Category: Media

  • WWE TLC 2014 Predictions

    Get ready for the biggest event WWE has in December. Where the stars of NXT show off their skills….what? This is for TLC? Shit. OK, let’s do it.

    20141123208_LIGHT_TLC2014_HOMEPAGE_kickoff

    New Day vs. Goldust & Stardust

    Can it be the old day already? If they are going to turn The New Day heel soon, then I will make it through this. Would much rather have a new Nation. The Dusties will pull the job here to get New Day over. Funny how quickly Gold & Stardust have gone from champs to pre-show…again.

    Winner: New Day with the Holy Roller (or whatever Jesus-themed finishing move they have).

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    Damien Mizdow & The Miz vs. The Usos for the Tag Team Championship

    The fact that Damien Sandow has made his stunt double gimmick work is a testament to his ability. The bigger deal is that he is the most over thing on TV right now. I would like to think this will have a big payoff when he splits from Miz. I have been a wrestling fan too long to know they will screw it up. Miz & Mizdow are too good right now for a title change.

    Winner- Another Mizdow victory that Miz takes credit for.

    Rusev vs. Jack Swagger for the U.S. Championship

    20141123_LIGHT_TLC2014_MATCH_HOMEPAGE_rusevswagger-sponsor

    If WWE is keeping Rusev undefeated for WrestleMania, we are about to see some repeat feuds. You have already run him through the roster not named Cena or Orton and you still have five months to go. If we saw Swagger lose at Summerslam, why would we believe he has a chance here? Because Rusev broke an old racists leg? Shouldn’t we be happy he did?

    Winner- Rusev and anyone who gets up to get something to eat during this match.

    Erick Rowan vs. Big Show in a Stairs Match

    bbbbbbbb

    Two big, lumbering guys in a match with a big, lumbering stipulation. I expect hurricanranas and  springboard planchas. By hurricanranas I mean kicks and by planchas I mean punches. Throw some stair spots for some seasoning on this shit sandwich.

    Winner- Big Show, who turns face after the match, then heel on Raw. He is face again by Rumble.

     Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler in a Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship

    fds

    I am expecting a lot of people to be surprised how good this match is. Not because of Ziggler, but Harper. We know Ziggler can make anything look like a million bucks. I hope they let Harper use this opportunity to show why he is who internet fans think he is.

    Winner- Harper with Ziggler taking a bump that he probably shouldn’t.

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    Kane vs. Ryback in a Chairs Match

    The rebuilding of Ryback continues. While he may never get more title shots, he can be a solid #3 or #4 face on Raw. All depends on if WWE can stay consistent with him. I am wondering how much can be done in a match like this with no head shots. My guess is a hell of a lot of “WCW shots to the back”, chokeslam on a chair, Shellshock on a chair. 1,2,3.

    Winner- Ryback (pink) eyes himself a victory.

    rrr

    AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship

    If this is AJ’s last match let’s hope they let her leave with something better than Survivor Series. I will watch this match thinking in my head AJ is leaving, which is more than I can say for the live audience.

    Winner- Nikki with Brie’s help while no one wonders why the hell Brie is bad again after a four month fucking buildup to her match with Stephanie to have Nikki turn on her only to have the angle swept under the rug.

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    Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt in a TLC Match

    While I may not like Ambrose and Wyatt feuding, this should be the match of the night. Putting Dean in a TLC match is a good way for the audience to connect with his “unstable” character and have him look strong in a loss. Will he have to win a feud eventually? Yes. He should have beaten Rollins at Hell in a Cell. This doesn’t feel like the end of Ambrose/Wyatt so I think Dean gives as good as he gets and comes up short. WWE needs to be careful, though. If he loses too much, fans will think he looks weak and then you have a problem.

    Winner- Bray Wyatt using the rocking chair of doom.

    20141203_LIGHT_TLC2014_MATCH_HOMEPAGE_CenaRollins

    John Cena vs. Seth Rollins in a Tables Match

    WWE loves telling fans the ending to their main events before they happen. If this was Rollins vs. Cena in a tables match, I would give Rollins a chance to win. Saying Cena will lose his title shot with Brock if he loses is basically like sending him out there to “fingerpoke of doom” Rollins and win. Rollins will work his ass of and Cena will…be Cena.

    Winner- Cena triumphant at the end of a PPV again, reaching Hogan levels of ridiculous.

  • 13 Lines I Still Use From Mystery Science Theater 3000

    I was 12 years old when I saw my first episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was 2 AM on a Sunday night/Monday morning. I did not have school the next day and was watching what I could of local channels before they went off the air (they used to do that, kids). A show came on with a weird theme song and had a guy talking with two homemade looking robots. Then they watch a movie called Pod People and made fun of it. I laughed for the next two hours and that was it. I was hooked.

    Over the last 22 years MST3K has been a staple on any TV I have owned from VHS tapes that were 20 bucks a pop to DVD sets. With that much bad cinema (and funny lines) in my head there were bound to be some that make their way into my everyday life. Here are thirteen lines from the show that have been used on multiple occasions (sometimes daily) since I became a MSTie.


    “Waka chi waka” (Mitchell’s theme) from Mitchell (1993)

    “This is where the fish lives.” from The Touch of Satan (1998)

    http://youtu.be/ZEHV-R-y840

    “Trumpy, you can do magic.” from Pod People (1991)

    http://youtu.be/sCl2ZNkfnS8

    “It’s speedy delivery guy and boy, does he have a package.” from Cave Dwellers (1991)

    “It’s the wango, zee tango.” from Cave Dwellers (1991)

    “I’m runnin’ down the road, tryin’ to loosen my load. I’ve got Coleman Francis on my mind”. from Red Zone Cuba (1994)

    “What’s the word? Thunderbird! What’s the price? 40 twice.” from The Unearthly (1991)

    “Silence! Is golden.” from Manos: The Hands of Fate (1993)

    http://youtu.be/9AJVZuQuD6M

    “Oh, it’s a Goldstar.” from MST3K: The Movie (1996)

    “May your forehead grow like the mighty oak.” from MST3K: The Movie (1996)

    “Sting, Debbie Reynolds and God.” from Space Mutiny (1997)

    “Rowsdower.” from The Final Sacrifice (1998)

    http://youtu.be/RUYM3jkcrjg

    “Expecting a flood, son?” from What About Juvenile Delinquency (1993)

    Do you have any lines from Mystery Science Theater that have permanent residence in your head? Let us know what they are.

     

  • Terminator: Genisys Trailer Is Impressive, Almost Makes Up For Bad Name

    http://youtu.be/62E4FJTwSuc

    Maybe this whole Terminator reboot thing will work after all.

    Just a few spots that give me hope:

    -Arnold

    -Come with me if you want to live.

    -Sarah Conner kicking ass

    -I’ll be back

    -A f***ing T-1000.

    I thought Terminator: Salvation was a decent movie. This trailer is better than it.

    Terminator: Genisys releases on July 1, 2015.

     

  • New Bond Film Titled ‘Spectre’. There Is Much Rejoicing.

    The 24th Bond film will be called Spectre. If you need to know why, this may not be the article for you.

    The announcement was made early this morning along with the reveal of the cast which includes Christoph Waltz, Andrew Scott, Dave Bautista, Lea Seydoux and Monica Bellucci. Daniel Craig (obviously), Naomie Harris, Ben Whishaw and Ralph Fiennes return. If you are wondering where Dame Judi Dench is, you should have watched Skyfall by now.

    Watlz is rumored to be playing the top Bond villain, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Scott perhaps as an agent of Spectre with Bautista as the muscle, Mr. Hinx.

    Bond will be driving around in the brand new Aston Martin DB10.

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    My thoughts on Skyfall are that it was one of the greatest Bond titles ever (tied with or right behind Goldfinger). I wondered how they could possibly follow that up, and yet, they have assembled what may be the best cast for any Bond movie.

    Plus, Monica Bellucci as a Bond girl. You treat her right, James! She’s a lady!

    528560-vos-plus-belles-photos-d-actualite-en-2009

    Spectre releases November 6, 2015. Read my review of Skyfall here.

  • Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer Roundup

    The teaser trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens has been out a few days now and it is the first 88 seconds of pleasure that is not followed by immense disappointment. Being the Thanksgiving holiday I did not get a chance to post it up here.

    Tadaaaa

    This is old news though, right? Give the internet a few days and you will have plenty of varied ways to watch it.

    Lego

    The George Lucas Special Edition

    Internet, you are fun.

  • Jurassic World Trailer Opens The Park…You Know Where This is Going

    Star Lord vs. dinosaurs. Who you got?

    Humanity will never learn from John Hammond’s mistakes because if they did, we would have no need for a Jurassic World movie. It seems that his dream of having the park be affordable for everyone came true. Just means more people to eat this go round.

    Bonus for the creepy use of John Williams’ Jurassic Park theme (perhaps the greatest theme ever).

    Jurassic World releases June 12th.