Fat Guy In A Little Singlet- Raw Recap February 3, 2014

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The first Raw after CM Punk’s departure went about as well as the WWE could have expected. Sure there were plenty of Punk chants throughout the night and reports that Punk posters were being confiscated like at the NXT taping last week, but the show wasn’t a huge barreling train that headed off the rails and took a plane back to Chicago.


Piece of advice to live fans- if you want to keep up appearances that Daniel Bryan is your guy, you may not want to chant for Punk during his main event match with the WWE All-World Marine All-Star Champion. It just proves to the WWE that you are chanting to chant and actually don’t care about what you say you care about…like Fandango.

Unlike last week there were some really good matches including The Shield doing their Shield-y thing in a six-man tag against Dominic’s real father, the West African Jamaican and man boobs. I am glad the crowd made the fact that Roman Reigns and Big E. were in the ring together a big deal. Few things matter in the ring anymore so it is nice when two big hulking men go against each other and the crowd oohs and ahhs. Kind of like the daydreams that Vince rubs one out to.

stink robocop

Back to Punk, because I am like a dog with too many chew toys.

Word is that Vince and HHH are split on what to do with the tattooed one. Vince wants him back in a big way and HHH feels the opposite because Punk didn’t feel like their match at WrestleMania 30 was high profile enough for him so mutton chops is butthurt.

News Flash: It isn’t as high a profile match as HHH wants to believe it is. There is a hierarchy to Mania matches.

1. WWE Title matches

2. Undertaker vs. whoever.

3. Whatever else is on the show

4. 1&2 are swappable

Punk has always wanted to main event Mania and he felt he was wasting another showing with a match against HHH. Maybe he shouldn’t have left so soon, maybe he just couldn’t take anymore, who knows? I do know that I would love to see Punk on TV again but only if he wants to. No use watching someone half-ass their way through something. That would be like watching Total Divas.


With Punk hanging out with Chris Hardwick or something it seems like WWE has taken the easiest possible way out. By easiest way out I literally mean they took the script for Mania and went HHH vs. Punk Bryan. Kane interfered in the main event last night because…because. So now it looks like D.B. will be taking on Korporate Kane at Elimination Chamber before getting Punk’s Mania leftovers.


You know who should be pissed about all of this going down is Sheamus. He was rumored to be turning heel against Bryan and have a Mania match with him but now that has changed and it looks like he will be calling 1-800-FELLA on Ryback.


Welcome back! Don’t get pink eye.

People backstage need to remind Cody Rhodes that if he is going to try and pull a Kurt Angle in the ring at least save it for a PPV. Paralysis should not be given away for free. At least get my $10 on the WWE Network before doing that again.

But I do thank him for the effort. The Rhodes Brothers basically played the role of every John Cena opponent for the last decade. They worked their asses off in the cage match and carried the Outlaws then had to take the loss. Looks more and more likely of a brother vs. brother match at Mania.

Photo courtesy wwe.com
Photo courtesy wwe.com

Brock Lesnar was not at Raw last night so that meant that Batista had to have some mic work with Alberto Del Rio. Sad part about this? Del Rio actually outdid skinny jeans even with all of his Spanglish. It was a tougher sounding Del Rio and his sucker punch on Bootista was a surprise that made him look like an actual threat and not a chickenshit. Where was this Del Rio during his last title reign?

Did anyone else know that Titus O’Neil broke up with Darren Young? That’s what I get for not watching Smackdown…or caring about Titus O’Neil. I did like The Miz coming out during the match and asking why he was not in a match but the “guy who barks like a dog” and the “guy who made his own belt for the internet” did. People give Miz a lot of shit but I am still a fan. Hard to believe its been three years since this:

Photo courtesy ign.com
Photo courtesy ign.com

Let’s see what the possible, reworked if Punk is not coming back, I am just guessing so don’t hold me to it WrestleMania 30 card looks like.

Randy Orton vs. Batista

HHH vs. Daniel Bryan

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

Cody Rhodes vs. Goldust

Sheamus vs. Ryback

Triple-threat match with all three Shield members

Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

On paper it looks good. Then again, so did WrestleMania 26 and that went down the crapper quickly.

I don’t believe we have ever been this close to WrestleMania where so much was up in the air. Now with Punk (maybe) gone for good I am sure the writers’ pants are quite full with the proverbial dookie.

Side note- Green Day’s “Dookie” is 20 years old now. Go fu** yourself time.

Till next week!








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