“I’m going to kick some ass.” -Betty White
And with that, Betty’s pop culture story comes full circle. She has gone from Golden Girl to saying “ass” in front of 17,000 people for cheers. And believe it or not, those cheers were actually really good for her. More so than any other Raw “host” I can think of. They kept her appearances short and sweet and even let her get a one-up on the tag champs. You can’t deny that she is America’s favorite dirty grandma.
WWE kept up with their weekly game of “Is Daniel Bryan Good Enough?” Last week it was “YES” with him picking up a win on Randy Orton. This week was a big “MEH” with The Authority giving him the night off to the emphatic “NO, NO, NO” chants from the fans.
I will give WWE credit this week. They played their hand smart by having Bryan come out and attack Kane right before the main event which gave the fans their beard fix so they would shut the hell up and watch John Cena and Randy Orton wrestle for the 573rd time. This is also the 14th time it has been billed as the final entry to their epic (WWE term for overused and boring) rivalry.
If only.
All things being equal, they did put on a good match with Cena getting the win. Orton is supposedly “running the gauntlet” of Elimination Chamber opponents before the PPV. He beat Christian on last week’s Smackdown and lost to Cena last night leaving him 1-2 versus his chamber mates with the Bryan loss. My guess is he will beat Cesaro on Smackdown and lose to Sheamus on next week’s Raw.
This is all a moot point because there is really no way I see him losing at Elimination Chamber. WWE is too set on having him and Batista close WrestleMania 30 which is beginning to look more and more like the Episode 1 of WWE. An event decades in the making and we get stuck with fucking Jar Jar in the ring to close the show.
Let us all say a little prayer for the announce table that was destroyed last night. We got too accustomed to them being destroyed during the Attitude Era so now when it happens it is kind of cool again. Del Rio getting a Batista Bomb through the Ikea desk before losing to Batista at the PPV seems too coincidental with reports that he is looking to leave WWE this year when his contract is up.
If this is true it makes last night’s booking even more mystifying having Del Rio get a victory in two minutes on Dolph Ziggler. If JB-El Rio is getting out wouldn’t it make more sense to have Batista come out and distract him into losing then drop him through a table like a drunken frat party? Either way, Del Rio is going to do the job at the PPV.
Captain Ziggles appeared pissed that his music was cut early before his match and The Miz came out again during the Fandango/Santino match to air his grievances about not wrestling. Word is that these two will team-up to right the wrongs to them. Namely, Ziggler not winning and The Miz’s horrible face run. The thought of these two being a tag-team excites me…at least until WWE shits all over it and has them lose to Rybaxel or something.
The one saving grace over the past few months on Raw is the strength of the tag division and it certainly was the most entertaining part of last night. We had three tag matches and two were great and one was not so bad even though it involved Rybaxel.
The Wyatt Family set the pace early on against The Rhodes Brothers and Rey Mysterio where Bray hit an absolute SICK Sister Abigail on Rey.
GOOD SWEET MERCIFUL GOD.
Week after week Bray is showing that he is ready for the spotlight about to be shone on him when he faces Cena at WrestleMania. I just wonder how his mic work will mix with Cena’s yelling and poop jokes. Let’s not forget he is good at throwing a bag of peanuts at someone to tell them they can put his Bella spit collectors in their mouth. Wyatt is already ahead of the game in the promo department so Cena better bring more than what we have seen already.
Continuing the tag fun Sheamus and Christian teamed up and beat The Real Americans. It was good to hear the L.A. crowd be very pro-Cesaro the whole time. I am a huge Cesaro fan and hope the eventual split with Swagger will lead to bigger things. Swags McWeedbag took the pin last night again further pissing off ultra-mustached Bill O’Reilly.
How over is Cesaro’s big swing? The answer is very. Like more over than most of the roster.
While WrestleMania is looking more and more like young Anakin, the Hall of Fame is shaping to be one of the best classes ever. Already giving Ultimate Warrior and Jake “The Snake” Roberts a live mic should be worth double the ticket price from one of the toothless wonders outside the arena.
Last night Lita was announced as the third member of the 2014 class and my pants thank the WWE.
All sexual jokes aside, she is more than deserving of the spot and becomes the second Attitude Era diva to be inducted. Remember when women’s matches were looked forward to and even main evented a few Raw’s??
Yeah, I know. It has been too long.
Congrats to Lita.
Be back in a few……
…………
Dean Ambrose took on a one-armed Mark Henry, who I am assuming can eat just as much as a two-armed Mark Henry. Remember, the feet are the hands of the lower body. Seth Rollins made the save as Roman Reigns stood by showing the further cracks in The Shield. Reigns ended up doing Ambrose a solid though by spearing Henry outside the ring.
The match was an open challenge that Ambrose threw out there because of Reigns questioning what kind of champion he was. Seems like the triple-threat match that may (because I want it to) happen at WrestleMania will be for the U.S. Title.
Quick good thing of the night: Emma was on! She was stuck with Santino but you gotta take the good with the bad.
#Emmatained
WWE took my expert guess of Sheamus vs. Ryback at WrestleMania and made it happen on Smackdown. That is all for the better because I did not want to see what happens when a Brogue Kick connects with a pink eye. I imagine its like Scanners.
This leaves the biggest question I have about WrestleMania. There are so many superstars without feuds or even storylines right now, where will they fall into place come April? Sheamus, Rey, Mark Henry, Del Rio, Ziggler, Miz, Christian, Cesaro and that’s just off the top of my head. With around five matches seemingly set that does not leave very much room for a lot of guys that should be on the show.
If this were a perfect world I would say bring back the Money in the Bank match and get eight guys a match but they won’t deviate from the summer PPV schedule me thinks. With Hogan, Taker and Lesnar all returning on February 24th some of these guys will be lucky to get time on Raw much less Mania.
Yep, you read it right. Hogan is pretty much a lock for the WWE Network lead-in Raw in a few weeks. He won’t be doing anything physical because the WWE docs would not clear him since he is basically a walking surgical table. Word is he will be hosting WrestleMania 30 like The Rock did at 27 a few years back. I can dig that. Hogan is one of the names you need to make an appearance at an anniversary like this.
Where does this leave the Sting rumors? Seems he is still coming in but will be held off to be the big surprise on the RAW after Mania. I assume this will be a part time work schedule like Jericho or RVD and lead into a match with Taker at WM 31 unless Lesnar actually kills him in the ring.
Till next week!
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