This is the tale of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo. They were a black and white comic in the 80’s which was made into a Saturday morning kids show that came on before Garfield and Friends which led into Beakman’s World (fuck your Bill Nye).
A movie version of the Turtles came out in 1990 and it was amazeballs. Yes, I was ten when I saw it, but I still stand by my opinion today. Seriously, go back and watch it. It was dark and depressing as shit in places. Broken families, gang crime, blatant ripping off of Dominoes “30 minute or less” policy. Hell, Raphael gets the wholesale shit beat out of him and you think he might die.
After that…well, I will let the Honest Trailer for TMNT 2 explain it.
Now, Michael Bay, director of such explosions as Transformers, Transformers: Shia Goes to Robot Heaven, Transformers: Where’d Megan Fox Go, Transformers: Say Hello to Your Mother For Me and The Island (yeah, The Island) teams up with the director of Wrath of the Titans to bring the Ninja Turtles to the big screen again.
When turtles come in contact with an ooze of some sort they turn into huge, hulking mega turtles that learn karate by playing Ninja Gaiden and listening to their giant rat mentor voiced by Monk. Just imagine Barry Bonds with a turtle shell on his back and you have a good idea.
Their enemy is The Shredder, who may or may not be played by the bank president from the opening scene in The Dark Knight. I am kind of fuzzy on that. I do know that the new Shredder costume makes the Silver Samurai from The Wolverine look tame. Has any movie ever made someone wonder “why didn’t they get Kevin Nash to do this role again”?
There is one now.
Will kids love it? Hell yeah, but kids are stupid. You know you used to be stupid, don’t act like I am pissing on the American flag by saying they are.
If you had to take your child to the theater to see this, I applaud your resolve in loving your child. Let’s hope it is that strong when the sequel comes out in 2016, the same summer as the Power Rangers movie. Bend over and lube up.
A little bit of a warning here at the beginning. This won’t be a long, in-depth review of the why’s and where’s, ins and outs of Mario Kart 8. I know some of you are breathing a sigh of relief (or have already scrolled down to the score), and I have a good reason for this:
It’s Mario Kart…and it’s effing FUN.
I am assuming by reading this you are already a Mario Kart fan and know the gist of it. You pick your favorite Mario character, your mode of transport, wheel type and glider, then proceed to let a string of obscenities fly out of your mouth that would make Samuel L. Jackson smile in approval.
You think I am joking? I wish you could hear a tiny bit of what it is like to play with me but I will just give you a small typed out sampling.
-Cockface
-A**hole/hat
-Fu**ing Sh**
-Peach/Daisy/Rosalina can suck various parts of me
-Jailbait bit** (a favorite of my gf)
-Sh**face Cockmaster
-Donkey fu**ing Kong
-Bowser, you fat fu**
-Bi*** baby
-Eat my dick (this is said as I cross the finish line in first)
This is what happens when a grown man plays Mario his whole life and gets tired when he keeps getting red shells in his ass and only gets a coin from a box when he is in first.
The first Wii U Mario Kart game is loaded with 32 tracks consisting of 16 new tracks and 16 classic tracks from every previous Kart game including the hell that is Rainbow Road from Mario Kart 64. The new tracks are as imaginative as ever and make good use of the underwater and hovercraft effects that make you pine for the F-Zero sequel that will never be. Tons of unlockable characters, karts, tires and gliders await as you win each racing class. The character variation is nothing out of the ordinary for a Mario Kart game, but does it really need to be?
I only had a few hiccups with online play at first, but since then, it has been smooth. Online is where you really test how good you are. You may think you are a drift master until you come across some guy in China that shows you know nothing, Jon Snow. It is like when I would play Tekken 3 at the arcade and absolutely own people…then a ten year old picks Eddy Gordo and whips my ass.
Don’t worry about being shoehorned into playing Mario Kart in a way you are not comfortable with. The game supports the Gamepad, Pro Controller, Wii Remote (for motion driving) and Wii Remote and Nunchuck. I am old school and have to use an analog stick and R trigger for power sliding where my girlfriend uses her Wii Remote and motion steering. The Gamepad screen has multiple features like seeing the track map, a horn and off-screen play. Yep, if you are playing two-player and have to take a poop, you can keep the game going. Believe me, this will happen.
Like I said earlier, it’s Mario Kart. You know if you have enjoyed previous installments, you will love this one. It is beautiful to look at and the variety in tracks make sure that even after you have played them all, there is plenty of fun left to be had by going back again. I believe that combined with the lineup Nintendo showed at E3, Mario Kart 8 could be the beginning of a Wii U redemption.
It’s been nearly two months since Hideo Kojima let the world get a taste of Metal Gear Solid V with the “prequel” entitled Ground Zeroes; the full game, The Phantom Pain, does not yet have a solid release window. According to Kojima, the intention of Ground Zeroes is to introduce players to the new mechanics involved in the larger game, so that the transition isn’t as jarring. There was also a lot more involved – a misleading trailer from a non-existent company overseen by a fake president who was just Kojima in a wig – but we’ll put a pin in that for now.
The short version, pun intended, is that news broke a few weeks before Ground Zeroes’ release that it was exceptionally brief. As in “one ninety-minute main mission and a few side objectives” brief; the resulting Internet rage actually caused publisher Konami to drop the price on most editions by $10. Even worse, a player in possession of an early copy of the game reported he had beaten the core mission in just 10 minutes. Suddenly, the new $30 price still seemed gratuitous to the community… of players who had not yet played the game for themselves.
I apologize, because this is a bit extraneous, but here’s the thing: I paid $50 for Zone of the Enders on PlayStation 2 the day it came out, and it turned out to be a three-hour semi-interaction anime about giant robots. Now that I think about it, the first Z.O.E. was basically “Ground Zeroes” for the far more engaging (and longer) Z.O.E. The Second Runner, which may be my all-time favorite PS2 game. That being said, I never really regretted the purchase, because it included a demo for Metal Gear Solid 2; a demo that could be completed in around five minutes once you knew the layout.
I knew the layout very, very well by the time I was done with that demo, which I played frequently right up until the day MGS 2 was released. Much like Ground Zeroes, this demo was the first taste of MGS on an entirely new console generation, with all new mechanics to get familiar with; I can’t tell you how many guards I tranquilized and then dropped over things just to see how far they could fall before the game decided it was a fatal distance.
Keeping that in mind, I have been more than pleased with what Ground Zeroes beings to the table; the main mission offers just enough story to draw you in, the new mechanics on display completely revitalize certain aspects of MGS, and the optional missions are far more worthwhile than any of the reviews indicated. Sure, if you go in expecting a full MGS game, the result would be disappointing; I’ve paid more money for less entertainment, though, and anyone who keeps track of gaming in general – and MGS in particular – has no business claiming they were caught off-guard by the final product.
The experience opens with a Kojima-standard cutscene, which introduces players to some of the characters, shows off the layout of the Guantanamo-inspired outpost, and establishes what Big Boss is doing there. The scene is rendered with the in-game engine, and I am not exaggerating when I say that this is THE single best-looking video game I have ever seen, and probably the best digitally-generated world on top of that.
Imagine Pixar decided to make a movie about black ops tactical infiltration set in a US prison camp in 1975, at midnight in the middle of a rainstorm. Now make that movie an interactive experience, add slightly more violence than Pixar usually goes for, throw in torture and implications of rape, and you have Ground Zeroes. I say this as a compliment to all aspects of the game, by the way, as I have no doubt the minds at Pixar could tell an unbelievably engrossing story like this one if they were so inclined.
Big Boss finds himself at this ambiguously-administrated facility in order to rescue two members of his private military corporation Soldiers Without Borders. If that sounds too routine for Metal Gear, these two prisoners happen to both be child soldiers; a thirteen-year-old boy named Chico, and a twenty-something girl named Paz. I realize “twenty-something” may not register with some people as “child soldier,” but past games have revealed that Paz was trained to be an espionage agent from her childhood.
The mission open with Boss – now voiced and motion-rendered by Kiefer Sutherland instead of David Hayter, for better or worse – on the outskirts of the camp. Players are tasked with gathering intel to discover where the two captives are held, locating them, and then getting each to one of several rendezvous points for extraction via helicopter. In keeping with the more open-world design for MGS V, there are from more routes and infiltration options than its mostly linear predecessors.
The first thing that jumped out at me was the new lighting engine on display, and not just in a superficial capacity; instead of clearly defined areas of “light” to avoid and “dark” to hide in, every light source give off realistic rays that merge, overlap, and shift dynamically as you move through the base. Lights can be switched off, shot out, or even used to temporarily blind guards; all of these things can also attract attention, though, and so should be used sparingly.
The artificial intelligence on display is ground-breaking, both for the Metal Gear series and stealth games in general. While guards still have general routes, the A-to-B-to-A patrols are a thing of the past. Guards will wander off for a smoke, get distracted, interact with one another, and even doze off or succumb to coughing fits. They also have much more realistic reactions to odd sights or sounds: Move too quickly and loudly past a guard, and he will search the area with his flashlight after reporting to HQ; get spotted dead-to-rights by someone working a spotlight, though, and the base is going into full alert.
At least, it probably is, unless you take advantage of the new “reflex” system when you get spotted. In past MGS games, the level of a guards awareness was indicated by punctuation marks over their head; the red exclamation point – and accompanying music sting – from the first MGS has long been a staple of gaming culture. Later games introduced the ability to shoot the mark and daze the guard, or take him out before he could yell, radio, or fire to alert others.
In Ground Zeroes, getting spotted no longer comes with an assault from grammatical symbols, but time does slow down as the camera swings toward the source of the danger. If you can stun, silence, or kill the source of the alert, the base HQ won’t immediately be alerted to your presence. Of course, if the guard had previously reported unusual activity, or was tasked with reporting in at certain intervals, or was supposed to show up to help transport a prisoner ten minutes after you took him out, HQ may eventually catch on and send someone to investigate.
These mechanics are important because they go far beyond simply making the player work harder to get in and out undetected. As stated earlier, this is an open-ended game, and there is very little hand-holding with regards to the location of the prisoners, let alone the best way to rescue and extract each of them. The map on your facetiously named “iDroid” is exceptionally accurate, but doesn’t just point out objectives. Like in MGS 3, the Soliton radar from chronologically later games hasn’t been invented yet, and players must use their binoculars to mark guards, and keep track of surroundings with Boss’s ability to focus his senses when not moving. The binoculars also have a directional microphone, which can be used to eavesdrop on conversations, or just marvel at the sound design.
I managed to get Chico extracted without real issue, but getting to Paz was a much different story; Chico tells you she’s been tortured to death, and gives you a rather disturbing cassette tape as evidence. Master Miller, who has been your radio contact for the mission, advises Boss that even if Paz is dead, her body needs to be recovered. The tape proves useful in this regard, as Chico left it recording when he was taken to see her body, and you can follow the audio cues to track her location in the base.
The clues provide enough information to follow the trail to the base’s administrative and utility buildings, but from there it’s up to the player to either hunt through the area or interrogate soldiers for the exact location. I opted for the former, because I had no detections or alerts yet, and it proved to be an undoing of sorts. I was actually in exactly the right place, but got spotted, and so reloaded a checkpoint. Unfortunately, checkpoints take you back to a pre-determined place on the map, and reset other assets as well; I ended up inside the base, but in a complete different area, and with several guards in different positions than before.
The end result was that I spent the next half-hour carefully picking my way through the most heavily-guarded locations I had yet encountered, only to end up where I started the mission. Once I pieced together what had happened, and actually started using the map correctly, I was able to navigate back to the right place. Reloading the checkpoint turned out to be a moot point, because I managed to alert every last guard in the base as we tried to make our escape.
Paz isn’t dead, turns out, but needs to be carried to a safe rendezvous with the chopper. She is badly injured, physically and mentally, to the point where moving too quickly causes her to cry out in pain; she also sometimes lets out bursts of fear or confusion, which can alert guards to your presence. Regardless of what you do, they eventually discover she is missing, and sound the alarm. I made things worse by misunderstanding an order to “go ahead and call it the chopper,” thinking Miller meant to call it in at our current location. It was immediately shot down, time and again, until I realized he meant to call it to a safe location where it could be waiting for a quick exit.
The scenes that follow your escape can’t be described here, not with any real impact, and I wouldn’t spoil them anyway. Suffice to say I cannot wait for The Phantom Pain, whenever that might arrive. Overall, doing the main mission for the first time took me maybe two hours, and I ended up with an understandably crappy rating. Finishing the main mission unlocks five side missions – six, actually, now that each console-exclusive mission has been made available for free on all platforms – all of which take place at the same base, but alter the circumstances significantly.
I tried several of these missions the first week I had the game, and then put Ground Zeroes to the side as other things came to the forefront. During this time, Wildgrube managed to procure a copy of the MGS HD Collection on 360, and on my advice tried starting MGS 3. He hated it, and not without reason; stealth gameplay has come a long way since 2004, and the controls had been originally optimized for the PS2. Thankfully, he managed to get a copy of Ground Zeroes for himself thereafter, and loved every second of it, to the point where he actually dug in and played the side missions with enthusiasm. Talking to him got me back into it, and I am happier for it.
Most of the reviews passed off these missions as retreads of the main event, just with different time-of-day lighting effects and some tweaks to objectives and infiltration methods. While a couple of the missions do have a “get in, do this, get out” theme, the variety is far and away more worthwhile than I expected. The changes to time of day make an enormous difference, as sneaking in broad daylight becomes an exercise in patience and awareness far beyond the nighttime missions. These side objectives also give the team to show off even more of the open-ended nature of the game.
One of the side missions tasks you with disabling at least three anti-air emplacements so that an aerial attack on the base can be executed. The emplacements are marked from the start, and fairly easy to locate with your binoculars; finding explosives to eliminate them is your true task, and once again involves careful observation, exploration, and even interrogation. My personal favorite side mission eschews stealth completely, and tasks Boss with using a high-powered rifle to provide covering fire for an intelligence asset trying to make his escape from the base.
While I have greatly enjoyed my time with the game, especially after Erich renewed my interest, I can say flat-out that this is not an experience for everyone. I can even admit that, if I were not the MGS fan I am then the price-to-play ratio would be ghastly. If you’re interested in seeing what changes have been made to the formula, or haven’t ever gotten into the series, I might suggest borrowing a copy from a friend. I won’t make the mistake of broadly suggesting this to Splinter Cell fans, for the same reason I wouldn’t suggest watching The French Connection just because someone says they like 24.
Overall, I’m very glad I picked up Ground Zeroes, and further pleased that it helped sway someone new to the Metal Gear Solid team. I will be very interested to see whether or not this section is included with The Phantom Pain, or if Kojima goes through with having them be two separate-yet-connected titles. My favorite MGS title is still Snake Eater, and the chance to once again play as Big Boss excites me to no end. The Phantom Pain is purportedly ambitious almost to a fault, but even if Kojima “only” gives us a standard-length Metal Gear game using this engine, the series will still stand head-and-shoulders above everything else.
Yesterday, for the first time in years, I took an entire day off doing one single thing: Playing a video game. With the exception of breaks for meals, doing some laundry between matches, and reading a chapter of The Fellowship of the Ring before bed, I didn’t do anything yesterday other than play Titanfall. In the interest of full disclosure, the event actually began at around 8:30 Tuesday night, since my entire team had the day off on Wednesday. That means a solid 24 hours was mostly dedicated to playing Titanfall.
This is going to be one of the easiest reviews I’ve ever written, because Titanfall can be boiled down to a single question: Do you have a core group of friends you play online shooters with? If the answer is “yes,” you don’t really need the review, as I assume you’re already playing Titanfall. If the answer is “no,” and you’re wondering if Titanfall is worth it solo, I’m afraid I have some bad news: It’s not worth it solo.
By “solo,” I mean playing the game solely with an interest in the story being offered, without worrying about being “good” at the game from a multiplayer perspective. For starters, there is ZERO in the way of a single-player experience. This is SOCOM and MAG taken to the next level; yes, there is a campaign, but you literally play through nine of the game’s fifteen maps with some audio and special intro scenes thrown in for good measure. There are other players playing with you, on each side of the story, and to keep things fair it doesn’t matter whether you win or lose each match.
I knew going in that I wouldn’t care about the story, which is good, because it’s delivered in three of the least efficient manners imaginable in a game like this:
1) Audio that plays in the match lobbies.
2) Scenes that happen at the beginning and end of each match.
3) Audio and picture-in-picture video that plays during the match.
So basically, they try to tell you the story while you are talking with your team or party about the last match, figuring out your loadouts, talking about the match that just finished, or worst of all, while you are PLAYING THE GAME. I don’t know about you, but in a fast-paced FPS featuring giant robots and jetpacks, I am devoting less-than-zero attention to watching the little video at the top corner of my screen.
The game randomly picks which side you play as – IMC or Militia – when you begin a campaign, and automatically puts you on the other side when you start your next run. You can’t select individual missions until you’ve beaten both campaigns, which you’ll need to do to unlock all three titan cores. This can be a little frustrating if you’re playing with a party where everyone is at a different part of the game, but we found ways around it until all of us had completed each mission from both sides.
The side you’re on affects what audio, intro, and in-game story bits you see and hear, but the matches themselves have almost no impact on the story. For instance, one match involves the Militia trying to overload some reactors while the IMC defends them it a hardpoint domination game type. Even if the IMC wins by a landslide, the story finds a way to still have the reactors detonate. This also leads to weird situations when a match is close, where your pilots’ COs alternate radio chatter between “we’re crushing them” and “our forces are being decimated.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtbKyM263tE
To be as honest as possible, I refrained from doing any research for these next paragraphs, which is the best story synopsis I can give based on having played the campaign from both sides twice: The games takes place far into space, on the “Fringe,” and focuses on a war between the IMC and the Militia. The IMC has decided to start using AI-controlled soldiers called sentinels. The Militia is losing badly, until the IMC ends up attacking a colony where an old, presumed-dead war hero is living. He joins the Militia, and together they stage a series of attacks on IMC bases.
Along the way, you’ll play missions with objectives like stealing data from a crashed IMC ship, taking over anti-ship guns to attack a dry-docked IMC ship, and bringing down towers around an IMC base to allow the giant, vicious life-forms that live on the planet to attack. There are also at least three missions where I can’t remember who’s doing what, to whom, or why.
This culminates in an attack on some kind of base on a world directly next to a star, in which the war hero sacrifices himself, and an IMC commander defects to the Militia, and control of the IMC is granted to Skynet… sorry, “Spyglass,” and a heavily-accented sociopath is a dick to everyone. There are some vague shots of spaceships, and some radio chatter from the corresponding sides. Then, for some reason, the game doesn’t end; there is a final mission where the Militia attacks the sentinel manufacturing facility, and the game essentially gives you another set of vague shots of spaceships and radio chatter.
If my recollection seems very pro-Militia, it’s because the game doesn’t even try to blur the lines about who the heroes of the game are. The very first mission involves a Militia raid on a fueling facility; if you’re the IMC, you have to stop them, despite the fact that there are numerous civilian ships with the fleet. If you “win,” the heavily-accented psychopath remarks that “Today’s civilians are tomorrow’s militia.” The very next mission starts with sentinels slaughtering civilians, and that same asshole remarking that it’s not a good enough test of their capabilities.
The characterin this picture could be named Tits McGee for all I know.
All that to say this: I don’t remember a single character name, meaningful moment, or piece of non-cliché dialogue, and I played this through four times. So when I say that the game isn’t worth it for the solo experience, that’s what I mean. Nothing this game provides is worth it outside of the core experience of playing the game. If you think you can play the game online, but without a team or core group, then it might be worth it to keep reading.
Now that you’ve made it to this point, forget the last four paragraphs and read this: Titanfall is the single best multiplayer experience since Bad Company 2, in my opinion. It is the culmination of a lineage going back to CoD 4: Modern Warfare, and is actually made by many of the same people. It borrows and learns from Battlefield, Halo, Call of Duty, Counter-Strike, Team Fortress, and a half-dozen other pedigree franchises.
As a moderate FPS veteran of multiple console generations, nothing in the game feels out-of-place, unnatural, or difficult to grasp. There’s a twenty-minute training simulator at the very beginning that gives you the basics, but moves along nicely to keep it from getting boring. There are a few mechanics, such as wall-hanging – hold left-trigger while on a wall – that I didn’t know about until they popped up on a loading screen tip. It also seems like you can switch pilot loadouts at any time without a respawn, or maybe in it’s just in certain circumstances; I really don’t know. These oversights in the tutroial are minor at best.
Basically, you spend all of your time either as a pilot or piloting a titan; playing as a pilot is like Call of Duty with jetpacks and parkour, and piloting a titan will feel familiar to anyone who has ever played another game with mechs. There are different weapons, perks, explosives, and whatnot available on both sides, and pretty much any play style can be rewarding if utilized correctly. I will say this, though: Moving around on the ground, half-crouched any checking corners is going to get you murdered.
The game is a symphony of mobility, and the most effective players are going to be the ones who can learn how to think in three dimensions, more than any other game on the market. In hardpoint domination, for instance, most areas can be accessed from any side, from above, and potentially from below. While titans can’t jump, players seem to be quickly adapting to the idea that you can call a titan in and then keep moving around outside of it.
This is accomplished by the game’s impressive auto-titan AI system for the mechs, which can be set to either guard a location or follow you as best they can. More than once I’ve left my titan to guard an area and then run off elsewhere. There are limits – stay gone for too long or go too far and your titan will shut down until you climb aboard again – but the game obviously encourages this play-style. In fact, a later perk allows your titan to be more accurate and efficient while in auto-titan mode.
The game also rewards people who can manage multiple loadouts as necessary. I tend to find two loadouts, tops, that I excel at and stick with them. In Titanfall, though, I actually have all six loadouts ready at any given time, and switch freely between tactics. The same goes for titan loadouts; what may work well if I’m piloting manually in an attrition game doesn’t necessarily perform well in guard mode during a capture the flag.
The only mechanic that the game really fails at explaining is “burn cards,” though we all pieced them together fairly quickly. Basically, these are one-time use bonuses that last from when you use them until you die and respawn. You have a maximum of three slots, and cards can be set in each slot from your deck between matches. Once in a match, they can be activated from the loadout menu. Some will kick in instantly, others not until your next spawn, and you can only have one active at a time.
The effects they offer include upgraded perks, enhanced weapons, extra XP, or even instant-access to a titan; normally, titans have a “build timer” that can be reduced by scoring points in various ways. There is a twenty-five card limit to your deck, so it’s worthwhile to use and even discard cards frequently. Early on I tried to keep cards for “that one special occasion,” but quickly found this wasn’t worth the space, as I just never used those cards.
Interestingly enough, I’ve already written a fair amount more than I intended to, or even really thought possible. To be honest, though, I don’t really think I’ve offered much insight; I’m ok with that, because again, there’s no insight to offer. Odds are anyone with even a passing interest in this game already owns it, especially if they have friends they game with. I’m sure there are a handful of FPS enthusiasts out there who won’t mind picking it up and playing with strangers; if so, more power to them, because this is a Hell of a game.
As multiplayer-driven experiences like Call of Duty and Battlefield have grown bloated in recent years, I’ve stood by and sneered. I don’t have anything against a great multiplayer experience, but all I saw was the same game coming out ad-infinitum. If you had told me I would willingly pay $60 for a game that was online-only, and featured a lackluster campaign I would only grind through to get unlocks, I would not have been pleasant in response. As it stands – or, in this case, falls – I’m going to wrap up the review here, “because Titanfall.”
I downloaded Titanfall directly from the Xbox One marketplace. It was my first time ever getting a launch of this magnitude digitally, and I have no complaints thus far. It is also [amazon_link id=”B00DB9JYFY” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]available on PC, and will be released for the Xbox 360 on March 25.[/amazon_link]
When Dishonored was released in October 2012, it hit gaming like a revelation, a breath of fresh air for gamers used to wading through the sequels and spin-offs that usually accompany the final years of a console generation. August, thankfully, had seen Sleeping Dogs revitalize the sandbox/action/crime genre, and Dishonored followed suit for first-person games, eschewing convention and breaking classifications.
It was a masterful work of contradictions, with open levels that invited exploration and examination in first-person, equal opportunities for nail-biting stealth and all-out carnage, a story that blended intrigue and betrayals with just enough of the supernatural, and a moral choice system that made you work to find solutions beyond simple murder.
The game received high praise from critics, players and other developers, but there was a sect of gaming where it was seen as more of a continuation of tradition than something brand new. This sect, myself included, used a single word when trying to describe what Dishonored had tapped into: “Thief.”
Originally released in November 1998, Thief: The Dark Project was received in a similar fashion to its later spiritual successor, and it is possible the praise it garnered was even higher at the time. PC games had been growing steadily more ambitious for years: Half-Life came out a mere three weeks before Thief, System Shock 2 followed a year later, and Deus Ex arrived six months after that.
Where Thief excelled was open-ended levels that not only encouraged, but demanded that players use cunning, critical thinking, and a variety of tools and skills to navigate to the objective. If you’ve played Dishonored, you get the general idea, except Thief’s ambition and execution preceded it by fourteen years. I can still remember playing the original, and being absolutely enthralled by things like rope, water, and moss arrows.
Thief II: The Metal Age came out in February 2000, and was even more beloved than the original; to this day, most Thief fans still point to it as the high-point of the series. The core concepts remained the same, but the story was deeper, darker, and held more legitimate consequences for those involved. The third installment, Thief: Deadly Shadows, added the element of The City as a hub between missions, where players could buy and sell goods, or take on side quests and odd jobs. Deadly Shadows was the only previous Thief to appear on consoles.
After Deadly Shadows in 2004, Garrett and crew disappeared into the darkness; the studio that developed Deadly Shadows closed soon after, and the series passed into gaming memory. It wasn’t until 2009 that Eidos Montreal revealed they were working on “Thi4f;” the studio had only been around since 2007, and their only other project at the time was Deus Ex: Human Revolution. It saddens me to say that as of March 4, 2014 twenty-seven people were laid off from the studio. Keep reading, though, and that decision may seem in the company’s best interests.
Photo courtesy rubberchickengames.com
Over the development cycle, the game that was released two weeks ago simply as Thief went through numerous changes; for instance, the “4” was dropped because the game was no longer a sequel, in addition to the fact that “Thi4f” is a stupid name. The developers toyed with numerous ideas, and games like Assassin’s Creed, BioShock, Splinter Cell, and even Dishonored impacted the final product. The extended development cycle also lead to the game being developed for two different console generations, as well as PC.
The end result is a new title that takes place several hundred years after the original games. The protagonist, still named Garrett, is potentially a descendent of the previous character; other characters share similar naming connections, and clues / references can be found throughout the game to The City’s past. The game opens with Garrett and his sometimes partner Erin trying to steal a rare, supposedly supernatural item from the baron who rules this time period. Things go horribly wrong, Garrett is presumed dead, and a year passes during which a strange plague starts to take hold in the city.
I’m going to stop there. Have you played Dishonored? Then you’ve played a much more compelling version of this story, which is mostly nonsensical garbage. It jumps all over the place, characters come and go seemingly at random, and things just kind of happen without resolution. There are supernatural forces, secret orders, conspiracies, civil unrest, family secrets, and the like all just kind of shoved in there; Garrett see-saws between reluctant hero, anti-hero, hero, and asshole mid-conversation. The final cutscene literally confused me so badly I looked it up and watched it multiple times, and it still makes no damn sense. At this point, I’m going to briefly deal with the “why” of this issue, as I think it may be of some importance.
The story is told, like in most game of this ilk, through a mix of in-game events, scenes rendered with the game’s engine, and a few CGI cutscenes; interestingly, these are not the same CGI used in the trailers, which is far superior. These moderate-production bits are scattered seemingly at random throughout the game, and somehow don’t ever seem to really mesh with the rest of the events. Oddly enough, they also aren’t as sharp-looking as the scenes rendered using the in-game engine, which makes their inclusion questionable.
My half-baked theory is that these scenes were produced, probably at considerable cost, earlier in the game’s development. As time wore on, the story and concepts changed, but these few videos represented too big an investment to simply throw away. As a result, the developers found themselves obligated to try and bend the story in ways to keep these scenes viable. I know how that sounds, but trust me, if you play the game all the way through it will seem a lot more grounded.
The other massive blow to presentation, content notwithstanding, is unfortunately the game-rendered scenes as well; they have better lighting, character detail, and animation, but also have one major flaw. In these scenes, as reported across all platforms, and verified by myself and Erich on PC and Xbox One, the audio and animation are so badly out-of-sync they become almost unwatchable. Not just characters’ lips and voices, either, but the sound and video for entire scenes alternate lagging behind or jumping ahead of one another to a jarring degree.
This is a real shame in some of the game’s better scenes, when I would have genuinely enjoyed being able to just take in the dialogue and atmosphere. One character in particular, Basso, is extremely well-realized; he’s Garrett’s handler, job contact, fence, and sometimes friend, and their conversations are the high-point of the game. The low-point is undoubtedly Erin, who’s basically a Hot Topic cashier dropped into a Thief game with her diary as her script. The story’s biggest drawback is that they expect the player to give a shit about her, which I never once managed to do.
You couldn’t be blamed at this point for wondering why I took the time to keep playing this game, let alone beat it in just under a week, and so I’d better offer an explanation. Without too much run-around, I found the gameplay to be genuinely engaging, if not necessarily fresh or innovative. Running around, hiding in shadows, using tools and trick arrows to move through the levels was fun; seeing the glint of some trinket and knowing immediately that I was going to risk getting caught just to nab it only lost its luster toward the end.
The game is set up with The City as a hub, with your base in the giant clock tower near the center, and a shop to buy supplies and upgrades just a few rooftops over. Navigating is a mixture of fun and frustration, as well-designed paths sometimes end abruptly, or force you to go around seemingly benign obstacles. The game doesn’t have a “jump” button, and instead gives you a context-sensitive “action” button that either works perfectly or fails inexplicably at the worst possible moments.
The City is not seamless, but instead there are two types of “loading” screens you can encounter, one which requires you to jimmy open a window with a crowbar, and one which has you lift a fallen beam out of the way in crawlspaces. Of course, not all windows and crawlspaces are load screens – some just lead to small rooms with collectible loot – and so moving around the hub isn’t as smooth as it could be.
Starting each mission usually requires you to go chat with various characters around the city and progress the story, and then head for a certain spot on the map. As the story progresses, certain things about the map may shift and change, and what was once a clear path may suddenly be blocked or more heavily guarded. The game shines at these moments, forcing you to carefully be on the lookout for grates you can slip through, traps you can disarm, or objects you can shoot with blunt arrows and make a new path.
Each mission takes place in its own self-contained level, and while you still have multiple paths to choose from, they don’t feel as open-ended on approach. The most frustrating moments are when the game intentionally sends you into a heavily-guarded area only to have Garrett encounter a locked door or barred gate, at which point some new means of approach becomes clear. Each level comes with its own various collectibles and unique pieces of loot, as well as dozens of little trinkets to nab along the way, or documents to collect that deepen the story or offer clues to your objective.
These items are often hidden in locations you need to be actively searching for, or that you need to listen to conversations around you to become aware of. Often you’ll need to follow a guard or civilian and slip in unnoticed after they unlock a door or activate a switch. There is a serviceable lock-pick mechanic in the game, and sometimes you’ll need to have purchased the wrench or wire-cutter tool to access a certain area. I found myself seeking out the chances in earlier levels to explore for secrets, but by the last mission I was more concerned with getting to the next objective, especially since spare cash was in no short supply by that point.
Each mission grades you on your performance with one of three monikers: Ghost, Opportunist, or Predator. Predator if self-explanatory, and given if takedowns and murders were your style; Ghost is awarded for making as little an impact as possible, never even giving guards a reason to be alarmed. I got Opportunist on almost every level, meaning I was willing to use the environment, traps, and distractions to my advantage to get past guards. I still managed to make it through the entire game without getting spotted or killing someone, and the only takedowns I had were those mandated by the game at certain points.
The meta-game to this mechanic is that the optional objective for each mission changes depending on what your play style was. For example, a Ghost might have needed to pickpocket six guards, an Opportunist to disarm five traps, or a Predator to get five kills with fire arrows. Completing the corresponding objective nets you extra gold. I got about half of these just by playing the level, but was frustrated that the game only gives explanations of these mechanics in one place: Loading screen tips. Apparently, you can keep track of these objectives from a menu, but I didn’t find that until the second-to-last mission.
I will give the developers credit for at least trying to reward varied play styles. To be honest, I can’t imagine playing the game in an aggressive fashion, because the combat system, even when using arrows, simply isn’t geared toward direct confrontation. Many reviews complained that the melee “combat” is nothing more than a system of dodging and weak attacks with your blackjack, but my response there is simply “You’re playing a game called Thief; why the Hell are you in combat?” True, this leads to a lot of reloading saves if you get spotted, but since that’s the same way I played Dishonored, it didn’t bother me that much.
The game does have some flawed and ill-advised mechanics. There are occasional bits of third-person platforming, and in addition to looking really silly, it’s not always clear where you should be going. The map is useless for anything other than getting your general bearings, which is frustrating when you climb up three stories and use a precious rope arrow only to discover a room with some generic loot instead of a way forward through the mission. There are “loud” surfaces like broken glass and water in some places, as well as dogs or birds that can make noise and bring guards; I never seemed to get a handle on when and why any of these things attracted attention, even after repeated trips through the same area.
Garrett can do something called a “swoop,” where he dashes quickly across a short space in any direction; sometimes I could do this past four guards in front of a torch and never be spotted, but then try and do it past a single enemy in total darkness and immediately alert him. Combined with the occasional failure of the contextual action button, and the unpredictable nature of what does and doesn’t constitute being “in the shadows,” this probably led to more reloaded saves than anything else in the game.
The other so-so mechanic is Garrett’s supernatural ability to “focus,” highlighting people and objects of interest, which can be upgraded so that you move more quietly, deal more damage, pick locks faster, etc. while it’s active. On the difficult level I played through on, it didn’t regenerate automatically, and had to be replenished by finding and consuming poppies in the world. Thing is, even when empty, I could still hit the button and everything of interest would flash with a blue glow that slowly faded. I actually found myself preferring this method, and would intentionally drain my focus meter anytime the game refilled it.
There are a few missions that contain environmental hazards or run-for-your life scenarios, usually involving scripted events of guards spotting you or something catching on fire. The best of these is also the worst, as it involves what should be a breakneck race to get out of a burning, collapsing structure. Instead, what happened was that the scripted events to open a new path, or the ever-cursed action button, wouldn’t work properly, and I’d find myself falling to my death or burning alive before reloading a save.
Photo courtesy gamehdw.com
The missions can be played back through, but the method of doing so makes so little sense it baffles me. Upon completing the game, you’re told that you can replay missions and try to get all the collectibles. Being a gamer, I assumed this would either be done from a menu, or some sort of journal / display case in the clock tower, where there are journals and display cases for all of the collectibles. No such luck, and the map wasn’t helping, either. In the end, I went online to discover that you have to find the original mission start point in The City to replay a mission. Start points which, despite the fact that Garrett has already been there, don’t appear on the map in-game.
This knowledge of how to replay missions is apparently hidden in a loading screen tip as well, along with this bit of info: Basso can offer you side-mission that require you to steal unique loot from various places around the city. I had read reviews that talked about side-missions, but never encountered the ability to start one, and the game doesn’t give you that information freely. In fact, the game doesn’t really make it clear that you can go to various shops or talk to other characters between missions; after each mission, it drops you back in the clock tower with an objective indicator, and you’re off to have a story-driven conversation or two before the next chapter begins.
I think, in the end, that cycle may be a fitting analogy for this game as a whole: Pointed in one direction and told to go, sometimes without context, while other possibilities get bypassed unknowingly. I don’t think it’s nearly as bad as other reviewers say, and I found the game to be enjoyable and enticing during the campaign. I honestly don’t know if I’ll go back for side-missions or extra unique loot, though I might play any extra content or full expansions that may come along.
If you were wondering why I said I was “saddened” about the layoffs at the studio mentioned earlier, beyond people losing their jobs being sad, look no further than Deus Ex: Human Revolution. I think my words here – long development, uncertain mechanics, unfocused story – could have applied directly to it, as well, when it was released. The developers in that case got a second chance with the “director’s cut” version that came out last year, and was widely seen as being superior to the original product. This is also the studio that brought us the Tomb Raider reboot, which saw the updated “definitive edition” come out recently, albeit a different team within the studio.
I feel like Thief could be easily upgraded from a mediocre experience to a good, at times great experience if given a similar chance to be expanded, polished, and sent back out again. In the long run, though, that’s no excuse for releasing a title with obvious flaws, lackluster design, and broken mechanics. The cutscene sound and audio issues alone should have raised some flags, though its likely publisher Square Enix would not have brokered further delays. As it stands, Thief is the tarnished silver knock-off to its successors, as opposed to the platinum tribute of craftsmanship apparent in Dishonored.
I played Thief on PC. It is also available on [amazon_link id=”B00CYNTHA0″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]360, One, PS3, PS4.[/amazon_link]
The 1987 original Robocop is considered an action classic and I wholly agree. Director Paul Verhoeven used the movie as a metaphor for the times. He took what was happening in the 80’s “decade of excess” and pushed that idea forward in the not too distant future to see where society could possibly be headed. It also had his signature flare for the gory with the most liberal use of squirting blood packs ever seen to a boy of eight years old.
Somehow my mind made it through. I did not say it made it through undamaged.
Going into the remake, I was a bit torn. On the one hand, there was no possible way it could surpass the original and yet on the other hand, the movie had put together a damn good cast led by The Killing’s Joel Kinnaman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman and Jay Baruschel.
If you have seen the original, the premise is still the same; Alex Murphy, a Detroit police officer, is injured and the only viable option for him to continue living is to put him inside a machine created by Omnicorp (OCP) to patrol the streets but is ultimately used as a marketing tool.
The why’s and how’s of Robocop have changed. Murphy is injured in a car explosion by dirty cops and gun dealers instead of Kurtwood Smith and Co. gruesomely destroying his body with a shower of 12-gauge shells. Don’t freak out, the effect is still the same. For a PG-13 movie the violence is heavy at times but it can never match the levels of the 1987 version and there is a good reason for that.
Director Jose Padilha decided to take the majority of the runtime to discuss the issues that arise when a man is made to be more machine than flesh and blood. Where in the original, Murphy’s journey to robot cop is shown through a quick series of first-person shots of doctors and scientists working on him, this version takes almost 30 minutes to go in-depth showing Murphy’s first awakening as well as dealing mentally with the horrors that have happened to him.
Once Robocop hits the streets you are in the middle of an ethical argument between the head of Omnicorp, Raymond Sellers, and Congress who have enacted a law to ban the use of robots on the streets. He uses the creation of Robocop to circumvent the law and sway the American people to get the law repealed. As Murphy begins to go off the grid by wanting to see his family and search for his killers, OCP begins to take away more and more of the man and give control to the machine.
For those of you worried that the political and social satire would be lost in a story much more emotional than its source material; have no fear. Instead of interspersed news bits, car advertisements and TV programs that echoed the world in the 80’s, we get The Novak Element, hosted by Pat Novak (Samuel L. Jackson), that uses the media to push the pro-OCP agenda and preys on America’s fears in the vein of The O’Reilly Factor, Sean Hannity and other talking heads. This was a good way of transferring the parody inside Verhoeven’s original to something that will connect with this time.
There were elements of the remake that did not connect including Murphy’s partner who retains the name of Lewis, but retains none of the qualities that made Nancy Allen so memorable. He seems like he was put there for the joke about Murphy’s armor being black and that’s it. Abby Cornish tries her best as Murphy’s wife but can come across as stiff especially when you have Joel Kinnaman knocking his performance out of the park. Jackie Earle Haley and Gary Oldman chew up all their scenery well and Michale Keaton is not too shabby as the head of Ominicorp but can never come close to being as big an asshole as Dick Jones.
At the end of all of this, the question still remains; is the 2014 version of Robocop better than the original?
No.
But that is not a surprise. The surprising thing is that this Robocop is a well-paced action movie with more of a human element than the 1987 version ever thought about having. While it may be a remake, it can also be held on its own as a study of just because we can do something, does that mean we should? As we rely on technology more and more, is this the next step in our relationship with it? Definitely more heavy elements than I was expecting from a movie called Robocop.
Besides being the bane of bare feet everywhere, LEGO’s have been a part of our upbringing for over 60 years. Few companies can claim that the height of their popularity began in their second half-century, but with each new franchise Lego associates itself with, they close the cultural and age divide of their fans. This has become apparent in the fact that I was at a video game store buying Lego Batman 2 next to a mother buying it for her child or how I try to justify paying $150 for a Lego Hobbit set being (almost) in my mid-30’s.
Now the inevitable has happened; a full-length movie based on the blocks themselves. The reigns were given to Phil Lord and Christopher Miller who have made a niche for themselves in two very different franchises (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs & 21 Jump Street). They have expertly combined these two vastly different types of comedy and created a very special thing: a movie that is as good to watch as an adult as it is a kid.
The LEGO Movie follows everyman, Emmet (Chris Pratt), a construction worker who gets up, goes to work, buys overpriced coffee, watches the same show as everyone else and basically conforms to the life society has told him to live. The social commentary in the first ten minutes is palpable even through the laughter. It is just the beginning of self-awareness you will watch for 100 minutes.
After work one day Emmet notices a woman snooping around the construction site and as he follows her he accidentally happens upon the Piece of Resistance. It becomes fused to Emmet and he is taken to be interrogated by Bad Cop (Liam Neeson). Soon, the woman, Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks), comes to his rescue and takes Emmet to see Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman) who pronounces Emmet to be the “special”. The one to take the Piece of Resistance and stop Lord Business (Will Ferrell) from unleashing the mysterious “Kragle” destroying the LEGO world as they know it.
Only problem being that Emmet is not a master builder, meaning his ideas appear to be pretty much useless.
Emmet, Wyldstyle and Vitruvius make their way to a secret meeting of master builders including Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Shaquille O’Neal, Michelangelo (the artist), Michelangelo (the Ninja Turtle), Gandalf and Dumbledore to name a few.
Side note: Morgan Freeman’s dialogue with Gandalf and Dumbledore is worth the price of admission alone.
Emmet is scorned for not being the “special” and has to prove to everyone that if they all work together, they can defeat Lord Business. Their journey is a frantic one as they are continually being hunted by Bad Cop over various LEGO sets that give a good history lesson to the little plastic blocks. All the while Emmet pines for the affection of Wyldstyle who is currently dating Batman (Will Arnett), who even writes a song for his girlfriend about being an orphan and dark.
Speaking of Batman’s love song; The LEGO Movie’s soundtrack is expertly handled by Devo’s Mark Mothersbaugh, who has also done the music to multiple Wes Anderson films as well as Nickelodeon’s Rugrats. The film’s theme song “Everything is Awesome” (written by Shawn Patterson) plays a prominent role throughout. Tegan and Sara teamed up with The Lonely Island (yes, from Jizz in my Pants) to sing what is perhaps the greatest song ever performed in human history. I oversell, but seriously, try and have a bad day listening to this.
The voice casting is as close to perfect as you can get. You already know that Morgan Freeman will be awesome because…Morgan Freeman. We also get the likes of Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill in a nice bit of back and forth as Superman and Green Lantern, giving fans of 21 Jump Street some fun fan service, Alison Brie, Charlie Day (who goes full-on Sunny in one scene), Will Forte and Nick Offerman. We even get Anthony Daniels and “Sweet” Billy Dee Williams as C-3PO and Lando for God’s sake!
Second side note: Liam Neeson’s Good Cop voice will haunt my dreams forever.
Even as The LEGO movie winds down with an epic battle it does something unexpected; it hits you right in the feels. I will not give anything away, but it is sufficient to say, when it is revealed what is in the abyss and the movie reaches its climax, prepare for a gut punch that only an adult can feel. I almost had a Toy Story 3 moment…almost (don’t make me go there again).
I was expecting good things out of The LEGO Movie and even those expectations were far exceeded. It is increasingly funny the farther along the story goes and will make you feel what it was like to be a kid again, then brings you back to remind you that you are an adult, but it is still never too late to be special.
Everything is awesome, indeed (at least for 100 minutes).
Thank you Assassin’s Creed IV. I thought this franchise was beyond saving but you have shown me that there is life still left in the yearly (ugh) franchise. I had given up hope after Assassin’s Creed 3, which I never got close to finishing for the simple fact it was boring…as…hell. They were working with one of the most fascinating time periods ever and managed to muck it all up.
Not so here!
The team on AC IV have taken the central idea that occupies the mind of anyone that looks for more out of life; “what I wouldn’t give to be a pirate”. Seriously, who has not thought that? If you haven’t then you can start now…
I will wait.
Ships, booty (treasure), swordplay, booty (not treasure), sending people to Davy Jones’ locker. This is the tale of Edward Kenway, a man who leaves his wife to try and make a better life for them only to become one of the greatest pirates (and assassins) of his day. The story begins with Edward killing an assassin and taking his identity. He is a pirate after all. He is then sucked into the familiar war between the Templars and assassins that we all know so well by now in the AC series. I loved the fact that it was introduced in a new way by having Edward weasel his way into it by taking on someone else’s role all while in the search of a great life-changing treasure. One of the many changes that worked.
Soon after, Edward becomes captain of a ship, which he christens the Jackdaw, and you are off to sail around the massive world with an assortment of wonders awaiting you.
You can feel the effect of Far Cry 3 all over this game and not just by the looks of the locale. If the theory that Far Cry and Assassin’s Creed share the same world began on the Rook Islands in Far Cry 3, this idea is only furthered on the open seas of Assassin’s Creed 4. The crafting system has been brought over, albeit in not as big a way. You will go from location to location in search of deer, monkey, jaguar, etc. to further expand your abilities. You also have the ability to craft new outfits on top of the ones you can purchase. There is one that looks like Oliver Queen’s island outfit from Arrow…you know I had to go for it.
The naval battles in AC 3 seemed to be a testing ground for what is the biggest part of your pirate adventure. Sailing the open seas is so damn refreshing that I often found myself setting out in whatever direction just to see what trouble I could get into. The Jackdaw has its own set of upgrades that are required, not suggested, to survive life on the water..
At first it can be daunting to take on ships of a higher caliber but after making the right additions, you will own any ship that comes your way (except the fabled legendary ships). During every battle, when you have weakened an opponent, you have the choice to destroy them or board them and take their supplies. The bigger the ship, the more you must do to take it over. Where a level 17 may have you kill ten crew members, a level 36 Man O’ War will ask you to kill 20 crew and the captain as well as make your way to the top of the enemies mast and cut their flag free.
Combat has been made much more simple and has a certain Arkham series feel to it. It is your basic block and counter but I never felt overwhelmed when surrounded by enemies. It will be hard to go back to any previous AC game again after getting used to it.
Thankfully, one of the improved areas in AC IV is its story which is actually pretty easily followed even with all the time jumps, Templar and assassin history and trips to the present day for some first-person Abstergo action. Don’t let that last part scare you off. It is not near as intrusive or mind numbing like the Desmond parts of…well any past AC game. These segments do not last very long and if you get into them you will be given some hints about the possible future of the franchise (wild west AC? Hell yeah!).
The farther you travel into Edward’s story it becomes easy to say that he is the best protagonist this franchise has ever had. He is a fully fleshed out character whose goal is very clear even if his way of getting there is unique. He has more personality than all characters in previous entries combined. Maybe that comes from the freedom of the time period and profession the developers have used here. Either way, I would not mind more adventures with Edward even if we all know his ending.
There is so much more I could touch on about what this game holds. I spent over 40 hours sailing and boozing and assassinating and still have quite a bit to do. Whether it is using the diving bell to search for deep sea treasure, sneaking into enemy territory to loot warehouses for ship supplies or just finding random ships to pillage, you will never be left wanting. AC IV does fall into the traps of previous entries sometimes with way too many follow and eavesdrop missions but it does not change the fact that this is easily the best entry in the entire series. My favorite Assassin’s Creed (II) now, finally, seems obsolete.
That is a good thing. Let’s hope Ubisoft can keep the momentum going forward.
It certainly took long enough for Ron Burgundy and company to return to theaters. Nine years to be exact. When the original Anchorman released in 2004 it did moderate business at the box office but found cult-like status when it came home on DVD with 90 minutes worth of quotable lines as well as some of the most off-the-wall characters ever. It was kind of a big deal. Will Ferrell and Adam McKay kept trying to convince Paramount that audiences wanted a sequel and the studio would not listen then finally relented when Ferrell and McKay promised to make the movie on the cheap meaning they and stars Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell and Dave Koechner would do it at a discount.
Here we are! Nine years later and the Channel 4 News Team has entered the 80’s with less than stellar results. Champ owns a fried chicken restaurant that serves bats to save money calling them “chicken of the cave”, Brian is a successful kitten photographer and Brick…well, Brick’s dead. At least that is what he said giving his own eulogy at the gravesite.
Ron has fallen on harder times being fired from his anchor job by his idol and his wife Veronica has become the first ever female evening news anchor. This leaves them estranged with Ron’s son caught in the middle. He is soon offered a job at GNN, the first ever venture into 24 hour news. Ron loads the Burgundy-mobile and goes searching for his old team and convince them to come to New York with him and become the big thing in news again.
Needless to say if you thought events in the first movie got a little weird get ready, because that was nothing. As their fame grows so does Ron’s ego and he distances himself from the team while he begins a relationship with the news station’s African-American news director, which Ron can not stop mentioning. Black. He can’t stop saying black. Black….black.
The mighty soon falls as a tragic figure skating accident leaves Ron blind and living in a lighthouse alone. Even the team can not bring him out of his self-pity. Only Veronica and his son can do that as he learns to live with his lack of vision and raises a baby shark, called Doby, to adulthood. Those previous sentences should not surprise you in anyway knowing this is Anchorman.
The sheer number of co-stars and cameos is staggering in Anchorman 2. Brick finds love in a like soul played by Kristen Wiig and Ron’s idol is a certain Dr. Jones. Like the first Anchorman we are also treated to a giant news battle featuring Kanye West, Liam Neeson and the son of Dorothy Mantooth (she is a saint!).Those names are the tip of the iceberg in the fight for news supremacy. This was one recycled part of the first film that worked better than others. I could guess that the main cast ad-libbed a lot of the script because of director Adam McKay wanting to release a completely separate cut of the film with all-new jokes. I am all for that.
As for the movie as a whole, Anchorman 2 had me chuckling and laughing plenty but lacked the true tear-inducing humor that made the first a classic. I found Ron Burgundy’s return funny…yet something was still not there. Some of the jokes are laughable but nowhere near as quotable as the 2004 original. There is normally no way to catch lightning in a bottle twice, but even with that said, Anchorman 2 is funnier than most of the comedies I have seen in the past year. Just be sure to go in with tempered expectations, because while Anchorman 2 is funny, it can not equal your love of lamp.
Last year, Peter Jackson returned to Middle-Earth with The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and some were disappointed by the lack of movement and story pacing. I enjoyed it thoroughly as you can tell if you clink the link to my review above. After watching the movie last year I began to wonder how they would break up Tolkien’s 300 page novel into a trilogy of three hour films. Upon finishing The Desolation of Smaug it is clear that Jackson has added enough elements to make three films a necessity. Even more so than An Unexpected Journey, liberal changes from the book are here and I am sure that it will upset Tolkien purists, and to them I say: have some fun once in a while.
Desolation of Smaug opens up with a look at Thorin Oakenshield as he enters The Prancing Pony in the town of Bree. He is joined by Gandalf who begins to hatch his plan for the dwarves to take back their home of Erebor from the dragon Smaug. It is a good way to get audiences acclimated with the story of The Hobbit again before jumping back into the adventure.
From then on anyone worried about the slow pacing of the first movie are in for a surprise as we meet Bilbo, Thorin and the company of dwarves still on the run from Azog the Defiler. Desolation does not slow down for the next 2 hours and 40 minutes.
The company makes their way to refuge with Beorn, the skinchanger whose hatred for dwarves is only exceeded by his hatred of orcs and he gives them supplies for their journey ahead which includes the haunted forest of Mirkwood where Bilbo and the dwarves begin to hallucinate and lose their way before they are attacked by giant spiders which will be a good reminder of Shelob for Lord of the Rings fans. Here we see our first glimpses of the ring asserting its power over Bilbo making him more aggressive when a spider comes between him and the shiny, gold piece of evil.
Suddenly, like a rhinestone cowboy, the elves are there to save the day including the new character Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) that many are up in arms about. She wasn’t in the book! Blah, blah, blah. I understand where fans are coming from but I also understand Peter Jackson and Philippa Boyens wanting to bring a strong female character into the story (of which there are none in the book). Guess what? It works. I, a fan of the book, am completely fine with Tauriel. In fact, she is one of the best things about the movie. Her scenes with Legolas are some great Elven banter and not once did I scoff at the screen because she was not in the original story.
Yep, that right. Legolas is in The Hobbit as well now. No, he was not in the book but he is the son of Thranduil (Lee Pace), king of Woodland Realm, so he has been added in as a bit of fan service to Lord of the Rings movie fans by making the connection that, even though he was not mentioned in The Hobbit, he may have been involved being the son of an Elven king who was. As with Tauriel, he does add to the movie and even though some may wonder why he is there, it is fun to see him make quips as he dispatches orcs as only he can.
After a thrilling escape from Mirkwood in barrels down a rapid river we meet Bard (Luke Evans) who smuggles the party into Laketown. They are soon discovered and Thorin uses his lineage to convince the Master of Laketown (Stephen Fry) to give him a boat to make their way to the Lonely Mountain. Here is where the party is split up with Fili, Oin and Bofur staying behind to tend to a wounded Kili. The rest of the dwarves and Bilbo make their way to the Lonely Mountain where they find the secret door into their lost home.
Where is Gandalf during all of this fun? Well he is off to Dol Goldur to investigate the mystery of the Necromancer. He discovers that the Nazgul have been released from their prison and an orc army led by Azog has been gathering at the long-dead castle. He is confronted by the Necromancer, who reveals his true self and imprisons Gandalf as the orcs make their march toward the Lonely Mountain.
Easily the best part of the film comes when Bilbo is sent into the heart of the mountain to find the Arkenstone in the ocean of dwarven treasure and awakens Smaug. This leads to a wonderful back and forth between Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch which, for this Sherlock fan, was so much of a good thing. Cumberbatch proves he owns anything he is in with his portrayal of Smuag which is way more than a voice over. He was motion captured for facial features and is a wonder to behold. How amazing Andy Serkis was as Gollum in The Lord of the Rings trilogy ten years ago, it is the same here with Cumberbatch.
We are left with a cliffhanger ending that had audible gasps in the theater I was in. That is how quickly Deolation of Smaug went. No one wanted it to end even after almost three hours. We still have so much more to cover with Bard’s confrontation with Smaug and the Battle of Five Armies. Where I was once worried about The Hobbit being stretched into three movies, I am now glad it has been. Peter Jackson has made a lot of changes and adjustments including bringing in new characters and adding from the appendices of The Lord of the Rings but it all adds up to a win here. I completely understand if some can not get past the altercations (of which there were many in The Lord of the Rings as well, let’s not forget). I can and actually welcome some of them with open arms and am more than ready to go There and Back Again next year.
