Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap, May 5, 2014

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There are a few certainties after Sunday’s Extreme Rules PPV and last night’s Raw:

1. The Shield can not have a bad six-man tag match…ever.

2. HHH may get a bad rap, but he is the best in-ring talent in Evolution by a mile, even over Orton.

3. Adam Rose will be HUGE!*

*Assuming WWE doesn’t fu** up his character, which they most likely will.

I can’t help it. I am a Rosebud. The artist formerly known as Leo Kruger is another addition from NXT that I hope catches on with the “average” fan. His entrance is just the icing on the cake. Yes, he is doing a wrestling version of Russell Brand, but he is doing it damn well.


Let’s all bow our heads as Christina Aguilera sings Ave Maria for Dean Ambrose’s U.S. Title reign. He doesn’t defend it for most of the year, then after a face turn, he defends it in multiple matches and loses it in a 20-man battle royal.

Lesson of the day kids: it is always more fun to be the bad guy.

Evolution may be a mystery, but Batista’s beard being awesome is not.

It looks like we are heading for Evolution vs. The Shield numero dos at Payback. Which you would think Evolution would win because WWE is all about swapping wins, but Hollywood Dave will be packing up his beard, tights, and skinny jeans after Payback to promote Guardians of the Galaxy. Would it be good for The Shield to drop the match to a team that won’t be on Raw for over two months?

Negative, Ghost Rider.


It seems the initial plan was for Batista to feud with Daniel Bryan and lose at Payback, but Drax put the squash on that. He felt that losing clean at WrestleMania and then again at Payback right before he went to promote Guardians was not the best thing for him…and I agree. He is not The Rock. His movie career is about to take off so I have no problem with him protecting his character a bit. He is signed for another year and a half, there is plenty of time for a feud with Bryan.

Side note- Here is a breakdown of reasons I like Rusev. 60%- Lana, 30%- Lana’s legs, 10%- the inexplicable boner I get whenever Lana yells “CRUSH!” when she closes her fist.

Is WWE trying to use Rusev to rid the roster of the unused minority talent? Not a conspiracy theory, just an observation. Xavier Woods, R-Truth and now Kofi. Is he Russian or a racist? Next thing you know they will put Donald Sterling in his Titantron along with Putin. I actually would not put it past WWE to try and use the Sterling stuff in a story. Let’s not forget this is the company that had Randy Orton talk about Eddie Guerrero burning in hell a month after he died.

Why couldn’t Cesaro just beat RVD clean? He did at the PPV. Are they protecting RVD in some way? We have seen him lose to everyone in his career. I know he is only here for three months at a time, but losing to Cesaro two nights in a row is not a bad thing.

Cesaro’s music is slowly growing on me. I was not a fan the first few times I heard it, but like working with someone who wears too much Axe Body Spray, it becomes easier to handle. Although I do still miss his Swiss rap theme.

Daniel Bryan’s year has been uplifting highs and horrible lows. Winning the title at Wrestlemania was one of the most memorable moments in thirty years of the show, then he loses his father only a week later in some kind of My Name is Earl twist of karma and now his feud with Kane can only be described as laughable.

I am not comparing the feud with the death of his father, but it is not what he needs right now. He made it through Extreme Rules and from all I have heard (still have not seen the match) had a great Extreme Rules match with Kane. To extend this feud another month tells me a few things:

1. They had no other plan ready after Batista pulled out of the feud.

2. WWE is trying to see if fans will follow Bryan through a bad program/trying to sabotage his reign. Pick one…or both.

3. They are secretly filming See No Evil 2 and we have no idea.

It is a bit eerie how this is the way Benoit’s title reign went after he won at WrestleMania XX. He beat HHH, feuded with Kane, then lost at Summerslam, which I expect Bryan to do. Let’s just hope for Brie’s sake Bryan doesn’t own a Bowflex.


This is not Raw related, but I did want to mention something I think TNA got right (for once) and that is Eric Young winning the TNA title. Yes, it smells of another TNA copycat story with Young being their bearded wonder like Daniel Bryan, but I have been a longtime EY fan and he deserves a run. Fans have supported him through every insane story he has been a part of over the last decade. Really, if any other wrestler had to do some of the things he had they would have quit.

Let’s not forget that EY did have the finger pointing in the air before Bryan. Because now that he is champion, you really “Don’t Fire Eric”.

Till next week!

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