WWE Raw Review (Not In Memes) 3/2/15

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As I said the night after WrestleMania 29, I think all Raw’s should be in New Jersey. Yeah, insert your “dirty” state joke here, but the Jersey crowd knows how to put on just as good a show as WWE. Up until last night Axelmania was only something people like me enjoyed and by me I mean fat, cynical, lifelong wrestling fans that know the son Curt Hennig has talent and personality out the ass and yet, WWE’s best use of him was in a tag team with Ryback.

New Jers-ians? ites? showed Axel the love last night, and sure it was mostly as a fuck you to Cena, but I will take any kind of love over apathy.

Speaking of Cena. Who wrote last night’s segment with Stephanie saying what fans have wanted to hear for a decade? I want to kiss them full on the mouth. Maybe take them out for a nice seafood dinner and here’s the rub; I would call them again because Stephanie spent five minutes emasculating the “face” of WWE. Yes, it was buildup for Cena’s eventual win over Rusev and I don’t care. That segment will go into my infinite replay file with Punk’s pipebomb, Vince Russo’s Bash at the Beach ass rape of Hogan and anything having to do with Paul Heyman on the mic.


Good segue, right?

Heyman proved again why he is the Jesus Christ of the wrestling promo. Give him five loaves and two fish and he will feed the whole fucking wrestling world. No Brock on the show? Worried he may no show WrestleMania? Bring him a challenge. Give him two mics in a row that don’t work? He welcomes this shit. Yell at an audience member that he didn’t mention Andre the Giant because he is dead? He feeds off of your hate. He is Paplatine. Brock is his Darth Maul. Yes, Maul will get killed off because Roman needs to look strong, but Heyman will move onto the next. It’s what the greats do.

How wonderful is it when celebrity guests know wrestling? I think this should be a prerequisite for being on Raw. Give them a test (multiple choice, essay, scantron, whatevs) and if they pass they can host a show. Jon Stewart grew up in Jersey watching Bruno tear the house down? We would love to have you do your thing. Jeremy Piven thinks Summerfest is in August? Get the fuck back to 2003 when you mattered. We have better things to do.

Stewart and Rollins worked well together proving, once again, that Seth can work with anyone and make them look good in the ring. I weekly regret ever thinking he was going to be the weak link in The Shield breakup. I don’t compare people to Shawn Michaels often. Seth reminds me of Shawn in his early singles career when he was heel and you knew it was a matter of time before he was the man.


I love the IC title stuff right now. I know there are some who will poo poo on it, but it is giving the illusion that many guys want to be the champion heading into WrestleMania. Making a title look wanted before the biggest show of the year. What a novel idea.

With how ever many guys are in the IC title ladder match (4, 6, 8?) will we have double duty pulled by some guys for the Andre the Giant battle royal? Looks that way.

As the days close in on WrestleMania it looks like there will be no NXT presence there and this makes me sad. I didn’t need a title match or anything but reward some of the guys for making NXT the best brand you have by putting them on WrestleMania somehow. If they are in the battle royal, that is a better rub than not being there at all. Come on, I need Tyler Breeze using the selfie stick on the big stage.

That last sentence could have went a hundred different ways.

Dick commercials are the shampoo commercial of this years WrestleMania. Can Edge and Booker T do commentary during the Miz/Mizdow match?

Bray Wyatt burned a casket. No word on if John Denver’s country music award was in there.


Good day to you, sir (or ma’am).


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