Author: Trey Sterling

  • Listen Up, Nerds! May 14, 2013

    No Idea

     

     

    So Scott usually does news posts; I’m more of a “let’s talk about things that are at least two weeks old” kind of journalist. But Scott’s on vacation! So it’s up to me to type… something.

    Metro: Last Light

    The seemingly unlikely sequel to one of my favorite games is out today! We once again get to journey with Artyom through post-apoc Moscow, taking in an atmosphere that must be experienced to be believed. Check out my “Five Reasons” article for more details.

    Cloud Atlas

    Also out today is my single favorite sci-fi film since District 9. An insanely sweeping tale that takes place across a millennium, yet still gives you characters you can connect with, I highly recommend it. Plus, it’s probably the last time anyone will give the Wachowskis more than $5 to make a movie.

    Injustice: Gods Among Us

    A leaked document from NetherRealm seems to indicate that the next four-pack of DLC characters will consist of Red Hood, Martian Manhunter, Power Girl and Sub-Zero. This will probably draw even more flack from the folks who believe that the Bat-family already has too many characters. I’m hopeful for Manhunter; how he didn’t make the initial cut is beyond me. And I’ve always preferred Sub-Zero to Scorpion.

    Agents of SHIELD

    I know we already have a post up about the full trailer, but I would just like to take this opportunity to say the following: If J. August Richards isn’t Luke Cage, I will throw a massive nerd tantrum.

    That’s really all I’ve got for now, folks. I hope that at least one thing on the list made this worth the quick read. Thanks!

  • Enter the Dragons – Trey’s Far Cry 3 : Blood Dragon Review

    FC3 BD Box

    If you haven’t had the chance to play Blood Dragon yet, or if you have but missed the live-action launch trailer, I am going to ask that you take the time to view the trailer posted below. Just trust me on this. Thanks.

    It’s brutal honesty time: If that trailer stirred nothing within you, this game is not your thing. I say that now because the review below might make you think otherwise, so don’t come crying to me if you decide to pick it up and are then disappointed. I warned you.

    For those of you who did “feel those feels” so to speak, Blood Dragon may be the best $15 you spend this year. It is everything that trailer would lead you to expect on the surface, and surprisingly more underneath.

    The game stars Rex “Power” Colt, a Mark IV cyber-soldier who has been sent with his partner Spider to investigate a mysterious island base. Of course, things go horribly wrong, and Rex is forced to work with the beautiful (but mysterious) Dr. Darling to try and stop Sloan, his former CO and mentor who has gone off the reservation.

    FC3 BD Cutscene

    The story is told via animated scenes straight out of something like Contra or Double Dragon; the characters are just static drawings that slide back and forth or change position suddenly whenever they are supposed to be “moving.” Did I mention these scenes are intentionally scaled to only take up about 1/6 of your screen, and use 16-bit color?

    Gameplay, on the other hand, is rendered using the full Far Cry 3 engine, albeit a tweaked version of it that makes everything look like a mix between Tron, LV-426, and the Terminator future. The lasting effect is a mixed bag of drab environments that lack the stunning immersion of FC3, versus objects that pop nicely against this backdrop so that every enemy, animal, vehicle and item really stands out for the player. The game world is admittedly rather dark, and my first play session left me with a headache as my eyes adjusted.

    FC3 BD Enemies

    One of the surprises the game had for me was just how much time I would spending with it, because after the initial mission and a brief tutorial on base-capturing, the island opens up to you just like in FC3. There aren’t any radio towers, but there are a dozen bases for you to capture, two types of side-quests, animals to hunt, and three types of collectibles to search for. I was genuinely pleased that this wasn’t a straight action game, and roaming the land is every bit as much fun as it was in FC3.

    The base capturing works a little differently, mainly due to the presence of the titular blood dragons: Creatures of unknown origin, these dinosaur-sized, neon glowing mini-Godzillas roam the island at will. They will make a bee-line for you if you don’t move quietly around them, but their roaming can be controlled by luring them around with cyber-hearts taken from your enemies. They are immensely hostile, and can attack with tooth, claw, and lasers from their eyes.

    FC3 BD Dragon

    Each enemy base has shields around it that keep dragons out, but you can lure them close enough to use their lasers, and keep enemies distracted long enough to sneak in and turn off the shields. Once that happens, it’s just a matter of watching the dragons kick ass until the base is clear, at which point you need to either kill them or lure them back outside of the shields to take the base. I usually opted to lure them out, mainly because I saw them as allies, but also because they’re hard as shit to kill until you get a few of the late-game weapons.

    For the side missions, Path of the Predator makes a return; go here, get a certain kind of weapon, kill specific enemy / enemies with that weapon. The other type is a hostage rescue, where you have to kill all of the enemies in a certain area without being detected, otherwise they off the hostage. The collectibles are appropriately themed: there are VHS tapes with spoof descriptions of 80s classics; TV sets that are tuned to a strange, static-filled signal; and research notes about the crazy things Sloan’s lead scientist is trying.

    screenlg31ll8m-noscale

    One of the complaints with FC3 was that there were simply too many random tasks that didn’t really contribute anything to the experience. Blood Dragon corrects this issue by having all of your weapon attachment unlocks tied to the side missions and collectibles. Think running around finding TV sets is boring? Find enough of them and you unlock a double-barrel, and then a quad-barrel attachment for your shotgun. The system isn’t perfect; for instance, all four upgradable weapons have three capacity upgrades, which is a bit much. I would suggest taking the time to find everything before completing the game; otherwise some of the cool attachments you get will never see any real use.

    Adventuring around the island will also earn you cyber-points, known in other games as “experience.” Blood Dragon retains a lot of them same perks and skills as FC3; instead of branching skill trees, each level-up simply unlocks a new ability, bumps your max health, etc. So though Rex doesn’t feel quite as hand-crafted a killer as Jason Brody, the end result is that you slowly become more and more bad-ass without having to fret with menus.

    screenlg56kaag-noscale

    When you finally do get around to the story missions, you will be treated to five of the most action-packed, sharply-written action movie parodies imaginable. I thought deeply about how much to talk about the one-liners, references and twists that pop up as you progress, and decided that it’s all just too good to spoil. I will say that the second-to-last mission is the hardest part of the game, but it opens up and ability that makes the last mission pure joy. You know how action movie heroes get their ass kicked in the second act, but then after a montage spend the entire third act killing 10x the number of enemies that previously whooped them? It’s that, and then some, and about halfway through that last mission… Well, no spoilers, but I was literally laughing while wiping away tears of joy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH4UwdS5sPE

    There are not a whole lot of reasons to stick around after the credits roll, other than to grab a few missed collectibles, or maybe tackled the task of killing 25 dragons, but I was still supremely satisfied.  It seems that more and more companies are using downloadable titles as a way to let dev teams do cool, off-the-wall ideas, and Blood Dragon is the epitome of the trend so far. If you have $15 and a free weekend, then you have what it takes to do it “Mark IV style, mother(@#^er!”

    I played Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon on the Xbox 360. It is also available for download on PC and Playstation 3.

  • Five Reasons: Metro: Last Light

    Photo courtesy hypeup.net
    Photo courtesy hypeup.net

    When [amazon_link id=”B002V16T0Q” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Metro 2033[/amazon_link] was released two years ago, there was almost no marketing behind it, save for a lackluster “Fear the Future” slogan that isn’t really representative of the game. It would have passed completely under my radar if not for Erich Wildgrube, but that’s a story for a later post.

    The important part is that I did eventually play it, and was floored; so floored, in fact, that I am more excited about the release of Metro: Last Light next week than I was for BioShock: Infinite. In case that sounds like crazy-talk, let me shed some hand-crank-battery-powered light on the subject.

    1. The Atmosphere

    We’ve all played those games that draw you in, that really make you feel like you’re in another reality, but 2033 took this to new levels, and Last Light looks to follow suit. I’m not just talking about the creepy parts, either; the most immersive moments look to be the ones spent in the populated stations, watching people go about their daily lives in this world gone sour.

    2. The Gameplay Mechanics

    This may come off sounding like it belongs in the last paragraph, but there are untold little touches in how these games play that really sell the experience. There’s the aforementioned need to hand-crank the battery that runs your flashlight; you check your map and objectives by holding a flickering lighter up to your journal; and new to Last Light, it appears that moisture and steam can obscure your gas-mask visor, so that Artyom must resort to running his palm across it to try and keep it clear.

    3. The Story

    I don’t know that I would say Metro tells a completely original kind of story: Young man must brave a post-apocalyptic world in order to save his loved ones from forces they don’t understand. What it does manage, however, is to tell that story in a way that completely engrosses you; you understand that Artyom both is and isn’t in control of the much larger events going on around him.

    I would also like to squeeze “Characters” in at this point; and by “Characters” I mean “The Rangers”; and by “The Rangers” I of course mean Khan.

    http://metrovideogame.wikia.com/wiki/Khan

    4. The Inhabitants

    http://metrovideogame.wikia.com/wiki/Mutants

    I had to catch myself typing “enemies” in that heading, as anyone who plays the games will soon understand. Metro takes place in a world filled with creatures and beings that go beyond Artyom’s understanding: the violent, animalistic nosalis; the disturbingly intelligent librarians; the unusual, almost playful anomalies; and finally, the mysterious Dark Ones, whose unknown motivations are the driving force of the series.

    5. The Morality System

    Hidden within this post-apoc shooter is a morality system so complex that no one has yet to perfectly pin down exactly what actions beget what outcomes. Most people didn’t realize 2033 had two possible endings until they checked the achievements, and the developers have remained tight-lipped about the system as well.

    What I do know is that these games don’t go in for the whole black-or-white idea of morality, but rather take into account your actions as a player – actions such as stopping to listen to someone play the guitar around a campfire – and how these little things might alter Artyom’s mindset.

    And as always, if my words aren’t enough to convince you, maybe pretty pictures and cool sound effects will:

  • Listen Up, Nerds!- May 2, 2013

    Photo courtesy ebookee.org
    Photo courtesy ebookee.org

    I know I’ve been absent for a little longer than usual, but I wanted to take some time and catch everyone up on the awesome things that have been coming me away from you guys! So I’ll be trying out this feature called “Listen Up, Nerds” to convey this priority info. Today’s topic: Books!

    [amazon_link id=”161109139X” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]The Hitman’s Guide to Housecleaning by Hallgrimur Helgason[/amazon_link]

    The tale of a Croatian mafia cleaner who ends up stuck in Iceland, this novel ended up being nothing like my expectations. I came looking for a book about killing people in new and interesting ways, but was instead treated to an examination of Icelandic lifestyle disguised as a pop-culture fueled character piece. It’s less Transporter 2 and more In Bruges, if you catch my drift.

    [amazon_link id=”1451676891″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]Double Feature by Owen King[/amazon_link]

    This is the first thing I’ve read by Stephen’s younger son, but it will be far from the last. The plot revolves around Sam Dolan, a film student convinced he’s going to make the next great masterpiece of cynical cinema. It’s the other people in Sam’s life who provide the real drama, and over the course of the novel we watch Sam grow to hopefully understand that a life is meant to be lived, not viewed through a camera lens.

    [amazon_link id=”B007S0EF24″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]The Mongoliad by Eric Bear, Neal Stephenson, et al[/amazon_link]

    I’m admittedly only a few hundred pages into the first book of this trilogy, but I’ve enjoyed it so far. A collaborative effort of historical fiction mixed with fantasy, these three novels and several Kindle short stories comprise “The Foreworld Saga.” This first volume deals with the spread of the Khan army by Genghis’ successors, and a desperate plan by an ancient order of knights to stop them.

    I hope this added a title or two to your Amazon cart (or at least your wishlist) and I will do my best to keep these little mini-reviews coming about things like comics, movies, TV, games, music and more!

  • Retro Achievement List : Guilty Gear X2 (PS2)

    GGXX Box Art

    Since the days of arcades – big rooms that had video games you paid for with quarters, but that’s not important right now – fighting games have been a staple of the industry, and my personal favorite on-again-off-again gaming niche. From the classic successes like Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, to relative unknowns like TMNT: Tournament Fighters, some game where two people beat the piss out of each other has always graced my consoles. Battle Arena Toshinden 3 was one of the first three games I had on PlayStation, and my PS2’s very first title was Tekken Tag Tournament.

    Part of the appeal was that I had a younger brother, and fighting games provided the much-sought-after ability to let us both play at the same time. Of course, that didn’t always work out so well. As I got older, my best friend Jay and I made a habit of renting pretty much any fighter we hadn’t played yet from the local Blockbuster. Eventually, I came across a copy of Guilty Gear X on the PS2. It kicked my ass, and with no story mode, limited my desire to learn the system; my copy was unfortunately stolen with all of my other games later that year.

    Instead of re-purchasing it, I waited until Guilty Gear X2 came around, having heard that it contained a full story mode and new characters. Jay and I would wind up pouring countless hours into that little disc over the next two years, and below is a list of some of our rewards.

    GGXX Fight
    Photo courtesy ign.com

    Achievement Unlocked:

     

    Achievement #1

    Let’s Rock! – Pick up a copy of X2, excited to see the new characters and modes. Foolishly forget how hard X was. Get ass kicked repeatedly. Cry in shame.

    Achievement #2

    A New Challenger – Play with best friend instead of against computer. Enjoy it so much that you buy him a copy for his birthday so you can both practice and get better. Start sharing save data so you both reap the rewards.

    *Achievement #3

    On the Battlefield of History – Finally get good enough to try story mode. Realize that each character has multiple endings that are accessed in bizarre ways.* Print out an extensive FAQ on the subject.

    *Achievement #4

    Dr. Feelgross – As you try and push through the entire story arcs, develop a deep loathing for playing as Faust. Force your friend to learn his move set for story mode. Repeat process for Bridget, Zappa, and Eddie / Venom.

    *Achievement #5

    Paradise City – Insist on blaring Guns ‘n’ Roses anytime you are playing through Axl Low’s story sections. Become intimately acquainted with how parents feel about waking up at 2 am to Slash’s sick guitar riffs.

    *Achievement #6

    Not the Good Guy – Play as Sol Badguy to the point where you can defeat almost any opponent with a precision combo as soon as the match starts. Blow through his story mode, only to be told that you are never, ever allowed to use him in another “versus” match with friends.

    *Achievement #7

    Dizzy With Joy – After literally months of trying, get a call from your best friend that he has finally managed to beat Dizzy’s primary story scenario, meaning the two of you together have officially completed the game. Race over to view the ending.

    *Achievement #8

    Missions: Impossible – Realize that there are special unlocks tied to completing the special matches in “Mission” mode. Overconfident from story mode, attempt to beat each of them. Afterwards, swear never to speak of it again.

    *Achievement #9

    I-No The Feeling – Spend lots of time browsing the in-game gallery and deviantArt for shots of I-No, Dizzy, Millia and Jam… for, you know, artistic purposes…

    GGXX I-No

    *Achievement #10

    Full of Fighting – Watch the animated trailer for Guilty Gear X in the gallery so many times that you can still recite every word of it years later. Remain exceedingly sad that there was never a badass GG animated movie or series.

    *Bonus*

    Calamity Trigger – Hear about the upcoming release of BlazBlue while living in Germany. Go and reserve the special edition as soon as you get home. Quickly realize that you and your best friend no longer have the free time or energy you did as teenagers. Almost never play it. Buy the sequel.

    * Seriously though, look up a walkthrough for the different paths in this game. Simply beating each fight in story mode will usually net you the worst ending. You have to do things like “win the second fight with half heath, wait until the last 20 seconds and then lose the fifth fight, and win the seventh fight using only light kick on a Tuesday.”

  • Will the Circle be Unbroken: Trey’s Review of BioShock Infinite

    468px-Biotop2

    When BioShock came out in late 2007, it was an instant commercial and critical success, and raised the bar exponentially for story-driven FPS. Its influence can still be felt, with the most recent example of its progeny probably being the excellent Dishonored.  The game had a few shortcomings, of course, as anything made by humans tends to. Even the mighty Ken Levine felt compelled to include an unfortunate “final boss,” a fight which culminated in what may be the single most anti-climatic ending of modern gaming. But taken as a whole, BioShock was a singular and arresting masterpiece.

    Business being what it is, publisher 2K immediately wanted to get rolling on a sequel, something which Levine and the team at Irrational Games agreed with… at first. Issues arose when 2K wanted to rush the studio’s (admittedly lengthy) standard development process, and were further compounded when it was determined the game “needed” a multiplayer component. Irrational departed the project to work on a “true” successor, and BioShock 2 was released to middling scores; arguably the game’s most interesting feature was the laundry-list of development teams featured in the opening credits.

    Fast-forward to August of 2010, when Irrational used the tease of “Project Icarus” as the lead-in to Infinite’s reveal trailer. Eager players got our first look at Columbia, an almost complete inverse of Rapture: A city among the clouds, founded on the principles of American exceptionalism, racial purity, and religious fervor. We were also introduced to the game’s central plot: You were trying to rescue a young woman with special abilities from this city, with things apparently bigger and badder than even Big Daddies trying to stop you. Unfortunately, the initial release date of “October 012” eventually became March 26, 2013 owing to Irrational’s aforementioned penchant for taking their (sweet-ass) time.

    Alright, I promise the history lesson is done, and apologize to anyone who was already well-aware of that information. I chose to include it, however, to make a point: Very few games have ever had this much hype to try and live up to. Hell, just go give my “Five Reasons” article another glance and you’ll understand just what this game had to leave up to for my expectations, alone. I want to establish these things so that when I tell you the final product met and exceeded my desires in almost ever area, you get a feel for just how good this game must be.

    The opening lighthouse-centric portion of this game is, if anything, even more mysterious than the plane crash that launched BioShock. You’re Booker DeWitt, a former Pinkerton agent turned private eye / “independent contractor” who is being sent… somewhere in order to retrieve a young woman named Elizabeth. The game doesn’t give you much to go on, except that Booker has fallen in with some bad sorts, and he needs to “bring them the girl to wipe away the debt.”

    I won’t spoil your initial arrival in Columbia, but I will say that Infinite begins at a much more easy-going pace than its predecessor. Depending on how much time you spend looking around, there’s almost an hour worth of simply wandering around Columbia; you can listen to a barbershop quartet, watch fireworks, and play games at a carnival. (Appreciably, the carnival games are actually tutorials on some the weapons and abilities.) You’re slowly making your way toward “Monument Island,” a giant statue of a winged girl where Elizabeth is being held. Everything is going well until someone notices the letters “A.D.” scarring the back of your hand.

    handyman-bioshock-infinite-1024x576

    You see, Columbia is ruled over by Zachary Comstock, also known to the residents as “The Prophet.” Comstock claims he was given a vision from an angel, and Columbia was the result. Apparently Elizabeth is his daughter, born under miraculous circumstances to his now-deceased wife, who was supposedly murdered by the “Vox Populi” labor rebellion. Elizabeth is now known as the “Lamb of Columbia,” though the Prophet has seen that a “false shepherd” will try and lead her astray.

    A false shepherd who happens to have the mark of “A.D.” on the back of his hand.

    From there, the idyllic sight-seeing turn into a full-fledged fight for survival, as the Prophet employs ever-increasing measures to try and stop you. Your first two acquisitions are a sky-hook and an ability-enhancing “vigor” (plasmids from the first game) that allows you to posses enemies. The sky-hook serves as both your melee weapon and gives you the ability to use freight hooks and sky-rails to move about the environment. As such, the player understands from these very first fights that combat in Infinite is about mobility, using your environment, and creating ways to keep focus off Booker when possible.

    It’s here that I want to avoid talking too much more about the story, except to say that Booker does eventually reach Elizabeth, and from there they get swept up into the larger conflicts of the city. There’s the aforementioned Comstock and his other “Founders” Cornelius Slate and Jeremiah Fink, who are the heads of the city’s security forces and manufacturing, respectively; Daisy Fitzroy, the former servant and Vox leader accused of killing Lady Comstock; Robert and Rosalind Lutece, a pair of twins who appear to be involved in Booker’s mission and have connections to Comstock; and finally, the Songbird, the mechanical being assigned the task of both caring for Elizabeth and keeping her under confinement.

    Elizabeth is probably the main reason I looked forward to each play session. It is evident from the first time Booker sees her – under circumstances where she can’t see him – that we are intended to love her, though not necessarily in a romantic or sexualized way. Her captivity has made her both naïve and world-weary. The first thing she does upon escape is to join a group of people dancing on a pier, and it seems she could do that indefinitely and still be happy; at the same time, her desire to escape has made her an expert in lock-picking and cryptology.

    bioshock-infinite-elizabeth1

    While held captive physically, she has been afforded every opportunity when it comes to education: We see her painting, dancing, and singing; she seems to be exceptionally well-versed in the arts and the sciences; there is reason to believe she is multi-lingual; and even though she can’t leave her tower, she can see outside and beyond it through her use of “tears.” In a nutshell, tears are windows into other points in time and space, such as Paris in 1983, or a Kansas farm in the middle of a tornado. This ability has been studied and exploited over the years; for instance, Fink uses it to discover new items for his factory and has his brother produce songs based on music he hears through the tears.

    Comstock has been using a device to limit these powers, but once freed of her tower, Elizabeth slowly grows stronger in ways that become exceptionally useful. Initially, she is able to bring small changes in from other versions of Columbia, such as a box of med kits or an automated gun turret. Balancing which tear to have opened during combat becomes a huge focus at this point, and is one of the most refreshing things about the game. Elizabeth herself doesn’t participate in facts, but also doesn’t have to be “escorted” through them; she does, however, keep an eye on your health, salts (used for vigors), ammo and cash. If any of these take a big hit, she will try her best to provide you with more so you can keep going.

    As the story progresses, her use of tears gradually advances to where she – and you, by proxy – can sometimes move between different versions of Columbia. This is every bit as potentially disastrous as it sounds, especially considering that the tears are what Elizabeth refers to as “some sort of wish fulfillment.” Thus, when in high states of emotion, she opens tears to realities that reflect that. For instance, after something truly horrific happens to someone connected to the Vox, she states she wants “a real revolution, just like in Les Mis.” She opens a tear to a Columbia where the Vox have been much more successful and better-equipped, but are also exceedingly more violent. In these rare moments, you feel a slight understanding for her containment; it might not be a good idea to let an impressionable teenager freely make use of her ability to reshape existence.

    Of course, Booker wouldn’t be necessary if Elizabeth could do everything on her own, and brings his own skills to the table. A veteran soldier, he is easily able to utilize the various weapons used by both sides of the conflict: Pistols, machines guns, rifles, and even the occasional explosive are all at your disposal. These can also be upgraded the same way the guns in the first game could be, although there are a few notable differences. This time around, you can only have two weapons equipped at a time, forcing you to think about what’s best in a given situation; ammo is more plentiful, but that’s because the tone has shifted to a more-action oriented approach; and alas, this abundance of ammo comes at the removal of the different types of ammo available in BioShock.

    bioshock-infinite-screen-1

    Your other primary means of attack are vigors, of which there are eight scattered throughout the game. These range from familiar fire and shock attacks, to new abilities like launching enemies up into the air, to the powerful – but draining – ability to possess enemies. All vigors have a built in secondary / trap version, and can again be upgraded at vending machines. The final piece in the combat puzzle is the inclusion of gear: Booker has a slot for a hat, shirt, pants, and shoes. Scattered throughout the game, these articles range from making your clips bigger to giving your melee attack an elemental charge. I found that I kept the same few pieces equipped for the early parts of the game, but the later battles almost require you to suit up for specific circumstances.

    Though Infinite does feature some corridor-based brawling, most of the excitement takes place in the open areas around Columbia’s buildings. These arenas are usually feature at least two vertical levels, and find you riding sky-rails between sections that may not even be physically connected. I already mentioned how managing which tear you have opened is vital, and this only becomes more prominent as the battlefields get bigger. I will freely admit that I tried several times to get through a fight – including the game’s final, unbelievably frenetic setpiece – by holing up next to an ammo spawn or automated turret, only to find myself cornered.

    The game is designed to keep you moving, and certain design features highlight that: Booker can move freely on /off or between sky-rails without taking fall damage, no matter how far the jump; special, devastating attacks can be performed against enemies on the ground and on the rails with you; tears to health and ammo crates that seem randomly placed on the ground suddenly make perfect sense when seen from the perspective of the rails. The dynamic nature of these fights puts me best in mind of the large exteriors of Halo: Combat Evolved in terms of how three-dimensionally the fights require you to think.

    BioShock-Infinite-screen-2

    The only real complaints I have come from what seem like holes (or tears, if you’d like) in the world-crafting. Plasmids made sense in Rapture and alongside ADAM / EVE added key elements to the story of the city’s fall. But within the racial-purity-driven halls of Columbia, Gatorade bottles full of demigod powers seem a little out-of-place. I also found absolutely no explanation of “salts” and how they fuel vigors, whether they are natural or synthetic, etc. Admittedly, there are several of the excellent audio and video logs that I didn’t find, so it’s possible one of them addresses salts.

    My good friend Erich Wildgrube (JS Wolfwood from the “Blackout” blog days) has an interesting theory that some game elements support: Originally, vigors were going to be limited in use based on finding bottled versions scattered through the game. This is still evident in an early area where a vending machine is selling a four-pack of the “Bucking Bronco” vigor. The price tag is well beyond any amount you could have amassed so far, so most people assumed it was a simple nod to a former iteration of the game.

    As you progress through the game, however, you come across numerous areas – especially in Fink’s factories – where there are busted-open crates filled with bottles of a certain vigor. When Booker picks these up, all they do is provide a refill of salts, but the existence of these crates seems to indicate the need for large quantities of particular vigors.

    We also only ever see two enemy types using vigors: the “firemen” who attack with Devil’s Kiss, and the “reapers” who use a variation of Murder of Crows. In many ways, their use of the vigors seems to have altered their very nature, much like the way plasmids altered the splicers of Rapture. Think about the terrible things that happen to Booker’s hands each time he picks up a new one; perhaps prolonged exposure could lead to permanent damage for the citizens of Columbia.

    Is it possible, then, that Booker’s ability to absorb vigors for repeated use is tied to some of the more… interesting aspects concerning his presence in Columbia? It would explain why vigors weren’t seen as too big a threat to the Founders’ rule; the supply would have been carefully controlled, and the presumably horrific results of overuse are a deterrent in their own right.  I’ve come around to this way of thinking, although it still doesn’t give a reason for why there would also be bottles of salts lying around and available for purchase in vending machines.

    The game also seems unsure about what exactly to do with tears, both from a story perspective and as a gameplay mechanic. Certain combat zones are rife with little doorways to all sorts of goodies, while others within the same area of the city have none at all to utilize. The same is true of big, reality-shifting gateways; there’s a section where you pass through several over them over the course of about 90 minutes, but then they don’t really become prominent again until the very end of the game.

    I’ve already mentioned that I understand how Comstock would feel the need to limit Elizabeth’s powers, and I can also understand it from a developer standpoint. Too much messing about with alternate reality tears would make the story more convoluted than it already (slightly) is, and too many combat-enhancing tears would make them less exciting and eliminate much of the challenge. Still, it feels like the game presents us with only half an explanation regarding when they can and can’t be utilized, which only serves to highlight the questions that remain unanswered.

    All of these things didn’t really come to mind until after I had finished the game, though, and begun discussing it with other players. While I was in the thick of it, leaping from skylines to airships, launching my enemies into the air and then summoning a mechanical George Washington to pick them off, all I felt was raw elation. When the game took Elizabeth from me, I was angry; when she ran away because of things I had done, I was heartbroken. I was never compelled by thoughts of “the end,” but rather by a desire to spend more time with these two.

    bioshock-infinite-columbia

    And as the credits rolled, after an ending that was simultaneously a mind-frak and exactly what the game had been leading you toward, I felt resolution coupled with a profound sense of loss. I feel no shame in admitting that I eventually loved Booker every bit as much as Elizabeth and saying goodbye to them will stay with me for a long time to come.

    [amazon_link id=”B003O6EB70″ target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]I played BioShock Infinite on the Xbox 360. It is also available on PS3 and PC.[/amazon_link]

  • Retro Achievement List: The Lost World (PS1)

    Photo courtesy avpgalaxy.net
    Photo courtesy avpgalaxy.net

    As my Jurassic Park IMAX 3D review indicated, I’ve always been a big fan of dinosaurs, and video games – especially ones where you got to play as dinos – are no exception. Jurassic Park itself had innumerable game adaptations; I owned one for the PC, two for the GameBoy, and played the Genesis version whenever I visited friends who owned a Genesis. Each one provided its own spin on the events of the film, and the Genesis version actually let you play as a freaking velociraptor!

    Probably my most memorable JP-branded gaming experience, though, came in the form of the Playstation era The Lost World from DreamWorks and Electronic Arts. An ambitious title, it was the very first game I got for my PS One, and I adored it. The graphics were exceptional (for the time), and the game featured a full orchestral score composed by the then-unknown Michael Giacchino. It would have been a stellar title, if not for the existence of a few design elements that should have been left extinct.

    31481h5

    Achievement Unlocked:

    *Achievement #1

    LW1

    Every time you go to Toys “R” Us, play the demo level as the T-Rex eating hunters and raptors, and generally causing mayhem until your mom drags you away.

    *Achievement #2

    LW2

    Upon getting the game, boot it up to find yourself as a compsognathus, eating dragonflies and mice, and generally trying not to die until you get bored and go outside.

    *Achievement #3

    LW3

    After several hours of play, get excited that you can finally use your new “memory card” to save your progress. Become increasingly frustrated as neither you nor your tech-genius father can figure out how this works.

    *Achievement #4

    LW4

    Finally decipher the manual to realize that this game uses an outdated password system in lieu of save data. Further discover that it only generates a password at the end of each character’s segment, and dying wipes all current progress.

    *Achievement #5

    LW5

    Go to your local game retailer and purchase the strategy guide, which in addition to walkthroughs contains passwords for each level. Go to the start of each character section to at least try them out.

    *Achievement #6

    LW6

    Start your post-tiny-dino run as the hunter, excited to finally be playing as something with a real offensive capability. Quickly get disemboweled by dinosaurs apparently wearing Kevlar.

    *Achievement #7

    LW7

    Jump forward to the velociraptor segments, ready to shred the puny humans the way raptors shredded your hunter. Get riddled with bullets, and then face off against an ankylosaurus, the dinosaur equivalent of a Panzer tank.

    *Achievement #8

    LW8

    Finally get to play as the t-rex, only to discover that you are now the biggest, slowest target in the entire world. Slowly watch your health drain as you struggle to eat even one overly-nimble adversary.

    *Achievement #9

    LW9

    Begrudgingly start the Sarah Harding levels, and realize that these frenetic, run-for-your-life platforming and grapple sections are probably the best in the game. Until, of course, you get trapped inside a poorly-designed cargo hold trying to fight a t-rex.

    *Achievement #10

    LW10

    Ultimately realize that the game is absolutely no fun as presented, so use the codes in the guide to genetically engineer a dino demigod and finally enjoy the game.

    *Bonus*

    LWBonus

    Almost fifteen years later, discover online that the Greatest Hits version of the game was a “Special Edition” that fixed the control issues, balanced the difficulty, added a save system, and included level-select codes in the game manual. Talk about chaos theory.

     

    We want to hear from all of you also! What achievements would you add to The Lost World? Leave us a comment below or tweet us your responses on Twitter (@nerdrating) and use the hashtag #RetroAchievementList

  • Life Finds a Way: A Discussion and Review of Jurassic Park in IMAX 3D

    Jurassic-Park

    Earlier this month, Jurassic Park finally got a stand-alone blu-ray release; it had previously only been available as part of a trilogy boxed set. The kicker – as in it kicked me right in the gut – is that this is the “Twentieth Anniversary Edition” release. Now, I’m not usually one for fretting over the fact that I am growing older; nor am I oblivious to the release dates of my favorite films from over the course of my life. But having the information thrust upon me in this fashion was a bit disconcerting.

    Because, you see, I still have very vivid memories from seeing it at the impressionable age of seven-going-on-eight: The intensity and confusion of the opening raptor attack; the wonder and rapture of the brachiosaurus reveal; the gut-tightening tension of multiple T-Rex escapes. Over the past two decades, I have carried the emotional impact of those spectacles with me through countless viewings of the film.

    I was, of course, ecstatic to hear that it was being re-released into theaters as well, and in 3D no less. When the opportunity presented itself to go see the new version on a theatrical IMAX screen, I could barely contain my excitement. I have no doubt that I annoyed my girlfriend, who had never seen the movie at all, with my demands that she be as excited as I was. That’s not to say she wasn’t excited – she genuinely enjoyed the experience – but I was unfairly expecting her to somehow feed off my own fervor.

    Imagine my surprise, then, when I realized that I wasn’t too far off from being a first-time viewer myself: Sitting in that theater, I somehow managed to watch a twenty-year-old film in IMAX 3D and take away more substance than spectacle. In a way, this review is more a way for me to share that experience than anything else. If you’re eagerly anticipating my final verdict, I’m afraid to tell you you’re in the wrong place.

    Now, for the article proper. We’re going to try something a little different; instead of me just writing paragraph after paragraph of text, I enlisted by good friend Bryant from The Truth Inside the Lie and we had a nice dialogue about the film. I’ve transcribed it below, adding to it in places where we didn’t address things that had been on my mind but we didn’t have time for.

    Hold on to your butts…

    TS:

    The first time I saw Jurassic Park, I was a month from turning eight, and had an absolute obsession with dinosaurs. The movie enraptured me, and everything about it overwhelmed me. I had the toys, sheets, lunchbox, etc.

    BB:

    So was this a case of the movie fitting an already-present interest, or a case of it creating an interest (in dinosaurs)?

    TS:

    The former. I had loved dinos for as long as I could remember. According to my mother, it started around the time I was two. I had books, tapes, models, and was genuinely informed on the topic. “The Land Before Time” was a big part of it. Probably the biggest impact JP had was to make velociraptors my favorites, although I quickly learned that Spielberg’s version was fairly inaccurate in the service of making them more menacing.

    BB:

    How many times did you force your poor parents to take you to see the movie?

    TS:

    See, I’m not positive there. We didn’t go to the movies on whims, though we did see the “big” releases in a timely fashion. My dad might have taken me back at least once, and maybe my grandparents took us once? I do remember feeling like it took a thousand years for the movie to come out on the vaulted “V-H-S” so that I could watch it endlessly.

    BB:

    Makes sense. Now, for my part…I think I saw it three times. Once on opening night; it came out in ’93, and I’d graduated in ’92 — I saw it with my best friend from high school, who was back in town for the weekend. Then saw it again later with my dad, and a third time about a year later when it was rereleased.

    TS:

    I had always though there was a re-release, but wasn’t sure. In that case, I would be positive that we went and saw it again at that point.

    As a teenager, what was your reaction?

    BB:

    Well, by that point I was a huge Spielberg fan, so this movie was catnip. And I’d read the novel, which I’d liked a lot. (I’d read it because Spielberg was making it into a movie, incidentally.) I liked the movie a lot, too. It scared the piss out of me at a few key moments, and this was back in the days when I REALLY hated being scared by movies. But I didn’t care. Had a blast. The effects were literally like nothing anyone had ever seen. That cannot be over-emphasized.

    TS:

    That was a huge part of it for me; as a kid who fantasized about dinosaurs being alive again, this was the closest I figured I would ever come.

    Which, incidentally, is where the biggest part of what the 3D version made me feel comes from, in that I felt like I was watching the movie as a real movie for the first time. Somehow I saw past the (admittedly amazing) wonder and appreciated it as a work of cinema.

    BB:

    I had almost exactly the same experience. In a way, for some viewers, the movie got overshadowed by “Schindler’s List” later in 1993. Comparatively, “Jurassic Park” felt like it had been a charming little pre-dinner mint or something. Watching it on VHS on reinforced that idea. But seeing it on a huge screen again brought it back home to me that it is, in every way, a masterful piece of cinema.

    TS:

    Hearing you say that, I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people who were old enough to have seen it back then are experiencing something similar. That’s a big part of what made me want to have this little chat; I want to talk about things that seem obvious, but I never really thought about before.

    BB:

    Well, one of the elements that gets brought up a lot is the way in which the story serves as a character-building exercise for Alan Grant: in a way, the entire film is about him being forced to embrace the idea of being responsible for kids. And boy oh boy, did Ellie lay his ass about an hour after that chopper landed…

    TS:

    Interestingly enough, Ellie’s slowly increasing sexiness as the movie goes on in something I wanted to discuss. On the Grant front, it’s like you’re inside my brain. As they escaped in the chopper, my brain woke up and went “This entire movie is about how Grant should focus more on the people around him, especially children (the future) instead of on dusty old bones (the past).”

    BB:

    Was this your first time noticing that?

    TS:

    Like a bolt from the blue.

    BB:

    Mm-hmm. Now, me, I knew that already; but only because I’d read it in a book about Spielberg’s work long ago. (It hit ME like a bolt out of the blue at that time, though.) What I noticed this time that I hadn’t before is that what’s happening to Grant with the kids underscores everything Ian is preaching about. Life finding a way; unpredictability.

    TS:

    And the shot of the birds represents how dinosaurs had, like Grant, eventually moved on beyond their path toward extinction.

    BB:

    Or, alternatively, it’s Grant looking at evidence of himself having been wrong, and finding he is totally okay with that.

    TS:

    I can see that, yeah. Which would fit, since he’s the only male character in the movie who is able to abandon his stubborn ways in time to not suffer too much from it.

    Dennis’s obsession with getting back at Hammond (because it’s about that, not the money) gets buried in the mud while he gets eaten; Ian’s desire to be right about the chaos lands him with a busted leg; Muldoon’s need to hunt the raptors gets him hunted right to death, which is reinforced by the shot of the alpha raptor watching the snake, knowing she’s the dominant hunter.

    And then there’s John Hammond, who I finally realized is every bit the creation-obsessed dick he is in the book. The obvious signs are him insisting on seeing each dino be born – thinking they will “imprint” on him, of all things – and refusing to use the lysine(?) contingency.

    But the really, really telling part is when he yells “Don’t!” into the phone when Grant is shooting at the raptors, despite the fact that his own grandchildren are in mortal danger.

    —Interjection—

    At this point, I would like to point out that the 3D actually does a really good job of adding focus to certain things that represent some of these themes. The times when we get a close-up shot of the amber on Hammond’s cane or Grant’s raptor claw are prime examples; the bag Dodgson is carrying when he meets Nedry, the embryos as Nedry is pulling them out of storage, and the shaving cream can as it’s being covered by mud are also greatly enhanced.

    ——

    BB:

    Yeah, Hammond is a nutjob, no doubt. He’s Frankenstein, essentially.

    TS:

    Speaking of which, that particular work was very ahead of its time in terms of the science that Shelley drew from. I’m still impressed by the references to genetics in JP; putting that kind of thing in high-brow novels is one thing, but putting them in a summer blockbuster is quite another.

    BB:

    Yes, and it was so beautifully-integrated — some would say spoon-fed, but I say beautifully-integrated — into the plot that I think the science was part of the reason why it was a home run with audiences. Not in spite of; because of. People are more than willing to learn, if you make it interesting.

    TS:

    I agree. The only thing I would say the movie over-simplifies is chaos theory, but having read both Crichton novels – which are essentially treatises on the subject disguised as dinosaur books – I am perfectly ok with that.

    BB:

    Well, that’s a subject where if you’re not careful it turns into “Big Numbers,” that abandoned comic series by Alan Moore that I wrote about in one of my comics blogs not long ago. I think with chaos theory it was sufficient to simply introduce the concept and let it lie there, self-evident and satisfied in its correctness, shirt unbuttoned and glistening. Um…

    TS:

    Ha! You have no idea how many of the women in our showing made audible expressions when that cut to Ian happened.

    BB:

    I do not doubt it.

    TS:

    Which seems a great lead into an aforementioned topic: How unbelievably hot Ellie becomes over the course of that movie. I was no stranger to Laura Dern being attractive, but as a kid my big crush was on Lex.

    This time around, though, I might have been a little short of breath when Ellie’s trying to help Grant keep the door closed.

    BB:

    I always forget how incredibly hot Laura Dern is/was until I’m actually SEEING her on-screen in something. Just hot as balls; fresh-out-f-the-microwave balls, too. And yet, Ellie never comes off as the stereotypical woman-in-distress character. (Like, say, Willie Scott in “Temple of Doom.”)

    TS:

    That’s exactly why she’s so hot as things progress, I think. It ties in with her comment about “sexism in survival situations” when Hammond is suggesting he should go to the generator room instead of her.

    BB:

    Yep. Now, if you don’t mind, let’s go back to Nedry for a minute. Here’s my question: did he HAVE to be played by Newman?

    TS:

    These days, I think not. But I genuinely think that even the great Spielberg can fall into typecasting. In 1993, if you wanted a conniving computer programmer, then “fat guy in bad shirt” was the way to go.

    BB:

    Nedry is maybe my biggest problem with the movie. He’s so patently a plot device, it kinda irks me. Although even that fits into the chaos-theory thing. And it also, I might add, creates a bit of a link between Grant and Hammond. Grant, not necessarily a people person; Hammond must not be either, if he could hire someone as obviously untrustworthy as Nedry.

    TS:

    See, I think it has more to do with Hammond’s obsession with making this place exactly what he wants, without paying enough attention to how he’s getting there (Ian’s speech around the dinner table comes to mind). Nedry was a means to an end. Although it is interesting that Hammond loves to talk about “sparing no expense” and Nedry’s biggest problem seems to be financial.

    BB:

    I just realized that “Nedry” and “nerdy” have the same letters…

    TS:

    That they do, but that would be on Crichton for naming the character.

     

    BB:

    What have you to say about John Williams vis-a-vis this movie?

    TS:

    Sound! This was another area that I really noticed for the first time, probably thanks to the wonder that is IMAX.

    I think Williams is on point in this film beyond even his usual talent. The JP theme is unforgettable, and the different applications he finds for it are superb. But where he really shines this time around are the little bits underneath the action and dialogue: The scene in the amber mine, the ice cream one with Hammond and Ellie, and the one where they find the “unauthorized” dino eggs all stand out for me.

    —Interjection—

    I also wanted to talk about the times there’s almost no sound in the movie, music included, and how fantastic that was with IMAX tech. The moment that stand out most is when Lex is seeing the raptor’s shadow against the wall, followed by her and Tim running into the kitchen area. Other than their panicked breathing, there is absolute silence.

    As for times when the effects really shine, the dilophosaurus stalking Nedry sounded like it was legitimately moving around behind me. Of course, for sheer “wow” value, the impact tremors from the t-rex’s steps shook the entire auditorium, and it’s roars were appropriately deafening.

    ——

    BB:

    They really should have figured out a way to give him (Williams) two Oscars that year. “Hey, we know you’re already getting one for Schindler’s List, but here, have another while you’re at it.”

    TS:

    Hehe. I was actually listening to the JP soundtrack while writing the early parts of my review today, and I’m really irked that the tracks don’t flow chronologically with the movie.

    BB:

    That’s a common problem — “problem” — with Williams soundtracks, sadly. Alright, what are your thoughts on “Jurassic Park” being the last time Spielberg was truly comfortable in popcorn-movie mode?

    TS:

    I would counter with Minority Report…?

    BB:

    Love it, but it was not a notable success. Maybe what I meant was that “Jurassic Park” was — so far — Spielberg’s last mega-smash hit.

    TS:

    Hmm.

    Well, my initial response would be that three of his attempts at such – The Lost World, War of the Worlds, and Crystal Skull – just aren’t very good, and after a while even average-Joe moviegoer starts to pick up on things like that. How successful was Tin-Tin?

    BB:

    Not very; kind of a hit outside of America, barely one at all in America.

    TS:

    That’s a shame, because it is loads better than most blockbusters these days. How about this: JP happens to be a spectacle film that is also masterfully made and has hidden depths. But most blockbusters these days are almost entirely style, and Spielberg has shifted his focus to more substantial fare.

    BB:

    There’s something to that, but I think it’s more that that’s what he THINKS he’s done. His blockbusters are plenty substantial; they just weren’t always taken that way by critics. And while I love — hold on, let me mentally count… — seven of the movies he’s made since then, and like all the rest, I miss THAT Spielberg.

    ——

    Unfortunately, that was the end of our discussion, but Bryant has promised to potentially respond to anything I say here that piques his interest. As far as Spielberg’s recent works go, I will agree with Bryant that they don’t seem to have the same “oomph” as something like Jurassic Park, Jaws, or even Close Encounters. But he has always been one to direct exactly what he feels like directing, and so perhaps his interest has simply shifted toward a different kind of storytelling.

    Back to the task at hand, I mentioned before that this was my girlfriend’s first time to see Jurassic Park, and it was great fun talking to her about it. She felt the movie has an impressive spectacle factor, even after twenty years, and liked the story it told. She’s not usually one for “scary” films, and was mostly ok in this case, with one exception: The power station. She physically jumped when the raptor came from behind the pipes, and then got fairly colorful when Sam Jackson’s arm wasn’t still attached. I’d wager that her heart was racing every bit as much as Ellie’s at the end of that scene.

    Unless you have a complete disdain for all forms of cinematic enjoyment, you should take the time to go see Jurassic Park in 3D, and preferably in IMAX. Because regardless of whether or not you have ever seen it before, it will be one of the best movies you see this year, and will also probably be one of the best entertainment experiences you might ever hope to have.

     

    I saw this release in an IMAX 3D digital auditorium. [amazon_link id=”B00B4804KS” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]The 3D version comes out on blu-ray April 23, 2013.[/amazon_link]

  • Retro Achievement List: Hideo Kojima Double Feature

    Photo courtesy gamingbolt.com
    Photo courtesy gamingbolt.com

     

    I missed our “Retro Achievement” launch last week due to an awesome visit from my very kick-ass mom, but this week I’m back with a vengeance and ready to offer up two helpings of vintage gaming goodness.

    In case you didn’t see it, last week Hideo Kojima unveiled a video of two men on a horse fleeing from a ghost riding a flaming unicorn. No, Kojima isn’t in charge of Brokeback Mountain 2: Flaming Boogaloo, but was revealing that the much-discussed The Phantom Pain trailer was in fact a teaser for Metal Gear Solid V.

    So to honor this latest round of Hideo highjinks, my two-part retro achievement list will center on arguably the most exemplary examples of Kojima-ness from the PS2 era: Zone of the Enders and Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.

    Now before I start, I hear a few of you thinking “Wait a damn minute! Both of those games have been featured in HD collections that included actual achievements for them!” I own both of those collections, and rest assured that the “awards” listed below are drawn directly from a basement couch in Alabama circa 2001, as opposed to any recent re-exposure.

    Zone of the Enders- Playstation 2

    Photo courtesy residentgamers.com
    Photo courtesy residentgamers.com

    Achievement Unlocked:

     

    *Achievement #1

    Ender’s Lame

    After reading a sidebar in Official Playstation Magazine’s reveal article for ZoE about Orson Scott Card’s “Ender” books and how they might tie in to the game, take time to read them all before the game’s release. Realize five minutes in that there is absolutely no connection.

    *Achievement #2

    Cockpit Cock-Up

    Field questions from your friends and family about why all the orbital frames appear to have giant wangs – even the obviously female one with boobs and rounded hips. Explain that the pilots sit there, but accidentally use the word “cockpit” and never hear the end of it.

    *Achievement #3

    Mummy Dearest

    At any point in the game, get pinned against the environment by a mummy frame using the halberd, with absolutely no way to fly away or fight back. Die horribly.

    *Achievement #4

    Nancy Kerrigan

    Discover that Jehuty “skates” along the ground when you fly low enough, leaving behind really cool glowing lines. Cease to travel any other way.

    *Achievement #5

    Anu-Boner

    Get to the end of the game and encounter Anubis; immediately decide all other giant robots are inferior. Read online that there are unlockable frames for playing the game more thoroughly!

    *Achievement #6

    Anu-Blue-Balls

    Spend hours beating every difficulty and getting S rankings in the hope that Anubis might be unlockable in either Story or VS mode; Anubis isn’t unlockable. Realize you can’t ever get that time back.

    *Achievement #7

    Much Ado About…Something

    Pay super-close attention to all of the cutscenes and dialogue, as you know Kojima weaves intricate stories. Eventually determine that the entire game is a really elaborate allegory for blind dates (the date being between Leo and ADA, obviously).

    *Achievement #8

    A Three Hour Tour

    Buy the game on launch day and invite your best friend over to play, as you’ve both been super-excited for months now. Very early in the evening, you escape from Anubis and deliver Jehuty to the resistance, ready to continue the fight on Mars. Only, the credits are rolling. Why are the credits already rolling…?

    *Achievement #9

    BAHRAM Strikes Back

    While browsing IGN one night, you blindly stumble across the reveal trailer for ZoE: The 2nd Runner. Even more months of getting pumped up finally pay off when the sequel is everything the first game hinted at but didn’t deliver on.

    *Achievement #10

    Demo Disc

    Eventually you relent and put in the demo disc for MGS 2, and then immediately cease to worry about the contents of ZoE as you pour untold playtime into this tiny taste of Snake’s newest epic tale. Get really, really pumped up for the full release…

    Metal Gear Solid 2- Playstation 2

    Photo courtesy archive.foolz.us
    Photo courtesy archive.foolz.us

    Achievement Unlocked:

     

    *Achievement #1

    A Solid Start

    After years of waiting, spend the first hour or so in slack-jawed amazement, leading up to Metal Gear Ray’s unbelievably cool reveal.

    *Achievement #2

    Sandy Koufax

    Watch the biggest curveball in gaming history go sailing past as the incomparable Snake is replaced by a skinny transsexual with Fabio hair for the remainder of the game.

    *Achievement #3

    My Heart Will Go On

    Really, Hideo? Jack and Rose. Jack and mother*#&$ing Rose.

    *Achievement #4

    For Me To Poop On

    Get splattered in the face by bird shit / slip in bird shit and fall. Realize that one of the major additions to the newest Metal Gear game is bird shit.

    *Achievement #5

    Chubby Checker

    Endure a boss fight against a fat man on roller skates while realizing that its design mirrors the Vulcan Raven fight. You know, the one against a giant shaman toting an anti-tank Gatling gun? Except, again, now it’s against a fat man. On roller skates.

    *Achievement #6

    Rail Against The Machine

    In the boss fight against Fortune, realize that her rail gun is the coolest thing in the entire game. Of course, you won’t get to use it until MGS 4 comes out seven years later.

    *Achievement #7

    Sobbing Ota-controllably

    Listen to Otacon tell the story of how his family dissolved. Never feel happiness ever again.

    *Achievement #8

    Dr. Solidoctopus

    Watch Snake break free of handcuffs, sprint and dive into freezing water after Metal Gear Ray, presumably planning on fighting it with his bare hands. Continue to play as Raiden in a final boss fight that involves using a sword to defeat an old man in Doc Ock cosplay.

    *Achievement #9

    Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Sol

    Discover that this entire operation was actually the cryo-sleep dream of a Ronald Reagan clone hidden inside Mount Rushmore by Colonel Sanders and the Illuminati.

    *Achievement #10

    Sons of Suckery

    While watching the four-hour-long final cinematic, save multiple times in order to do chores, eat dinner, etc. Come to the realization that the finale is so drawn out they inserted save points. Get very, very close to never buying another MGS ever again.

     

    We want to hear from all of you also! What achievements would you add to Zone of the Enders or Metal Gear Solid 2? Leave us a comment below or tweet us your responses on Twitter (@nerdrating) and use the hashtag #RetroAchievement.

  • Talk About Your Bad Spoiler Alert: A Review of John Dies at the End

    JDAT Poster

    This past weekend, I was lucky enough to catch “John Dies at the End” during a Sunday matinee. An indie flick from the creative team that brought us “Bubba Ho-Tep,” this new venture walks that same line between sincere and silly. If you haven’t seen the former, I would suggest it based on Bruce Campbell’s performance alone.

    “John Dies”* opens with a creative twist on the old philosophical teaser concerning the persistence of an item’s identity if all of said item’s individual pieces are slowly replaced over time. Also, there’s a zombie. The story itself picks up with the lead character, Dave Wong, meeting with an investigative journalist in a run-down Chinese restaurant. The majority of the events in the film have already transpired, and Dave is recounting them in an effort to get his story “out there.”

    The film’s title character is Dave’s best friend and companion in the business of paranormal investigation and extermination. The plot revolves around the duo’s first encounter with the paranormal, and how it led to their current gig: John’s band played a show, the aftermath of which involved black goo, exploding Jamaicans, one-armed girls and topless cat women.

    JDAT Main

    The movie feels like “Constantine” and “Evil Dead” had a baby with “The Hangover” as the midwife. Paranormal events and creatures are treated with appropriate weirdness at first, but the tone eventually shifts to a tongue-in-cheek casualness about it all. The effects are cheesy, but get the job done, especially when they’re not trying too hard. Case-in-point: There’s a scene in a trailer where the back room contains an aquarium with some kind of tentacled… thing floating in it. We never get too close, which only serves to heighten the menace.

    Dave and John feel like well-established individuals, and the supporting cast gives them a nice ensemble to play off of. Of particular note are Paul Giamatti as Arnie Bloodstone, the reporter and Clancy Brown as Dr. Albert Marconi, a new-aged spiritual guru who is more than he initially appears. My favorite performance was Glynn Turman as a character simply named Detective, a local cop who decides all of this hocus-pocus is just too much for his town.

    I won’t beat around the bush: “John Dies at the End” is not for everyone; Hell, the group I saw it with love this sort of thing and even a few of them didn’t get it. There’s also little-to-no chance it will come to a theater near you, meaning you can save that nine bucks and put it toward picking up the home video release instead.

    JDAT Weird

    Here’s a quiz: Do you own an “Evil Dead” film, or “Bubba Ho-Tep”? If not, have you at least seen them, and sought afterwards to see them again? If the answer isn’t a hearty yes, I’d pass. Otherwise, I won’t give too much else away, other than to say that at the end, John—

    Check out the trailer!

    http://youtu.be/Vy83MPk7Wpg

    [amazon_link id=”B00B04NJCG” target=”_blank” container=”” container_class=”” ]John Dies at the End will be released on blu-ray and DVD April 2, 2013.[/amazon_link]

    *I can’t tell you how many versions of abbreviating that title I tried before settling on this one.