Hercules Review (From Someone Who Did Not See Hercules)

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This is the tale of Hercules, a legend so big that it spawned a TV show which spawned a spinoff called Xena which had Lucy Lawless running around in leather and a possible lesbian relationship with her friend. So just by association to Xena, Hercules is awesome.

One can see how this could be mistaken for The Legend of Hercules that released early this year. That one starred someone with acting ability of a rock and this one stars The Rock. The Rock looks huge and walks around shirtless, carrying a sword and yelling a lot. His family is killed by something which basically makes this Gladiator with more wrestling and less phone throwing in the case of Russell Crowe.

One would think that an action movie such as this could be accomplished by any director. There is not any director at the helm of Hercules, there is Brett Ratner. The director that brought the X-Men franchise to its knees (until X-Men Origins: Wolverine came along, then it was bent over for something worse). Ratner will next set his sights on the Beverly Hills Cop franchise, which hit its low point with Part 3, but don’t worry, Ratner can fix that.

Hercules fights lions, hydras, armies of men and HHH in a cage match. It makes me ready for the team-up movie of Hercules and the main Avatar from Clash of the Titans. They will tag team to go up against Hades and then Harlem Heat.


The movie is filled with swordplay, humor and enough furry boots to make you think the Beastmaster will show up with his ferrets. Actually just go home and watch the Beastmaster movies. Yes, this means Beastmaster II: Through the Portal of Time and Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus also.

Can we have The Rundown 2?

PS- on the so small chance that The Rock sees this, I will see Hercules. I just haven’t had time yet. I know you could kick Kevin Sorbo and Kellan Lutz’s ass at the same time. Don’t hurt me.


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