Halloween: Best To Worst

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Happy Halloween! My second favorite holiday is here and that means watching my favorite horror series ever. So I decided I would give everyone an easy list of all the movies in the Halloween franchise from best to worst.

Beware! William Shatner masks and annoying singing TV commercials ahead.

1. Halloween (1978)

I decided to do this list first to worst instead of vice versa because the real intrigue is what will be at the bottom. The original John Carpenter classic will always be number one. It brought a new kind of terror to theaters 35 years ago and essentially created the slasher movie craze.

2. Halloween II (1981)

After Halloween hit John Carpenter became the next big thing for directors. He was too busy with his schedule of finishing up The Fog and filming Escape from New York to come back for the sequel but he and partner Debra Hill wrote the script which continued the story of Laurie Strode and Michael Myers on the same night. While there is a dip in quality, its hospital backdrop has always been a favorite of mine. Also, it has given us the song that Bud sang. “Amazing Grace, come sit on my face. Don’t make me cry, I need your pie.”

3. Halloween (2009)

After a five year break, Michael Myers returned in the form of Rob Zombie’s Halloween. The director retold the origin story of Michael and his subsequent madness in today’s time and it worked. It was brutal, visceral and made way for new versions of Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th. Did anyone else find it weird seeing Danielle Harris nude after watching 4 & 5 so many times?

4. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

Acting as if Halloween 4-6 never happened, Jamie Lee Curtis returned as Laurie Strode in the sequel to Halloween 1 & 2. Still haunted by memories of that one night 20 years earlier even though she has moved across country and changed her name, Michael returns to come after her and her son. You also get an early Joseph Gordon Levitt death.

5. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

When Halloween 3’s attempt at a new singular story failed to capture anyone’s imaginations it was decided that Michael Myers and Dr. Loomis needed to come back from the supposed dead that happened at the end of Halloween 2. With Jamie Lee Curtis off being one of the most popular actresses in Hollywood, the writers killed her off in a car wreck and had Michael return to go after her daughter played by Danielle Harris. It was a decent addition to the franchise and had good box office since Michael Myers was back.

6. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1996)

A young Paul Rudd plays Tommy Doyle, the boy Laurie Strode was babysitting in the original Halloween. Jamie Lloyd (not played by Danielle Harris) is killed off and her baby is hunted down by Michael and some secret society that want to harness his power. This was Donald Pleasence’s last appearance as he died between filming being completed and the movie’s release.

7. Halloween 5: The Curse of Michael Myers (1989)

Halloween 4 was a hit so how did the studio react to it? By rushing out a sequel only a year later which put Halloween 4’s good ending on the back burner and had Danielle Harris return as Jamie Lloyd only to have her do her best Jodie Foster Nell impression for the first half of the movie. I always wonder what could have been if this had not been put on the fast track.

8. Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Halloween 2 director Rick Rosenthal returned to the franchise which also had Jamie Lee Curtis return as Laurie Strode for a few minutes. Then she died. Yep. On the run for 24 years and she lost. Michael returns home to see that a reality show has invaded his home and he starts offing folks until Busta Rhymes kung-fu fights him in a fire. I shit you not. It sounds like I just completely put a random set of words together to make a movie plot but this is really it.

9. Halloween II (2009)

Two years earlier Rob Zombie’s Halloween became the highest grossing movie in the franchise and people like me were excited when he came back to direct the sequel. What happened? Michael lumbers around with a lumberjack beard hanging from the bottom of his mask and almost stabs everyone in the face while sounding like he is having the world’s best/creepiest orgasm. I don’t know why Zombie got so face stab happy but it was a bit creepy. Scout Taylor-Compton returned as Laurie but the script called for her to act like such a massive bitch that I was actually hoping Michael would hurry up and stab her in the face 43 times. They also turned Malcolm McDowell’s Dr. Loomis into a fame-seeking asshole¬†that I wished had stayed dead in the first movie.

10. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

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