to zip back and forth between places you have already been.

    Dark Souls helps mend this a little, by having almost no sort of mission structure or hand-holding in terms of location marker; Hell, there’s not even an in-game map you can use. Still, if you get frustrated, there are entire websites – most accessible from a data-enabled phone – devoted to helping guide you through Lordran, complete with descriptions, screenshots, and digital maps of each area.

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    I’m not trying to decry anyone else for wanting to make things easier; I personally have never managed to beat Dark Souls largely because there is so little guidance; yet in my lifetime I have beaten games that offer as little or less guidance, and done it simply by learning the game, or making my own notes and hand-drawn maps; a lot of game used to have both lined and blank pages in the back of the manual intended for that very purpose!

    I’ve done a bit of wandering in my life, though admittedly almost always within civilization. When I moved away from home, I traveled 800+ down roads I had never seen, with just some hand-written direction to go by; I arrived in a brand new city, to move into a house I had never visited. I have travelled to Europe on several occasions, once to spend three months livings – albeit with people I knew – in a completely different city, in a country thousands of miles from home.

    Probably my favorite thing I’ve done was during that trip, when on my own I took a train, and then a bus to get to Paris, where I spent several days just walking around. I plotted my own course from Sacré Cœur, down to the Arc de Triomphe, and then past the Louvre to Notre Dame. I read maps, talked to people, stayed fed and safe, and even navigated the metro without getting injured, robbed, or hurt worse than some sore feet.

    Each time I walk by the woods on the road during my Sunday walks, part of me wants to tramp down into them just for the Hell of it. I might get scratched, bitten, and dirty; people would most assuredly wonder what I was doing if they saw me; yet part of me really feels it would do me good in the long run. If my hope is that my mind might become unburdened by these little strolls, the first thing to do might be drop some of my reservations and expectations. After all, it is supposed to be a dangerous business, going out your door.

     

  • Empire Covers For Guardians Of The Galaxy, Plus A Surprise At The End

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    Empire Magazine has revealed their covers for Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy. The first features the heroes Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), Drax (Dave Bautista), Gamora (Zoe Saldana), Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper) and Groot (Vin Diesel).

    The second cover shows three of the film’s villains which you may not be aware of. They are Korath (Djimon Hounsou), Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace) and Nebula (Karen Gillan).

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    Guardians of the Galaxy releases on August 1st.

    Now, for you Doctor Who fans, here is a selfie of Karen Gillan as advertisement for her new series, aptly named, Selfie.

    You’re welcome.

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  • E3 2014- Damn, Is 2015 Going To Be Awesome

     

     

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    E3 is over. While that may make you sad to hear, remember that E3 is not the end all of gaming shows. Hell, if we are being honest it is barely holding onto third best show after Gamescom and PAX and followed by TGS in fourth.

    If this year’s E3 taught us anything it was that 2015 is going to be a clusterfu** of amazing games. There are plenty of fun times ahead this year with Far Cry 4, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Destiny, Shadow of Mordor, Alien: Isolation, Super Smash Bros. and the like, but if we are being honest, companies were squarely focused on the huge titles that will (presumably) be in consoles next year.

    If most of these titles hold serve and release next year, 2015 will be one of the biggest years in video game history. Take a look at the lineup expected to hit next year.

    The Witcher 3
    http://youtu.be/2wNiiQpDPJE

    Mortal Kombat X

    Batman: Arkham Knight

    Halo 5: Guardians

    The Order: 1886

    Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End

    Rise of the Tomb Raider

    Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

    Dying Light

    Bloodborne

    The Division
    http://youtu.be/WxjhXCYUpk0

    No Man’s Sky

    The Legend of Zelda Wii U

    Yoshi’s Woolly World

    Star Wars: Battlefront

    Xenoblade Chronicles

    Dead Island 2
    http://youtu.be/E6FrU0p7ijw

    Will all of these be released next year? Doubtful (I am looking at you Zelda and Battlefront). Yet, there is an over-abundance of triple-A titles coming in 2015 and then you add in the dozens of indie titles coming, you won’t be able to throw a fat guy in any direction without hitting a good game.

    But really, if you can throw a fat guy any kind of distance you should not be playing games. Maybe do those ESPN strong man competitions. Chop wood, flip tires, have a really long name that sounds like an angry German screaming.

    You go do that. I will play some games.

  • Review: Mario Kart 8

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    A little bit of a warning here at the beginning. This won’t be a long, in-depth review of the why’s and where’s, ins and outs of Mario Kart 8. I know some of you are breathing a sigh of relief (or have already scrolled down to the score), and I have a good reason for this:

    It’s Mario Kart…and it’s effing FUN.

    I am assuming by reading this you are already a Mario Kart fan and know the gist of it. You pick your favorite Mario character, your mode of transport, wheel type and glider, then proceed to let a string of obscenities fly out of your mouth that would make Samuel L. Jackson smile in approval.

    You think I am joking? I wish you could hear a tiny bit of what it is like to play with me but I will just give you a small typed out sampling.

    -Cockface

    -A**hole/hat

    -Fu**ing Sh**

    -Peach/Daisy/Rosalina can suck various parts of me

    -Jailbait bit** (a favorite of my gf)

    -Sh**face Cockmaster

    -Donkey fu**ing Kong

    -Bowser, you fat fu**

    -Bi*** baby

    -Eat my dick (this is said as I cross the finish line in first)

    This is what happens when a grown man plays Mario his whole life and gets tired when he keeps getting red shells in his ass and only gets a coin from a box when he is in first.

    The first Wii U Mario Kart game is loaded with 32 tracks consisting of 16 new tracks and 16 classic tracks from every previous Kart game including the hell that is Rainbow Road from Mario Kart 64. The new tracks are as imaginative as ever and make good use of the underwater and hovercraft effects that make you pine for the F-Zero sequel that will never be. Tons of unlockable characters, karts, tires and gliders await as you win each racing class. The character variation is nothing out of the ordinary for a Mario Kart game, but does it really need to be?

    I only had a few hiccups with online play at first, but since then, it has been smooth. Online is where you really test how good you are. You may think you are a drift master until you come across some guy in China that shows you know nothing, Jon Snow. It is like when I would play Tekken 3 at the arcade and absolutely own people…then a ten year old picks Eddy Gordo and whips my ass.

    Don’t worry about being shoehorned into playing Mario Kart in a way you are not comfortable with. The game supports the Gamepad, Pro Controller, Wii Remote (for motion driving) and Wii Remote and Nunchuck. I am old school and have to use an analog stick and R trigger for power sliding where my girlfriend uses her Wii Remote and motion steering. The Gamepad screen has multiple features like seeing the track map, a horn and off-screen play. Yep, if you are playing two-player and have to take a poop, you can keep the game going. Believe me, this will happen.

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    Like I said earlier, it’s Mario Kart. You know if you have enjoyed previous installments, you will love this one. It is beautiful to look at and the variety in tracks make sure that even after you have played them all, there is plenty of fun left to be had by going back again. I believe that combined with the lineup Nintendo showed at E3, Mario Kart 8 could be the beginning of a Wii U redemption.

    Sorry for the cursing.

     

  • The Interview Trailer One-Ups Dennis Rodman, Sends Rogen & Franco To North Korea

    Here is the first trailer for The Interview starring Seth Rogen and James Franco as a talk show host and producer that want to interview Kim Jong-Un to show they are real reporters. Before they leave they are given a mission by the CIA to assassinate the dictator.

    I am assuming Rogen and Franco fear no man with them taking on the Mound Round of Pyongtown. I imagine this being in the vein of Spies Like Us, only funny.

    The Interview releases on October 10th.

  • The Crew Trailer Takes You Coast To Coast

    The Crew is a racing title that is showcasing itself as a racing MMO, which may sound a bit weird, yet intriguing. You and your friends can join together and begin a crew (thus the name…durr) and drive around the country completing tasks and racing other crews.

    You can drive around the country as a single car, but Ubisoft is hoping you will embrace the team aspect of this racer, which lets you jump from city to city on the fly.

    It seems like I will have a tough choice come this fall between The Crew and Forza Horizon 2.

    The Crew releases on November 11th.

     

  • All The Trailers Shown At Today’s Nintendo Direct Event

    Bayonetta 2

    Hyrule Warriors

    Zelda Wii U
    http://youtu.be/gTMhGg5mtp8

    Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire

    Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker

    Xenoblade Chronicles

    Kirby and the Rainbow Curse

    Mario Maker

    Yoshi’s Woolly World

    Splatoon

    Super Smash Bros. Goddess of Light Reveal

  • Teaser Trailer For Doom Promises Hell

    Let’s all put our big boy pants on and watch the teaser trailer for Doom which features; monsters, hell, creepy visuals and general scary shit.

    You know, Doom.

    id Software will reveal the game at Quakecon in July.

     

  • Zelda Wii U Announced. Open-World Hyrule Is A Reality

    http://youtu.be/gTMhGg5mtp8

    File this under: Achievement Unlocked- Childhood Dream Attained

    I will just go ahead and say it: Nintendo brought it today in their digital event. The star that shone the brightest was the first look at The Legend of Zelda for Wii U.

    OPEN-WORLD! EPONA! WAKE ME UP!

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    Sorry, I have to catch my breath. I do believe I have the vapors like a southern belle being courted by a suitor. Mine is named Link. He likes smashing pots, excessive grass cutting and fishing.

    Don’t judge me.